Thursday, August 31, 2006

Busy and Smiling about it.

Today was a good day. First off, cool out, The temperatures here, are dropping. I think the high was 90 degrees today. But when the sun goes down at night, I can open windows. Ahhhhh. I hope it is a sign of things to come. There is a breeze, and when I do open the doors, it does not feel like I have opened an oven, or incinerator. This means more time out of doors, more walks. Less $$$ spent cooling the house down. The Collective can enjoy the park, and fishing, without me getting roasted, and grouchy.

I also felt good today, the first day I have not been in pain, or had some sort of cramping since August 12th. No I am not kidding. I felt great. I also knew, I had better use this "good day" to my advantage. I had a lot to catch up on around here.

Today, was also payday, (always a big hit) which meant a trip to the post office to mail bills. (In an effort to conserve energy, and money, I consolidate trips.) I had to go to the library. By the way, we have a great library here in town. It sits on a small lake, and they even let you check out fishing poles. Which sounds super country, but wow, what a treat for a kid that doesn't have one. They also have a great selection of movies for all ages. Free movies, and you get them for 14 days. No late fees no nothing. We had to return Madagascar today. Which was a movie, we all enjoyed. Seriously, all of us liked the movie. The Collective have also learned the lyrics to New York, New York. Pink Ninja is in love with the hypochondriac Giraffe. Dash identifying with the lion, even requesting steak 3 times in the past 14 days. DH, snickering at the penguins. Of course I am entertained by the lemurs. The Collective were not happy about returning this movie. The librarian assured them, they could rent it again sometime. Dash also told the librarian, "I would like to be a librarian, when I get older, so if there is anything I can do to help you out, let me know."

Anyway, we went to the library to return our current books, and get new books. Pink Ninja is currently on a Dr. Seuss kick. There are a lot of Dr. Seuss books, I thought we had them all, but there are a lot of them....Dash continues to be on his train, and mechanics kick, but I have turned him on to Curious George. The little dude needs something light.

After the library, we had to do the annual Walmart run. I hate Walmart, I do, but until my local grocery store stops robbing me blind, and cleans its act up a bit, I go to Walmart. The Collective continued to be great, they sang to me while I shopped. They were thrilled I bought the biggest jar of Valassic pickles on the planet. Oh, and we were OUT of ice cream and sherbet, which creates a desperate feeling in this house.

On the way home, I had to stop and see my little man that runs a produce stand down the road. He always makes me laugh. Today he was fed up with customers asking if he had tomatoes, despite his 3 signs that said TOMATOES. He also told me okra is pronounced okre. He is very funny. I made off with 25-26 pound of tomatoes, 5 pounds of cucumbers, and 5 pounds of peaches.

When we got home, there was an adventure to be had....but honestly I will tell you about it tomorrow some time.

Tonight, I need to get my fanny to bed. You see, I have been busy. I had a request for lasagne, fruit salad, and a lettuce salad, which I honored. I also made an extra batch of lasagne for the freezer, and some extra tomato sauce for the freezer. I also managed to blanche and dice and freeze about 8 quarts of tomatoes, and 2 quarts of peaches.

I feel good. I didn't let anyone rub me wrong today. I was really too busy for it.

If I Were Emma Peel.....

I would make you, eat your veggies!!

Better than opioids...

Saturday Dash, Pink Ninja and I went swimming for 4 hours, cleaned up, ate lunch with Dad, and tried to settle down for a nap.

I flipped through the cable stations to find football. Can I tell you the sound of it blanketed me with a lethargy I have not known since I was on drugs after my medical procedure.

Seriously, the football game about had me to sleep.

I think I know how to cure my insomnia.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Cheaper than therapy

My blog has to be the cheapest form of therapy, although I have hit a plateu of sorts. You see when I started the blog, my intent was to use it, as a tool to get it out, feel better. Of course, since my name remains anonymous, and few photos of me exist on the blog, (although there are some), it would be SAFE.

However, as the last year and a half has passed, I have met some of you. In fact I would guess, I have met at least 1/2 of my day to day readership. Some of us chat on the phone. We have become friends.

So now I am finding, gee there is some stuff I would love to put on this damn thing. But sadly cannot, out of embarassing myself, (like the vagina blogging hasn't done that...nope it hasn't). I also, made a deal a long time ago that this was not a device to hurt anyone. (celebrities are open game)There are also some things that are simply too..personal. Although the reason I am staving off my gynocological surgery would make an interesting and informative topic, yet I am finding it too taboo to discuss.

There is also, my Dear old Dad. Our once golden and good relationship has become muddied, and foggy...and I hate it. I will say this. I continue to be open and give. It could be a lot of things, his mortality, and his need to distance himself. It also could be something else. I love him.

I came to the painful realization the other day, that I do not think I could be "back home" right now.

I could not handle it emotionally, or otherwise. Believe it or not, even with my Mother being gone for almost 5 years, I am still exhausted from it. The experiance of caring for her, in its entirity, although was fullfilling and eased my pain, it exhausted me. Still....A lifetime of caring for patients of all kinds, and that is what did me in? I am not up for "caring" for my Dad right now.

The other night I told my Husband, there was no way I could do it now. Some of that could be my current medical issues. They are really just exhausting. Pain, is exahusting, I am unable to care for myslef in the manner I like. There is no yoga, no walking right now. It is all painful.

He said this

"I can't imagine?"

I just stood looking at him in horror, and was glad there was no mirror around.

This is something I found shocking. Me, AWTM the rock, willing to hold hands with dying, have a husband deployed, make a mean head cheese while 9 months pregnant...and I am spent.

My Dear Husband, who knows I am the Queen of handling it, can see the cracks right now. Damn, that is not good. That is not who I am. I am the Queen of handling shit of all sorts. Heck, what happened? Am I going soft? Oh please tell me I am not going soft.

This better be temporary. This better be related to my health problems.

Because, if there is something I have always been able to depend on, it was myself, and my abiltity to hold it together. Whatever "it" may be. I can fix it. I can do it, let me do it, I have done that. I have been there and done that.

Overheard at Casa De Dust....

AWTM: "Goodnight my spiky haired blonde little boy."

Dash: "Goodnight, my brown haired old Mommy"

-Dash then went to the bathromm, and combed the spikey hair down...

*I am noting he called me old

Dad, Dad....

I just spoke with my Sister about my Dad. I guess he showed his ass already. Oh imagine that.

I guess the cardiac rehab lady came in, to talk to him.

I guess he told her what he thought of her program.

If he were my child, I would have spanked him, and put him in time out, and asked him to apologize to the lady.


You Only Live Once

Artist: The Strokes
Album: First Impressions Of Earth

I'll try anything once

10 decisions shape your life
You'll be aware of 5 about
7 ways to go through school
Either you're noticed or left out
7 ways to get ahead
7 reasons to drop out

When I say
"I can see me in your eyes"
You say
"I can see you in my gut"
That meant his friendship detriments to
You like music we can dance to

Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you

There is a time when we all fail
Some people take it pretty well
Some take it all out on themselves
Some they just take it out on friends
Oh, everybody plays the game
And if you don't, you're called insane

Don't don't don't don't, it's not safe no more
We've got to see you one more time
Send you a card
In 1984

Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you

Everybody was well dressed
And everybody was a mess
16's a love that you must do
So that you're one that loves a few
All the girls play mental games
And all the guys were dressed the same

Why not try it all?
If you're only in the married ones
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Read em and weep

An Interesting Meme to be sure, and I was tagged by The loverly Boudicca, and Army of Mom. Thank you ladies, this was a great reminder of how much I have read just this past year. Also very hard to think about picking favorites etc. That is always hard, and it changes, depending on my mood. Just like movies and music. I sort of saturate myslef in a genre...and then poof.

1) A book that changed my life:

~The Bible.
For obvious reasons.

~Mind of Clear Light:Advice on Living Well and Dying Concsiously
by his holiness The Dalai Lama (Unable to locate this ....must buy a new copy.)

History of The Taylor, Dobson, Smith Family.
~This book is the only recorded family history re: my family that I am aware of. Very inspiring and amazing collection of family history.

2) A book I've read more than once:

East of Eden
by John Steinbeck
~read it at least 4 times, gave the copy to DH's army buddy Ted. Hey Ted, I want my book back.

Grapes of Wrath
by John Steinbeck
~read at least 6 times

Catcher in The Rye
by J.D. Salinger
~still have my dog eared original copy like any self respecting JD Salinger fan

Nine Stories
by J.D. Salinger
~more Salinger, original paperback still in my posession

Delta of Venus
by Anais Nin
~of course you read it more than once.

The Diary of Mattie Spencer
by Sandra Dallas
~I gave this out, after reading it at least 5 times. Every woman should read this book.

There are sooo many, and I cannot seem to recall all of them at this moment. Most of my collection is packed away. However, now I want to know what I have copies of.

3) A book I'd take to a desert island:

~6 ways in 12 ways outI need something to keep me fed, and alive. (link provided because it is damn hard to locate)

4) A book that made me laugh:

~EASY!! David Sedaris ANYTHING.
David Sedaris, is by far the most humerous writer on the planet.

5) A book that made me cry:

~Legends of The Fall, folks, if you thought the movie was sad...the book will drown you in tears. Jim Harrison is talented. (note to self, must read more Harrison)

6) A book I wish had been written:

~How to be a perfect Mom and millionare in one easy step.

7) A book that should never have been written:

~It Takes a Village

8) A book I'm currently reading:

~Once Upon a Town: The Miracle of The North Platte Canteen

*PLEASE, go get a copy of this book and read it. It will inspire you to be better, do better!!!

9) A book I'm planning to read:

Stranger Than Fiction: True Stories
by Chuck Palahniuk

10) Five people I'll send these questions on to

Blonde Sagacity, what do conservative blonde Moms read?

Basil, because he always gets to ask us questions.

Air Force Family, because we were separated at birth, and I wonder if we read the same things.

The Java Diva, after all she is working on a book.

My friend, over at When The Smoke Clears, of course you read while in the mountains, in your log cabin....

Oh, and since I was memed two times, I am going to pick a sixth person!! TunaGirl, another military wife.

If it Quacks like a duck...

Then it must be my Dads Dr.

What do you know, my Father was right...he did not feel good, and was having chest pain.

The "Dr." assesment that this was muscle pain.

Well I guess the shit for brains is right, after all the heart is a muscle.

So my Father had an artery that was 99% blocked.

Quack freaking quack.

Project Freezer

Is there anything better than home preserved food in the dead of winter?
Spending $2.78 cents for tomatoes in the dead of winter, and those expensive tomatoes taste like cardboard...ick...

I would love to can, but I really am nervous to take it on with "the collective in the house. It is time consuming, and all of the boiling and pressure cooker stuff makes me fearful of The Collective getting injured. (One of the drawbacks of being a nurse, seeing one burned child, yeah I am paranoid)

However, seems like all of the cool kids are doing it. G.R.I.T.S., did it, and even sent me the lovliest care package, filled with jars the color of jewels. I am not exagerating. Pear honey the color of amber, and strawberry jam that is the color of rubies. I have not dove into any of it yet, although I would love to. I am showing restraint, and waiting unitl Winter, like a good girl.

Gretchen shows me how to freeze tomatoes. Wow, I can do that. I have a freezer, and access to a lot of tomatoes at a great price!!

So, when pay day arrives, and I visit the little man down the road in his stripped bibbed overalls. I hope he still has tomatoes left, if I am brave, I might even get some peaches.

The thought of delicious chilli made with home grown tomatoes...

Ain't To Proud to Beg...

To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
~Don Henly

OK, I did it, I made a final call to my Dad. The timing, well not so good. I made the final plea.

Me: "So are you sure you would not rather go to (insert big city here)?"

Dad: "Why?"

Me: "Because this will be the third time you are seeing the same Dr. for the same complaint."

Dad: "Well, the Dr. really doesn't think it is my heart, he thinks it is a muscle."

Me: "Then why is he willing to open you up?"

Dad: *crickets chirping****

Me: "I am just saying, if I took my vehicle to the same mechanic 3 times, and left 3 times with the same problem, you would think I was crazy. I think it is time to find a new mechanic."

Dad: *crickets chirping****

Me: "Well it is something to think about, is all I am saying. Get some rest, do not do anything nutty today. I love you."

Dad: "I love you too"

So at least the I love you part was said, but can I tell you, he was not thrilled with the conversation.

After I hung up the phone, I read my horoscope...

Time to put up or shut up. Whatever you've been putting off needs to be dealt with. Tie up all the loose ends.

You can keep moving, even without all the answers. Just know that the path will be there, and concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. You'll be on a clear stretch of road before you know it.

Monday, August 28, 2006

What The Heart Wants....

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too
~Stevie Nicks

While away for the weekend, I got a phone call from my Sister. It was an informative phone call. It seems as though my Father still has the pain in his chest, that he had the last stint put in for. I will say this, I think his cardiologist walks like a duck.....if you get my drift. Make a quack noise. OK, now that, that is out of the way.

So this is his 3rd procedure this year for this same pain, and he is going to the same Dr. feel free to insert quacking noise here.

First off, can I tell you, if I would do this same thing, My Dear Old Dad (yeah I am calling you old Dad, you will never read this anyway...damn computer thingys) I digress. Anyway, if I went to the same Dr. Repairman, etc 3 times with no results, can I tell you my Dad would lecture me on what a ridiculous choice that seems to be.

Also note here, that my Sister found out about this disheartening news over a luncheon at a cafe, with others present. WHA?

So my Sister calls me, calls my Brother etc.....We are all pissed...Because this is pretty big news, and he is all we have left. He is it. Oh, and he has no siblings...We are it.

Can I tell you, this hiding health information, has been pulled before.....I shit you not.

My Mother was diagnosed with colon cancer, and my Brother was in Iceland...

They decided, that it was a bad idea to tell my Brother, they sure didn't want to disrupt things. Mom also thought she would beat the cancer in a month or two and no one would be the wiser. This turned out to be a not so wise plan when they opened Mom up and found cancer on every abdominal organ known to man. They gave her 3 months to live, and spent 6 hours trying to remove organs I did not even know you could remove, and live without. My Dad handed me the phone, and told me to call my brother....A life defining moment. Really. How do you make this sort of announcement, and then apologize for abiding by your parents wishes? You may be asking yourself here, are these people fucking nuts? Well probably. Not me, no way. My folks, a little nuts. Well my Mom is gone now, but my Dad, yeah he is nuts.

He shot a guy once, but that my friends is a tale for another day.

So, the procedure is Tuesday morning. I am not sure of the exact time. My siblings and I , yeah we do not keep health secrets any longer. Heck, you all know almost everything about my vagina. So, my Sister will wait at the hospital, and keep me informed. We also have a embedded spy at the hospital.

I will say a prayer tonight, I hope he is ready for what may come. Personally I think he is a little broken hearted. I have seen plenty of people die from them. I am sure you have all seen it, or heard of it. A lot of people die with and from broken hearts, that can never be mended....

But for crying out loud, try a different cardiologist.

They warn you about killers and thieves in night
I worry about cancer and living right
~Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins

Stuck in the Middle With You

*Photo of The Collective poolside.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you
~Stealers Wheel

*Note to self, no need to take a book, sewing, or computer on "vacation".

First off, can I say my arms and shoulders HURT. HURT, and I am not joking here. Due to the "medical issues" that are currently going on, I find that my normal physical exercise which was including yoga, pilates, and walking...Just cannot be done. (Yes, the walking even causes pain) I am really in too much pain, and it is uncomfortable. Hence I am out of my normal "shape"...

It is also imperative to know here, that The Collective took to the pool, like ducks to water. They even, (despite my best attempts at wearing them out) continued the waking at 5am schedule, so they could swim. They did not want to leave the water.

So carrying around, a 42 pound Dash, and a 28 pound Pink Ninja, even in the water...Ouch. They are heavy. And I am sure carrying them both at the same time was not the wisest decision. Aso if I had a nickle for every time I lifted them to the side of the pool, and then let them jump into my arms...I could retire. My arms and shoulders are dying though.

Dearest Husband, was ULTRA busy with work, although he managed to wander out to the pool every couple of hours or so. Just to make sure I was living. He also actually go to swim with The Collective twice. He would just grin with wonder, a sort of wonder that says "whose freaky, crazy genetics enable so much activity with no naps?"

So they swam, and swam, and swam. Oh, and I will add here. They did nap. Dash actually napped, which would make it the second or third nap of the year. After the second trip to the pool one day, we went back to the room. I turned on celebrity poker, and Dash and I fell asleep. WOW, he slept. The bad news, Pink Ninja fought her nap, whining and writhing and fussing about for about 4 hours, and then crashed. I do wish they would nap at the same time, just once.

border="0" alt="" />

I love being stuck in the middle with you, your smiles are worth every strain I will feel today. You are my hearts.

*The back of mysterious and foxy DH's head, swimming with The collective*

P.S. That Jennifer Tilly can sure play poker.

Trans Parent...

This isn't exactly what I thought I would be posting tonight, especially after such a great, yet tiring weekend with my family. But it needs to come out...

Friday night we had decided to go out to eat dinner. We are all sitting and enjoying our Mexican food, and I look up away from my plate and I look straight ahead. I am a people watcher. I watch.

I saw a Father, in his 60's . His gray and balding head was all I could see for a moment. Then there was the tapping, of the keys. A gesture that looked like someone running in place. I also noted him choking back tears.

To his side I note his wife, also 60-something, she is on her cell phone, smiling and talking.

Across the booth table I note 2 boys, one 8, the other 10. Clean boys, with great short haircuts. They are eating and talking, and smiling.

Next to the boys, I see a 30-something, although it was hard to tell. He had both ears pierced, some sort of large Mr. T like necklace. He must be about our age. He is gaunt, very gaunt. He is bouncing his legs, and grinding his jaw, missing some teeth. Grinding his teeth. He looked like he was tweaking on meth or some sort of amphetamines. I am guessing it was meth. (Between Dear Husbands years of working at the jail, and my time spent at the hospital, it looked like meth.)

So I look back at the graying Dad, and he is looking at me. Worried looking, sad looking embarassed looking.

I was very embarassed that this Man caught me assessing the family situation, but it is what I do. I was trying to figure out if Grandma and Grandpa have custody of the boys full time, or if the Mom, who was no where in sight let Grandma and Grandma have them for the evening. Perhaps they convinced "Dad" to come with. Maybe they met out, because "Dad" isn't allowed in the house any longer?

It was sad, and disturbed me to my core, to see so many lives disturbed by this drug, again.....and for it to be soooo obvious, that no one can pretend. There was NO pretending here...none. It was a train wreck.

The look on the 60 year old Dads face was an awful look of failure and guilt....the kind the does not happen to most of us. He looked like he had tried everything he knew how to prevent it, to stop it, to make his Son happy.

It had to have been one of the most terrible things I have witnessed.

For some reason I keep thinking of this family, and those precious boys.

It is all I can think about.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Dial Up Yours...

I am sitting here this morning, sipping on a cup of piping hot, not so great hotel room coffee. Looking in the mirror at my crack head hairdo, and bloodshot eyes. DH, had to work on his presentation last night.... late. So we were up sort of late. Dash, per his us normal, "gotta make the donuts" schedule was up early. Before the crack of dawn.

We are currently debating on breakfast institutions. I think I am all about the walk this morning. Then a game of mini golf is in order, and swimming. If they tire of that, but are still awake I might break down and take them to the movies.

It is hotter than hell here, in fact the temperature read 95 degrees

Well, I met only a handful of DH's coworkers yesterday. Two expectant Fathers, watching me looking very oppossum like me treading water with the collective hanging on my neck, were frightened away by the prospect of it. One unfriendly wife, who sat with her feet in the water. A couple of other people in passing. The collective require too much attention for me to socialize pool side. Both also sink like rocks.

So I am a bit relieved.

The drive was nice, sometimes being trapped in a car with DH is good. We had a chance to catch up, I got to learn where he has been traveling.

OK, here is hoping I have a chance to check in later. There is fussing going on, real coffee is in order, and "The Collective" appear to have drank a pot of the real stuff hours ago.

Pancakes, and bacon made by another party are in order.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Hell it has to be a fun City, Johnny Cash has been here....


20,000 miles to an oasis
20,000 years will I burn
20,000 chances I wasted
Waiting for the moment to turn
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall
Walking through the woods I have faced it
Looking for something to learn
30,000 thoughts have replaced it,
Never in my time to return
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall
All alone
Waiting to fall
40,000 stars in the evening
Look at them fall from the sky
40,000 reasons for living
40,000 tears in your eye
I would give my life to find it

So I am outta here, I am about to embark on adventure.....I am headed to the land where Smokey The Bandit began.

Texarkana Baby
~Roy Drusky
She's my Texarkana baby do I love her Lowdy Law
Her pappy came from Texas her maw from Arkansaw
She's got two eyes that twinkle like a good ol' country star
She's got a perfect figure that'll stop you wherever you are

The City where June Carter and Johnny Cash, first played together.

The city Scott Joplin was born, hell folks, he wrote "The Entertainer" for God's sake.

Selena Parez was born there.

Even the Large Eared Ross Perot, was birthed there.

Kenny Wegner's Surrender
~Mississippi Folk Song
Then I wandered through the country,
But I never could find rest,
Till I went to Texarkana,
Away out in the West.

Again I started drinking,
And again I pulled my gun
And within a single moment
The deadly work was done.

You may be wondering why the westward adventure. It is the nature of my Dear Husbands work. We will be privy to a pool, which is a treat. The 100 degree temperatures, have made us raisin like. The water, should wear out the children. The thought of this was not nearly as amusing, when I noted I would be meeting my Dear Husbands co-workers while wet, no makeup on, and in a swimsuit...

The joy. I have a difficult time with first impressions, imagine that. SO my confidence will be running HIGH, while in my swimsuit...wet, hair wet, no make up on. I will look so freaking impressive....the horror.

I've Been Everywhere
~Johnny Cash
I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Across the deserts bare, man
I've breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I've had my share, man
I've been everywhere.

I've been to Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana, Washington, Houston,
Kingston, Texarkana, Monterey, Ferriday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa, Glen Rock, Black
Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa, Tennessee, Hennessey, Chicopee, Spirit Lake,
Grand Lake, Devil's Lake, Crater Lake, for Pete's sake.

So wish me luck folks, I have people to meet for the first time...HA. Now if that is not the perfect combitnation of a blog tale, I do not know what is.

Oh and the added bonus, I am taking the laptop, and my camera.

Just when I think I have lived through enough humiliating shit in my day...

Looks like things are just beginning.

Cotton Fields Back Home
~Buck Owens
Oh, when those cotton ball get rotten
You can't take very much rockin'
In them old cotton fields back home
It was back in Louisiana
Just about a mile from Texarkana
In those old cotton fields back home

Hoping that the cotton aint rotton...

Hoping The collective are feeling fair....

Thursday, August 24, 2006

You call this news?

Last night while trying to catch up with the days events, I sat on the couch in front of the gleaming television instead of the gleaming computer...

The big news seemed to be Tom Cruise is crazy....Like that is a fucking news story?

I may start writing news. Who knew huh?

*If ArmyWifeToddlerMom disappears anytime in the near future, I would suspect Tom Cruise or his people at the "church", might have abducted me* (Well you never know, he is crazy after all)

Oh, and I almost forgot, Tom, next time you are in close proximity to Katie Couric, beat her ass for me, do not waste time with that Laeur fellow...

When your dog is old......

It hurts...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Will blog For Dishwasher....

My dishwasher is broke, if you recall. So I had made an appointment with a company I will call Searz. The dishwasher is about 5 months passed the 5 year warranty. (Of fucking course) Anywhooo, so the appliance repair guy comes, he should be retired. He is elderly, looks like he is in pain, has trouble crawling onto the floor. (Heck I have trouble). He looks stiff, and rigid, almost like he has Parkinson's. SO I made a comment re: "his job is not exactly fun for anyone over 40 year old". I wanted him to know, I knew he had a long day, and I could tell he hurting. He told me he was working so he and his wife could be medically insured, because they do not quite qualify for Medicare yet. I listened, and watched him, do everything I tried.

He leaves to go to the repair truck, and I presume, he is going to get a fuse, or something and Whala...Done, here is your working dishwasher.

Instead he comes in, with that little Sears computer thingy, and a white receipt of paper, with an estimate of labor and parts on it.


AWTM: Pale

Searz: Stare


Searz: "yeah"

AWTM: "You do realize I can buy a new dishwasher for that?"

Searz: "I figured that is what you would want to do."

AWTM: "Do you realize this machine is not even 6 years old?"

Searz: "Well, they do make them quieter, than they used to."

AWTM: "In case you didn't notice, I have 2 toddlers, a quiet dishwasher isn't exactly priority here, a working one is, one that works for 15 years would be better than quiet."

Searz: "Well, I have a coupon for $65.00 here, but you have to use it in the next two weeks, and the purchase has to be over $399.00."

AWTM: "Searz? You gotta be kidding me, Within the last 3 years I have had to replace every Sears appliance in this house, they all died 3-5 months after warrenty ran out."

Searz: "All of these machines are made in the same place these days" (Then he starts running a list of which brands are made in the same factories)

AWTM: "I am very unhappy"

Searz: "Well usually we do not have trouble with our appliances."

AWTM: "Probably because no one cooks anymore, do you realize I am the only wife that cooks 19-21 meals a week in my neighborhood?" (This is a fact I recently learned at a Southern Living Party in the neighborhood, I even had to wear a fucking tiara for the rest of the night for being the neighborhood domestic queen, I was also the only wife that knew how to cut up a whole chicken) "How are families supposed to make it these days?"

Searz: "Well I guess that is settled, I will leave the coupon here just in case, and by the way you owe me $52.57 for the service call."

AWTM: Turning RED....writing check, and handing it over.

So, I am looking for a dishwasher. I know what I want. I want a Fischer Paykel.... However, it is not in the cards right now, I am a SAHM, with crazy medical expenses, and a pending surgery. So I need to ask you, my readers to suggest a model, tell me if you are happy, let me know if I can get a decent model for under $500?

Groundhog Daze...

Today while I was retrieving some e-mail, I had spam...most of it, under the subject that said, "We will show you how to practically rob banks". First off, I am not a criminal, and really we have all seen banks robbed on television. So big freaking deal. Note here, that I get this particular e-mail about 3 times a day. It is certainly better than the penis enlargement spam I recieve. No thanks....

However, today I responded to the e-mail, and said..

"I do not want to know how to rob a bank, and if you send me another spam, I am going to fucking poke my eyes out with forks. Please leave me the fuck alone...."

I think it may have worked. I have not heard anything since.

Who would have thought?

Happy Birthday Mary Ann!!

I knew who Mary Ann was before I met her at the 2006 Mil-Blogging Conference. She is one of the amazing women who volunteer with Soldier's Angels. When I met Mary Ann I was not suprised at her gentle spirit and smile. Her smile is contagious, and I really felt is was important for her to get to know those she keeps around her. I LOVE this lady, she is inspirational. What she does for OUR SOLDIERS touches my heart.

So Mary Ann, Happy Birthday!! I tried to think of a thoughtful gesture to repay Mary Ann for all she does. I thought she would like this.

I am going to ask you to each write at LEAST ONE LETTER to a soldier, the address is provided below!!. If you all do so, that would be at least 100 letters to our troops. I would even beg of you to send this address in a bulk e-mail to friends and family that are always wanting to do something in support of our men and women.

I am going to try and send at least 3. Please Participate in this!!!

OH!! Please also drop into Mary Ann's blog, and thank her for her hard work, and wish her many more!!

Mary Ann, you make me want to be a better American!!

*I am thinking this would be a great idea for a class project, an auxillary project, even a church project.*

Write Patients in Germany
You can write letters and cards of support and encouragement to the wounded and ill troops who are being treated in and transitioned through medical facilities in Germany.

Your cards and letters will be included in Transitional Backpacks or separately as needs dictate, but in both cases distributed directly through SoldiersÂ’ Angels Germany. You may want to include your name, address and email address in your letters.

Suggested salutations: "Dear Soldier", "Dear Hero", "American Hero", etc. are all fine!

Please place unsealed cards and letters with "Dear Hero", etc. written on the outside in a single larger envelope and send to:

21st TSC, Medical Transient Detachment
ATTN: SoldiersÂ’ Angels, MaryAnn Phillips
UNIT 23203
APO AE 09263

- Please notify us when items are shipped.
- Include a note with your name, Email address, and short description of items sent in your packages. Without this information, we regret will not be able to confirm their receipt.

Thank you for your support.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Eyes Without a Face

I'm all out of hope
One more bad dream could bring a fall
When I'm far from home
~Billy Idol

I am about 3/4 way done with Hillbilly Gothic, and I am finding it an intriguing story. I am currently reading about the authors post partum depression, which has led to her hospitalization in a pyschiatric ward.

I am reading her account, and decide that this experience is frightening. Being in a pyschiatric ward, when you know you are there, has to be frightening, especially when those around you....Are well ...Unstable.

It led me to recall my psychiatric rotation while in nursing school. Which had to have been the most interesting rotation, the hardest to witness, the most painful to watch, and my least favorite educational rotation.

I was 22 at the time, and I remember waking one morning, and dreading going to my clinical site. I was dreading it to the point of tears. I had to observe electro-convulsive treatments that day. There were 3 scheduled. When I got to the clinical site, I recall taking my instructor aside, and telling her that I was very concerned about seeing this, more concerned about "participating" in it somehow. I remember going to the bathroom, and wanting to splash cold water on my face, wanting to cry,considering an escape out of the window, but wanting to preserve my well made up face....So I straightened my ponytail, ran my hands over my baby blue top, and headed to the hallway.

Upon recollecting the events of the day, it is strange to me, what I can recall and what I am unable to recall. I cannot recall who my psychiatric instructor was. I think I remember, but I do not know for sure.

So I am introduced to the staff and the Dr. At the clinic, and I am given a brief tour. I am taken into the room where the electro-convulsive therapy will take place. They show me the electrodes, and discuss placement of the electrodes, they give me instructions, about where to stand, the equipment that will be in use. The electroencephalograph, wires, electrodes, paper streaming out of the side of machines like a tongue wagging. The room is painted a blue color, the floors are carpeted, there are plants, and chairs, a table that resembles a massage table in the center of the room. The lighting is dim and ambient, the blinds are drawn, there are pretty pewter lamps in the corners.

When the patients enter, I have to tell them I am a student, and then I have to ask them if they mind me being present. They all agree that I can stand and watch. I was hoping they would all refuse. I do not want to watch....

I am trying to recall if these patients were in street clothes, or hospital gowns, and I cannot remember.

For some reason, even now I can recall the expressions on faces. I never forget a face, and for some reason I can't recall faces from this day, only eyes. I can see eyes looking at me, while electrodes are placed strategically on skulls covered with freshly combed hair. I can not recall the faces, but I can see the eyes. I remember the eyes looking at me.

The first client, a successful business woman, who gets her electroshock during her lunch hours. She is professional about it, it is business.

The second client a man, he came and went.

The third client a 22 year old female, my age at the time....Married, with children. She was silent, but nodded, and tried hard to smile, looking embarrassed. Her husband doing all of her talking, and giving me permission to watch. Today is their wedding anniversary. And, as they place the electrodes on her head I am looking at her. I am battling tears in my eyes. If she can lie on this table on her wedding anniversary, and not shed a tear, than I can at least give her the right look. The look that says I do not want to be here, I am sorry, I wish there was something I could do for her, and she is looking at me. For one second I think she knew what I was saying, and for one second, I knew she wanted to be me, living in a second floor walk up and going to nursing school.

Monday, August 21, 2006


Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you

~Willie Nelson

My visit to my General Practicioner, was a pre-op visit, a consult if you will, to get everyone on the the same page kind of thing. Medical communications get mucked up, and I do not know how, but they do.

My GP, is a nice man, he is our age, he has children the exact ages of my children. So he knows the drill. He also takes his time when visiting with patients, so you wait longer than normal to see him.

We got to the office at 2:30pm, and we did not get to see him until about 3:45. The Collective, were not thilled with this at all.

Oh, and we played out of doors in the morning, went for a long walk, went to a movie.

However, can I tell you, The Collective, were so tired of waiting for the Doctor, that when he arrived, they were INSANE acting. Nothing specific, just loud, begging for attention, bouncing off of the walls, wound. WOUND is a good word...

INSANE. I looked completely out of control, but I felt like...there was no way out. Normally, I would have just left, buckled them in the car seats, and took them home. But come on folks, I am not sitting for that length of time, to leave and come back in a month.

My Dear Husband told me the Doctor was probably thinking...

"Hell I will do it right here right now, just so you cannot breed anymore lady."

He had a forgiving smile, but really I was not happy. I did not say a word until I buckled the collective into their seats.

Without me saying a word, they told me they would be better next time.


My energy is not at its normal level, and will not be until the hytorectomy is complete. There is simply too much going on, too much pain, too much ladies know what I am talking about, and I am sure you men do as well.

I need my energy back......NOW...

The good news is, we are on the hunt for a surgeon, that can do this perfectly.


Are you an infant or toddler between the ages of 1 year, and 5?

Do you think you do not get adequate attention?

Do you wish everyone in a square mile radius would notice you?

Do you wish other people would talk about you, and give your Mother nasty looks?

Do you want the general public to think your Mother is a failure?

Would you like the neighbors to think your parents are "less than stellar"?

Do you like hearing the sighs of disappointment?

Than this is the perfect opportunity for you.

A limited 2 day seminar, food, lodging, conference materials, and hands on teaching by today's leading experts.

*600.00 is the cost of the 48 hour seminar, it does cover the expenses for the entire 2 day period. Travel expenses, missing hair, bite marks, or other bodily injury are not covered by Case De Dust Inc.

Todays post was inspired by the trip to my GP.

WOOOOOH, You better make plans...

The 2007 Mil-Blog Conference is already scheduled!! It looks as though my friend has been VERY busy. So write it on the calender!!

Weather Pixie My Ass



*If anyone has a property up North, near a lake...that we can go to for $10.00 a day? let me know before we combust...*

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Pinging in my head....

I have started in On Hillbilly Gothic, and am wanting to lock down with it already. And although my experience as a Mother and Daughter differs from the of writer Adrienne Martini. I am finding some of her thoughts and ideas pinging thoughts and ideas in my own mind. A thought provoking memoir for sure.

The most interesting passage I read tonight was one that included an experience of watching another Mother and Daughter interact. How that experience can be soooo different from our own. In fact in the book she equated watching another daughter/mother interaction like going to the zoo.

She also discusses at length, how socioeconomics effects our experience as Mothers, and Daughters, and Sons.

This caused me to think about a lot of very touchy subjects in my mind, and about my past. How I am currently feeling a little trapped by my own "limits", even though I know there are no limits.

How I need to start on this very personal project, because number one I am passionate about it, it is a great idea, and I am afraid of the failure, and afraid of the success.

Funny, how two chapters, can cause me to have all of this pinging going on in my head. Reminding me of where I came from, who I am, and what I need to do for my children.

And myself.

Invasion of The BODY SNATCHERS...

PRE-SCRIPT: I am thankful, and blessed I KNOW *

OK, so I did not have pretty pregnancies, I got body is gone. However, I do believe, I have made great strides in learning to be ok with this.

But could they leave my freaking sanity intact?

Other than that "real long" second toe, my sanity is all I have left baby....


Temp is 99, although with the heat index feels like 105. The wind....7 mph.

Once Bitten, Twice Whatever....

It is Sunday here in the sweltering Bible Belt. So I thought it would be a great idea to get up early, and take the collective to McPetrieDishofilthland. Dear Husband is away for a drill weekend, the dishwasher is broke, and it seriously feels like an incinerator the moment you step out of the house.

So we get to McPetrieDishofilth, and I am pleased. All of the good Christians are at church, and a few of us "not so good Christians" brought our Sunday papers. I figured I could get through part of the paper while managing the collective.

Well, when I go to McFilth, I usually plop myself in the middle of the play area, then I can monitor my children. There is a couple there, with the Sunday crossword, they have in tow 2 very naughty girls. The girls will not leave me alone, they want ATTENTION. They are about 3 and 5. I finally get up and move to a table, because despite the girls apparent need of attention, the parents are feigning such deep interest in the crossword puzzle they are unAWARE.....Of surroundings.

So I move us to a table, get out Pink Ninjas, crayons, and notebook. Dash goes to play a two person video game. The 5 year old girl goes to the video game where Dash is headed, and will not share.....She pushes Dash off of the chair, and he bit her arm.

For The sake of Pete. So I went over, popped him on the ass, made him apologize, told the "Dad", my son bit his daughter, but has had his shots.. And we left.

My 4 1/2 year old son bit a girl. For lands sake, I thought we were over this, I thought he really knew better.

I will say this, I doubt if I will have this problem with Pink Ninja, she knew the gig was up, went and got her shoes, grabbed my hand and did not say a word until we got home. She simply knew better.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Hair Raising

So it is Saturday, and it is HAWT, so I am crabby...this really irritated me...

It seems as though one of the Mommy bloggers, Jen is having a hair raising experience.

Seems as though Jens son is sporting the new hair do for young adult males...

That late 70's shag, hair.

His hair is not “to code” which after searching EVERY piece of information from the school, there is NO hair guidelines. None. Anywhere. I guess his dean is going by the obscenity rule. “I know it when I see it.” Today, his hair fell into his eyes! Oh the horror! Oh the shame! Must. Punish. Severely. We cannot tolerate a straight A student in all honors classes as well as in the gifted and talented program have HAIR fall into his EYES.

Beat The Heat...

The bass line, the horn, it is perfect

Its Getting hawt in herrrre...

Friday, the bank sign said 102 degrees.

This morning is telling me that it is 93 degrees FEELS LIKE 101, right NOW at 10:34am, in my fair city.

Really the heat has been soooo stifling, it is soon to make me crazy.

2 1/2 months of 100 degree temps? It is like living near hell.

The electric bills, are horrid. The cost to operate the Casa De Dust on electric power this past month $210.79. I will add here, that is in full conservation mode. Blinds are drawn, lights are off, unless they are in use etc..... The thermostat set on like 77 degrees...Which is too warm for our liking, but a girl has to do what she has to do.

Dear Husband has been trying to ride his bike to and from the office a 1 hour commute. He comes home soaked. SOAKED. Which has to suck. He also reminded me the other day, that in addition to the horrid heat. There is the "summer road stench", that comes with riding a motorcycle to work. Blech. I have only been so lucky to smell the summer road on a few ocassions. However since we are in Arkansas, there is plenty of road kill out there. It can ruin your day. Armadillos, I see at least 2 dead a day, deer about one a week right now, racoons, about 1 a day, opossum the numbers vary from 1-10 a day. The 101 degree heat, cooks them into a lovely road stew...

I think it is about time for another car wash day. The truck is dirty after all. Pink Ninja will hate it, after all it is WORK.

So it is the weekend, the kiddies and I in 100 degree temps, all of this ENERGY.

I need to talk to someone about installing a large hamster wheel that they can play on. Perhaps I could use the energy to cool the house?

On another ailing dishwasher cannot be seen by the appliance whisperer until Tuesday. So it is sexy dishpan hands for me until then. I have noticed, that the steaming hot water I use, has been wroking great on my complexion, sort of a poor womans, steam facial if you will.

Wish me luck directing the energy!!

You all have a lovely and cool weekend!!

Friday, August 18, 2006

On The Night stand

Author Adrienne Martini, a former editor for Knoxville, Tennessee's Metro Pulse, is now an award-winning freelance writer and college teacher. I guess this story came about from a piece she had written for the Metro Pulse, I also have read through some of the reviews, and all living around Knoxville, says she does capture the essense of the city.

The story itself, is about an entire families struggle with post partum depression, including her own...

Hopefully I can get through it this weekend, and let you know what I think.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Dishpan hands, the ultimate aphrodesiac....

The appliance gremlins must be up to something.....

VW's garage door is "broke"

GRITS, had her Water Heater leak or explode.

There is Tammi, and the car...

Oh, and now there is me standing in the kitchen at 9:40pm, handwashing dishes. The guy doing the drying is really hot. Something about a guy helping with the gets me weak in the knees every time.

In fact out of all of the problems I have listed, I would choose this one.

I think the pump is out.

I took as much apart as I could, but I am nooooo mechanic.

DH, is currently taking screws out, and checking things out. It could be a fuse. My guess is, it is the damn pump.

I wonder if I can get someone out here on a Friday? It is doubtful.

Just when I thought I had nothing better to do than paint my toes.

Fortune Telling Whorz

Ok, So Bratz, my favorite toy manufacture, has come out with a Fortune Teller....

Her name is Katie and she is a Magic Fortune Teller a Bratz Genie in fact, when you ask her a question she will move as she speaks to you and gives you 25 different personal fortunes as she does this her crystal ball will light up

You can also create a great look as there is make up included in the Bratz Genie Magic Fortune Teller

Ideal for the years of 4 and up

First off, does anyone else think this Katie looks like a whore? Second, is it such a great idea for a 4 year old to consult a whorish looking doll about her future?

*no offense to Ms. Barbara Eden....intended

Of Dirt and Monkey toes.....

*My foot*

Morton's Toe is a common forefoot disorder where the second toe is longer than the Big Toe (the Hallux).


Yep, that is my foot, dirty yes, heck I was raking up leaves, and pine needles. I think most of you will be able tell by looking a the ground, it is certainly dry here. 100 degree temps for almost 2 months can do that. Ick.

The project is getting done slowly.

However, I will note here, I am in need of a pedicure. So, after "The Collective" go down to dream tonight, looks like I have an evening ahead of me.

Morton's Toe?

I just though I had monkey toes....

UPDATE: Someone else toe-blogging, perhaps a coat of polish is in order. However, I am glad to know I am not the only one with Morton's toe...


I have been unable to go to yoga, which means my meditation has sufferred. So I have not been in my head, in my hammock, swinging so slightly, no sound but waves.

Today, I think I am going to pretend to meditate, which more than likely will not work. However, some place in my head I am...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


There are some days I am embarrassed to be part of the medical community. When you frustrate your own, and they know how the system works? That is really an accomplishment.

So thank you for reminding me why patients get pissed off, and for reminding me WHAT they want.

For crying out sucks to be on the recieiving end of medical care.

I will say this, I imagine if I did not pay people until this little thing gets resolved. SOMEONE WOULD CALL ME.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Misty Watercolored Memories...Almost exactly a year later.

Ok, not watercolored, rather magna doodle memories.

Dash has taken to drawing recently. Something he has never felt confident doing. He writes words, letters, does math, plays tic tac toe, draws mazes. However, he has taken to drawing.

Of course as his Mother I am going to say, the pictures are not half bad. I need to get some pictures of his art work.

The other day he wrote 1 + 1 = and then he drew a zebra. The great thing is I knew it was a zebra. Why the math equation I have no idea, but he thought it was funny, and at the age of 4 1/2 I suppose it was. However I knew it was a zebra.

Saturday, he was watching Tom and Jerry cartoons, and used the magna doodle to draw a big cat complete with stick arms, round paws and stick claws, 3 to be exact shooting out of each paw. The cat had an idea bubble above his head, with an x in it. Next to the Cat was a smallish mouse, with detail, that I could not quite make out. Hey, A cat. So I said to Dear Husband, look at that he drew a cat, and it looks like a cat. Dear Husband said,"yeah, it does, and imagine it was the first time he has ever drawn a cat."

I was thrilled by his rendering of a cat, because I cannot draw. (Surprise) And his rendition of a cat was better than I could do.

Tonight Dear Husband and I note the magna doodle lying next to the couch covered in circles and squares and shapes of all sorts, I almsot dismissed the drawing. I then ask DH to ask Dash what it is, while I am washing dishes. So Dear Husband asks.

DH: "What did you draw?"

Dash: "Grandmas, grave, and me and Bulgy"

(Important to note here Bulgy is a wooden toy railway friend, that goes with his Thomas stuff)

Me: "What is Bulgy doing there?"

Dash: "well I was playing with him by Grandmas grave, and he fell into the hole, so I fell in after him."

Me: "What are all of these rectangle things?"

Dash: "They are stones."

Me: :"What is on the stones?"

Dash: "Flowers."

He had drawn a schematic of the cemetary from like a birdseye veiw. Complete with Grandma's grave area, headstones, people attending Grandmas service.

This did answer my Dear Husband and my question. How in the heck did he fall in her grave. I guess he was playing with his wooden railway friend, and it fell in.....

The stranges thing, well he drew the schematic, almost exactly a year to the day Grandma was buried....

Funny, how he could recall such detial a year later, and now we know how he fell in the grave. He was after his railway friend.....

A year later, we know why he fell in....

Who would have thought...

While going through our bar, looking for a bottle of wine proper enough to serve with ribeyes last Friday I noted the strangest thing.

First off, we have a lot of liquor for people that do not drink much.

Second, there are more than a couple of jars in there. Home brews. There is a jar of mead wine, and even a jar full of clear liquid...*cough*....that is pretty smooth stuff, yowza.

There are a couple of jars of cherries, that have soaking in bacardi 151, since 1997?

Our bar is full of curiosities, there are chocolate cups you can fill with some sort of German liquors. I forgot about the starbucks liquor, that is so good over ice cream, and the Chambord. Heck, lets just say there were some surprises in there. Bottles of wine given to DH, from all over the world, all lying on their sides, waiting for just the right moment to be opened.

Oh, and the freezer, well that is another story all together.

It got me to thinking about my Family...

And Dandelion Wine

15 qts. water
Dandelion blossoms

Boil water, add blossoms and turn off. Allow to stand overnight. Next day, simmer for 1 hour, then strain and retain only the liquid. Add: 8 lemons 8 oranges 2 lbs. raisins
Place in large crock or plastic container. Ferment for 9 days. Stir twice a day. Place in bottles or jars until fermentation is complete. Do not seal the jars at this point. After the fermentation has stopped (the time interval depends on the temperature of fermentation), remove sediments by siphoning off liquid into clean bottles.

Again, allow the bottle cap to remain loose until no further fermentation takes place. Seal the bottles, store away, and prepare for some good medication!

PLEASE NOTE: If fermentation does not start within 1 or 2 days, add a cake of bakers' yeast, dissolved in 1 cup of lukewarm water. The bakers' yeast will replace natural yeasts that may have been destroyed by hot water in Step 1.

If you think you are sick and tired of my Uterus?

You ought to be me. Lets just say this, the laproscopy, and small procedure, should have helped things for a bit...HA. Jokes on me.

I guess my uterus, is simply an overachiever. My Dearest uterus, is back to its usual. Nice.

I am awaiting a second opinion from an expert on such things...thanks to a friend.

I am also spending some time questioning those around me, that have had similar procedures.

Hopefully, all will be well and healthy soon. This place has suddenly become unfriendly to those who are frankly tired of my bad uterine poetry, talk of the vagina whisperer, and the like.

Time To Go To Bed

We read at least 3 books nightly here at Casa De Dust. All of you may know, that your children do like to hear the same story over and over and over again. Currently Dash is enjoying his Thomas the Tank books, anything about trains, anything. Pink Ninja is enjoying Dr. Seuss anything. Both children are allowed to take books to bed. I do not care if it 100 books. That is the one thing we learned makes bed time so much more pleasent. Dash reads himself to sleep, and Pink Ninja peruses the pages, she has memorized.

I am currently in love with the writings of Kevin Henkes.

The Collective were given a couple of his books by Aunt Leggy, who is a children's book fanatic. They love them. I love reading them to the children.

Last night the book was Owen, a great story about a little boy mouse, growing pains, and intuition, transition, and care...

A sweet story for certain. I do hope the library has the rest of Mr. Henkes books. I am also sad I have to return Owen.

A sweet story for bed time for sure.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Alfredo Recipe

1 pint heavy cream
1/2 cup butter
1 box cream cheese
3/4 cup parmesan cheese shredded
minced garlic to taste
salt to taste
pepper to taste

As usual I have no real recipe, because I rarely use one when I cook. This is the recipe loose, that should give you a good sauce though.

I do not measure when I cook...damn

Melt butter in pan, sautee garlic. I think I used 3 tsp minced froma jar. Dear Husband, could have stood a lot more.

add cream, in small amounts

add cream cheese at room temp in small cubes

add parmesean cheese

add salt and pepper to your taste.

There you go....

easy breezy!!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Time Flies...

The weekend went swimmingly.

We took "the collective" to the dollar theater to see "Garfield a Tale of Two Kitties". A hit with Dash. He loves Garfield.

Pink Ninja, is on day 3 in big girl underpants!! NO ACCIDENTS. She is picking out her clothing, and dressing herself.

Dash has been held up in his corner office in the livingroom, working steadfast on several workbooks his Grandmother sent. WOW...he is 4 1/2, and completing these tasks, well above his age. The best part is, he is enjoying himslef, and finding them challenging and fun.

On another note, I made it through Pink Ninjas dresser, trying to organize it for fall, taking inventory, making a list of, she out grew almost everything.

I will go through Dash's things this week, with his help.

It is still Hotter than Hades out of doors. BAD.

I have no idea what we are going to do this week.

I made a delicious grilled chicken alfredo tonight...with REAL Alfredo sauce!! Oh and we had bruchetta!!!

Plenty of leftovers for tommorow nights dinner!!!! It was delicious.......

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Growing Pains....

*Photo of Dash pushing Pink Ninja 1 year ago!!

As a Mother, you have days where poof.

You realize time has been fleeting.

The things that made me realize this week that my babies are growing.

Shoes. The shoes that fit 1 week ago are suddenly 2 sizes too small. For BOTH!!

Clothing size. Pink Ninja wore a size 4T (she is 2 1/2) outfit, which I thought might drown her. However, it fit pretty good, a little big, but not bad.

Dash wanted to be weighed while I was at the Dr. the other day, he was 42 inches tall, and weighed 42 pounds.

Walking around with my little boy, who picks out his own clothes and dresses himself.

Pink Ninja wearing underpants for 2 days, no accidents. Washing her hands after going to the toilet, using the toilet on her own valition.

Dash reading more and more, building himself an office in the living room. Writing letters to people in which some of the words are spelled correctly, others phonetically.

Dash writing his phone number on the outside of an envelope to his Grandmother.

Dash getting his haircut, with clippers, and he sat through it, smiling and giggling.

Pink Ninja having enough hair for a bob.

Looking at photos from not very long ago, and crying....

Seeing a brand new baby at the grocery store, and remembering how it feels to hold my babies, and smell the tops of the heads.....and forgetting they screamed through the entire store.

These are the moments it is hard to be a Mother to me. The moments I have prepared them for, and the wings are spreading and they are flying....and.....well, that small part of me want them tiny FOREVER.

On Cousin Curl Turning 2

Today is a day, we hate being soooo far away from our family.

They would have had a load of fun today, the three of them giggling, eating cake, and singing Happy Birthday.

Cousin Curl turns 2 today. Where does the time go? She has ideas now, things to do, she knows who visits, and who is away.

I wish you plenty of noodles to eat, sweet ice cream, and home made icing to play in, presents to unwrap, candles to blow out, may you get some snacks to take to the neighbor puppy you love, hugs from Grandma and Grandpas, lots of pretty ribbons to play with, some special toys.

I also hope someone will take a lot of pictures, we want to see your party dress, and pretend we were there with you.

Happy Birthday, we do love and miss you........

Friday, August 11, 2006


*more horrible uterine poetry...


I remember waiting to meet you.
Not because I knew what you would mean.
Because I wanted in on the secret.

You arrived one day while I was in school, and I was terrified to meet you.
When I got home from school, I called my Mom.
She was mad.

I was 15.
You didn't show up again until I was 16, and then you arrived every monthly.
Most of the time causing a scene.

Making me hurt, or naseaus, causing pain from my knees on up.
You know, I just wanted to meet you.
I couldn't wait for your arrival.

After we met, it seemed like we just could not get along.
Maybe you got the wrong girl?
Is that possible?

Some of my friends, would meet theirs and barely notice.
While some of us, would double over in pain.
Lying in bed with heating pads, going to the Dr. only to hear they were crazy.

I will say this, you managed to house and protect my babies beautifully.
There were those months we got a long just keenly.
Even if I puked through some of it.

You showed up on the days I wanted to wear white pants.
My wedding day.
When I traveled.

You were bold.
So, it seems to go without saying I will miss you, just a bit.
I thank you for allowing me in on the secret.

You did your job.
Thanks for your help.
I will miss you.

Rest In Peace

My hometown Newspaper
PENDER — Flags lined the street in front of St. Mark's Lutheran Church here.

Patriotic music rang out among the crowd filing into the church sanctuary.

It was a fitting tribute to 20-year-old Sgt. Joshua Ford of Pender, who gave his life fighting for his country.

Ford died July 31 while serving in Iraq when an improvised explosive device hit the vehicle he was riding in.

He was laid to rest here Thursday morning. Ford was the first casualty from the Nebraska National Guard’s 189th Transportation Co., based in Wayne and Norfolk. They deployed last October for Iraq.

About 100 members of the Patriot Guard Riders were here for the funeral. They rode into town, American flags billowing on the back of their motorcycles.

Sweet dreams are made of this

Or the stuff of nightmares....

Last night I was plagued by strange dreams. It seems as if I was getting some sort of liberal arts degree at some college. In order to get said degree I had to sing with a orchestra for a crowd of 500. First off I am a terrible singer. Second, to perform in a crowd, was making me very anxious. I spent most of my dream time in distress.

I was going to sing Cowboy Junkies version of Sweet Jane. What a weird song choice to make, and then when I was practicing I kept singing Walking after Midnight. I was so terrified of performing, that I spent most of my dream hours being lectured by some liberal professor that looked like William Hurt.

I woke this morning, tired, but oddly enough I am prepared to sing for a group of 500 or more.

On a different note, we are already out of doors this morning. It is overcast and cool. Dash is designing a railroad system, Pink Ninja is practicing t-ball. I am being a lazy sod and sipping coffee.

I will not be doing any housework out of doors today. Frankly there is enough inside to keep my busy.

I hope your dreams were sweet, and left you prepared for the day.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Uterine Haiku

I guess we are done
This Adenomyosis
Has made us both tired

Notes From Pink Ninja Training Camp # 860

Great another picture of Dash "working, and sweating while I sit here with an ice cream. Nice touch Mom.

Things at Pink Ninja Training Camp are going well. Summer is great, it means, ice cream, push ups, popsicles, smoothies, watermelons, blueberries. It also means water fights, going barefoot, sprinklers.

It also means Mom drags us out of doors at Gawd-awful hours, and tries to make raking, washing cars, pulling weeds, and tending to flowers "look fun". She is transparent.

Dash keeps helping, but look who has the ice cream.

Love, Pink Ninja

P.S. Enough with the pig-tails Mom. Would you like it if I named your hair do a pig mess?

My Helper

This is Dash, showing sweat, and dirt

Sweat Lodge

Well, it has been about 2 weeks since my outpatient laproscopic procedure. The below the belt incision, is almost non existent. The incision in my navel, well it is a we bit irritated. Not bad, it is in such a bad location. Waistbands, of shorts, and jeans have rubbed, ow. All in all looks good though. I should have broke down and bought a mumu and stayed commando for a couple of weeks. However, I think all is well.

So I return to the Vagina whisperer today to hear the results of the pathology report, and hear about the inside of my uterus.

There a couple of things to consider and think about.

The D&C,procedure. Is probably going to provide only temporary relief for me and my poor uterus.

So there are some decisions to make. I am done with my uterus, it has served me well. But I would love to see if this can be regulated with the least invasive measures as possible.

There is also the question of the 2:30am sweat sessions. The sleep from 2:30-4:30, usually not a restful one, only to wake at 4:30 freezing. What in the heck is that? I am 36 for Gawds sake. Please tell me this is not perimenapause. Oh, and the 2 cycles a month thing, along with the pain that accompanies "it", not much fun either.

So. There is a lot to consider.

"The Collective" will be along my side. Wooo Hooooo!!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Treat Me Right

*Stacy: "That girl lools just like Pat Benatar."
Linda: "Several girls at Ridgemont have cultivated the Pat Benatar look."
~Fast Times at Ridgemont High~

Ok, Maybe I am about to start my period or something, but I think since this entire 80's trend is back full force.

Maybe it is time for me to buy a Trans-Am and get a hair cut?

I still remember the first couple of steps to the "Love is a Battlefield" video...

Ohhh My Gawd, like gag me...

*Look closely*

Yes, that is right, those are stirrup pants. For Gawds sake. What in the hell is going on in the fashion World. (Although, the red swing coat is to die for)

I will admit I owned 1 pair in 1989? I had been working at Vanity, and bought the damn things in a moment of weakness. They looked ok when I was 57 1/2 and 105 pounds or so. I am afraid I would feel like a sausage stuffed into a casing.


Donny Deutschbag

His voice sends chills down my spine, his faux eyeglasses and the way he chews on them, and uses them as a talking point accessory makes me want to beat his ass.

If I Were Emma Peel.....

I could do "coy" and get away with it.

Crack o thirty

The Germanic farming genetics have been passed down to "The collective". Yesterday, the day began for the collective at 5:10am. I heard DH up with them, so I laid in bed thinking about how insane this was.

Dear Husband went on a run, a shower, I got a smooch and then I heard the bike start up. So I rolled my unhappy ass out of my bed.

By 6:00am we were out of doors. Not bad, it was 80 degrees. SO I watched squirrels. All 180 of them. (Slight exaggeration) I watched a woodpecker. I drank some coffee. Then the rake started calling my name. I think I filled 4 or 5 bags with pine needles, and leaves and then I ran out of bags.

At 10:30am, (it is 90 degrees) The Collective's stomachs were rumbling. They started making requests for eggs, ham, pancakes. However, they were filthy so they had a shower, and hair washed.

11:00am, brunch is served, and eaten. I had my morning chores ahead of me, beds to make, dishwasher to unload, laundry to wash, dry and fold.

I swear by noon I was wiped out, and I just wanted to sit and take a little cat-nap.

No such thing yesterday. No nap. I did manage to make cupcakes. Pink Ninja was so tired, she fell asleep at the dinner table.

However I did forget how 80 degrees feels for an hour at a time! Can I tell you, it was lovely.

Oh, and the good thing about this morning, there is not one single bag to fill.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Today is My Mother In Law's birthday, and she works the night shift. So upon waking this morning at crack o thirty with the collective, I knew we had to call and serenade her. I do a fantastic operetic version, it is requested yearly.

So upon waking, I thought of my first time meeting her.

I think it was June 1989? Correct me if I am worng DH, or MIL. You know I am am terrible with dates. It was a summer vacation to The Black Hills, with DH and his Grandparents. It was a hot summer. I recall reading all of the Wall-Drug signs, eating my first buffulo burger, seeing the black hills rise out of the great plains and proclaiming them as very pretty mountains. Seeing the look on DH's face that meant "we need to get you out, every once in a while".

I digress, back to MIL.

She was in the cage at BB'Cody's Saloon in Deadwood South Dakota, watching the money counts. My first impression was . "Wow, she is really pretty, and well put together." I recall she had on black heels, a white blouse, and black pants. I also recall thinking, "she is super young".

So that night back at the house, we were doing dishes ( I do not recall the meal). I knew I loved her, and I knew why DH picked me. His Mother and I were washing dishes, chattering, chattering, and chattering. We laughed and talked, and it felt very natural. (Hint: we are both talkers!!) I then note DH's Step Dad, is watching boxing and hasn't said a word in the last 5 hours. So I said to her. (I would not recommend this move, to any 19 year old girl meeting her boyfriend's Mother)

AWTM: "Can I ask you something?"

MIL: "Go ahead"

AWTM: "How can you stand living with him?"

MIL: Staring at me...

I think we went out and had a smoke.

I cannot recall the conversation specifically. I recall the spirit of the conversation. It was a good one. There have been many spirited conversations since that one.

MIL, also divorced "The Silent One" I think about a year or so after that.

I miss her, I have not seen her in a year. The last time I saw her, my DH was hugging her in my kitchen as we had gotten not so good news about her Mother. So, off she flew to watch her Mother die, 3 1/2 years after I watched my Mother die. I then saw her a few days at the funeral. (Yes, the funeral were Dash fell in the grave.)
I then caught about 15 minutes of her prior to one of my trips to Washington D.C.
We have not had much quality time.

We were supposed to get out and see her this summer, but due to the nature of work, and the price of gas, and just plain old distance/time/money factor. It looks like that visit is scratched. We were hoping to get to the ocean for about 3-4 days. Somewhere on the shores of North Carolina. So we could listen to the water hit the shore, and smell the sea air. Go for a walk for miles. Let the collective meet the ocean for the first time. We need to have a bottle of wine and catch up. So much has happened in the last 16-17 years.

The babies miss her sooo much. She is the only Grammy they have, and they love her. Oh, and they miss her.

I thank you for the gift of your Son, and so many of the things you have done for us. The late night shopping trips while we were all working wacky shifts while in college. The Sunday dinners, for the times you have done my laundry, and cleaned my apartments, pantrys. For CELEBRATIONS of little things, for teaching me to always have a reason to toast, and a reason to celebrate. For having the pleasure to work with you and ENJOY it. I do miss that. For your presence while in the very excruciating labor of Dash. Your helping me make it through the sleep walking and surreal years of my Mother's illness and death. For the casseroles, and cakes, and care. For allowing me to break down again and again, when I hated it... For your genuine care and concern you have for others, when you do not get the same.....

So hold on Grammy, maybe next summer. I will will bring the wine. I will even make you a raspberry chocolate cheesecake. Take care of yourself, you are the only Mom and Grammy we have left, and I am grateful. We have a lot to celebrate!

Just like you taught me.

Oh, and if you live within driving distance of your Mom today, go buy her a flower or two and give her a hug....she deserves it.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Must LISTEN of the Week

I am a little late putting this up, but DO go listen to this speech. It is IMPORTANT.

My Favorite.....


Now get over, and give it a listen.

MY second favorite day of the year...

*cute jacket!!

My First favorite being "the day you get to set the clock back an hour".

The Arrival of the Fall Spiegal Catalog!!
It arrived on my doorstep today!!

However, the darn thing appears to have shrunk?

I guess I will have to spend hours perusing and pretending I have somewhere to go!

I am having a margerita tonight, while I look through it!!

Thick as real southern sweetened tea.

Ooo-weee sha sha kucku yeah

The tomatoes, and cucumbers I had bought at the road side stand are already gone. "The Collective", LOVE fresh vegetables and fruit, and every time my DH and I sat down to the table, we would find "all" of the tomatoes GONE, off of the community plate, and we would find both children covered in bits of tomato juice and seeds. Thieves, I tell you.

So I found myself back at my favorite roadside stand again today. It is a piece down the road, I think he breeds dogs too. Oh and get this, they have one of those refriderated mobile units to keep the produce in (also probably to encourage visits from tenderfoot like myself) , all the while they sit out under the shade of an old oak tree, in this God forsaken 100 degree balminess. The Gentleman, is always friendly, always has a big wad of red man tucked into his cheek.

I am Midwestern, by birth as is Dear Husband. However there are some things we have come to understand, and even enjoy. I can eat catfish now. Something I NEVER thought I would do. I also like sweet potato pie, good bbq, fried green maters. I also understand "sides", and I can eat sides for a meal. I enjoy the "pace" of things down here most of the time. WE LOVE sweet tea, although I only make it for company. We do not need the extra sugar. But REAL SWEET tea, we love.

However today while in the coolness of the refrigerated mobile unit, a little Gentleman wearing striped key overalls, with a sweet smile and bad cateracts, tried to start a conversation with me. He had to have been at least 90. Folks, I just smiled sweetly and nodded my head smiling. I did not understand a word he said. I did catch something about Pecans. That was it. The words came out thick as sweet tea, and I was lost staring into his clouded by cataract iris.

I have heard this accent before. I was at Sun Records in Memphis with my Sister on a tour. They played the first "radio show" Elvis was ever on. The announcer I was warned "might be a little hard to understand, he is what we call country".

I guess I live out in the "country", because I was lost. I do wish someone would have interpretted for me, because I bet he does know the best place to get pecans.


What kind of toddler friendly house am I trying to run? It seems as though over the weekend I kept finding empty this and that.

So Monday is for errands.

-post office

-peanut butter
-clothes detergent
-milk for the collective

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Working for the weekend....

Everyone's watchin' to see what you will do
Everyone's lookin' at you
Everyone's wonderin' will you come out tonight
Everyone's tryin' to get it right, get it right

Dear Husband had drill this weekend. I think this is the 3rd or fourth weekend in a row, he has been needed.

So upon waking yesturday I thought I would catch up some yard work. The dreadful hot temperatures, and no rain has led to a lot of the trees around here losing leaves. My guess is, fall will not be gorgeous, unless we get some precipitation in these parts. So I headed out yesterday early, with a rake, leaf barrel. The bad news is I got a blister, because I had inadvertently left my work gloves on the patio in the rain. The good news is, we got half of the back yard raked. Yes, I said we. Dash is MY WORKER. I didn't even have to ask. He just pitches in, and for a 4 year old, the kid works hard. Seeing him sweat, and full of dirt made me feel guilty. SO I offered him allowance money. He was a huge help. He picked up all of the leaves. I only had to rake! Pink Ninja is 2 1/2, so after she put on her princess dress she wandered through the yard, and sat in her swing. She would swing all day. Dash warned her several times, that "dilly Dallying would not be tolerated". I reminded him that she is only a baby.

This morning, we headed out again. Dash played trucks in the dirt, Pink Ninja sat in her swing. I got three lawn and leaf bags full, out of one corner. ICK. It went much slower without Dash helping me. Plus, I was less than enthusiastic this morning.

Eventually the humidity and heat got to me, and the three of us came in for lunch. It is my goal to get the last corner done this week. I will feel better.

I also need to get up front and weed my flower beds, pull a dead azalea from its misery. Trim my Mums down for fall, and rake a bit there as well. The heat has been so paralyzing to me, that I have let a lot slide. (It looks like that all over down here too, so I do not feel so bad) I need to give all things a little sip of miracle grow while I am at it. So, here is hoping the mornings are cool, and the collective will stay in the yard.

Laundry is almost done. I have one final load!

There are pictures, but I am having a problem with my cable, darn it anyway!!

Maybe tomorrow.

The Collective, were a piece of cake this entire weekend. Lots of kisses, no time outs, and hardly any Mom raising her voice.

We are celebrating tonight, with my famous fried chicken, mashed taters, chicken gravey, corn, and fresh sliced tomatoes. Yummy!!

Hope your weekend was a productive one!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Gabba Gabba Hey!

~Gabba Gabba Hey
The Ramones

I just recieved this in an e-mail, forwarded from a friend.

Gabrriella Reece gives advice, on how to be hot.

1) Eat Real Food

2) Drink Water

3) Keep Stress to a Minimum

4) Do Resistance Training

5) Stretch or Do Yoga

6) Find Some Happiness, Laugh and Smile Regularly

AND The Finale

7) CRAP.
: This is a big deal. A lot of people have issues with this. A good diet and water will help you keep things moving. Going to the bathroom is especially good for flattening the lower ab area. Not to mention (I'm committing the ultimate sacrifice here) it will lower the number on the scale. It's been said that we walk around with 8 to 10 pounds of crap (literally) in our system. Move it on out.


The Rising cost of living...

I am always amazed I do not read more about "money" on the blogosphere. Not much is said about it. I will say this as a stay at home mom, and with DH as a Federal Employee, some months are rough stuff.

I also will add here, that I never thought I would say stuff like...."I remember when gas was $1.25 a gallon yada yada ad naseum."

I also remember a time when a $100 bill in the wallet would last a week easily. It seems to me that this was not long ago.

I will say this, when DH bought the motorcycle, I was not a grand supporter of the idea. It really just meant another payment to me. However, I will say this, due to his commute, the money we are saving on the gas, is making the bike payment.

How I spent Friday:

gassed up the gas guzzling beast. $59.40
took Pink Ninja to ENT-co-pay $15.00
gallon of 2% milk for kids $ 3.79
bought razor blades $23.00

100 dollars gone. I will add here, that I do not run nilly willy all over town with this truwk. I try and conserve fuel, by combining trips etc.

I will say this, seeing the end of $100 is sad to me.

How long will $100.00 last at your house, give me an example, I would like to know!!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Now here is the skinny....

on the trend celebrities have been "rocking" for about 8 months now...

The "Skinny" jean is back. I think the operative term here being skinny. These jeans are for skinny people, people with a cocaine problem (Paris Hilton), heroin users (Nicole Richie), oh and meth heads, oh and of of course any nu-bile 17 year old with the metabolism of a hummingbird (I loathe you, unless you can babysit). On a good note, I will not be owning a pair of these. I also think these horrid things are not much better than the "low rise flared" jeans. Both of these jeans are for 118 poung 5'9 and taller flat bellied types.

So I "the average Amercian woman" have been left out of the trend again. I am not thin, I am curvey, I have a "*mom pouch".

Also "in". Leggings under dresses, and long torso shirts. Which I think is flattering if you are young and thin.

I think Gauchos are "out", or at least I hope so.

So, it looks like another 10 years for me in my Levi 501's. I swear by them. I also think I may just just start wearing skirts more often. Because skirts alsways look nice. Legs, have been forgotten. My pregnancies did not ruin the lower 50% of my legs, so I think I will put them on display.

*That I will willingly have surgery on, if there is any sort of philanthropist that does not think World Hunger is a greater issue than my ego.