Monday, October 11, 2010

Why chemistry day was soooo important, and needed.

So far this year, SR has heard little encouragement. Long story that I might delve into in this post, forgive me if it seems disjointed.

I asked him to blog on his blog re: Saturday, and this is ALL he wrote.

A few days before this was posted (you can see that, right?), I got 2nd place (vs 1st) on the QuizBowl, threw a fit, but I did not know that I would get something more than 2x as expensive as the prize,a IPod Nano. I was extremely happy.

That made me sad, because he did not see the entire picture only that he got 2nd place. Also let me add, when he found out he got second, DH had to escort him out for a moment, because SR was VERY upset. (HE HATES loosing, beyond normal "I hate to loose". ) He is a perfectionist of the worst kind. Think John McEnroe style meltdown to the 10th. We have tried and tried most everything re: loosing.

DH and I tried to explain him that these other kids were at least 10 years older than him, and they had studied for longer, they all knew what a quiz bowl was...etc. I mean the kid walked in there cold. He had never sat in a lecture, let alone an entire day of lectures.

It did not matter, he was upset he did not get 1st place, and then he was upset that he melted down. The melt downs embarrass him. We almost had them under control until the school year began. Let me add here, he as a rule, does not melt down at all for us any longer. I cannot think of the last time. I just asked DH, and he couldn't think of any either.

However, since 3rd grade, is all about "writing", and because he has what either is dysgraphia or an expressive writing disability the melt downs are almost daily. Since SR has sensory issues , it seems as though they worsen when he is feeling anxious or pressure. Last year we worked out a system, were if he felt he was going into hyper arousal mode, he would show the teacher a yellow card. The yellow card allowed him to leave the room, go to an adult in an office, calm himself, and he would return. This year the teacher decided the yellow card was a bad idea. She thought it was rewarding him for leaving class. She made him a table in the corner of the room, and told him he could go there. So now when he is getting ready to meltdown, and to hyper arousal town, he has to do this in front of his classmates. VERY embarrassing for him. He does not want the meltdowns. His teacher think he melts down to get out of work, this is not the case. His sensory issues cause him to HEAR pencil on paper, he will tell me, it is the worst high pitched screeching sound. (Watch the Temple Grandin movie, and watch the first 40 minutes, listen to people writing, dishes being put on a table ) He also has to concentrate SOOOOO hard on the act of writing it is ridiculous to him, he has trouble picking the direction of content, and wants to present the PERFECT and best assignment. I have him being assessed at school right now by the sensory people, and OT staff. We are aslo addressing this with his Pyshcologist who has Asperger's herself. Every time SR goes to tell her "not good, yellow", she tends to give him a speech about how he is being disobediant, defiant and disrespectful (in front of his class), this makes the meltdown worse, and then the teacher is left with an 8 year old mess of a child. If you hear you are defiant daily, what happens to your behavior? I have begged them to let him have a safe place to melt down. A room full of 8 year olds is noisy. When I argued this with the teacher, she told me I had no idea how she ran her class, "I play music, it is quiet" HER she does not understand that he is WiRED differently. The classrooms are open, no doors, 870 kids in the school. He can HEAR everything, and does.

It bothered me that he did not see how amazing he did. He really did not think it was that big of a deal. He was upset that he did not WIN, and upset that he was upset that he did not win.....


Anonymous said...

Did you know there is a National Chemistry Week? October 17th-23rd. Here is a link to see if you can find something in your area...

Anonymous said...

ANd there is a poster contest, too!!

Guard Wife said...

I know I've said it in person and on the phone a dozen or more times, but that teacher's unwillingness to allow SR to use his yellow card in an appropriate manner is BS. How she cannot recognize and/or admit that it is not a reward to allow SR the chance to regain his composure after recognizing something is about to happen (which, in itself is a huge maturity spurt)is laughable. And, if she cannot recognize/admit that she is punishing him by forcing him into a corner, increasing the attention focused on him, exacerbating the oncoming train of emotion & then calling him out about it, shows her lack of intellectual honesty on her so-called reasoning. If it is a reward to let him leave, it's punishment to make him stay. Period.

I don't like her.

I want to come for a visit. "My auntie Melinda is coming to visit and would like an audience with Queen Teacher to discuss her wayward (and perchance illegal) abuses of power."

What's my name, again? said...

I've quietly followed for a while, but don't know the whole story. Having said that this teacher makes me angry, and as a Mom I can almost feel your pain. I say "almost" because I haven't BTDT, I only know that as a Mom we don't want to see our children in such a position.

I pray you find answers, and more importantly solutions that work for you and your son.

Bou said...

I'm at a loss about this teacher. I'm hoping that someone comes down on her hard. What she needs is for someone to scrub her down hard with brillo pad, a good patch, and then have someone rub cotton on it and say, "But I'm only rubbing it softly". Once an area is sensitive, it is always sensitive, no matter how soft you do something.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if your state is like TX or OH or MI, but in case they are you should have a special education person (from what you have posted, I think he would qualify certainly not for learning disability but for his emotional struggles) assigned to each school or at least one for the entire district. If so you need to talk to her/him and get an ARD meeting, if you haven’t already. If this is in his ARD and she is denying him, you have a lawsuit. If it is not in his ARD then it should be and if they quibble with you then threaten to call the state dept of ed. No school wants the state to come holding a complaint about special ed, I’ve been there and done exactly that.


Anonymous said...

Having had a "difficult" child years ago, I just feel so bad for you. We wasted an entire school year with a team teaching effort (more students, two younger teachers). I was called to the school every single day for an entire school year. I wish I had thrown my own tantrum and had him moved to a different classroom at the beginning. You might even try that. Tell the powers that be "that you and the teacher just cannot relate." Good luck.