Thursday, November 25, 2010

So what can I do?

just keep swimming, just keep swimming....

I will manage wonderfully I am sure.

The anxiety, occurred to me about 1 1/2 weeks ago. The part that flummuxes me "I have been in far more stressful situations than this, what gives?" I am still unsure. I have been reading my Beth Moore Out of The Pit, book.

Still flummuxed. At least my eye is not twitchy, normally if I flip out I have an eye twitch.

Tomorrow will help, nothing beats kitchen therapy. I have my 4 pies made, 2 pumpkin, 2 custard. I have my relishes ready to go.

OK it is morning, my turkeys are in, the 25 pounder is in my roaster, the 14.5 pound is in the oven. Giblets, and necks are on the stovetop with broth, chopped onion, garlic, parsley, celery and butter.

I only need to peel sweet potatoes, and russets.

The dog just ate my basting brush....

The big thing I have left is cleaning paw prints off of the carpet from when the dog came running in the house last night....see a trend? I am hoping Thanksgiving does not end in the dog consuming one of the entire turkeys ala Christmas Story. I doubt if my Dad would like Chinese food today.

Yesterday we spent the holiday with DH's family, lots of people around 30, most of which SR does not spend a lot of time with....he was not thrilled for 2 hours, and then settled down. thank God, for the first 2 hours, he spent his time trying to create order, in what he felt was chaotic....trying to write rules for tag, trying to figure out why all of the noise etc. I went and ate with him in the basement, and he seemed fine. He joined the rest of us later.

I will be fine, no need to circle the nervous hospital vans, and a little white jacket with snazzy sleeves, at least yet.

I am so Thankful for my job, you have no idea, they are understanding, and the time I have missed because of Pyschologist appointments, IEPS, Hawaii has virtually been ignored. I worked as a nurse for years, which meant I worked almost every single holiday for almost 15 years, and sure you got time and a half, but I recall longing for my family. It is nice working 9-to mostly 3 to 5, leaving my job at work, and having every single weekend off, holidays, etc.

I am also thankful for my MIL being in my home, and having someone here who adores my little family. When I am able to work extra hours, have to go to a meeting, she is able to haul, and organize the collective. I will also mention I have not had to do laundry for about 9 months...that RULES.

I am thankful my Father, and his girlfriend have seemed to turn the corner as far as there health concerns, and I have not had to visit anyone in a hospital for almost 4 months?

I am thankful to have wonderful, and understanding friends, who have tolerated me, during one of my most "this is all consuming and not fair" mood of the year. I hate that I feel both of those ways, but I have felt that way....and I know let go and let God, I also know life is not fair. So I know better, and they tolerated my crying and gnashing over the phone, and they have extended a hand and pulled me to my feet gently, never once saying "hey lady, things could be worse, grow up, get your eggs in a basket and carry on"....

I am thankful my Husband got a promotion, seems fulfilled at work, and has been helping with the Collective, all of SR concerns, and plugged in. He seems happier, and at peace, I have not seen him so content in a long time.

I am going to finish cooking this morning, and meditate on these things, we are blessed.

Hebrews 12:28

Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Anxiety is not my friend...

In not so good news I am in perimenapause, it is the slowest, most ickiest train ride ever...thank you.

In other news, I am now noting I am having a lot of anxiety that is affecting my mood, and my normal reaction to joyful events, my joy is short lived, my energy is down. I will take responsibility for it.

I am not taking tremendous care of myself, I have not done yoga in AGES. Which is what was helping me keep centered, and giving me time out of my head.

There is a lot going on around here, much of which I cannot write about at the current time, but will share when I can. What is going on around me is making me anxious.

I am spending tremendous energy trying to look cool as a cucumber, when I actually want to run screaming.....not that it would help. My goal for the day is to remain calm, keep it even, have appropropriate conversations, and respond appropriately when spoken to. Really that is my goal, make it through the day appearing too be normal.

I have had anxiety issues before, mostly situational, high stress situations, which frankly if they did not cause anxiety, you would think I was made of stone....

So I am here to recognize it, I need out of my head.

the explanation will come soon, and it will be understood...but for now pray for peace of mind please

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I am home, playing catch up

Here are a couple of photos from the SpouseBuzz Live event. I am so lucky to be part of SpouseBuzz, and blessed to have these strong and resilient women in my corner.

I must add here, that at the last SpouseBuzz in Idaho, I found out one of the other SpouseBuzz authors was in the process of getting her son tested for an Autistic spectrum disorder as well. I am impressed with how she is moving forward, and trusting her Mom instincts, and I am glad to have her as company in this journey.

I am also glad to have a nice group of strong women to listen to, and who listen to me. They are my friends, and I admire each of them. Let me also mention I laughed and laughed for my entire trip. (Except for the flights). I laughed so much I had to know where the bathroom was every single place I went. (Hate turning 40, and yes I do my excercises).

We spent a lot of time on the beach with the sun on our skin, and sand under our toes. I needed this, for many reasons. I am rested and ready to move forward.

Friday, November 05, 2010


Headed to Hawaii for SpouseBuzz Live event. Unplugged for a few days.

Going to sit in the sand, and pray.

Have some reading to do, and movies to watch....going to care for myself for a few days.

PN unhappy about my departure and cried tonight....she is better now, I explained most of my trip would be spent in airports. She wants to come with. Who can blame her?

IEP meeting one took place, as well as the rest of our feedback session.

Monday, November 01, 2010

Halloween made me cry

SR now knows he has Asperger's, he does not know all of the details, who does? There is such a variance on the spectrum. We had our feedback session at the psychologist the other day, and he asked to go, I called the Dr. making sure it was ok. So DH and I did not get our entire feedback session, re: all of the testing yet. SR had a lot of questions, was fidgety, and did not like the word autistic. After the session was done he told me he felt "lighter". Mission accomplished.

SR has been doing so well, that Halloween seemed like it should be ok. He chose to go as sodium chloride, PN went as a hula girl. We have a great neighborhood for trick or treating, so I decided to have company. We had 11 folks here. He avoided the crowd, and idle chitter chatter for the most part. Too much blah, blah, not enough discussion about chemistry, or biology. Too much talking, too many people. Too many social expectations that do not make sense to his wiring.

He ended up in sensory overload, needing to touch people, and smash into them, being too excited at one point when the kids were playing in the basement. He pushed his Sister when out trick or treating.

So why was I such a wuss? He has not done this in a while, I felt bad for putting him in an awkward position. Seeing a "normal" 8 year old, in the same house. It put me in some weird state of blinking orange light overload. After the lights went down, and the house got quiet, I had a moment. DH and MIL trying to comfort me over "at least he knew when to go to your bedroom and be alone and watch cartoons etc.....". I am an extrovert, as is DH and PN. Even SR is extroverted, and enjoys people, so it makes holiday time a curse of sorts. As much as he adores people, he really cannot stand the chaos of company for very long. Which means the Holidays are just hard. I cried because there are moments this syndrome seems sooo unfair, like the most cruel thing to place on a child. It makes me angry.

I have tried to explain to many people over the years, the anxiety of having a child like this. It is like being in a tornado watch all of the time. My Motherhood light blinks all of the time. Most of the time it blinks yellow, but when it blinks orange or yellow for excessive amounts of time......not fun. With PN, my light does not blink all day, it rarely turns yellow. SR's Mom light is on all of the time, going from 70% yellow, 10% red, and 20% orange. The orange, and red places are not fun.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Feedback session...

Tomorrow we have our feedback session at the psychologist. SR has said he would like to attend, he has a lot of questions for her. I will bring him. DH, SR and I, on a trip that is sure to echo in my mind for the rest of my days.

The fall has been glorious here, leaves gorgeous. PERFECT. Last weekend my Sister was here, we packed the collective, MIL, my Sissy up and we drove to a local large park and hiked, and enjoyed the sun on our faces, and the leaves. We spent 3 hours walking . A wonderful day. I do wish we would have spent 8 out there though, because today....BRRRR. The wind is vicious, and biting. Farmer's almanac says BEWARE rough winter. This means 6 months on some sort of lock down. This is a shame as DH and SR have been going on very long bike rides. DH riding his bike to work and back, which is 26 miles a day. This has been a good time for him to excercise and center himself. When he gets home, he and SR go on 3-9.5 mile rides. SR is strong, and is loving the alone "guy time", and the freedom that comes with riding a bike. He can choose his path, and it is quiet, he is out of doors which he loves. The biking has been a cool life saver for DH and SR, and has given them a very healthy outlet. With winter coming, they are going to get our YMCA membership back, and start swimming. I have been talking to SR about a possible kids triathalon this year. He thinks it sounds cool. Now that his physical skills are finally at his age, and he frustrates less, the vestibular issues better I need to find things that will challenge him. How we will long for the sun. Time to purchase snow bibs, and boots. I have waited just in case feet grow. I also think flannel sheets are in order, and fuzzy jammies. I loathe the winter.

PN is wonderful, all reports from school went well, she is reading, writing, spelling, and getting along with ALL students. ART is her passion. I am not artsy, or craftsy so this has been a challenge. MIL is artistic and crafty, thank goodness. PN has been decorating the entire house for our HAlloween party this week. She has made centerpieces, gifts for guests, she made a bunny out of a pumpkin. The girl wakes for art, and sleeps art. I am glad she creative, and loves what keeps her little hands busy. She has a great eye for color and detail, something I do not have.

I have had a couple of comments lately, I went ahead and published them, but doubt if I will do so in the future. Knowing a person that happens to have children that are not mine, do not make you an expert. I have mulled every possible option in the last 5 years. Seriously, I have. We even changed our physical address after much research. Our mission now, is to try to help SR understand how he works, how is sympathetic and parasympathic systems are responding and how to get though it. This is not the same child I dealt with 3 years ago, he is figuring it out. He has been making great progress, especially for a child . He managed fine through kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd grades. He has had mentors since his arrival here @ this school, his IQ tests allowed for that. The problems now is frankly SR's asynchratic developement is REALLY showing up this year. His teachers in kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd loved him, and he was little in the way of "teaching", because he had all of those skills. 3rd grade is a challenging year for a lot of these kiddos. 8 is not an uncommon age for a diagnosis.

Anyway, suggestions I do not mind. Calling me CRUEL, that is mean, trollish, and not productive. Those are fighting words, and you can take it elsewhere. There are plenty of places on the interwebs to engage people. You have no idea how I run my home, or what I have done to make it possible for us to function as a family.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

It is official, and no surprise

SR received his official diagnosis Friday. The moment is frozen in my mind, even if it was no surprise to my Husband or I. It is done.

First off how much does the family loves SR's psychologist? We adore her, and I have been thanking God for her for weeks. Funny how God puts you on a path that is winding and confusing, and places such people in your path. She is a blessing. She has made none of this as scary or as painful as I thought it would be. She has made it what it is, and we will try and help SR navigate his way.

Our team met at school, as we always do, with a cooperative spirit. A lot of DH pep talking me, telling me to breath and smile, because I am tired. DH is diplomatic, and quite frankly my fire and his diplomacy makes us a great team. I do not cut loose at these meetings, or accuse people of anything. SR is hard, he does require EXTRA help SOME of the time. I know teachers are strapped for time, I understand all of this. DH are on PTO, so we can advocate for OUR teachers, and OUR children.

The meeting was large, lots of staff present, his science and math mentors, OT, ST, councilors, and anyone in the school we allowed to test him. In good news, our Dr. reported his expressive, and receptive vocabulary were in 99.9%. His fine motor within normal high for age, and is gross motor! This was a surprise to me, and I was expecting his fine motor to be lagging, but it is not. His handwriting is the most beautiful in class, when he is in a good place. When he cannot make an inference or settle his thinking down......shwoop he goes into the sensory place and fast. His stress re: his writing disorder is causing him to hit hyperarrousal fast, and at the beginning of the year we were having him identify his stress and leave the room, recollect and return, then the teacher thought the hyperarrousal, sensory stuff was hoooey so she made him stay in the room. This caused an entire group of new behaviors btw.... All agreed this has been WRONG way to handle this.

So now we are working on an IEP, with several professionals specializing in sensory issues. SR has most difficulty understanding where he is in space @ times, stims, craves pressure, and deep hugs, and of course the SOUNDS, SMELLS, and SIGHTS at school, can be a bit much. When he gets breaks through the day, it seems as though it helps. He has some difficulty in social situations at times, but WOW has he come far. He will also be getting assistance with social learning with others. He will not have to go to the gymnasium in the morning with hundreds of other children because it is overwhelmingly noisy. He can choose to eat in the office with friends as opposed to the cafeteria. DH and I had already arranged his mentors for the end of his day because he was so tired that last year the regular classroom drove him nuts in the afternoon. The mentors in science and math come now @ the end of his day for 60 minutes each. I am thrilled he is learning science and math 1:1 at his level in the afternoon. He enjoys working at his level, and is learning a great deal. He is also building wonderful relationships with his mentors. He will also get to use technology when writing is too much.

So there is more planning to come. I hope the homeroom teacher is on board now. It is very difficult for people to understand SR behaviors and problems when intellectually he seems capable. It is also very hard to understand that anything is wrong or different, because he does adapt so well MOST of the time.

We will continue to work.

Monday, October 18, 2010

the closest thing I have seen that resembles his life...minus the cows

A dear friend of my husbands recently put a bug in our ears about the Temple Grandin movie

I recall watching 20/20, or 60 minutes in the 1980's and Temple Grandin was being interveiwed, I was probably 14 or so, and the only thing I recall is her explaining how she felt better in the cattle holding device. I recall her awkward speech, and volume...and recall thinking how awful. The only other exposure I had to Autism at that time was an article I had seen in a Life magazine, that a relative had collected. It was from 1965, and it frightened me.

When SR was born, I noted he was not typical of normal babies, he startled easily, he cried often, he liked spinning fans, and watching the mechanics of his swings...some of it is documented here....and some things have improved, others have not. I read, and read, and pondered, and read, and thought. SR never fit the criteria that is asked on paper, there always seemed to be answer that included "well it depends". He spoke early, nothing highly reciprical, mostly to communicate his interests or needs, he could identify expressions on faces, he read early, he could reason through some things well above his age.

This week, the words will appear on paper, loosely handed to me. My son will have some sort of autism spectrum disorder. None of the disorders are the same, each child different. There are people that long for these children to get this label, so they can start fixing them. The problem is they are all different, and there is no cure.

It is going to be a long week, and as much as I love my son, and his eccentricities. There are moments I want a wand, or to wake from this dream. Not that autism is a death sentence, it is simply that when you wait for 10 or so years to get pregnant, your goal is not to have an autistic child. That is me being honest. The past 8 years have been hard, and I see no letting up, or break. By the looks of the paperwork, including legal school paperwork, Dr.s paperwork, the myriad of testing forms that have been filled out, the PTO committees, the Tri-care jumping through hoops health insurance paperwork, the exhausting effort of advocating. All of it frustrates me to no end. It takes time.

I just want him to be fullfilled and happy.....

Thursday, October 14, 2010


I have not had a very good week, between parent teacher conferences and the pending diagnosis, and a learning disability....fearing for the future and emotional well-being of my son. Not a good place. My inner Mother bear has kicked in. I have been angry before, but now I am angrier.

The other night while at parent teacher conferences I found out that his homeroom teacher is failing him in all subjects she is teaching him. ALL. This is the first time this has happened. I am not telling SR no WAY no HOW. He is fragile after being in her class this year. The meeting with her, was as cordial as I could make it, because I had to send my child back into her room.

Tonight we met with Art, P.E., music, and the computer teacher. He has moments, but minor. They all enjoy him. Yes even the art teacher, who last year was not on board. She is on board now, and said he enjoys the art part of class, she said he is creative, and participates in class.

I called his coordinator, and she was actually shocked at the various problems his homeroom teacher is having. His coordinator and I have had a rocky relationship, but guess what, she gets it now. I think she understands my frustration, SR frustration, and they get along sooo well. She understands how he functions, and she has had few problems with him this year. She is thrilled he is older and can identify his needs.

This is a teacher problem now. SR's psychologist is mortified by the teachers handling of him, and is making a trip to school (even though she has not done this in 2 years). She herself has high functioning Asperger's, and is married to an Aspergian, and they have 2 children with high functioning Asperger's Syndrome. She is coming in to educate this teacher, and the rest of the staff that has to have contact with him.

Let me add here, SR requires little in the way of intervention, he normally just wants to know what to expect with his day. He does not like surprises. He does not like routine disrupted, but will do fine if you warn him. Most kids can go with the flow with stuff like that, some adults can. I like warnings before my schedule gets nutty. He does not like people breathing down his neck, or pointing out to entire room that he is disobediant, defiant, or lazy. It embarasses him. He is anxious at all times around her, he is on the defensive all of the time.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Appealing to her as a Mother

Parent Teacher conferences for SR last night.

A complete wash if you ask me.

We told her about chemistry day. She said "was it too loud for him there?"

I answered her "no".

And then she pretty much folded her arms, and implied, that the sensory issues we are claiming to have is false, and only when he isn't doing what he wants to do.....

Seriously? Seriously?

I explained hyperarrousal again, and again...I took it apart for her.

I could see her face, and body language.

She thinks she is simply dealing with a child who has a problem with authority and defiance. She also thinks he is being lazy.

I do not understand why she cannot see this.....

Monday, October 11, 2010

Why chemistry day was soooo important, and needed.

So far this year, SR has heard little encouragement. Long story that I might delve into in this post, forgive me if it seems disjointed.

I asked him to blog on his blog re: Saturday, and this is ALL he wrote.

A few days before this was posted (you can see that, right?), I got 2nd place (vs 1st) on the QuizBowl, threw a fit, but I did not know that I would get something more than 2x as expensive as the prize,a IPod Nano. I was extremely happy.

That made me sad, because he did not see the entire picture only that he got 2nd place. Also let me add, when he found out he got second, DH had to escort him out for a moment, because SR was VERY upset. (HE HATES loosing, beyond normal "I hate to loose". ) He is a perfectionist of the worst kind. Think John McEnroe style meltdown to the 10th. We have tried and tried most everything re: loosing.

DH and I tried to explain him that these other kids were at least 10 years older than him, and they had studied for longer, they all knew what a quiz bowl was...etc. I mean the kid walked in there cold. He had never sat in a lecture, let alone an entire day of lectures.

It did not matter, he was upset he did not get 1st place, and then he was upset that he melted down. The melt downs embarrass him. We almost had them under control until the school year began. Let me add here, he as a rule, does not melt down at all for us any longer. I cannot think of the last time. I just asked DH, and he couldn't think of any either.

However, since 3rd grade, is all about "writing", and because he has what either is dysgraphia or an expressive writing disability the melt downs are almost daily. Since SR has sensory issues , it seems as though they worsen when he is feeling anxious or pressure. Last year we worked out a system, were if he felt he was going into hyper arousal mode, he would show the teacher a yellow card. The yellow card allowed him to leave the room, go to an adult in an office, calm himself, and he would return. This year the teacher decided the yellow card was a bad idea. She thought it was rewarding him for leaving class. She made him a table in the corner of the room, and told him he could go there. So now when he is getting ready to meltdown, and to hyper arousal town, he has to do this in front of his classmates. VERY embarrassing for him. He does not want the meltdowns. His teacher think he melts down to get out of work, this is not the case. His sensory issues cause him to HEAR pencil on paper, he will tell me, it is the worst high pitched screeching sound. (Watch the Temple Grandin movie, and watch the first 40 minutes, listen to people writing, dishes being put on a table ) He also has to concentrate SOOOOO hard on the act of writing it is ridiculous to him, he has trouble picking the direction of content, and wants to present the PERFECT and best assignment. I have him being assessed at school right now by the sensory people, and OT staff. We are aslo addressing this with his Pyshcologist who has Asperger's herself. Every time SR goes to tell her "not good, yellow", she tends to give him a speech about how he is being disobediant, defiant and disrespectful (in front of his class), this makes the meltdown worse, and then the teacher is left with an 8 year old mess of a child. If you hear you are defiant daily, what happens to your behavior? I have begged them to let him have a safe place to melt down. A room full of 8 year olds is noisy. When I argued this with the teacher, she told me I had no idea how she ran her class, "I play music, it is quiet" HER she does not understand that he is WiRED differently. The classrooms are open, no doors, 870 kids in the school. He can HEAR everything, and does.

It bothered me that he did not see how amazing he did. He really did not think it was that big of a deal. He was upset that he did not WIN, and upset that he was upset that he did not win.....

Sunday, October 10, 2010

UNL Chemistry Day 2010 quiz bowl 2

And he amazes me

Chemistry Day was celebrated this past Saturday. DH took SR. I soooo wish I would have gone, and gotten to see SR enjoy the day, because he ENJOYED it immensely. He got to tour labs, watch experiments, and hang out at a college for the entire day. He was comfortable, and did well.

They had 2 activities through the day, one was a scavenger hunt, the other was a chemistry quiz bowl. (Note here those participating were high school students, or undecided college students thinking about chemistry. There was an 11 year old home schooler there as well.) I figured SR would shy away from participating in the quiz bowl. Why? SR has had no formal chemistry class, none. He is in a 3rd grade classroom.

About one year ago, DH and I bought him his first chemistry book after parent teacher conferences, we stopped at a book fair and picked him up 3 small books on chemistry, physics, and biology. Within 2 1/2 weeks he memorized the periodic table, and read the book over and over devouring it, learning everything. I went out and found him another book. It seemed difficult to find a chemistry book that would help his visual spatial style of learning. He read that too, and for the next year I was bombarded with all sorts of questions I could not answer. I took chemistry and did poorly, managed to much through, but managed to know just enough to squeak through. I never intrinsically understood any of it. Google is my friend. I was so excited for him to be around chemists that could actually answer his questions.

SR loved chemistry day, participated in the quiz bowl, (not all participated) and managed to get 2nd place overall. The winner had 22 points, SR had 15, and 3rd place had 11. SR got second place, at 8 years of age after reading 2 chemistry books. AMAZING...seriously SR 's brain amazes me. I also promise it is not simple rote memorization, the child UNDERSTANDS how science works, he understands interdisciplinary approach to science. He adores science and calls it his "quencher". It is the only thing that "quenches me"....

I am waiting for DH to load the videos from his phone. Because the kid was COMFORTABLE, and FINE. Something I think his 3rd grade teacher needs to see as well.

Now I need to figure this I ask the district to go ahead and send him to high school for high school chemistry? He has proved he can manage the material....

He needed this, his teacher and he have had a difficult year. She needs to know why.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

YAY Thursday

We made it, well almost. Knocking on wood.

Tomorrow is Friday, and thank Goodness for that.

Still working on the dysgraphia. Please tell me in 2 years I will not speak of dysgraphia again. I have discovered MAD LIBS are a great way to get a kiddo to write, beyond that....not so much.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Photo rundown from the last few months, you can watch them grow

Random photos from summer, it has been a while since I posted any. The past 1 week....awesome for us. One bad day for SR today, the semi meltdown had to do with writing. PN started Daisies last night, SR continues with Scouts. DH was a peach and took them both to the outings. I did take SR on a long bike ride. About 4-5 miles. It was a gorgeous night for a ride, beautiful sunset. DH also managed to sweet talk the University into letting SR attend Chemistry Day. This is normally an activity for high schoolers looking for a college. We get turned down a lot from these types of activities, but not this time! YAY it is this Saturday. I am TIRED. Not tired, but TIRED. I too started the melatonin when I need it, and it has done me well. I have always suffered from insomnia, ever since I was small. However I find at this time SLEEP is imperative to my well being. I have lived on 4-5 hours of sleep for about 8 years. It cannot be good for a person.

Kiddos at Mount Rushmore, they really had a fun time. We all did. first REAL vacation. Coolest part? Kiddos are big enough to pack, and carry own suitcases, no fighting in 17 hours in a vehicle!

DH and SR in Deadwood. The Collective were good there too, and even humored DH and I by wearing costumes, and getting a wild west photo taken.

After 7 hours in the car, we made it to Scottsbluff, not much there but Chimney Rock, one of the premier sights to be seen re: Western expansion of the states. the kiddos were not uber enthused, I was. Here is a photo of us getting attacked by giant flying, and biting ants. ITCHY.

The kiddo that took forever to like fireworks, because of sound, etc, loves them! Here is SR up in my hometown getting ready for fireworks with the entire family.

My beautiful neice, and the Collective at 4th of July at Grampanios. I love these little faces!

Saturday, October 02, 2010

time zones

I am on the road, and at Mountain Home AFB, Idaho for SpouseBuzz Live. Of course I awoke @ 4:50am, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I am hoping things @ home are going well, and the kiddos will enjoy their weekend. They got to go out to eat last night, and it was movie night.

I am here in the company of my SpouseBuzz family, and if you can imagine we have been doing this for almost 5 years. Where does time go. I needed the time to catch up with folks. I am not good at sending notes, or keeping in touch with people. All of these ladies have a good sense of humor, even amidst personal crises and pain....which is inspiring. I need to laugh, because really what else can one do?

We visited the new Psychologist for a second time the other morning for an adaptive reasoning assessment for SR. Let me say this, I am thrilled we canned the last shrink. A really unimpressive Dr. The new Dr. is being deliberate, and seems to get it. I do wish DH and I could answer the questions more easily, but all of our answers were "it depends", along with a story or two about why. It took 45 minutes to get 1/2 way through. She was patient, and seemed to intrinsically understand.

SR likes her, and trusts her, and hope she understands him, he feels misunderstood at this point. Part of him is an adult trapped in a child's body, and he is frustrated when adults speak to him in a condescending fashion. She does not, and in fact I let SR answer many of the questions for the Dr. because he was able. In bad news this is being done so deliberatly and slowly, that the school seems not to understand what in the heck is going on. They want to know a diagnosis now so they can "do something". Really, a diagnosis determines what you do, instead of your years of teaching experience? I could go on and on.

I do miss my family this weekend, and will be returning home tomorrow.

enjoy your weekend.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Asperger's the new black

Since even mentioning "Asperger's" and the possibility that SR could be diagnosed with it, more than 3 years ago, the diagnosis has become more prevalent. And the following things I will say, are more than likely going to offend some folks, but frankly I have been offended at things said, and comments sent over the past few years. Which is probably the reason I stepped away from blogging for so long. However I think I am to the point where if your comment bothers me, I do not have to publish it, or if I do publish it I can ignore it.

We have made progress, SR no longer has obsessive behaviors that rule the home, as he did when 12 months to 3 years of age. These are resolved. SR no longer needs all clothes stripped free of tags. SR has not had to leave a public restaurant because of noise for 3 years. In fact he sang in a microphone in a very loud pub downtown, with a band, and sat through many practices in a small studio with children that played horribly. SR no longer hand flaps as a primary stimming activity, most of the time he does not need a stimming activity. Now he will hum once in a while, repeat a catch phrase for a much shorter time, hop, and rarely flaps. I no longer have to warn him every single time we transition from one thing to the next. He can ride a bike, tie his shoes...both which were hard for him. He does not need reminders for simple activities of daily living.

That is a list most folks do not have to make, or think could be solved with better parenting, or early intervention. SR worked hard to get past all of these things, along with DH and I, who tried to provide him with a sensory diet, and exposure to new experiences etc. Trying to figure out the way to our child. A map to his heart if you will. SR gets most credit for doing things that made him uncomfortable, which is really courageous.

The problem with getting him "diagnosed" as I see it, I am not sure what benefit he will see from it. There is no cure. People are lazy and like taking the shortest way on the map to him, even if it ends in disaster. Part of the reason we are having to look at a real diagnosis now, there is a huge gap between SR and his peers. Academically, he is sound, philosophically he has big questions, and tries to answer them and rethink them. Emotionally, he is quite immature, he hits hyperarrousal quickly on days when he is being pushed to frustration. This is happening a lot this year. Simple things like taking a break, some deep breaths, a walk away will help when implemented. He does frustrate easily, and I am guessing this is partially because academics has always come easy for him, and he is not used to working hard. Hard work or challenging work intrests him, but there is a is not always there, some days it is short, other days it is not noticable . In good news he can TELL us when he is done. He has no problem telling folks, I am overwhelmed right now. People are not listening as good as they should be.

In this day and age there is more material on teaching children with Aspberger's than there is regular children.

So now I am struggling with this...ok we might have a diagnosis now what? It only helps if people know what to do. I am one of those that is going to say his diagnosis is more for those outside of the home than for him at this point.

Prayers again if you will we are headed for a testing session tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

the fence

and all of that.

DH and I manged a loverly date, we went out for sushi. I was surprised so many women in their 40's show up for girls night at sushi looking like hookers. But whatever. Put some clothes on please. I am trying to figure out why grown women let their girls out when dining with girlfriends.

WE then went to the movie Get Low with Bobby Duvall, a story about loss, and redemption, and punishing ones self over bad choices. It was good. A nice escape was had by all.

Allergy testing results came back as negative. Which is what it is. I am still going to monitor gluten, because he could be sensitive, and we will watch. thyroid functioning is good, Complete Metabolic profile was all within normal limits. I should be jumping up and down, but I will say I am torn. This would be easier if we could fix something.

We started DHA/omegas nordic naturals 3-6-9, 2 in the morning, 2 at night, and noticed a difference. We also started melatonin low dose at night, because frankly SR would rather sit up until midnight reading science books, and wants to feed his brain at night, because he is not getting all he wants at school. The kiddo needs rest. He performs better when rested.

I am also dealing with a child who is anxious over the school year because of the classroom. I will not go into too much detail because it will appear as though I am pointing fingers. I am not.

I will say, there is a way to deal with SR and a way not to. Because of what likely appears to be Asperger's, he needs low arousal approach, he does not need a hyper reactive approach. Teaching SR also requires a high amount of flexibility.

Flexibility is something humans really do not like for the most part, we like a list, and like things to go our way, and the minute things veer off....most folks do not like that. Teachers that teach for 27 years REALLY do not like it. People that have not really spent much time around these kiddos, do not realize they are quarkey. REally quarkey.

Anywho, we keep pushing, and pulling, and meanwhile SR, is starting to begin to dislike parts of his school day.

I did get notes from teachers last week about how tremendous he was one day. It is one day. But heck I want to frame the damn emails, and notes at this point....

Say a prayer. We go back to the pysch Dr. Thursday for an adaptive reasoning test. How exciting, at this rate we might know something in 2 months.

Friday, September 24, 2010

By the time friday rolls around...

I will admit I am done. Unsure if it is my age, the week, the over thinking, but seriously I am done. If I could find a way to turn off my brain, soak, and have a drink of wine I think I might be ok. that is not motherhood though, it is continuous.

Tonight DH and I are hitting the town, perhaps dinner, drinks, and a movie...we have had date night 2 times since April. He too is exhausted by the time Friday gets here.

SR had 3 good days this week, 1 day of recovery, and 1 bad day. It is what it is at this point. Right now it is school, it is exhausting to him. Once he knows what to expect, normally it is good, but he is slow to adjust, and for some reason it is not being realized. The bad thing about being sooo high functioning 90% of the time, is that when you are having one of your 10% days, people think you are being a spoiled brat, and can control we wish. How he wishes. He expresses to me almost every 48 hours how he WISHES he was normal, and how he wished God created him differently. Right now he is in the middle of some sort of existential crises. Which is sad, seeing that he is only 8.

I have had to become queen of the pep talk, the queen of silver linings. The pep talks, and encouragement lasting hours.

The one thing he is proud of is his intelligence and grasp of concepts, but in our society this is not really allowed to be celebrated. No I do not want an arrogant child. But while everyone is celebrating soccer, baseball trophies, there are visible belts that are earned in karate as you master skills, and he sits on the outside.....unable to celebrate that he is brilliant, well it is sorta sad, and as his Mother it is frustrating. WE cannot tell anyone about his academic accomplishments, because it looks like we are bragging, and creating a monster.

He still cannot compete in any sort of team events, he does not understand social dynamics all of the time, he is also prone to perfection, even though we have not pushed him in that direction. It is typical for what we believe is ailing him. He is not only a perfectionist, but a people pleaser. A dangerous combination.

the other day I went to the GP, he went ahead and ran the tests I requested, and he looked at me sad, our GP and our family have grown attached to one another. He looked at me, like a Father with sadness. Like he wanted to say.."I wish I could fix this". "I will test for whatever you want, you have done your research, he is your child, Mothers know things"....

whatever it is, it is. It is not new. WE have been working and doing for 8 years. We have made progress in this time too. All of us. I have learned patience, and empathy for other parents with children that struggle. So the "welcome to the club" crap is getting old. It is not a new club, they are just giving us our secret t-shirts now. We have been in the club....

Tonight I escape my reality

Monday, September 20, 2010

No I am not DEAD

I just pretend to be on my blog.

Last time I blogged here, school was just letting out. Summer came and went, the kids keep growing. PN's feet are exponentially bigger......

and then there is the continuing saga of SR.

We are currently looking at the real possibility of food allergies, or sensativities. One of those being gluten, which I have successfully removed from his diet. Something I had thought about 6 times, and resisted because of the overwhelming anxiety re: oh my lands gluten is in EVERYTHING. He has been gluten free for around 2 weeks with some improvement noted in his keratosis pilaris, behaviors, and sleeping habits. I also added Nordic naturals Omega 3-6-9, with noted improvement.

Tomorrow we head to the GP to request parasite tests for stools, magnesuim levels, b levels, a referral to an immunologist, and and endocrinologist. I get to be "that nutty Mom @ the Dr. tomorrow". We are also actively at a psychologists office, who is trying to determine where on the spectrum, and if SR is on the spectrum.

This is all a painful, and tedious process. SR is frustrated beyond belief, being profoundly gifted comes with its own issues, it is not all rainbows and unicorns, as some would think.

I also realize SR problems are not life threatening at this time, and there are many families that would wish for our current situation.

Wish me luck and say a prayer tomorrow, that I am heard, and I am able to advocate for my son. I want him to enjoy being SR.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

getting ready

Sunday, May 23, 2010

at the end of the bell curve

I feel like I need to play catch up, and document things here, in case I ever forget, or just in case anyone is still reading despite my lack of posting.

The schedule here is maddening right now, it is the end of the year, which means extra school activities, extra extra curricular activities, and the like.

The last school meeting we had, I did not document as of yet. In good news the high ability learning team for the district came, per our request. I also had my SIL come because she has her Masters in curriculum and is a second grade teacher as well. There were at least 9 people in attendance including the school psychologist who administered SR's IQ test, and checks in with him from time to time. The principal, the vice principal, SR's homeroom teacher, a councilor, get the picture. I let DH be in charge, and he shared that position with the school.

I am fatigued emotionally after 2 years of impromptu, and planned meetings expressing my expectations etc. I had to pass it over, I have become cynical, frustrated, and am not ready to play nice any longer. I have mentioned here before, you can poke sticks at me for a while, I am actually conflict avoidant (I swear). However after 2 years of feeling poked at and unheard, I was not feeling like the best advocate.

What DH did do was make them aware that we are not idiots, we can read policy, and we are aware clearly that this child has fallen through the cracks academically, and otherwise.

The high ability learning ladies had some great ideas, and recommendations, and we will continue to work with them. They are professionals in the area of these types of children, and knew exactly what he needed, and would enjoy.

He will qualify for 2 mentors (again)next year of his and our choosing. We are currently looking again at math and science. He did take the 5th grade math AYP the other day sight unseen, and managed an 83%. His science mentor will have to provide complexity and novelty for SR, which will be challenging unless the mentor is really excited about teaching. SR also took the IOWA the other day, and although I am certain academically he is able to skip a grade or 2, emotionally he is not there. Kids like SR are very very asyncratic. Professionals in education are not used to working with children like SR, because the percentages are low. He is considered profoundly gifted, which means there are FEW real life experience with these types of children. (Please read) He can become overwhelmed with details, and noise, and sitting in a classroom with other children. although he has improved tremendously. He also does not want to be advance to another grade, it causes him anxiety, and he is concerned about bullying, and friends. When we asked the ladies that are the high ability if they had any peers in the district for SR, they announced they might have one similar thinker, not similar interests, but similar thinking and processing. We found out he tested higher than any other child in the district.......I need to keep thinking of that in order to process this.
They will differentiate his curriculum to suit him, and will educate all staff that have contact with him. (this has been a problem) He (according to current policy) will have access to a councilor on a regular basis. He will be able to study life sciences, and Earth sciences, continue his research, and present information. He will also be mentoring in the special needs classroom, and I think that community service in school will help him feel useful, and he really does genuinely have concern for others, his empathy is amazing.

You are also looking at the new chairs and co chairs of the PTO committee on high ability learners. We want to help educate parents of these children, and the staff to work together. DH will also be on the board of community review for policy for high ability learners.

PN is getting tested this fall as well.....

There is another meeting this week, where I am hoping to find out more, and make sure they have the ball rolling, I do not want it to stop.

life goes on

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I am taking cheesecake...

We have yet another meeting at the school tomorrow.

The last meeting was very hard for me to figure out. I normally am a great read, but take an educator who has been in practice for 16 or so years, who is trying to cover his ass, and placate at the same time...I left feeling almost exactly like I did going in.

Also note I PROMISED myself I would shut my mouth, and let DH handle it. 4 minutes into it, I was biting at the bit. I was good, and just spoke my heart....

We met with the principal, (who we found out) was one of the writers of the "gifted and talented policy". We asked him about his policy, and pointed out the several discrepancies between what they told us they would do, their non communication of the policy, and how the policy is a great policy, but only when being adhered to.

I will not go into it too deeply here, because frankly there is too much information, and my brain as far as this is concerned is MAXED out. If they followed the policy, we would have a child who was enjoying school, and not bored.

Every meeting I have had, every single time I have mentioned re: my son, well in almost 2 years, it feels like it fell on deaf ears.

Hence the reason I have let DH, take the drivers seat on this. He is diplomatic, a team player, and extremely good at developing policy. He had the principal stumped a couple of times, and I even saw the poor man turn a shade of almost green when my husband pointed out a specific failure.

It really comes down to a couple of things. Just because someone is credentialed, does not mean they will care, or will know how to implement a plan, and common sense.

I am unsure what happened to common sense but I am amazed daily by the lack of it.

I will also add here, we have a case of a child who is misunderstood by his teachers, and heck most folks, and from what the school psychologist has mentioned, it might be that way until college.

That means my child is coming home and reading Scientific American because he wants to, he is curious, and understands concepts that frankly most adults have trouble with...

and tonight the poor kid had to fill out a homework sheet about people pulling an over sized carrot out of the ground with the assistance of a mouse, and cat.

No wonder he is frustrated, and acting out. He wants to study biology, physics, chemistry....and they are giving him homework about a carrot......

and they wonder what his problem is.

Pray for us. DH has been working very hard...very very hard on this power point for tomorrow. He knows the policy like the back of his hand...

I am going to try and keep my mouth closed and let him keep this staff on task, I have nothing new to tell these people. I have said my piece....


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

And now we are advocates

The school is clearly not following their talented and gifted policy. They are certainly not following the policy for "extremely highly gifted".

My dear husband, has been in the war room, our dining room table, with school and district written policies surrounding him.

We meet alone with the principal in the morning. Pray for me to shut my mouth, DH has this....

If it were up to me, there would be a lawsuit, and a loss of jobs, accredidation....

DH is far more diplomatic.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I wish there was a nerd school

full of boys with buttoned up shirts, pocket protectors, people that think math jokes, and puns are funny, chess clubs, you get the picture...

because he would be thrilled.

In case you cannot tell we are getting ready for a come to Jesus meeting with the school. My gut hurts, my teeth are clenched and I want to scream.

DH has been made project team leader of "you could not do your job, and now you have made more work for everyone".....

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Pollen, wind, hospitals, and help with laundry...

Where to begin? Things are just plain ole busy here. DH and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary...we are officially looked at as old and seasoned married folks by kiddos that are in their 20's. How did we celebrate? He in Hawaii for work, and I here @ work. Good times folks.

We thought we would both be able to go to Hawaii, but no. He has a military school to attend there. He planned on going, and I planned on going with him, but the powers that be said "no", we do not think you need to go. Wammo 2 days before the classes started "hey Mr. you are going pack your bags." Neither of us thrilled, but hey that is the Army. In good news SpouseBuzz is headed to Hawaii in November, and we intend on going. I pray to God, nothing gets thrown in the spokes.

The dog and I can tolerate one another now, if he gets about 1 1/2 hours to tear ass around. He is protective of the children and I and smart. He knows how to play dead when shot, sit, whoa, roll over, shake, stay, and flush birds. He also is a hunter, and brought me a very stinky headless snake @ the dog park the other day. Thanks Poncho, what I always wanted. He is also about 60 pounds now, and his paws are as big as my hands. WE have had no incidence of peeing or pooping in the house. Which was one of the reasons I did not want a dog in my home. So far he is a good dog. He is learning hand commands, he LOVES flushing birds, and hunting, and instinctively goes on point. He is lovely to watch when he is doing something he enjoys.

My MIL is in my home. To some of you this is an eyebrow raiser, but to those who know me, and my love of her frankly it is not anything alarming. So far so good. It has cut chaos . Imagine coming home everyday to find laundry done, and dishwasher unloaded etc...Imagine being able to run to the store without planning it like a damn 7 week cruise. It is awesome....In odd news I had no idea how exhausted I was until I was able to relinquish some of these things to another fact my mind is still a bit mushy, hence the no blogging etc. I have unplugged a bit and noticed, I am tired...

I am trying to prepare myself for spring...still. Winter was horribly long, about 90 days of snow on the ground...ick. It was like groundhog day all winter long, cold blustery....find your hats, gloves, boots...brr, ick.

SR had to make his first ER visit the other night. Pollen count is high, wind is insane and blowing 40 mph for days...SR,a and my allergies flared up. His eyes super itchy, and well he got some small debris in his eye...I tried to irrigate it with some saline...could not get whatever it was the ER did it. He charmed the staff, with his knowledge of biology, and saline solution, proper names for all medical equipment. All is well he has some gentimyicin gel...and is on the mend.

Cora is good....doing well in school. No injuries, did not like taking her bike out the first ride of the year. Loves having her grammie here...

I have a list to tend gets longer everyday.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The sun

Is shining snow is melted, and I finally have lillies sprouting long leaves out of the rocks, and mulch...thank goodness, the entire state almost went mad.

What has been keeping me away from my blog?

I am now a proud Auntie, of a little boy, he is sweet, and teeny. How I forget how teeny they are. I got to spend some time with my niece.

My Mother in law is now living here. It has cut chaos, seriously.

My job, busier than ever, business is BOOMING, grew 3,000 almost overnight. BUSY. Job security, and much more hours. I am working about 40 hours a week now. It works out ok, Gma can pick up and love on grandbabies....she missed them so.

My friend Guard Wife, now has a new addition to her family

So many babies born in the last few heart grows.

Easter is upon us, going to attend Good Friday service, and Easter service, happy.

SpouseBuzz went well in Texas, even if I spent 22 hours in airports. I could have driven there. all of the spousebuzzers continue to amaze me.

DH and I are planning an trip to Las Vegas for our 19th wedding anniversary this year. People keep saying "19 years, and kids that are 8 and 6..that is odd?" We plan on laying as low as we can in Vegas...

DH doing the PS90 or whatever workout, me I should be doing something.....swimsuit season, well it is here....frankly it takes months for me to get used to the idea.

I have never been more glad to see winter go....

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Why is there always a list here? things to buy, things to do? the list seriously needs to be tackled NOW, otherwise I will be loosing sleep over it.

I need a follow up mammogram, YAY. (My Aunt Mother's side is a survivor)

I need a colonoscopy, nothing says fun like sitting on a toilet for days, and having a camera inserted in your anus. (My Mother died from colon cancer that metastitized pretty much everywhere) No choice in this one, because I am turning 40. Holy Crap, I am turning 40.....

Need to write a letter to our bank in Arkansas for the third time to get the title. This process gives me a letter, and the phonecall should have been enough.

Check on the red and white game tickets you bought your Dad. I bought 10 expecting to get them in the mail, but am having DH go to the UNL office this week to check.

Need to buy some glass jars to store food in, I am not storing anything in plastic any longer.

Need to organize the pantry.

Need to order some Hosta bulbs. I do not have enough here.

Also I am looking for a larger car, I downsized 2 years ago, and love the car, it is good on gas, but it is too small. Looking at the Nissan Murano. something to fit 5 comfortably...anyone?

Need to get some frames painted, and replace some glass in a frame....

and the list continues.

Headed to Fort Hood this week for SpouseBuzz, ready to see my friends, but also need some major decompression time....going to turn my hotel into a sensory deprivation tank...of sorts.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Had to take the kids to see Fred Wesley

Took the kids to this tonight...

Very fun, SR even got out of seat and danced.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

the windows are open, and I look like a voodoo princess

with my dust wand and bottle of lysol dancing through the house madly...trying to rid this house of stale, germ filled air....

You will not win germs. I am not a pig, and I clean...this is a loosing battle germs.

Friday, March 05, 2010

What is that sound?

It is SR coughing...the healthiest of the tribe this now sneezing and coughing....ick.

PN, not really BETTER...

so far my plan is to skip rock band practice in the morning, even with the concert coming...who knows.

I would love if they would veg, and stay quiet, but it is almost nearly impossible.

Projects for the weekend..clean up round here. We also have science fair projects to do.

My MIL is in route!

She will be spending part of her year here, and will go back to NC whenever. She is now retired, and has no real schedule! We are excited to have her come. She is a good friend of mine. It will be nice to have her around to shop with.......hang with. The kids are out of their minds excited!

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Paying Drs. and I should be thankful to...

OK...let me see, DH was sick, with a sinus thing that went to his chest....2 rounds antibiotics, steroids, an inhaler, and some sort of decongestant, and he is somewhat better.

PN, never fully recovered, from her sinus thing, it turned into right ear infection, and a URI.

SR..not sick...but had keratosis pilloris, and needed cream.

Me, better now, but we all know I spent half of winter sick with sinus and a bad tooth. the bad tooth btw, has cost me about $700 at this point. The crown alone was $350! That was more than our wedding cost....

As much as I hate paying Drs. I guess I should be thankful to have the choice of Doctors, and insurance, and money to pay them....

Do not worry about my families health, there is a trend up here...most families have spent the winter months with at least 1/2 of the family trying to kill some germ...we are not alone.

We ALL LOVE our GP. Seriously love him. He is the calmest Dr. EVER. SR wanted to give him a tip after our visit the other day because he was so impressed with him. He gives SR Latin lessons, and medical lessons when we go in.

I am tired of getting Squeezed in, and having to literally run in the school, out of the school, across town only to run through the parking lot...seriously for the birds.

In good news, we have the opportunity to go to Hawaii 2 times this we are shuffling things around trying to figure it out.

The dog got fixed! I almost forgot! another Dr. bill!

OK....I am off...I need to go to bed before 1am one of these days!

Sunday, February 28, 2010


I can see brown, straw looking grass, in spots in the backyard. Today was a balmy 34 degrees, with the sun out. 34 Degrees is not just 34 degrees. If it is 34 degrees, with no sun, and wind, it is a much different 34. We have been seeing sporadic appearances of robins. However no one is sure if the are spring robins, or all winter long robins. We do have winter robins here. I saw about 700 the other weekend at the dog park, amidst a snowstorm. they were clustered on a bush eating berries, and my dog wanted to eat them....I just let him point.

I am tired of the house being filled with stale air, a dirty car, a car that needs vacuumed.

So it would appear that winter is not forever, even if it feels, and looks like it. Spring will come.

Because I have brown grass to prove it.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Grocery store confusion...

I started to loathe going to the grocery store when they started making orange flavored toothpaste, and the mega rolls of toilet paper...

Seriously I find it very confusing to go, and I feel terribly sorry for the 80 year olds hobbling along, reading the very small print labels on products, wandering what happened to Ivory soap, and Brawny paper towels.

You can buy 100 different kinds of orange juice, 100 kinds of toothpaste....and I love the free enterprise system I do. But seriously, it is getting ridiculous.

I am old enough to recall when aquafresh came out, and I remember thinking...."this new farcical toothpaste is going to be a flash in the pan." I was wrong, and now I am guessing they sell Aquafresh whitening, aquafresh tarter etc...

I am unsure why I hate making these choices. I think it makes people look like babies...Oh no I need antioxidants in my soda, none of that regular soda for is just getting too weird. "You know what I am hungry for? I am really hungry for pomagranate, grape, apple flavored yogurt!" I also take a ton of time now, calculating toilet paper cost, etc. Double rolls, with lotion. I am also old enough to recall about 9 different kinds of salad dressing. Thousand Island, Ranch, French, Green Goddess, and Italian. What in God's name happenned? Now the salad dressing has an entire aisle. It is ridiculous.

I am guessing pretty soon they will have orange flavored, triple rolls, antioxidant, good for the envirement toilet paper...and everyone will have to have it.

I am also tired of store just getting HUGE. Seriously, we have all of these time saving devices, cell phones, computers, etc....and I swear I am using all of my extra time I have o facebook, and at the grocery store.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

My legs are really.

Week in review.

Today I picked up SR from Sunday school, and he proclaimed he has accepted Jesus as his personal Savior. If that did not make my spirit and heart restful, and full of JOY. Like any Mother, I just stood there with tears in my eyes....that is a good, and profound day. What a wonderful decision, for him to to make and I hope it is the beginning of what is sure to be a profound relationship for him.

We have just returned from the dog park. Day 3 of going in the blistering COLD temps. It is below freezing, and there was wind. DH is at drill, so for the last 3 days I have taken all 3 mammals to the park. 3 mammals at the dog park is an adventure. There are strange dogs, and you never know when a dog that is not used to children will get curious. There is also open water, so I worried about The collective, mostly SR who really wanted to push his Sister into the creek on the sled. Too much to keep track of.

Winter has me fatigued, it really does, the keeping track of hats, boots, coats, snowsuits, mittens, making sure they are always dry and clean and ready for play....the bouncing, and jumping and excess energy that goes with being locked up, the lack of sun and fresh air....this is the worst winter in years....a sort of baptism by fire if you will.

PN had 2 birthday parties last weekend, one yesterday, and 2 next weekend? REALLY? What on Earth was going on 6 years and nine months ago? Did the cable go out? Must have, because it is ridiculous.

Band Practice is going well, 2 other children have joined.

SR had an insane amount of homework this week. Seriously. 4 book reports, spelling, a Spanish quiz, and math homework, and some sort of alphabetical order worksheet. That seems like a lot for a second grader. He had to skip church on Wednesday in order to get it complete.

SR also got charactor student of the week in art, which I am confused about as he and the art teacher do not see eye to eye. I am unsure if she threw him a bone, or if he earned it. It didi make him feel good about himself to be recognized.

There is enough laundry for me to hire it, especially since beds need to be made. The collective want meatloaf, salad, and sweet potatoes tonight. So I am off to prepare the meal.

In good news Sarah's DH is home, and baby is in utero.

GuardWife will soon be getting an addition to her family by way of Ethiopia.

TAH, and USO girl are engaged.

My friend and blog Mom Tammi has worked HARD this year, and her hard work was recognized!

So many blessings.....your prayers are working folks

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

To the bone cold...

No joke, my bones feel bitter cold, it is currently 18 degrees, and dark is night. I had to run to Walmart, because I was out of tissues, mascara, foundation, fruit, etc....I was very cold loading those groceries into the car....

I am one of those people that once I get cold, I do not seem to recover from it. Perhaps because I am sitting on my butter...and not doing laundry, or running around here cleaning.

I broke down and turned on the fireplace, and I will head to a bubble bath here soon!

Let me see, we are busy here. Nothing crazy this week steady. Which is fine, no unexpected bumps.

The fridge needs to be cleaned out. (while I am thinking of it)

We finally broke down and drove to Omaha yesterday and went to Nebraska Furniture Mart. We have been many, many times. Usually it is sooo crowded it is impossible to shop. What I like about Nebraska Furniture Mart, the prices cannot be beat. What I do not like, the size and set up. They have a normal storeroom, you know the little living areas etc... However lets say you do not like the coffee table that is with your set, you have to go to the coffee table section, and then wonder what it will look like. I have said this before I am not a decorator. I know nothing of color or balance, etc. all I know is what I like. I finally think I have thrown something together, which will be sort of snazzy, with actually grown up nice furniture. I had a lot of furniture picked out....went to pay, and the darn salesman could not get his poop in a group. We walked out. Long story short, the salesman did not listen to me say "we are limited on time, I need SKUs, prices, this fabric for this chair...etc....make it so PLEASE while we go find a bedroom set, we will be right back up with those SKUs". I came back up to find him empty handed. HOLY MOSES. Seriously? I tried to walk him through again, and let him catch up with us, he still had no sales slip. HE had a scratch paper, no prices....I said, we have cash, we want to pay, we want a discount for paying today too please." He kept going on about coordinating delivery times, etc...We finally told him, "write it up, we will be in later this week, we will pay for it today, but if we do not leave we will be late. (SR had his BoyScout blue and Gold banquet) seriously we do not have time for this part, we can do this later this week." 10 times he asked for delivery coordination. Ughhh finally said....."Now you are pissing me off"....We walked out with no furniture. I called and spoke with a manger today, they are going to make it right, and DH will go in this week, to walk someone through our items again..Ughh. Let me say, I am cheap, I do not like spending money, I hate to. I really dislike permanent purchases like furniture, and home decor too. Because really once you make the decision, it is done for a long time. I do not replace it frequently etc...

So when I offer to hand you over money...take it

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


As much as I go on and on about how busy I am...I am enjoying everything around me.

I am enjoying this Season of my families life. (even with the complications, the sort of effort we put into things is sure to teach us something) I would much rather be busy than sitting and watching everything around me. You only get one ride ...right? Let's make it worthwhile.

I do wish there were more hours in the day.

The boys stayed home tonight and did homework, and played Mario Kart. PN and I went to church.

For a brief moment I am at peace tonight. I have decided EVERYTHING will not be done EVER...regardless of how anxious it makes me. There will ALWAYS be an undone project, or task, or several....worrying about it does not help...action does.

I will also say we were late to school this morning by a couple of minutes. My bad, I apologized to the kids, and told them I would take full responsibility for it...culprit? Faulty curling iron...
Vanity took precedence over being on time. Not good, but it is what it is. Let me note I am the fastest getter ready I know. But I have horrid naturally curly locks, that are in dire need of a trim....and I looked like Medusa.

The kids are finally understanding the value of a good nights sleep. YAY It only took 6-8 respective years, but they notice the difference in how they feel with a full nights rest. Tonight they were in bed by 8:25pm. Not bad considering PN and I got home @ 8:00pm. so they will get 10 hours sleep.

I do regret one thing, the time with Husband, alone...unsure where we can fit this in our schedule. MIL is on her way and soon I would love to have a date night 1 night every 2 weeks.

Tonight, I am good, I am golden...all is well

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

I promise, only 30-45 minutes longer...

Who know Valentine week would be such a BUST week?

I didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have is scheduled like I do.

I just finished making 30, unfrosted cupcakes for church. In good news, they are letting the kids frost them for an activity of some sort. YAY, no frosting. Now I hope I remeber to take them to church.

I also managed to sort of clean the kitchen area up...

And now I am back to mount Laundry. Criminey...the laundry never ends.

Tonight we had PN's parent teacher conference. It was wonderful. She is a hard worker, and a good student. YAY! I am never sure "where" she is, because of SR. Is she reading as much as her peers, is she writing correctly, etc. I found out, she is the second best reader in the class, I will take that, and continue to work with her. She lacks confidence. She ocassionally will write letters and numbers backward, I guess this is normal, and not a huge deal. She LISTENS, and follows rules. AAAAHHHH....

Tomorrow, women's Bible Study! I am GOING, I need it this week...I feel discombobulated for no reason. That is a feeling I do not get often, and usaully being uber busy helps...not this week.

DH is ill with a sinus infection, is on a z-pak, PN has a cold, and SR has a partial cold...

The dog is castrated Friday...Shhhhh....don't tell him. He is also going to stay at the Vet's office for 3 days, because DH is going ice fishing with 2 very good friends he has not been able to spend time with in ages. I do not want to sit here, and try and keep him calm etc...

Off to do 2 loads of laundry....then to bed...

Sunday, February 07, 2010

you do realize it is 11:26 pm

I am sitting here with a towel on my head letting my hair color cook, and boiling 8 eggs for breakfast, and it is 11:23pm.

Frankly I should be doing my Wii Fit Plus, because the cold, and the winter, and my love of comfort foods has caught up with me.

I just need to move. So I will work on scheduling this in. tomorrow night will be easy. Everyone in the house but me will go to Boy Scouts. I can do it then. And now I have to figure out where to schedule it in to every day.

My brain misses my Yoga. My body misses my pilates.

WE have just been seriously busy, and well work. I work about 3o hours a week, not quite full time, but frankly if you add drop off, and pick up times for the kids, I am gone 40 hours.

In good news DH has become the grocery store guy. He does my grocery runs most of the time these days. Praise Jesus.

There is no balance here @ this time. The Holidays threw it off, and I have not recovered, my own problem I suppose. I was ill with the darn tooth, and sinus crap for what seemed like forever. I really did not feel good for a long time.

I need to figure this out, and will in the next 2 weeks.

This week I have Valentines Parties at school, a parent teacher conference, church snacks, women's Bible Study, and uhhhhh I am not sure what else. I need to look at brain book tomorrow and figure it out. February is a busy month.....who knew.

I will figure this out, I am feeling better and it is managable

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Just you shut your mouth.....(China Girl~ David Bowie)

Psychologist visit was confusing, but ok. I think the Dr. is on the same page, and he will come with us to school, and help advocate for a different academic program, and try to help the teachers with the behaviors. I do not think he HAS to do this, but he agreed. He sees the school year as we do, a FAIL.

The discrepancies in paperwork are the problem right now. On the paperwork the school filled out, well you would think we had an out of control situation. However, when I take in the communication with the school, including report cards, and mentor reviews his behaviors meet school standards...go figure.

Confused much?

There will also be no pigeon holing at this time. There is alwasy time for pigeon holing.

Needless to say, the entire debacle has my head spinning. I am angry, and exhausted.

We have parent teacher conferences tomorrow for one child, and that should prove to be interesting.

I will say this, I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut through the entire process, and the psychologist probably would like to diagnose me with unable to shut the mouth disease. I could NOT help myself though. Seriously. He would go through the paperwork, and I would have something to say. Imagine that. I think DH would have liked to hog tie me. However I have 8 years of info in my head about this kid and one hour to communicate what I THE MOTHER sees.

Do not mess with a Mother's family, seriously. If you wanna see someone loose it, mess with the family, and watch a Mother......

WE get to go back in 4 or so weeks and MEET with someone else.....yee haw, good times.

Let me see, what else do I have to talk about.

My left eye is still twitching, only the left eye, and it is WILD. Nice, it is a good look.

Report cards came home today. SR is almost done with his 4th grade math book. Missed only 3 problems in the last three units. He LOVES math.

PN, did well too, she is a superior student and avoids any and all conflict at school.

Tonight I had women's Bible study, and let me tell you what a huge blessing it was to go, it helped me refocus. I enjoyed it tremendously. I love learning new things about the Bible, and the more I learn the more I realize how much I have left to learn.

So all is well for now, the Dr. seemed to support our thoughts about SR, and wants to help us advocate for him at the school, and will be present at a meeting we will be having in the near future....

Pass the duct tape, for Mom's mouth....

Monday, February 01, 2010

I do not think it is Asperger's....

Tomorrow is visit 3 with the Psychologist. First visit, the Dr. met with Dad and I, second visit the Dr. met with SR. WE have filled out all sorts of paperwork test fill in the dot thingys, one of those was for ADHD, one for Giliam Asperger's syndrome. We were not the only people to fill these out, school filled them out as well. (I am unhappy about that). Tomorrow is visit number 3, which I am guessing is diagnosis day. I am pretty sure I know what this Dr. will say, and I am prepared to go to a different Dr. if that is the case. 3 years ago, I would have said possibly Asperger's. Now, not so much. He does not fit the Asperger's criteria as we see it. He also does not have PPD. although these are the 2 most HOT, and common misdiagnosis for children like SR. Why a diagnosis is neccesary I have no freaking clue. I originally went to the pyschologist to help us figure out how to help us, SR, and the teachers with the "overexcitabilities, and asynchratic issues".

Frankly, I have been reading and consuming information like an insane person, printing things off for the Dr. (which I am sure he will love BTW). However all information is pointing to Highly gifted, with normal problems, and behaviors that come with that. Mostly reading about how socially asynchronous behaviors are NORMAL for these kiddos. For the past month, SR has been fine in classes. No visits to the office, no behaviors....appears all is ok. I have begged him to to his teachers when he feels "OVER sensitive" (These are periods that normally come after 1pm, in which if he tries to concentrate on anything, he can hear EVERY sound, feel every seam, smell every dorito eaten at lunch, he hates the smell of doritos) I am not sure what to attribute to this. I did buy SR some books on controlling his frustration, a survival guide for gifted kids, and a book on perfectionism. He told me the frustration book, really didn't help him, because he is not frustrated, he is oversensitive. All books included some coping mechanisms, for him to deal with his day. I keep reading these kids HEAR louder, feel deeply, and are hyper emotional. Just google High Ability Learner, and boom look at the emotional stuff and whammo, I have a textbook case. Also for those people who think I am trying to make excuses, I am not. I am just trying to teach him how to deal with the feelings. He knows what they are, and can feel them coming. I have asked him to tell his teacher. Normally he needs to clear his head for about 10 minutes, by reading something, or working on a puzzle problem, and then he can return. He is embarrassed that he is so sensory enhanced, and emotional.

The problem, an IQ of 160 is pretty rare, 1, in 30,000. So who knows what "normal" is for these kiddos.

The social stuff. Currently we have SR in the rock band, hoping this will help him deal with others, learning an instrument, working as a team. As you can imagine this is a double edged sword. The last lesson, all 3 girls (including mine) were wound, and were not cocentrating, and were jazzy. They were not concentrating, and the music was no longer music, it was noise. This posed a problem for SR, because he was there to play his intrument. The noise became an issue. (speaking of which I need to find him headphones this week. ) He collected himself enough to play. I will say this, he was right, the girls were annoying, and the sounds they were making were awful.

This past weekend, I let the kids invite a friend out to lunch, and they got to pick an activity. They picked ice skating. I have been talking to SR about how to generate conversations with others. He has trouble finding common ground with his peers. He thinks his peers interests are farcicle, things like Transformers, Star Wars, collections of toys that are not useful make no sense to him. This is a problem, because most kids his age have "a thing". SR's thing is science and math. This makes it difficult for him to relate to boys his age. So I got to spend the day watching SR interact with a friend from school. It went ok, until SR wanted to talk about squaring numbers, and negative numbers, microphages, and t-cells. They did talk aout videogames, and that seemed to go ok.

Wish us luck at the Dr. tomorrow, my gut is not good on this, I do not think we are with the right Doc. I need someone who has seen this before, and this Dr. seems pretty green with this stuff....

student of the week

PN was made student of the week by her art teacher today. She has been waiting ALL YEAR for this, and did not understand why she did not get it months ago. She listens, follows directions...everyday. MY guess is all students eventually get it, but why it took so long, I have no idea. However PN was thrilled, and proud.

Let me note this is the same teacher that engages my 2nd grade son in arguments, and frankly I think she would rather not have my son in her class. A personality conflict, I think that is what they call this. I am guessing SR will not get student of the week in her class. About 3 months ago this teacher sent me a huge e-mail, about a bad day SR had in her art class. He had put his hand in front of the projector she sat him by. (my first thought was ...uh yeah, not a surprise) He was not the only boy who put his hand in front. There were 4 of them. The art class was a wash from there, and they got into an argument, she walked him to the principal's office as he proclaimed "have mercy on me" the entire walk there. I think if things escalated to the point of her needing to take him to the office, she just should have not spoken to him, and taken him. SR is like a small lawyer. I am sure he felt as though the others that did the same penalty, and this made him most upset, and hence the arguing. (And note I do not argue with him, no negotiating...I also do not encourage him to argue with others ESPECIALLY those in positions of authority...) Anywho, they bump heads. It also does not help that is is not a fan of art. He would rather be in math class. I will say I am surprised at how she handles him, and it is never pretty. He does not like art without purpose. He likes schematics, maps etc...but drawing a house, and a kitty does not interest him. Nor does coloring. Her method of dealing with him, well it is lacking, and it will be a long 5 years for him in Art with her as a teacher. It is a personality conflict.

So I have the child that draws all day in detail LOVES art, and if you tell her to draw a house she will draw every shingle, and I have a son who thinks drawing a house is stupid...

Sunday, January 31, 2010

A song for Sunday

One of PN's favorite songs to sing...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Why would I want to do that?

PN, and the boy she wants to marry someday....

My daughter is a peach about remembering EVERYTHING. She always remembers her backpack, early releases from school, birthdays, EVERYTHING. She even reminds me about my things. She is a good egg. Tonight she remembered her eye drops and her medicine, and I said to her, "you know what? You would make a good nurse". I said that for various reasons, she is a good judge of people, is easy to get along with, has a ton of empathy, she likes taking care of others.

She replied "no thanks, that does not sound fun at all".

I had to laugh, because really she is right, it is not a "fun" job.

I wonder what she will do with her incredible people skills?

Right now her goal is to be a Mommy, to only one child. She used to want 12, but she has changed her mind. She has her husband picked out, and wants to have one baby and open a Chinese restaurant.

I do not speak of PN much on the blog, probably because she is my easy child. She helps me clean, and cook. She is very detail oriented, unlike me. If I wrap a gift, I throw some paper on it done, she is careful, and wants matching ribbons, and a card with a similar shade of envelope. She will pack her purse the night before we go places. She takes the time to make her friends gifts, and presents, and books. On Sunday mornings she packs her bible, and put on her cross pin she made. She knows all of her classmates first and last names, some parents names and where parents work, who has pets, who likes the color purple, who likes Star Wars. She has an incredible memory for these details.

The child has already written 50 books, she loves drawing, and coloring, and cutting and pasting. She has made herself 3 calendars so she can keep track of the month, and dates. She would not want to forget anything. When I was 6, I do not think I understood the calander yet. She does.

She will make a wonderful Mommy, and woman.

She is also my worrier. She worries about others.

Her parent teacher conference is this week, and I will hear nothing to cause me worry. At the last conference, the teacher could not think of anything to tell us. She said PN is the PERFECT student, and will do well in school.

Tonight she helped me make dinner, and was in charge of the ambrosia salad. It was tasty, and a good salad to have on hand. I might suggest you have your little people make it for dinner. They do love to help.

2 large cans mandarin oranges
2 large cans pinapple chunks
2 cups mini marshmallows
1 cup sour cream
(drain all fruit except for one can oranges)
1 cup cocunut

Stir well chill for 2 hours and serve

I adore this child of mine, and she is such a thoughtful, thoughtful little girl.