Dash has his first official t-ball practice this coming Sunday.
Dash is 4.
So I get a phone call this morning from one of my favorite people. I will call him FP for short. Anyway he understands Dash, because I think he is probably a bit like Dash himself. FP comes from a family of engineers, he also has a daughter very much like my Dash.
So we are discussing t-ball,and the fact that I really wanted soccer. I really thought it would be a better sort of channeling his energy. I wanted him to run and run and run. I wanted him running with a pack of four year olds. So I find myself dreading the t-ball, which makes no sense. I love baseball, it is one of my favorite sports to watch, and although I am not much good at it now, back when I was a kid I was a pretty outstanding pitcher "for a girl". Anyway, so I am dreading t-ball, I really am. And BOOM it hits me, the epiphany hits me right out of the sky, and it lays in front of me looking like an ugly mess.
I am worried about Dash. And no, it is not because I coddle my children, or am overprotective. Although I am probably guilty of both, a Mothers privilege if you ask me. It is beyond that. I suddenly realized WHY I wanted soccer, it is a TEAM sport. LOTS of 4 year olds running unorganized. Every parent watching they're own child running. Baseball. t-ball is a sport in which turns are taken. Kids go up to bat. I realize what this could mean.
However my Favorite Person on the other end of the phone, even though he is Japan, he says it out loud to me, because he knows what I am thinking. And he says the words.
"It is out of the house now, it is not just between you and him."
And I sat on the other end of the phone understanding what he meant. What has always been in the house, is about to be OUT. Not for a minute, or two. Not a small crowd or group, yeah it is out.
You see Dash is not wired like a normal 4 year old. Dash speaks Spanish to the waiters at the Mexican restaurant down the road, even though we have no idea how he has discerned they speak Spanish, or how he has taught himself Spanish. He has also memorized which banks have certain "makes" of ATM machines. Dash can tell you what shape is a parallelogram, he can also give you the definition of diminuendo (which thanks to him, I had to look up in the dictionary, after he asked me the definition). He can add, and subtract beyond most four year olds in English and Spanish. He is really an amazing child. However there is a down side to some of this, he overloads (for obvious reasons) easily. He is super cautious, and is particular who he lets in, he has some sensory issues. To much noise, or the wrong noise, a wrong touch, a distraction a tag on a shirt, too tight of socks, bright bright light, seems to almost paralize him. He gets LOST doing the simplest of things and tasks. Looking for a toy, or putting on shoes, throws the kids some serious curves.
He is challenging for even me, his Mom. The one person that SHOULD get him. Oh how I try, but I get so lost on the path to him. Oh and I promise you there has been progress, real progress. The screaming and crying out of frustration has gotten better for me, and Dash. He really is trying, learning, and understanding his World. However, I promise you, the World will not give him equal time. Why? Oh it is a hard and long path with this child. A treacherous path most people will not take the time to walk. Because even I his Mother, get to a fork every once in a while and I stand at the fork, and I fear to go forward. There have been soooo many curves on that path. I have taken all of the "usual routes" thinking they are the right paths to choose, and have gotten tangled with demons of frustration and guilt. Was it something I did? Was it the immunizations? Is it Autism? Is it Aspergers? Perhaps he is just a bright and beautiful child.
He is my heart with legs.
Sunday my heart will take his turn at bat, all eyes will be on him. I am wishing for average, I am hoping he just fits in, takes his turn, wear his glove on his head, I hope he fits in.
I do not want him adding the numbers on the back fence, or saying look, that is a KIA Sedona parked over there, giving us all warrenty information.
I want him to have fun.
So, FP, I owe you a huge thank you for reminding me, he is not just mine.........