Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Appealing to her as a Mother

Parent Teacher conferences for SR last night.

A complete wash if you ask me.

We told her about chemistry day. She said "was it too loud for him there?"

I answered her "no".

And then she pretty much folded her arms, and implied, that the sensory issues we are claiming to have is false, and only when he isn't doing what he wants to do.....

Seriously? Seriously?

I explained hyperarrousal again, and again...I took it apart for her.

I could see her face, and body language.

She thinks she is simply dealing with a child who has a problem with authority and defiance. She also thinks he is being lazy.

I do not understand why she cannot see this.....


airforcewife said...

She doesn't want to see this. She has made up her mind and has chosen her path.

You know how teachers will often send home notes with children each Friday that detail what went right and what went wrong in class for the parents? Have you considered sending Monday notes to the principal about this teacher? Every Monday.

You already have a relationship with the administration of the school about SR's issues. He's undergoing therapy about his issues. This teacher is out of line and borderline abusive to him, and the more it is documented, the more likely she will be forced into accountability for it.

At first you may get some sighs and eye rolling about the notes, but keep a copy of each one, and you will be armed to the teeth the next time you go in for a meeting.

Teacher: SR's behavior isn't improving in these areas...

AWTM: Neither is your behavior. As you can see here, on blah-blah date you refused to let him leave the room to decompress. As the study I attached to the note to the principal demonstrates, children with SR's diagnoses are hypersensitive and need decompression time.

I've documented the other times you refused to follow scientifically validated and therapist directed guidelines in his behavior here, here and here.


It might at least slow her roll. Maybe not.

ptg said...

I'd like to meet this young man one day. It sounds like the teacher was reading the same script as my own so many years ago. I can still hear my Dad (who believed the teachers at first) parroting that same line at me: "a problem with authority and defiance. She also thinks he is being lazy".

LaDonna Rae said...

Can you go to the pricipal discuss the issue with him/ her and request a new teacher? I have had hearing problems since I was 18 mos old..with about 30% hearing loss. At one point I had a teacher like that when I was in Elementary School (about 20 yrs ago, ugghh I feel so old now, LOL) and the principal was able to put me with a teacher that was more empathetic...

farmwifetwo said...

Simply because she has a verbal, smart child in her midst and one she thinks should learn to control his behaviour.

She is correct, I spent YEARS fighting the meltdowns and head banging of my eldest. I have little use or sympathy for autism and behaviour and the "behaviour is communication" crap in autismland on the net.

BUT, just throwing up your hands and saying "he needs to deal" isn't the way to fix it. There needs to be a plan, and he needs to be part of it and accountable to it.

Maybe approaching her with a plan or a need to deal with the behaviour in the classroom, to make him accountable - behave you get X; don't you lose X - is a place to start. That is proper ABA, token system, behaviour modification, teaching. He will have to learn to "deal" one day... it's easier to start now, than at `13.

As I look at my 4pgs of IEP that are solely social, communication, behavioural and transitions... not one word of academics... for a child with NLD... He's being taught to "deal". He doesn't, he loses out and there's that lovely bench in the office....

Guard Wife said...

Because if she sees it or admits to seeing it, it will mean more work/research/compassion/diligence on her part as an educator. As it stands now, she can remain obstinate like a three-year-old with her fingers in her ears.

I'd say you've tried all you can with her & you'll need to go over her head. Again with the over the head BS. But, her behavior is beyond clueless and inept. It is unprofessional and has crossed the border into abusive--you know I don't use that term loosely either.

I wonder if there is a good education attorney in your town who would like to do a little pro bono work?

Bou said...

I'm at a loss as to why the bigger guns are not stepping in. They are letting her damage him. I know the admin knows of all this... and they are letting it happen.

Al said...

De-lurking just to see if I can help a bit:

Keep pushing. My mom had the same problem with me, one of my grade school teachers thought I was just being "difficult" because I'm blind. Not Braille blind, but "I can't read regular sized print comfortably or see the blackboard" blind. She thought that every student should enter her classroom with a "clean slate" and refused to listen to any prior records or requests. It was a hellish few months. Eventually, something clicked. (I was only 8 or so, I don't know exactly what happened, but my mom talked to her every day for weeks because I came home crying with headaches and nasty notes about "being difficult during class").

Keep doing everything you can and hug SR tight. You both can get through this. Good luck.

vw bug said...


Fermina Daza said...

I pretty much poured out my thoughts in my email to you. I'd love to hop on a plane and have a discussion with SR's teacher if you'd let me (and if the Army would let me).

Assuming that you would not (probably a wise decision), I'll agree with afw - it's not that she can't see it. She WON'T see it. Because then she'd have to do her job as opposed to just implement curriculua and manage her classroom (of which, SR is getting in the way).

I like afw's idea of the note. I'd be documenting everything anyway up to this point - every meeting, every comment from SR, every comment from the teacher, etc. but now I'd start forwarding that documentation back to the admin in the form of a note.

Nina Anderson said...

Ok . . . am delurking here as well. Have followed your stories for a while (thanks to B5 for links) and kept following as you talk about SR

First: What amazing kids you have!! Kudos to you and Hubs for all you both do as parents and in service to our country!!

Second: The issues you have had with various doctors and teachers just makes me want to hurl and or throw 2X4's upside peoples heads!!

You've had several good friends provide you with some awesome advice here (and probably via email/phone). All I can add is that, as stressful as it is, be the squeaky wheel.

Everyone needs to learn that we are ALL different!! And we ALL learn and grow differently. And that is it ALWAYS good to step outside our wonderful little box and learn something new. And I think you, your family, and particularly SR do it all the time. We can all learn from that.

Praying that you make headway with teacher and staff. The results for all will be so much more than we can see in the immediate time.