Thursday, October 14, 2010


I have not had a very good week, between parent teacher conferences and the pending diagnosis, and a learning disability....fearing for the future and emotional well-being of my son. Not a good place. My inner Mother bear has kicked in. I have been angry before, but now I am angrier.

The other night while at parent teacher conferences I found out that his homeroom teacher is failing him in all subjects she is teaching him. ALL. This is the first time this has happened. I am not telling SR no WAY no HOW. He is fragile after being in her class this year. The meeting with her, was as cordial as I could make it, because I had to send my child back into her room.

Tonight we met with Art, P.E., music, and the computer teacher. He has moments, but minor. They all enjoy him. Yes even the art teacher, who last year was not on board. She is on board now, and said he enjoys the art part of class, she said he is creative, and participates in class.

I called his coordinator, and she was actually shocked at the various problems his homeroom teacher is having. His coordinator and I have had a rocky relationship, but guess what, she gets it now. I think she understands my frustration, SR frustration, and they get along sooo well. She understands how he functions, and she has had few problems with him this year. She is thrilled he is older and can identify his needs.

This is a teacher problem now. SR's psychologist is mortified by the teachers handling of him, and is making a trip to school (even though she has not done this in 2 years). She herself has high functioning Asperger's, and is married to an Aspergian, and they have 2 children with high functioning Asperger's Syndrome. She is coming in to educate this teacher, and the rest of the staff that has to have contact with him.

Let me add here, SR requires little in the way of intervention, he normally just wants to know what to expect with his day. He does not like surprises. He does not like routine disrupted, but will do fine if you warn him. Most kids can go with the flow with stuff like that, some adults can. I like warnings before my schedule gets nutty. He does not like people breathing down his neck, or pointing out to entire room that he is disobediant, defiant, or lazy. It embarasses him. He is anxious at all times around her, he is on the defensive all of the time.


Fermina Daza said...

He does not like people breathing down his neck, or pointing out to entire room that he is disobediant, defiant, or lazy. It embarasses him.

What kid DOES? Oh my goodness, it's probably a good thing I don't live anywhere near you. Otherwise, I'd probably be in the principal's office for going off on his teacher.

This sounds backward but I am glad you're mad. I have a feeling you are a force to be reckoned with when you are mad and I think that will be the case here.

SR is not the problem. This teacher is. I'll keep praying.

airforcewife said...

Bravo to SR's psychologist for advocating for him so fiercely.

And you are an amazing Mom. I know you're exhausted and angry and tired. But no one could have gotten the results you have gotten throughout SR's life the way you have. You have managed so much, and so much more than so many parents would have been able to in your position.

You are amazing.

kg said...

Good for you, Momma Bear, for sticking up for SR! That homeroom sounds toxic for him. Glad that the others are coming around, and that intervention is coming for homeroom too.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you, and hoping the teacher issue is resolved quickly with NO damage....

Peter said...

I have great faith that your Sir Rowland will come out of all this as a winner.

If the psychologist's visit doesn't help, tell Tammi to stop by on her way there and we'll lay for this teacher and "educate" her.

Really, this whole thing is disgusting. I had my own learning disability in school, which is why I dropped out and joined the Service. Funny, though, when I took my GED test there were five subjects, graded on the percentile system. I scored two 99s, a 98, an 89 and an 85. I aced all the corespondent courses, I simply could not, and cannot handle classrooms. This held my income down my whole life.

I'm pleased to see the differences today, although I still contend that the biggest difference in his education vs mine id he has you and your sweetie. Good luck.

Guard Wife said...

The fact that SR is off the charts intelligent, can become fired up about things & TEACH HIMSELF higher order information like the Periodic Table shows you something--his teacher is crap.

How you can, with a straight face, give a genius an "F" is beyond me. He isn't unteachable...if you're a teacher.

Teachers in the traditional classroom setting who are married to their way or the highway need to be presented with the option of shifting gears or shifting careers. Period. Unfortunately, I think with unions as strong as they are, that isn't going to be something that happens any time soon.

This lady has a problem and it first and foremost is that she is intimidated by a kid who knows more than she and who doesn't cower when she goes into b*tch mode. When she is disrespectful, SR doesn't take that & she isn't sure what to do. Her second problem appears to be that she would rather not have to be creative, work or change her modus operandi for anyone.

I really hope that your post's title was in reference to the teacher because, honey, she is the ONLY failure in this entire equation.

farmwifetwo said...

Don`t forget while you are making demands to also offer compromise. Just to sit there and lecture her will get you no where. She still has final say in what she writes on that report card.

You have to go over her head and get services. You have to get the school and the school board to demand she makes the changes.

I didn`t win that fight last year for my youngest son... I am certain that the report card was written to show I had, but I hadn`t in actuality. Gr 3 seems to be the year of the pissy teachers because that was the year the elder had trouble too.

You need to find out what your rights are. You need to talk to special ed. You need to talk to whoever`s in charge of programming for IEP`s etc at the board level. You have to find out and then do what I did... eldest, threaten them with a classroom assessment by Behavioural Services... youngest, call special ed, activate his IPRC and in the end opt to move him to a different school and in a self-contained classroom.

The more people that come and yell at her, the more she`ll refuse to work with you.... as long as the dx is not finalized she has the right to refuse him programming. Been there too until I got the right words on the paperwork.

Start deciding what needs to be done, how you wish it to be done and KISS, make your son realize he has to compromise as well and take responsibility for the programming that goes in place, find out what the `rules` are and if necessary, get an education lawyer - your local autism society will have suggestions.

My eldest in Gr 6 is having a good year - academics are going well and not on the IEP - but I`ve compromised along the way and he knows that he`ll lose out should he not follow the behaviour, social, communication and transitions programming they`ve put in place via Ont PPM 140 and in his IEP. The more he takes ownership of his learning and behaviour, the more they`ve been willing to bend... win, win for all.

Teresa/ride4fun said...

Don't be shocked if you end up having to home school for a year or 2. And it is not committing until college if you do. I know you want to get the school to do what they are supposed to do by law but law can't compel the teacher to have any sense or compassion.

Bou said...

FYI, I just remembered this. My sister in law has three crazy smart kids. Her youngest one was in 2nd grade and the teacher was just a bitch on wheels. My sister in law went toe to toe as much as she could and finally said, "Screw it", pulled him out at the end of the 1st nine weeks, home schooled for the rest of 2nd grade, and then put him in 3rd grade, back in school.

Not that I'm recommending, but I'm just saying, she thought way out of the box. I figured if you home schooled, BLAM, that was it. I never thought of the fact you can do it for just one year and then go back.

She did that TWICE.

military boots said...

Sorry to hear about your son. You're just being a good mother standing up for him. Way to go.

military boots said...

Good for you sticking up for your son. Sounds like the teacher has a God complex. Put her in her place and stand up for your child.

Anonymous said...

I've read so many times how you've tried so hard with so many people "in the system" to get SR what he needs.

He needs OUT. He will NOT fit in a standard educational format. Forcing him to do so and to hold down his natural intellect and curiosity is almost cruel. Not that you intend it, no. But you have got to stop making his square peg fit in their round hole.

Homeschool. There are dozens of groups so it isn't as though YOU have to do all the work. Tutors can care for what you cannot. College students need the money and he will relate far better to their level of maturity.

Get him out of there before he starts to hate his beautiful mind. Because it is just that - a lovely, wonderful, gifted mind.

I say this with some knowledge - our best pals have three kids. One would have been classified as "troubled" for his silent observational preference. The other would be on drugs for his "hyperactive" nature. And the third would be punished for her inability to be still. Instead, they are free to be who they are and to learn as fits their personality. Individuals, all. And all very happy. I know SR would be, too.

P.S. I bet he would enjoy the periodic table in spiral...

Bou said...

Dear Anonymous... Who the hell are you? "He needs OUT. He will NOT fit in a standard educational format. Forcing him to do so and to hold down his natural intellect and curiosity is almost cruel. Not that you intend it, no. But you have got to stop making his square peg fit in their round hole."

Because YOU are the frickin' expert on this situation? Who made you queen or king to decide to place judgement here? Hunh? Do you know the family situation personally? Do YOU know the reasons that homeschooling hasn't been chosen? Do you think that it isn't something that hasn't been discussed, but that perhaps... it hasn't been chosen for a reason YOU are NOT privy too?


Step off. Until you walk in her shoes, you don't tell her she's damaging her kid or accuse her of trying to turn him into a round peg.

How dare you. You should be ashamed. It's a lot easier to frickin' judge when you have a pal with three kids with issues... far different when you're living in the sh--.