Saturday, September 02, 2006

Morning Flakes?

Deadwood lost out tonight, because the History Channel had a show called
Wild West Tech on. Well, for those of you that do not know me, I love hearing about the Western Expansion of America. Well, I thought I was well schooled until tonight. This is an informative show that must be watched. Here is the show description of Wild WEst Tech: Vices, as listed on the History channels site...

In the Old West, there were whores a-plenty and rivers of homemade hooch. Sin was in and available in various flavors. Most vices were still legal back in the 19th century, and inventors could make a fortune creating new technologies to bring them to the masses. Back in the good old days, cocaine was even found in soda pop, and the cure for alcoholism was said to be heroin! Thanks to technology, you didn't have to slump at the opium den, you could get high at home. Take a "trip" out West to the frontier of sex, drugs, and lock'n'load!

Who needs Deadwood tonight?

Oh, and it is on you really need to tune in.

The most interesting tidbit of information, or at least the most laughable. Cereal was invented, because 3 men, who happened to have little interest in sex, thought cereal may curb the sexual appitite.

The creator of the "Graham cracker", was Sylvester Graham. Originally billed as "Granola", but was in essence a fiber wafer. Why a fiber wafer? He thought it would solve wants of flesh....He wrote extensively on the topic, and even lectured. Graham's Lecture to Young Men (1834) was the first of its kind and launched a whole genre of medical tracts on masturbation, known then as "self abuse" or "self pollution."

"All kinds of stimulating and heating substances; high-seasoned food; rich dishes; the free use of flesh; and even the excess of aliment; all, more or less -- and some to a very great degree -- increase the concupiscent excitability and sensibility of the genital organs..." -- Sylvester Graham

As I am lying on the floor laughing with Dear Husband, it is brought to our attention that Graham was not alone. There is John Harvey Kellogg. Who actually sued Graham for the use of the word "Granola" for the name of his fibrous morning delicacies. To up the ante, he too wrote a book..

Plain Facts for Old and Young, a warning on the evils of sex. Of the 644 pages, 97 address "Secret Vice (Solitary Vice or Self-Abuse)," its symptoms and results. Included are 39 signs indicating someone is masturbating; a list comprehensive enough to indict everyone vaguely human:

#7. Sleeplessnes, #11. Love of solitude, #12. Bashfulness and #13. Unnatural boldness, #14. Confusion of ideas, #24. Capricious appetite, #28. Use of tobacco, #30. Acne.

It reminded me of the movie, I had seen about 10 years ago, called The Road To Wellville. Which was based off of a pamphlet written by C.W. Post (you guessed it, another cereal tycoon) The pamphlet used to come in boxes of grape nuts. C.W. Post, was a patient at the Battle Creek Sanitorium. When Post was cured....

He invented Grape Nuts and Postum....

I think we are going to have biscuts and gravy in the morning.

Oh, and I will be renting The Road To Wellville again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!! I'd heard about Post and his bizarro theories on life, but I didn't realize those other cereal dudes had the same opinions. Too funny!