I'm just saying, if I was Emma Peel....

If I were Emma Peel, I would look ultra-awesome at yoga tonight! 

"What? I am not Emma Peel?"

Today is one of those days where I woke up and realized, "I will never be Emma Peel"...damn. 

Is 9am to early for cocktails?

I am sure it is. Damn clock, you have betrayed me again.

Dash was up at 4:50am again. I am thinking of getting him a job, something for him to do with this early morning energy he has. Maybe he could pick cotton, although it is too early in the year. Maybe he could decorate donuts, he needs something that his 3 and 1/2 year old hands, and height could manage. By 7am, Dash already had foam letters, glue, paper, colors and various other items for "arts and crafts" time. Actually Dash is good, if you can find exactly what he wants to do, and keep sister away.

"MOMMY WHERE ARE MY SAFETY SCISSORS?" He SCREAMS and yells about these damn scissors all morning. (I have drug my sore and tired ass around all morning looking for these things.) So after all of this screaming, and my lecturing about loudness, and how we don't scream--- Pink Ninja is awake too.

She of course wants to be involved with arts and crafts time, but has no dexterity for it. So I put her in her highchair, and give her some foam letters and paper and crayons. Knowing I will be crawling around the floor picking them up in about 10 minutes. Telling her "no we don't eat crayons, we draw pretty" as I wipe green crayon off of her teeth.

yesterday, Dash was on the metal double swing. The kind that sits 2. Dash was swinging high and fast, and Pink Ninja ran in front of it, faster than my legs could get me 4 feet. So I stood and watched in horror as the swing crashed into her 18 month old face, and flattened her to the ground, only to scrape her back to bits before I could rescue her. UGHH I was just sick. I wish I was faster and had longer arms. She cried and cried, and said "ouch" in her little mouse voice. Heartbreaking. I sat and held her for an hour. Why did I put this sunsuit on her today, instead of a t-shirt.

I really don't need a cocktail, I need more coffee, to keep up with them. Maybe a Dr. Could transfuse my blood into them, and then we would have a level playing field. Today I feel old around them. They awaken with smiles, running, and climbing. I hurt from yoga and pilates the other night, my ass and arms feel like someone wrung me out. . The "substitute Nazi" was there and loves push ups. Since when are push ups a yoga move? I have class again tonight.

I need to take a picture of them today while they are crying and screaming at me, just so this story looks honest. I forget there are a lot of days like this. Sometimes they stretch into week or so. Sometimes they just last the day.

Most of the time I forget about all of the hours spent doing damage control, when they take my face in their hands and kiss me on my mouth and say "I love you"......

They better hurry. I could use a kiss this morning.

God is hilarious...

So, we have been waiting on the Harley to come in since my Dear Husbands return. It was supposed to be here April 13. Then April 24. Then April 28. You get the picture. We finally hear from the shop...It is done, pick it up TODAY!

So as the Universe and God would have it, Dear Husband is picking up his motorcycle TODAY, right before his urology consultation for his *whispering* vasectomy.

I am guessing he will not be able to ride his bike for a little while...Isn't that the way it goes.

The morning after

So Saturday and Sunday I spent thinking about my freak out. I was really concerned Friday night after I had been "outed" over cocktails. Concerned about my content, etc. Worried that things I have written could somehow adversely affect my husband professionally.

So my husband and I spent the morning after discussing the whys and what's of my blog.

I have given it a lot of thought, and I think I am ok here. I have not said anything that would hurt anyone. Although my brother would not want the world to know he is a pussy when he has a cold. I would also tell him that to his face.

The cheater, I mentioned no names, I spoke with the cheater and he knows my deal. He knows exactly what I think of his actions. I spoke at length with him.

I was worried about the language and I figured this, if people are put off my by foul mouth, they can exit my site.

I know my spelling, grammar, and punctuation are terrible. I will say that is the most embarrassing thing out of all.

I see most of these wives once a year, maybe. There is no information here that is damaging to anyone.

I asked my husband if he thought it could affect his career, he said no.

When he said "no", that was what I needed and wanted to hear. Looks like I got the green light.

I do appreciate everyone's input here. I am going to TRY and keep things as is. Although I am very self conscience now. Although I maintain the right to spell and punctuate like a first grader.

So I have decided to keep writing as I have been. I love it too much to quit.

Please

Please go visit her. This is a fellow military wife. She has been on a break for reason. Her family has been struck with the pain of war. She is kind enough to post this experience, and I am grateful. I think there will be a lot of men coming home changed by what they have seen.

Make sure and let her know you can say a prayer for her family, and let them know you are grateful for her husbands service.

Karnival of Kidz...

Boudicca, The soul-seek-a, is the hostess for all of the hilarity that comes with being a child, or parenting one. Please submit your photos or stories to her.


My Dash is looking like a little boy...where is my toddler? 

Pink Ninja, with her angel hair...... 

Ahhhhhh...Freak Out

The National Guard Officers convention......

So I ended up wearing turquoise sweater set with beading, blue jeans, and the very gorgeous chocolate boots. I also ended up having a handbag that kinda worked. I chose the boots because they have a 4 inch heel. I am 5'7 1/2 so I thought an extra 4 inches might help make me "appear thinner". The last time I saw most of these folks was about *cough* *mumble* pounds ago. Taller is always good.

I did see a lot of great women that I have missed over the last few years while I have been tending to young'uns. I also missed seeing a lot of great women I wanted to see. Everyone was great and friendly. I had 2 women who I had met before, but who I cannot recall names tell me I looked like I have put on some weight". I about died. I also wanted to put a boot up their ass. I cannot imagine saying that to ANYONE........

I did have a great chat with the female reporter that was embedded with the brigade. She is a very personable and interesting, and funny young woman. I really had a lot of questions for her. She is working on a book, and I really am excited to see it come out. I also met the photographer that was embedded with the brigade. I wanted to sit in a corner with them and question them to pieces. I wanted to hear about a "civilians perspective, and if they feel changed. If they think these men need "care" that we are not providing to them. I wanted to ask a lot of VERY personal questions that were not any of my business, and not appropriate for a "cocktail" situation.

Then BOOM. I see a woman who I have really grown to like over the years. (She is a great officers wife, with no pretentious. A really good example of how to treat each other. I have not seen her for ages.) SAYS, IN FRONT of everyone, hey I was looking something up on the 39th and ran across your site. I just froze, and fell into that odd panic. I was standing with 2 woman I am "friends with" who HAVE NO IDEA about this blog. Remember, no one knows about this except for Dear Husband, and people who happen to read this. So I fell into this odd panic. I was embarrassed about my shitty punctuation and spelling. My excessive use of the F word. We are in the bible belt here. I was freaked out wondering how many other people "I know" have read this....... I do not recall what she said about it, I was to stricken with panic. I think Dear Husband was also a little panic striken...although he is very quiet about all of this.


So I was up all night contemplating the existence of this blog. Wondering if I should stop while I am ahead. Wondering if I should start a new blog and hide there.

I started the blog to think things out, have a hobby, express myself creatively, work on my writing, work on my relationships with myself and others. For some egotistical reason I felt I needed an audience to do this.

The great part of the blog.I come to meet some of you by blog only. Most of you are hilarious.Which is hard to do through writing. HARD. I was looking forward to going to a blogmeet to actually see and meet some of you. Saving my money and waiting for the time to roll around. I already know more about some of you than I do "some of my real life people". I do feel more creative, and open.

Have I hurt anyone with this blog, or offended? Maybe I guess, which was not my intention. I haven't had a lot of hits, and I never really thought anyone I knew would stumble across. I am technologically naive. So now I need to struggle with "content and self censorship"....Not something I wanted to do.

So now I need to know, do you have any advice?

A Must Read.....

Please go over to Shakey Pete's Shootin' Shack, and read this touching piece.

Why Pete has waited to write a blog is beyond me. This particular entry is well written. Take your time reading this, don't skim it as we often do when reading one anothers entries.

Thanks Pete, for your service, and this very gentle and loud reminder....

Boudicca-- The Soul Seek-a presents...ass widening recipies

Yes that is correct folks. Carnival of Recipies is up, go to Bous and sneak a peek. I do not know where she finds the time with work, watching her sons dance in only socks, being up all night with puking children,and dieting where does she find the time? She is quickly becoming my hero.

Freaky Friday, and fashion advice for a Troglodyte.

Today is just a big busy-ass day here at the house. Dear Husband has been out of town for 3 days with his job. We were up late last night "talking". *cough*

Of course after being up so late "talking", *cough*, the children want to wake at 6am. I am just plain tired.

Dear Husband is at work, and then off to Harley shop to take a final gander of the bike, and finish any paperwork on it.

He has to get here by 11:00 am because I must get my hair did for tonight. I need a color and a trim bad. I am amidst growing hair out (Always fun, am I right ladies?). When I got word of husband leaving, I had it all chopped off. Who has time to mess with hair when they are single parenting? No one was here to look at me anyway, except for the babies and they always think I am gorgeous. ( Dear Husband dislikes short hair.) I also must find time to do laundry, tend to these children, go through some mail, paint toenails and fingernails, bathe, shave, and get pretty for the Arkansas National Guard Officers Convention. Last time we were at convention some guy flew out of the elevator hit his head on a wall, started bleeding everywhere and pissed himself, so unless I can top that, I am probably ok.

I am sooo NOT excited about this, I would rather go out ALONE with Dear Husband, sit and be flirty and talk and laugh. I will be politicking all night. Which I can be great at if I am in the mood for it.

So my mantra for the evening will be "suck it up, smile, shut your mouth, act interested, and remember to be "good" for Dear Husbands sake. He has worked too hard for you act like a crazy bitch." This will be hard, it is hospitality night....Booze pouring everywhere.

Now for fashion advice from my readers. Tonight is a "casual night" I am wearing a very pretty turquoise sweater set with some lace at edges and beading and blue jeans. I was going to wear a skirt but reminded myself this is casual, I don't want to look like I am "trying to be super fancy"...Hence the jeans. Do I wear clear polish or a color. Also should I wear white open toe high heel sandal things, chocolate heeled boots, or black open toe heeled shoes?

Can you tell I rarely leave the house, and socialize anymore? I really could use your suggestions!!

Food and embarrassment?

I see by the amount of questions awaiting me......You all feel I am as interesting as I do.

Bobo Blogger wants to know if I like it spicy.....Food that is.

I do like fairly spicy food. I love Indian food, and do not eat it as much as I would like. I like good Mexican food. I loathe mediocre Chinese food. I am not a great cook of "spicy foods" however. My heritage being half German, I can make great dumplings, spaetzel, egg noodles, hell I can even make head cheese. I am working on my "spicy foods".

Contagion wants to know about "crazy or embarrassing" things done while drunk.


The MOST embarrassing thing I have done drunk.........I could probably discuss this all day. I used to drink A LOT. When I was in college and high school (16-19) I was the girl that always brought her "own bottle". (Nice) um I have done lots of embarrassing things while drunk. Most of these are fairly typical. I have puked on my girlfriends shoes. I have danced on tables. I have broken chandeliers with nunchucks. I leaned into a candle one night at a bar and my hair went up in flames. I have fell down, passed out, locked myself in bathrooms, passed out and ended up in detox, because I was to drunk to even talk. Just didn't know when too much was too much. Maybe it was didn't care when too much was too much. There are no photos that I am aware of. I am sure if photo phones etc. were available at the time, there would be plenty. Thank God I am 34, and technology is new.

ALMOST anything

I have gotten a couple of e-mails asking for the obligatory "about me" post. As far as I can tell, there is not anything unusual about me. So I have opted to have YOU, ask me ALMOST ANYTHING you would like. I will take the first 20 questions. If I find any question to "weird", I will skip and go to the next. So shoot.

The bike has arrived!

Well it is about fucking time. Our bike was supposed to be here about 2 weeks ago. It has finally arrived and is at the Harley dealer, getting the finishing touches.

Can't wait to see it, and go for a ride. I have been on the search for a helmet. Arkansas does not require a helmet, but I think I want one. I think I want a full helmet. I have tried on several, but end up feeling the bad end of sensory deprivation. Almost claustrophobic and a bit of the panic sets in. Any ideas people? I feel I need one, because people drive like shit here.

There is something about the South, everyone thinks they are Jeff Gordon. They drive fast and like shit. This doesn't make sense to me because once they get to their destination they certainly don't appear to be in a hurry.

Tonight is make your Wife or Sweetheart dinner night!!

These are delicious, I promise

Las Cruces Chicken Enchiladas

1 cup onion chopped
1/2 cup green pepper chopped
2 TBS butter
2 cups cooked chicken
4oz green chilies (may used canned if fresh not available)
3 TBS butter
1/4 cup flour
1 tsp fresh coriander
3/4 tsp salt
2 1/2 cups chicken broth
1 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups shredded mont. jack cheese
12 6 inch tortillas

You can bake, roast, or grill chicken....However you prefer. I typically use 4 split breasts for this.

Saute onion, green pepper in 2 tbsp of butter. Stir in flour, coriander and salt. Stir in chicken broth all at once. Cook and stir until the sauce thickens and is bubbling. Remove from heat, and stir in sour cream, and 1/2 cup of the mont. jack cheese.

Stir 1/2 cup sauce into your cooked chicken and mix in 1/2 cup mont jack cheese. Dip tortillas into remaining sauce to soften. Fill tortillas with 1/4 cup chicken mixture. Roll up, put in sprayed 9-11 baking dish. Pour remaining sauce on top and sprinkle with remaining cheese.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes.

Someone needs our help

Dear Readers, Mr. Johnny-Oh looks like he needs our help.

I was proud to be surrounded by such creative marketing types during my "female blogging event". I think all of that creativity needs to be put to use.

It seems Mr. Johnny-Oh, is considering a starting a lawn care service. His target group seems to be ladies that need lawn-care and other "home maintenance" done. However I think this business needs a catchy name, any ideas?

That Walmart is one hell of a matchmaker

Well, it sounds like my Dad and his new "friend", spent a lot of time together this past weekend. My Sister-in-law called with the "report". Thursday night dinner at a local restaurant. Saturday he called her and the spent the afternoon together, Saturday night date at a local restaurant. Sunday he had her for a family brunch, he even had a bottle of wine chilled. He calls her on the phone, and takes the phone to the garage for privacy. He wore his "good ranger cap". He said she has pretty eyes.

She also has reported, he seems happy and excited. His entire affect has changed. He seems happy about his life again. His bitterness is fading. He enjoyed my neices visit. He was asking questions about dating, where to go, etc.

This makes me smile.

He has been suffering with terrible depression since my Mothers diagnosis, and her slow decline in health. My Father was struggling with some sort of survivor's guilt.

Yeah for you DAD!!! Keep smiling we love to see you happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like Butta'

Prochein Amy is this weeks hostess of Karnival of Kidz. She did a fantastic job of organizing the Karnival...it is like Butta'....

My thumbs are so green I have alfalfa sprouts growing out of them.  

Husband deployed, pregnant?

One of the things that is frightening about being a military wife, is the possibility of having a baby alone. Guess what ladies you don't have to! Operation Special Delivery Will be by your side. Please forward this site to any pregnant military wives you know. Also, send them a note and let them know we appreciate this FREE service. Yes that is right...They provide this at no cost to these families.

If you can make a monetary donation, or if you or someone you know is qualified to donate their time, it is a great organization. Drop them a line and let them know....They are WONDERFUL!

How I spent my Mother's Day.....

I spent most of the day yesterday CLEANING and COOKING. How very Mom of me. Like I said in the previous post, Mother's Day is kind of hard on me...So I try and ignore it.

Dear husband knows this, so I did get showered with gifts. I got a new deep freezer, the upright kind. Now I can freeze more shit, and will be waiting for the ducks, turkey, and deer seasons! I also got a beautiful set of ScanPans. They are gorgeous, and if I had the dough, I would buy some for every cook I know. They cook things beautifully, and clean up quickly. They also have a lifetime warranty. I was in desperate need of new pans. I do enjoy cooking and am a great cook. I have been using the same pans for 14 years. I also got 2 CD's I have been wanting to replace. Somewhere over the 14 years of marriage and the 9 moves things get lost. So now why I am cooking dinner I can dance to the Pixies. I also got to go shopping Saturday for 4 hours. This would have thrilled me normally, but I need an outfit for the upcoming "National Guard Officers Convention". I do not like shopping, when I need something specific. I can never find "exactly" what I want. It was nice trying on clothes alone, and not having to chase the toddlers under the dressing room door. It was also nice, not having anyone announce that I "have boobies" for the whole place to hear.

Anyway yesterday I spent the day preparing a meal and our home for guests. We had one of my husbands soldier buddies over, and he brought his girlfriend. It was a nice meal of Prime rib, baked potatoes, salad, dinner rolls, and peach pie a la mode. Some delicious wine. I did good on dinner. The conversation was dull to me. Lots of "gun talk", his Army buddy is a full time Police Officer, 2nd generation. So there were a lot of cop stories and gun stories. Lots of trying to talk me into becoming more proficient with a shotgun instead of using my 22. I told them I wouldn't mind shooting someone more than once if I had to. Not exactly my cup of tea for more than an hour.

I let "Dash" and "Pink Ninja" entertain me, and let Dash impress our visitors with his "parlor tricks". He can locate several countries on the globe now. Australia, Japan, China, and the United States. He loves the globe, and is curious about it. He is curious beyond his 3 years.

I stayed up a little later than normal and cleaned up the kitchen, and was ready to be done with Mothers Day.

Guess who is pregnant?

Nope it ain't me.....It is the blogger with the best hair! Army Wife HOOOAH to you and yours. I would suggest baby-proofing now.

My Mom....... 

If I could call heaven today.....

You know this is a hard holiday for me. Something about being a Motherless Mom, makes Mother's day really hard. I think, it is because the only person that really appreciates how hard being a Mom it is gone. Yeah being a Mom is much harder than I thought it would be.

I should be thankful you got to see Dash for the first 4 months of his life. Your first Granchild. 3 years after your death you have 3 gorgeous Grandbabies. They are the most gorgeous babies you have seen, and of course smart as whips. Whenever we all happen to be together, we cannot help but get a little teary and say, "wouldn't she have spoiled these babies rotten?"

You have missed what has been a hard year for me Mom, you have no idea how many times I picked up the phone to call you. I did have the dialog with you, and I could hear you saying this. "That's how life is, it isn't fair." "You had better buck up girl, you have babies to take care of." So that is what I did.

You were a good Mom, and I know it was hard for you. I know that being the oldest female daughter out of 12 children, was something you hated. Long days, chores on the ranch, chores in the house, with little free time can be hard on a little girl.

I recall having a conversation with you at about 3am in the morning when you were sick and neither of us could sleep. I asked you, if you ever had a baby doll. You quickly answered..."No, I already had enough babies to take care of, who would want a doll."

I learned some things after your death, I wish you just would have told us. I found out that your Uncle and Aunt came to the farm in the mail truck, and took you away. They knew if they did not take you, you would never get out of there. Why you kept all of these secrets I will never know. Finding out all of these important pieces of you, made that bitter part of your spirit make sense.

So, I want you to know I do love you, and I can hear you in my thoughts. You did the best you knew how. I forgive you for a lot of things. I hope you forgive me. I just wish you could see these babies.

I don't really like Mother's Day.

Happy Anniversary to You!!

Go over and say happy anniversary to my blog sissy, and the love of her life. Lets hope they are staying in tonight. *wink*

Get your entries into the Karnival of Kidz.....

Dash....last summer on the slide!

Go over to Prochein Amy this weeks hostess with the mostest. ..Get your entries in by Sunday...psst...Mother's Day.

Pink Ninja sleeping at the park......complete sweetness 

I'll take potpourri for 500

I call my Dad every night to see how his day went. I have done this ever since my Mom died 3 years ago. We are 12 hours away, so it is the only way to check on him. I wish I could have him for dinner, or sit on the deck with him, but the phone is it, for now. I wanted to talk to him about dating, and how I thought it was a great idea.

So in the middle of the conversation.....He tells me "WE were just headed out, to get something to eat." I smile sooooo big, and giggle, and say "We?" He tells me "who" is at the house, and that he called her and asked her to dinner. Then he gives her the phone (I know...It was a tad awkward) and we chat briefly and I tell them to have a good time.

I immediately call my Sister and tell her...Dad is going out to dinner...He is on a date. We giggle like teenagers. We discuss that we are ok with this, but wonder about our Brother. My Brother thought my Mother was the Queen of all Mothers. She spoiled him terribly. I call him and I can tell by his tone he does not like this one little bit, he is not excited.

This morning I called Dear Dad to ask how it went. Sounds like they had a good time, got in at 11:30pm. Dad said "she is a talker, I think she was as nervous as I was". He also says they went to her place. "she's got a little townhouse, she has potpourri everywhere. I told her it smells pretty girlie in here." I asked if he would ask her to dinner again, and he said "I think so". Sounds like they hit it off, I am smiling.

For the rest of the day, he will be at a cousins funeral saying goodbye. What 24 hours can bring, it is really amazing.

Hey Sissy, you have some splain'in to do

Ok Sissy, you sent me the dreaded "turd in a punchbowl" meme. Does my first meme have to be something based off of the word turd? Of course, this is typical. I am going to also include your word of the week, so you will know I take this seriously.

I have chose to write a Haiku. I don't recall ever writing a Haiku, but it seemed to balance this shitty idea.

Crystal Bowl

Empty bowl of glass
Slyph enters room sits quiet
Turd in a punchbowl

I am going to pass this meme to Graumagus, Laughing Wolf and Smiling Dynamite.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but beep beep!!

I was over at Mudville having coffee and read this , please send all of Military wives that have been on lockdown with the children. They might need the pick me up, and I am sure they would like to toot their horns. Beep Beep ladies.

Can you help a brother out?

Cpt 2Slick, is making the announcement that Desert Sky is finally available for purchase. It is the story of the 159th Aviation Brigade, and their year tour in Iraq. Proceeds from the documentary, will benefit the foundation. Go over visit the Captain, and wish them well.

News from the homefront..Or...My Dad is going on a date.

My sister called last night with the "weekly roundup". News from the town I grew up in, but she forgets I haven't lived there since I was 18. Half of the time I have no clue who or what she is talking about, but I sit and act interested and amazed. It is a small town. Last nights "weekly roundup", was different. My second cousin has been ill with lung cancer for 2 years, he passed away yesterday. Which is a blessing......He had suffered long and hard. A local law enforcement officer was arrested for making and distributing crystal meth....Nice. The finale was, "Dad called and asked how to spell "a certain ladies" name". (We are from a town that Germans settled, names can be hard) Oh really... I guess he ran into her at Walmart, and they talked. He wanted to call her and ask her out.

I am actually thrilled to hear this. My father has been widowed for 3 years. Everyone, in the family is finally realizing she will not be coming back. You cannot wish a person back. My Mothers death has changed the family dynamic, forever.

The certain someone in question is also a widow, who's husband was electrocuted right in the front yard as she was looking out the window. I have met this lady before, she is a nice Midwestern woman, never remarried. She is an attractive lady, flashier than most Midwestern ladies. She also worked with my Mom. They were "work friends".

I have not spoke with my Dad about this yet. I do not want to seem like I am disapproving, or snoopy. He is 63, and it is his business. He has been locked up in the house for tooo long. Unhappy, and misses my Mom terrible. They were married 41 years and one day.

I guess I should call and let him know I think it is a great idea. He needs a friend and companion and deserves to be happy.

Plenty to Peruse.....

Upon Grampy Harvey's suggestion I entered Carnival of the Vanities this week. I am glad I did now, although it did have me very nervous. There is plenty to read this week with over 50 entries. I must thank Harvey as always for his encouragement, and The Carnival for putting my story up. I think I have plenty to read for the week.......

Keep moving, keep moving nothing to see here.......

So I had to go to the gynecologist yesterday. I know, I know I warned you. Keep scrolling down if you do not want to hear about my vagina..

Some of you know I am an LPN, so I have seen hundreds of humans naked, all shapes and sizes. Honestly, you never think twice about it. Seen one naked person, seen them all.

So why does it bother me to go to the gynecologist?

I arrived yesterday at the scheduled time, and was happy they were behind schedule. I can sit and read a magazine without being climbed on, telling children to stop climbing on the office chairs, chasing children down the hallways. (Dear Husband left work early to come home, and hold the fort down.) I am a lady of leisure reading a very old edition of Parents magazine. They call my name about 15 minutes later, and I walk in only to hear my Dr. Has been called away to a c-section. The nurse tells me "you will have to reschedule". I quickly answer "I am not rescheduling, it already took me 2 months to get in here today." So they find me an appointment with another Dr.

The first order of business is this.

Nurse: get on the scale hon."

Me: (*taking lint out of pockets, exhaling as much air, and thinking skinny.....Climb on)

Nurse: (*screws around with the scale for what seems like an eternity, then announces my weight with a bullhorn.)

Me: (*hearing cheers from the back,and money exchanging hands. Someone must have guessed my weight properly and won the office pool)

Nurse: Well you have lost weight, since your last visit.

Me: It was about 17 months ago, and I just had the baby...I certainly hope so.

Nurse: Come over here, and we will get your blood pressure.

Me: (*I am still freaking out about my weight, I haven't weighed myself for a year, and honestly expected a lower number....I am mourning my 123 pre-baby frame.)

Nurse: 120/70

Me: Great.

Nurse: Follow me.

Me: (*following)

Nurse: Take off your clothes, and put this gown on with the opening facing front, and put this little blanket over your lap.

Me: (*Feeling much better about myself now in this gown and thin blanket.)

Knock Knock.

In walks a male Dr.

Me: (*motherfucker.....I had stuff to discuss with the Dr. I am not sure if I want to discuss this with him)

Dr: Nice to meet you I am Dr. So and So, puts hand out.

Me: (* Try and act secure and professional as well, as I sit half naked on this huge roll of paper towels, on this elevated table.)

Dr: So you are here for your annual exam? Any other problems?

Me: Actually there are a couple of other things, I am having painful periods, and some painful intercourse around my period.

Dr: How painful are your periods?

Me: Well I was taking 800mg of Motrin 4 times a day, and 1000mg of Tylenol every 8 hours.

Dr: That is too much.

Me: I am aware.

Dr: When are you having the pain during intercourse?

Me: (*Trying to act professional and mature) It is positional.

Dr: Ok?

Me: (*Thinking...Oh come-on...You so know what I am going to say) Mostly when I am on top, but it only happens right before my period.

Dr: What kind of birth control are you on?

Me: Triphasal.

Dr: Have you thought about the shot, or the patch or the ring?

Me: (*Thinking ring? I don't think I want a "ring" in my vagina) No, I really hadn't thought of it.

Dr: Well the shot may just make your periods cease, with the patch, we can schedule it so you only have 4 periods a year.

Me: Side effects?

Dr: How old are you?

Me: (*crap, isn't it written in my chart?) 34

Dr: How much do you weigh?

Me: Didn't they write it down, after the announcement?

Dr: Oh I see it. Well lets go ahead with your exam, and I will let you think about this. Let me get a nurse in here.

Me: Ok,(* lying back on this table, wondering if I am far enough down, or if I will have to scoot 2 feet?)

Dr: Can you scoot your bottom down a bit?

Me: (*Scooting down with a 500 watt light shining on my business, legs in stirrups, how humiliating this is, and staring at the ceiling)

Dr: So how old are your children now?

Me: (*Staring at the ceiling, and flinching every once in a while) 3 years old and 18 months.)

Dr: Everything looks alright, you may have some bleeding today.

Me: (*still staring at ceiling.)

Dr: Go ahead and get dressed, and think about the birth control options I gave you, and try and make a decision.

Me: Ok, thanks. (Thanks.....)

So I dress as fast as possible, and wait for the next knock.

Knock Knock.

Me: Come in.

Dr: Have you decided on anything?

Me: I guess I will try the patch.

Dr: I will go get you some samples, and a prescription.

Me: Ok

Dr: Here you go, let us know how this works, and it was nice meeting you.

Me: Nice meeting you as well.

You know only a Dr. Could say nice meeting you, after hearing about your period, painful sex, and looking at your vagina under a 500 watt spotlight.

He hands me the package of samples, and the lady on the box is in some sort of yoga. Ballet pose. I am wondering if she is dancing because she only has 4 periods a year.

Again......

Yeah, that's right. It happened again. "Dash"....Was up at an even earlier 5am. Once again I hear him crying. I go in and expect to hear much of the same discussion we had yesterday.

Me: What is wrong sweetie?

Dash: Nothing.

Me: Why are you crying.

Dash: I was sleeping, shhh. (still crying)

Me: I am sorry I will shh. (Dear Husband already gone had to leave house at 4:30am to take friends to airport)

Dash: Just be quiet, I am sleeping.

Me: Do you want to sleep in my bed? (Thinking: he wants to sleep, so we might both get 2 more hours)

Dash: (Runs to my bed, and climbs in) Cover me Mommy.

Me: (Thinking: great we are going to sleep, which is great. I had dreams all night that I was in Chicago taking pictures of the Sears tower, and someone took my purse. I chased these hooligans all night in my dreams)

Dash: Mommy I am not tired, I sure love you.

Me: I love you too. (Thinking...Oh crap here we go again)

Over at Mr. Blackfive's Place...

Mr. Blackfive was gracious enough to compile information on the 39th Brigade and put it up. I am thankful he did this. If you are interested in the day to to day of Iraq, read the blog by Amy Schlesing. She was a journalist embedded with them. She did a great job covering the things wives, husbands, moms and dads want to know.
As always thank you Mr. Blackfive. While you are over there, buy a shirt, not only will you look "hot", you will be supporting a great cause.

I took this photo last summer to send to their Daddy. Can't you tell Dash loves Pink Ninja by the way he is choking her? 

The early bird gets the worm.

"Dash" the 3 year old was up at 5 this morning. He was crying...And I must never get deep sleep, because I heard him. I go in his room, and crawl into his little fire engine bed.

Me: What is wrong baby?

Dash: Why won't you let me drive?

Me: You are too little to drive honey.

Dash: I am not. I am big.

Me: Were you dreaming about wanting to drive?

Dash: No.

Me: It is still night, the moon is out...Go to sleep.

Dash: I love you Mom, why can't I drive?

Me: There is a rule that says you have to be 16.

Dash: I am not tired.

Me: Mommy is tired, everyone is still sleeping.

Dash: You have pretty hair.

Me: Sshhhhh, lets try and sleep.

Dash: OK Mommy.

He never did go back to sleep, and neither did I.

Party at Tammi's World......

Yeah there is a blog-warming at Tammi's new place. Actually it is already more than warm....Go over, and leave her a note. I guess there are NO Rules....At least that is what I hear.

You asked for it Sissy

It did not take me long at all, to use this weeks word. Posted by Sissy. Tonight while in my 1 hour of yoga and 1 hour of pilates, I had to stand behind a very sylph 19 year old. I wanted to beat her 19 year old sylph ass.

Harvey is cool

Harvey....Over at Bad Example helped me fix my tech-tard linking problem....With that phrase. "Harvey is cool". Thanks you are a dear. I owe you a million in graffiti currency.

Carnival of Kleenex

I spent most of the morning crying.....

Stopped by Tammi's place this morning to re-read her beautifully written account of leaving home. How things change, even when we hate it.

Then I stopped over at this Marines place to see things have changed at his house, and how hard it can be to watch babies grow into children.

I ended up at Some Soldiers Mom rereading her account of Vietnam, and how her life has been changed, and how others lives changed. How America changed.....and I cried I ended up drinking more tears than cream in my coffee.

Sometimes Monday mornings are just plain hard.

So sweet, you need a trip to the dentist

The 2nd Karnival of the kids is up........very sweet. You must run quick to Whimsy Capricious to see all of the wonderful pictures and read all of the funnies .....

For those who are about to be reunited......

I was reminded this week that part of the reason I initially started this "journal" of mine, was as a sort of therapy for me.. When I told my husband about it, he said maybe it would not only help me, but maybe some other wife. So today I am trying to channel those feelings I felt about a month before my husband came home, and try and share them.

You have both been operating on adrenaline, caffeine, and cortisol...For several months. If you are like us we hate that. We both do great under pressure, however we both hate drama. Lets face it a combat zone is high drama, high adrenaline. You watch the news every second when the babies are asleep, you scan the internet for ANYTHING. You jump every time the phone rings, every time the doorbell chimes. So for months both of you haven't slept worth a darn, and were worried a lot. It seemed to me that when I got the word they were working on the "de-mobilization" process I just started "de-mobilizing". I was trying to get all of that anxiety, cortisol, adrenaline out of head and body. I do recall however I felt odd at the time. I was having a hard time gaining focus. Which was odd I am normally a very focused person. I would go to the store and see friends, and other wives and they would be planning big parties and jumping up and down, and sewing the family matching patriotic outfits....I felt oddly "numb". I was terrified. I felt like I was already drowning taking care of the 3 of us, and thought surely a fourth might do me in. I thought he would be disappointed that I had not gotten my self imposed list of home improvements done. The lawn went to hell (which we are both fanatics about), because I didn't get out to water it, my flower bed in the back was full of weeds. He hadn't seen me for months, the last time we were living together I was 7 months pregnant. The baby weight was not all gone, I was on my final month of breastfeeding. I was trying to grow my hair back after having it all chopped off before the deployment. I hadn't slept for more than 4 hours at a shot for the last 18 months....and that was a good night. To add insult to injury I had heard about the wives who had lost 40 pounds, had been tanning, had teeth bleached...and they looked so great no one could even recognize them any longer...damn...I was terrified. Not to mention the fact that I had been celibate for the last year and a half.

About a month out my husband calls me, and I just tell him "I am scared of this anxious feeling I have. I should be all excited, but I am scared and I can't focus, I am afraid you will be sooo disappointed." My husband without missing a beat says "baby, are you ok?" "Are the babies happy?" "Because that is all that matters." It was a great thing to say, he assured me he had "not spent any time worried about me not handling managing the finances and the house". That made me proud. He than said he was anxious and scared too, he was having similar feeling. Looking back I think perhaps the fact that we had not fought or argued during the entire deployment, and we were worried about somehow ruining all of the sweetness and kindness. Let' face it, you are going to argue when you live together. I think there was also this. We were essentially a different family than when he saw us last. Dash was 22 months when his Daddy left, not speaking much. "Pink Ninja" was practicing her martial arts in my tummy. We knew how it worked with 3 of us, but what about 4? My husband was worried about separating from his new family, his brothers...They had been through a lot together. What would he do without them?

Guess what, it was one of the most enlightening discussions we had ever had. "I am scared", "me too". Opened up this entire dialog of what we wanted for each other, and how this 18 months is hard. It is hard to go without someone hugging you and kissing you everyday. Your skin begins to ache after a time. You are in love. This is what matters.

So ladies...Or gentlemen, please do not worry about all of the things that really don't matter. I promise your spouse will not go around and make sure all of the curtains are cleaned and pressed. He or she will not look under beds and gather dust bunnies. It is not going to bother him that the "wheat" color you painted the bedroom is more green and yellow. He will not be repulsed by the 10 pounds you are carrying around. He will be thrilled you finally bought the 1200 thread count sheets you wanted. He will laugh at the magic marker (you have not gotten around to painting) on the bedroom door. He will be amazed....

He or she will think you and the children are the most beautiful site he has seen in months. You will take one look at him and forget all that you were worried about. So take a deep breath, and remember what is important. Everyone is "happy" and "ok".

Karnival of Kidz...

"Dash"...at the zoo visiting the other monkeys. 

"Pink Ninja".....painting a self portrait. 

Look Hot and Support a Great Cause.....

Mr. Blackfive had a great idea. He wants all of us to look hot, while donating the net to Soldiers Angels....who really have been ANGELS.....

Go over buy a shirt for your wife in a size smaller than she would normally wear!

Rain rain go away

It is a great day to curl up with a book. Rainy and dreary, a little on the cool side, thunder and lightening. These are really my favorite kind of days. I open the doors and windows so I can smell the rain coming in. The kids like the thunder and lightening and I am glad. They look, listen, giggle and run. We are still in our pajamas today. I do not want to get dressed on these kinds of days. I wish I had a screened-in porch so we could sit out in it, without getting cold and wet.

Seems odd really, I used to hate storms, I was terrified of them as a child. My Mom would shut up the house and the sirens would blare. The elderly neighbor lady Pearl would come over crying and bring her rosary. We would spend hours sitting under the pool table in the basement. Not just for tornado season either, we would hide from the storms. My Mom would run a tub full of water, and wouldn't let us touch the phone. She would bring a flashlight and a small radio.

I am not sure how old I was, but I recall thinking the sirens meant the Army was patrolling the streets for bad guys. I really did. I remember going to the Fourth of July Parade and seeing the Military men marching in front of the tanks and being plain afraid. Thinking I sure hope the sirens didn't go off while we were outside with them. I was so scared I wouldn't even look at them.

So I sit here in the rain smiling, and thinking of all of the times I cried through storms as a little girl. How terrified I was of nothing, and how odd it is that I married one of those men I thought came out when the sirens blared.

The Broken Heart Supper Club

It looks like I will be hosting a dinner for the broken hearted next Thursday. On the menu will be something like meatloaf, green beans, mashed potatoes and peach pie.

It will be odd having someone over who keeps saying "I feel like I know you and the kids", "I watched all of the videos of the babies, and loved hearing stories about them." I know very little about this man, all I know are his troubles. All he knows of me is my voice behind a camera filming babies that turned into toddlers...

So I will try and put my big ears on and my little mouth, if I can find it around here. I rarely wear my little mouth, maybe it is in the closet, with the winter things.

When my husband was in Desert Storm I recall something similar happening. In fact, out of all of the couple we knew. I think we are the only couple still married. The fallout of war, separation, time, and age is complicated. It requires a different set of rules. It requires a strong woman, and and an even stronger man.

Impressionism...and Momism....

I got to speak with Tammi yesterday!!! She was just on the road, going slow, lots of troopers. She was great to talk with. I think with Tammi, what you see is what you get. So she was very much like she is on her blog. She comes off as sharp, no nonsense, maternal, sexy, confident, and a let it rip I am ready kind of person. I hope I gathered my impression correct because I really liked her.

She got an ear load of fuss'in toddlers, and me screaming "no don't push", "stop
that"...and the like. Not exactly a great impression of moi. That's how it goes these days. You hope people can see through your freakish Momisms.

I did feel out of the loop a bit, I do not know the "family" yet, still feeling my way around. When I started this I didn't expect anyone would actually read it or care. I do wish I would have done it during the deployment. I could have used the support, and think you all would have been great.

If you talk to her, tell her to drive slow.

#20

I just got a phone call. Came home, wife gone, kids gone, money gone.....He doesn't know where they are.

I listened and wanted to cry, didn't know what to say, have never met the guy. My husband served with him in Iraq. I asked him if there was anything we could do, he said no,I asked if he would come and eat a home cooked meal. I felt like a dumbass for offering food.

That is what I learned to do in the Midwest, even if someone suffers a death in the family...You take them a casserole.

What is the appropriate meal for a broken heart and spirit?

Ouch Grouch

Well today is Tuesday. Dear Husband had his first day back at the office yesterday. I guess it was ok. You know guys, shhhh....They don't really go into detail like a female would. It was "ok". That is about all I got after his 18 month absence....."Ok"....Weird.


It was "our" first day alone in a while. Oh My God....I have no idea how I did this alone for 18 months, really. I really have no idea. I did have the added bonus of having no baby gate keeping them out of Kitchen. (Dear Husband had tripped over it Saturday night, and Sunday night. Sunday night after he fell, he kicked it.........So long baby gate.) It is a difficult gate to replace. It has to fit in a 6 foot entryway. So I spent half of the day policing "Pink Ninja" who by the way lived up to her name. Every time I went to the restroom, or made a bed, I could hear her moving dining room chairs so she could use them as ladders. She got into the pantry She was wild. The floor in the kitchen is that "hard" tile......I swear she is going to crack her skull open or worse knock her teeth out. (Then I will NEVER get my teeth fixed) She makes me nervous. You can sit her in time out, put her in baby jail (play pen...I don't have an actual jail.) She just doesn't give up, strong willed little girl. Be right back...I just had to confiscate my truck keys from her, she had my alarm going off.

I got back on my fitness wagon last night. I used to go to Pilates and Yoga 3 nights a week, until I was about 7 months pregnant and Dear Husband had to leave. Then I just didn't have the time, couldn't find a reliable sitter....Etc. My fitness just didn't feel important. So last night I had Pilates at 6pm-7pm. Yoga from 7pm-8pm. In my usual fashion I wouldn't want anyone thinking I was a pussy, so I kept up with the class. Now folks if you do the math on this.....I hadn't been to class for about 20 months..... Ask me how I got out of bed this am? Ask me how I am holding my arms to type. Fuck I hurt. I am going to have to live on Motrin today. I am in pain.

On a good note. I have taken the jump to give my number to my Blog Momma Tammi From what I read she loves the phone, and since she is going to be on the road I thought she may be able to use it. I cannot wait to talk to her, to hear her, and to meet my new friend. I have been waiting to meet her for a long time. I can't wait.

By the way...I have no clue what I managed to do to my blog, my links were not working, so I tried to fix it, which has really fucked things up. I have no idea how to fix what I have broken.....I know I know...it is easy. When I have 2 hours to sit and read directions...hahahahahaha I will. Until then the blog is broke.....

The Breeders are at it again.....

Yes "the breeders" are at it again. I am insisting you stop over at the First Karnival of Kidz.....over at One Happy Dog Speaks. Look at all of the cuties. You can even see some photos of your favorite bloggers as children........

In memorial

Please go visit the following today, look at each of the faces. Pray for the families left behind. Pray for their fellow soldiers, as they remember all of them today. I do hope these men know we are better because of them.

Arkansas Scottish Festival 2005

We spent the day in Batesville, Arkansas. It is the second oldest city in the state. Founded I believe in 1812. Also home to Lyons college, which sponsers the event year after year. It is a 3 day festival, with activity from morning until night.

Pink and Dash had a great time listening to the bands, and loved all of the music. Both seem to like the drums the best, and practiced on the edge of the wagon. The children also liked the shearing displays. The hearding dogs.....and the delicious oatmeal cookies.

It was a lovely way to spend the day.

On the march. 

Battle of the bands, Scottish style. 

Nothing says family fun like swords, and kilts..... 

"Pink Ninja" on her First Halloween....look at those itty bitty teeth. 

This is Dash in his very "formal" spider costume........2004. 

Reality Check

This is my husbands last 3 days off before it is back to the "real world". He was on his leave, and then he took "Paternity leave" from his full time position. We have been having such a great time as a family. We have been taking turns sleeping in, going to the park, having coffee on the patio in the morning, smooching. Monday it will end. Damn.

I know it had to end sooner or later, but it really seems like he has been home for 2 weeks. Really, it has gone by that fast. Yesterday, we went to the zoo, and had a picnic, and took our time. Last night we put Pink and Dash in the stroller, and went for a walk. It has been so nice. The little things.....Like waking up and seeing his face, and feeling his weight next to me, not worrying about his safety every single minute of the day.

Some of the guys did not have the luxury of any leave, some had family emergencies, some have been to work for weeks. Some guys had such a hard time being "at home", they went back to work early. Coming home is not always good or easy, like you want it to be.

I do not want Monday to come. I wanna sit here and watch movies until 1am, and make out on the couch. I want to wear my robe until 10am. I want to watch Dear husband butter toast for Dash and Pink. We are having such a good time.......Just five more minutes.

Thank You!!

I have to put a thank you post up today...
Tammi, over at Road Warrior Survival/ Tammis World...... so glad you got the job. I am praying all else falls into place. I thank you for all you continue to do, for me....and everyone else. Your maternal instinct is great......and if you take care of yourself like you do everyone that knows you.....you will be fine.
To my Blog Grampy Harvey At Bad Example for all of his links over the past couple of weeks, and helping me with my "Female" blogging event. I have noted he does a ton of work with the blog family. Besides all of the tech help he offers, he makes sure to pop in on EVERYONE and make sure they get a supportive nudge almost daily. Besides having his own blog he is guest blogging over at IMAO. I don't know where he is finding the time. I am glad I got such a great Grampy. It is also nice to know I am not the only sicko....
Lastly....Mr. Blackfive... A thank you too , again for the link the other day. It increased my traffic, and it was fun to have so many new readers stop by. I also have enough of an ego that the mention did make me jump up and down a bit. I think I mentioned before that Blackfive was the only way I could sleep some nights while husband was deployed. It made me feel safe someone other than the MSM was watching out for our fighting men and women.

House Rules

The following is a list of rules my 3 year old "Dash" likes to tell anyone who will listen. He is hyperlexic, and has an affinity for signs. He loves words, order, has a great memory, and an even better sense of humor.


Number 1.) No shooting water
Number 2.) No chewing tobacco
Number 3.) There is no fight club (quickly followed by yes there is a fight club.)
Number 4.) No Diving
Number 5.) No children allowed
Number 6.) Exit

Perfection, Identity theft...And in between

If you are one of those Moms that shows up at the Dr.'s office with your hair perfectly "did", toenails painted, matching "dry clean only" outfit, baby sleeping while you carry them in, and smiling. Or if you are one of those Mom's at the park with 4 little ones all in coordinating outfits, with a complete picnic basket full of nutricious treats, peeled grapes, and the like....I hate you.....


I guess I am not good at this Mom thing, as much as I love it. I just can't seem to get it together. I quit my job to stay at home with the babies. I really thought it could not be that hard. God has a great sense of humor, he really does. For everytime I said "if my kid acted like that, I would __________. (insert great "non parent" parenting advice here) . The favor has been returned 3 fold. Just a warning for you non- parents that do intend on having children, shhhhhh, don't say a word. Just smile and shut your mouth, karma is a bitch.

I love my babies, I do. I love how flawless their little skin is, and listening to them breath so soft at night, I love watching them discover a new bug, or watching a leaf dance through the yard. I love the sticky hands on my face, and smoochy lips, and giggles. I even love scrubbing the yogurt out of Pink Ninjas hair.

But there are days, where after wiping food off of the floor, (after just mopping it) for what seems like the bazillioninth time..... When I scrub out the tub all morning and the bathroom looks clean and great, and during bath time someone poops in it. I just want to throw in the towel, and say Uncle.

I was at church the other day meeting some of Dear Husbands friends for the first time. I had on one of my best suits, and heels, hair did. I tried looking great, and tried engaging in great conversation. However I kept having to go chase Dash, or have Pink Ninja spit whatever is in her mouth in my hand. I had to pick food off of the floor. I had to interject "no", "stop" , "don't do that", "what did I say?" into several conversations. I did do it without skipping a beat.

On the drive home I suddenly felt robbed. The narcissist and ego maniacal self got in the way.....and I was worried about their impression of me. All of the interruptions, and hands filled with half chewed food, and debris. The "no's " mid-sentence. The trying to have a conversation, but never looking anyone in the eye anymore because you are trying to locate at least one of the children. I wanted to make sure those people knew. I am a real witty and fun lady, I am a good dancer, and like good jokes, I like to sit in the sun, I like hiking and great books. I don't always have macaroni in my hair, and I know more words than no, sippy cup, and I don't ask random people if they have to use the potty....

"Kung-Fu date movie", yes I just typed that......

Dear Husband went and bought House of Flying Daggers, for at "home date night". (Which by the way is almost every night when you have toddlers.) I was pleasantly surprised with this movie. Terribly romantic I thought. Yes I just typed that too. A romantic kung fu movie, yup. I liked the story, beautiful fighting choreography, and cinematography.

Sunday meetin' clothes,and Southern hospitality

This past Sunday we were invited to my husbands Chaplain' church, it is an hour away. They were having a welcome home ceremony for all of the men in the 39th, but mostly for their Pastor whom they had missed so dearly. I might add here, this Chaplain did a great job at providing spiritual care for my husband while he was away.

We are both from the Midwest, my husband grew up in a practicing Lutheran Family, I grew up in a RLDS family. No one talks out loud in our churches, not even a single amen. It was our first time at a Baptist church, actually it was a "Second Baptist Church". I am not sure what makes it "second". Next time I see the Chaplain I will ask. This is the first time I went to a church where there was someone named Cleta, and Coyse (pronounced...coy-zee).

The church did a great job on welcoming the men and women home. I had a real hard time making it through the first part of the service. Choking on tears and occupying myself with the "Pink Ninja". Recalling once more how lucky I am to have him home. How difficult "18 months" was for both of us. We have already picked up and started moving forward without much thought or discussion on the 18 months. When I sit and meditate at all on it, it breaks my heart that Dear Husband has missed so much.

After church the ladies auxiliary group put out one of the most fantastic pot-lucks I have ever seen. Every table was decorated with table clothes, and decorated with a patriotic theme. They seriously went to a lot of effort. The food.......Oh my. Lets just say the Baptists are a competitive bunch. It appeared that every woman tried to out do the next. I also am still curious as to how they kept a 30 foot table of hot food, HOT, and a 30 foot long table of cold food Cold. The desert table.......Triple layer cakes on pedestals with beautiful icing, pecan pie, peach cobblers, banana pudding, it was gorgeous.

We are not all day Sunday church goers. We are hour or maybe 2 hour church people. We did not see much of that "all day" up North. We have noted it down here, mostly at the Baptist churches. They have a full parking lot from sun up to sun down. Now I know why they are there all day..... We had a great time in fellowship with these people and someone has to stay and eat that all of that good Southern cooking.

Cheater cheater pumpkin eater....

Ok, I blogged briefly about this the other day.

The cheater.

He was a great friend of ours. He is married. His wife is not one of my favorite people, but still.

There is NO EXCUSE for cheating...None. If you want to go fuck someone else, at least have the dignity and BALLS to do the following.
1) get a divorce.
2) tell your wife you want to fuck someone else, so she can divorce you.
3) don't tell people, we REALLY didn't want to know.

So yesterday, while at church. Yes he showed up to church with his wife on his arm. I sat confused about the entire affair. I am confused and angry. It is not my place to judge his actions......I know. BUT this is killing me.

I need your advice readers....What am I to do? I want to sit down with cheater over a drink and tell him what I think of his ass. I really do. I do not know why I think I deserve a say, but I have a need to tell him this is ethically and morally wrong. I want to tell him I think he is a pussy for doing this in such a sly and shitty manner. I also need to figure out if I need to tell his wife. What do I do.

Being an adult does suck Bou.......

Taxxxing Day.........

Today is April 15, and it was an emotionally taxing day.

A friend of ours came over today, we sat out side on this beautiful evening had some iced tea, and watched the babies play.......and poof. Have you ever thought you knew someone and were disappointed, I mean really truly disappointed? Thought you knew someone was a good person that made good and kind choices, and found out differently?

I knew something was up, my gut is always right. I need to trust my gut.

Damn I am sad, because I lost a friend. I do not like cheaters..........................

More toddler blogging......

Dash: "I want juice"

Me: "say please"

Dash: "Please may I have some juice" in a sweet sing song voice and batting his baby boy long lashes.

Me: "Thank you" pouring juice.......

Dash: "Thank you Mrs. Incredible." runs off with his sippy cup.........

Pink Ninja: Runs up grabs sippy cup, runs 25 miles an hour hides and drinks all of its contents.

Dash: Crying and upset that I did not do a better job protecting his juice.
Finds his sister and empty sippy cup. Falls apart and lays on the floor.

Dash: "Mrs. Incredible, she drank it all, it is all gone, check her testicles."

Me: "Girls don't have testicles, and calm down I will get you more juice."

Dash: "They do have testicles."

You know he is right, some women I know do have pretty big testicles.

Haircut 100

"Buzz"....or "Dash", he has changed his name. (He turned 3 in January). He and Army Dad watched The Incredibles while I was in Tunica. So now.....
Daddy---Mr. Incredible
Mommy---Mrs. Incredible
Buzz---Dash
Pink---Baby Jack Jack
I know, I know. I also know he won't even acknowledge if we call him his "REAL" name.

Dash, is scared to get his haircut. He is scared of a lot of things...unlike his younger sister who is fearless. This started when a man used an electric razor, without telling him once. So he has been running around looking gorgeous for 3 years. Pretty, fine, white, hair, that was long for "boy hair".

I have taken him to every salon in town, kicking and screaming. I think they have our picture in every salon in town now, with a warning below. I have even paid tremendous amounts of money to have people come to the house to trim it.

I had told my stylist Nula about our problem several times. She said she could do it no problem. However I kept having visions of him screaming and freaking. I broke down and took him to my salon yesterday. I have never taken him to my salon. I thought they might ban me, or worse talk about us for weeks when we left. I bribed him with a "soda". He loves soda....It is a big treat at our house. I bring him in to the shop making that "oh my God face, that be careful he might freak face."

Dash runs right in the shop hugs and KISSES Nula, my stylist, and says "hi I am Dash, so nice to meet you." Mind you he had never met Nula. He kisses her, requests a Sprite, and gets his haircut. So of course I get the "I sure don't know what you were worried about".........speech. I am sure you Moms out there have gotten this before.

I can't help but wonder if his new persona gave him the confidence to brave through this haircut, or if he just changed his mind about it. I guess I will never know.

We are on our way to the Circus.......

We are on our way to the circus, "Buzz" (Who is now referring to himself as "Dash" has never been, neither has "Pink Ninja". I cannot think of a better group of people I would rather spend my time with. We will be dining on cotton candy and snow cones.......A nice anniversary treat.

14 years ago today at this moment and time......

Dear fiance' was on his way back to my apartment with a bouquet. It was beautiful, I had forgot about flowers. It was overcast and drizzley out, much like today.

April 13th 1991.......

Dear Husband and I were married. There is so much that needs to be said, and I cannot find the words. I will spend the day thanking God, and smooching on Dear Husband, looking at photos, and recalling every minute of the day 14 years ago.

1 week after we were married. Dear Husband had just returned home from Desert Storm. 14 years ago. Very young and very tired. We were at Dear husbands Grandmas house. I could look at this photo all day.  

Army Wife and Dear Husband at Dear Husbands college graduation. This was a great day for us.......a proud day. We had just finished putting Dear Husband through college. We had both worked full time, and had no student loans. He was the second person to graduate college from his family. 

Army Wife and Dear Husband hiking in Colorado. This was near the Continental Divide. One of my favorite trips with Dear Husband. We hiked for 5 days, and then went to Vegas for 5 days. 

Thanks to my Blog Momma Tammi I have curtains!!

Momma,
Thank you very much for the anniversary gift of "curtains".......(the blogroll). Dear husband helped hang them.
Thanks Mom.........

Tommorow is my 14th wedding anniversary

I am trying to figure out how to post a photo for tommorow. I wish I could post a photo of every smile, and every blessing.

I wake up every morning and Thank God before I put my feet on the floor. I know I am blessed.

When my Mother was sick with her colon cancer and her metastatic brain tumors my husband was my safe place and my rock. If the phone rang at 2:30 in the morning, he would draw me a bath and pack my bags, load the truck and proceed to drive the 12 hours to get me there. He did it with grace and chivalry. He would then turn around and make the return drive without me. Only to have another 12-15 hour day at work.

I ended up quitting my job and temporarily relocating to Nebraska to care for her. Even though we were not sure we could afford it. He kept telling me....."Do what you can live with in 10 years"......"If that means you need to take care of your Mom, then thats what you do." My Mother was young 57, and wanted to die at home. He allowed it even though he knew he would have to pick up the peices of me, and help me put them back together. He was the one who had to listen to my crying, and my exhaustion......and my dread. He was the one that knew it was my way of forgiving her and me. My Mom was not always a great Mom to me.

I did take care of my Mother, I had to. Dear Husband knew that.

I remember Dear Husband visiting us, and my Mom was weak and had to sit on the commode. I could not do it alone. He helped me get her out of bed, helped set her ont he commode, and then he sat on the bed and just talked to her like they were having coffee. This is something that normally would have horrified them both............and as bothersome as it is to share this very intimate moment........with strangers.......it is imperative that I do share it.

I remember watching that moment and my heart growing, so big that it hurt me. In that moment I saw his true self, and felt the guilt for everytime I said an unkind word, or barked at him for leaving his socks on the floor, or yelled at him for being late..................

He is a selfless and thoughtful man. The best kind of man. He is the kind of man you want to father your children. You want your daughter and son to be lucky enough to have a Daddy like that.

The phone has been ringing off the hook since his return home, his "men" he was deployed with miss him something terrible. They tell me how lucky they felt to have him there with them, they tell me more stories of his selflessness. They want to make sure that I know how lucky I am.

I do.

You know the type....

Here is the thing about "the douchebag" from the last post.

I just forget there are people out there that feel entitled to "be douchebags".

I know it really had nothing to do with "me".

The reason it left me with such a bad "funk".....I AM 34, I honestly thought people almost 40 wouldn't act 14. The fact his behavior was so prepubescent was SHOCKING to me. Really.

I am ok.....Really. I am usually great at asserting myself, and am fierce. However I was so ready to have a great time, and relaxed.........I had my guard down.

I also know this sherbert polo shirt, uniformed "pack o weenies"......"pack o douchebags"....exist. (More on that another time) so I know the type.

I simply forgot these "pack o weenies", get drunk and act like suburban 14 year old Daddy's boys and verbally accost females to prove they have penises.

You wanna know something else?

I am hot for someone almost 40........

Why do douchebags come in sixpacks?

So I am on my first girls only weekend trip ever. My first vacation in at least 6 years. My girlfriends and I are standing in front of my hotel awaiting a shuttle. Remember one of my girlfriends I am with is 57 Scottish, stout, she is on this girlfriend weekend because her husband has emphysema. She is tired. My other girlfriend is 43, she has 5 children. Her youngest has Downs syndrome, and autism........She too is tired. So we are standing in front of the hotel.....With about 30 other people.

Up pulls a Suburban, out pour at least 6 drunk 30 somethings. They are all sunburned and have been out golfing all day. All with sherbert colored golf polos and shorts, and little khaki golf baseball caps. They are all stumbling and loud.

Automatically I know they are trouble, I just know it. I have seen these types in action before.

So I stare ahead expressionless.....and then it happens.

One of these douchebags gets about a foot in front of my face and says... "Your hot"................."for someone almost 40". He stumbles away snickering, with the rest of his douchebag friends.

So I am left standing there shocked. Feeling like I did when I was 14, and boys said mean things. Standing in my t-shirt and blue jeans and tevas, with my Mom haircut. Wondering what I did to deserve to be humiliated in front of my friends and strangers. Wanting to go to my hotel room and cry. We had been in town for an hour. One hour.

"Hello welcome to your vacation, I know you have not had one in at least 6 years. I know you have spent the last 18 months scared to death that your husband might not come home. You have not had painted nails in 5 years. This vacation is a big deal to you. This vacation was supposed to make me feel pretty again. You have been looking forward to it, you are not rich. This is a BIG DEAL. This 2 1/2 days is a luxurious treat, that may not come again for another 6 years."

"You are hot, for someone almost 40"

Douchebags are never alone are they?

despite my appearance I do have good manners.......

I am finding my shaggy unkempt appearance is makeing me look rude here at ArmyWifeToddlerMom.

Big Faux Paus, no blogroll, no links etc.

My Dear Blog Mom Tammi, at http://RoadWarriorSurvival.com/ was nice enough to send be the blogroll done........with simple instructions I might add. Simple to everyone but me. I know I know. I will spare you the self depricating remarks.......insert your own here._________________.

I have been in healthcare since I was 15, very little computer experience. Think of this for a moment. Give your Grandma a computer....yeah.

Get your hair did .......

So I am sitting At the Ballisimo Spa, getting a pedicure. Which is something I have never had done. I know, I know.

Meet Peggy, a blonde 50 something cosmostologist.

Plantinum blonde, big hair. Pretty hair...if you like showy hair. Face done up. I ask Peggy a bit about herself. She is 4 times divorced, married one of them twice. She adds to this she is "happily divorced". Her accent is thick as Mississippi mud, and Southern sweetened tea. Peggy has a shop out in the country where she does hair, and pedicures and manicures, in addition to her position at the spa. I imagine it to look like Dolly Partons shop in Steel Magnolias. I find out Peggy likes CSI, and forensics shows. She has a son with special needs. I find out we have both lost our Mothers to cancer and we bothed cared for our Mothers. We talk about how we find it silly that people find death so shocking and odd. Since it really is something we all do eventually. I go off on my tagent about how people don't understand death like we used to. (I have had years of hospice experience...and find it fulfilling) People used to care for dying family, care for the dead body, have the veiwing in the livingroom, many families used to take photos of their dead family, dying used to be part of living. It seems separate now. Peggy tells me she took photos of her Mom in her coffin. Peggy says, "she looked beautiful" I did her hair and make up, she looked like Alexis Carrington", she is smiling as she is talking. I tell her my Mom looked beautiful when she died to. She finally looked happy. Fighting cancer for 2 1/2 years can wear a woman out. I tell Peggy I changed my Moms lipstick at the funeral parlor, because they had put ,old lady pink on her. My Mom would have been so pissed if I let her be veiwed with "old lady pink" on her lips. I remember taking the lipstick out of my purse, and asking the mortician if I could fix it. I also take my fingers and brush them through her bangs. The chemo and radiation did a number on my Mothers once beautiful hair. I try and make it look like she did it herself.

Peggy sees my face in thought and asks..."Does she visit you in your dreams?" I say "Yes". She giggles and tells me that she has dreamed of running into her Mother at Wal-Mart, and she looks like Alexis Carrington, and is pushing a "buggy". Her Mother tells her Heaven is great and she will love it, her Mother then proceeds to give her all of the change out of her coin purse, which she always did if she saw her at Walmart. I tell Peggy I dreamt I saw my Mother in Colorado, and she looked great. My Mom is standing in the sun looking tan and wearing yellow said to me "I am not really dead."

Peggy says...."I just love that she said that."

The winner is.......

I am headed out in about 2 hours, to Tunica. I have no idea what is in store for me there. I just need some "down" time.

My husband let me sleep in this am. He fed the "Pink" and "Buzz". He dressed them, and played with them. He is taking the baby seats out of the back of the truck, and cleaning out all remanents from Nebraska trip. Stray french fries, bibsters, stuffed animals, and childrens books. He is making sure my music is installed and ready.

He has never been alone with the children, I am not worried one bit. He has jumped in and done great. Despite my "micromanaging". I know I need to sit back, and let him fly with them. However after being "it" for 18 months, you begin to think you are the only one that really knows. So I am going to let tham fly, and have fun. A Daddy only weekend, a dream for all involved.

I am a lucky woman, I know. Does anyone know how to nominate such a man for husband of the year?

Husband of the year award........

"Do these balloons blow up into funny shapes?"..."If round is funny"(answer inside)

Dear Husband and I are sitting here tonight sans toddlers. They are both sleeping like angels right now. Yeah!! We were having one of our list discussions. We have these a lot. Tonights discussion started with Top 3 MASH episodes. I am not a big MASH watcher...so I changed the topic to suit me. Favorite line from a movie. Husband got irritated that my subject was broad, he didn't say that but after almost 14 years one can tell. He hates to commit to a favorite line, there are too many of them. He says he might be able to make a list of 40.

What is your favorite line?

Choppers and boob jobs

Dear Husband and I were sitting on the sofa last night sans toddlers, looking for something to watch on TV. I swear the only thing on was "Chopper TV", and "Boob job TV". Oh Oh, and that crazy bounty hunter and his foxy wife. Does anyone else find this trend disturbing?

Smells like money

Everytime I go back home to my rural hometown on the "Great Plains"...I am suprised at the tidiness of the people. I am suprised to see the old churches in the center of towns, and that these towns some how still exist. I am surprised I grew up in such a matter of fact place. A place where people do talk, so you better watch your step. The wind blows hard all of the time, men have learned to walk with hats on hands free, and women learn to walk with a baby on their hip so the wind won't take the babies breath away. You can tell what time of the year it is by what the wind is carrying with it. In the winter......it just smells like dirt, snow, maybe burning wood, you can smell the steel mill from down the highway. In the summer in the heat I swear you can smell the alfalfa, and corn, and wheat.......and on some nights if you are unlucky the rendering works plant. In the fall you can smell burnt leaves......and drying ragweed and goldenrod, cut corn and hay. In the spring in smells like cow shit. I am 5 years old and in the back of my Dads Ford standing between the seats holding my nose, and I can hear my Dad saying "Smells like money", and I am squinting as the huge red sun sits on the highway.

I give it 0 stars

The Great Wolf Lodge......

is located in Kansas City, right next door to the Cabela's. For those of you who don't know Cabela's is an outdoorsmen's shopping Mecca. They specialize primarily fishing and hunting supplies, but have branched out into rustic housewares and the like.

Upon planning our family trip back to Nebraska my husband insists that a stop at Cabela's is imperative to his happiness as a sportsman. It seems like a small request, so I agree to an overnight stay.

The Great Wolf Lodge, is right next next door to Cabela's. It prides itself on being a family friendly Hotel and Water park. We stop on the way to Nebraska, which is during "spring break". We pull up to the hotel at 8pm and find the most inexpensive room available is $279.00, checkout is 11am. No military discounts given over the "spring break". We both agreed that $279, was too much for 15 hours at this hotel. We will find a Hampton Inn and stay there for the night, and try this hotel after "spring break".

On the return from Nebraska, we decide to stop at The Great Wolf Lodge and Water Park Hotel again. They have family jacquizzi suites for $219 a night. We have been on a dead run for the last 8 days and decide we deserve to treat ourselves, the kids also deserve some good clean waterpark fun.

The Hotel has everything located inside, which is a plus. Arcade, in room videogames, fireplaces in rooms, waterpark, movies, room service, a day spa. You can even drink beers and margueritas at the waterpark. This hotel is a great idea. While all of the Dads are over at Cabela's spending half of their paychecks on fly fishing and hunting gear, the Moms are half sloshed at the waterpark, planning a day at the spa.

This great idea of a hotel....Is simply that, a great idea. The service was terrible....I mean terrible. The waitress looked like she was a meth head on a seven day binge. I am not sure how they managed to screw up every food order we placed, but they did. We also had the jacquizzi suite, below a "kids camp" room. Which is just poor planning. 11pm rolls around and it sounds like the ceiling is going to cave in from kids jumping off of bunk beds. I did call the front desk 2 times, to no avail. The Mom from upstairs called me at 12:30, claiming she was the front desk, and told me they were all in bed.....what a nut.

My advice to those traveling through the Midwest...Skip the "Great Wolf Lodge".

Texas Hold em.....

Conversation and thoughts between me and my husband, while at the Holidome in Grand Island, Nebraska.

Me: " We really should take the kids swimming, they deserve it."

D.H.: "You kids want to go swimming?"

Pink & Buzz: running around the room, panting and shrieking in delight.

I unpack the huggies swimpants, and the swimsuits, and we dress the children, they look great. They are excited, and if they had wings they would be flying.

Dear Husband and I proceed to dress.....
this is my first non bikini, my first non maternity swimsuit in 4 years. Yeah thats right, little tiny bikinis, to maternity, to a "mom suit". I spent an entire afternoon before the trip trying on swimsuits. It was one of the longest 1 1/2 hours of my life. A new body to dress. A new function for a swimsuit. I am no longer sitting in a chaise lounge drinking a marguerita and tanning. I need a mom suit. Swimsuits I can chase and bend in. A swimsuit to cover all of the pregnancy induced body changes.

I should add my new dressing theory here, before going any further. I am no longer a size 5 like I was for our entire marriage. I am "curvier now". My new theory is high heels, will make me look taller and thinner, also might as well show curves "on top" it will distract attention anywhere else. I am not sure if it works, but I am willing to try anything, until I can get this little extra off.

Anyway I choose a turquise halter takini, with a skirt on the bottem. It is a great suit, and expensive.....$$ but it looks like I can go play tennis, or go dancing.

So I am putting on this swimsuit in the hotel, and I am upset about the baby weight, and my age, and my husband is noticing my panic.

D.H. "You look great"

Me: "Do I look fat? Is this to low cut?"

D.H. : "You look great, you are beautiful."

Me: standing looking freaked..........

D.H. "baby, you look great, lets go ahead and take the babies swimming." " We are in Grand Island, Nebraska....not St. Tropez."

Me: standing looking freaked..............

D.H. "Babe, there is no one at this hotel."

Me: thinking.........ok ok I can do this, he is right, there is no one here, I am in Nebraska, I am 34 I am a Mom....no one cares....no one will look.

So we head down the stairs to the pool, and guess what....... just guess......


The Hotel is hosting a Texas Hold-em tournament and every man in the tri-county area between the ages of 19-60 begin to parade through the hotel swim area. For the next 2 hours men are parading through and looking to see if there are any hot ladies at the pool, and just their luck, their is a Mom swimming with her babies in her Mom suit.

Holiday Inn the deep end

This will be a great post for some of you to read, others just aren't going to get it....Enjoy.

It is hard to find a "family" hotel these days, amidst the express and business hotels. I remember not too many years ago when the Holiday Inn, used to be a great family hotel. You could count on them to have a pool, golf, something for children that have been pent up in a car to do. This was before I had children, so I did not understand the importance of any of this.

We were in desperate need of a hotel, I could not stand another day of telling the children to get out of peoples drawers, showers, plants. I had been on recon for days, in a perpetual game of pick up things and put them where they belong. The children are really great, and they usually leave things alone, but after 7 days of being on display, riding in the truck, not being able to sleep well in strange beds.....We all needed a break.

We found a "Holidome" in Grand Island, Nebraska. I was thrilled. We call husbands Step Dad to let him know we are in town. Step Dad arrives at the hotel and we head down to let the kids hit some balls around. I must add here, both kids are great golfers, both love golf. Buzz Lightyear went through a golf phase at 20-30 months. He slept with clubs, wanted to watch golf on TV all of the time. Anyway...........We get the clubs and balls, and head to the course. Oh let me mention this, the course is situated right by the baby pool. We are all walking and talking, having a great time. Pink Ninja sees we are occupied with conversation, and in her 16 1/2 month old legs kick into gear and she sees the baby pool. We all see her see the pool, and we see her running, and we run, and she slips in between Dear Husband and I...And dives in Ninja style. Clothes on, no fear just dives in. Dear Husband retrieves Pink Ninja quickly. She is fine, but wet. Buzz Lightyear thinks this is all hilarious, discusses with all of us, that "she dives right in, with all of her clothes on", he laughs everytime he says it.

I have waited for the children to show their Dad, just how vigilant one has to be when with them. How quick and energized they are. Something to show him, this is why I look old, and tired.

Dear husband wraps Pink Ninja in a towel and gets her warm, and snuggles her, and kisses her. Explains to her, that we do not just jump in alone. He carries her up to the room and changes her, and hugs her. Combs her fine white wisps of hair. He knows exactly how vigilant one has to be, he is Daddy.

Vacation?

I am back at home. Vacation? What Vacation? Having 2 toddlers sheds an entirely different light on this, I love the toddlers they just have soooo much energy. Poor Mommy is simply worn out from the 18 months alone. We unpacked and packed at least 8 times in 10 days. Exhausting. You also start to wonder what you have left behind. You feel like a terrible guest because it is hard to help with meals, etc. You are just trying to keep "Buzz Lightyear", and "Pink Ninja" out of Grandmas pills, Grandpa Terrys cat food, Grandpa Ara's stairwell (which by the way "Pink Ninja fell down"), out of the Holiday Inn pool ("Pink Ninja dove in baby pool with clothes on"). I got a little cranky by day 5. Poor Dear Husband, didn't deserve cranky wife.

Dear Husband had a great time seeing his family. They were all so thrilled, relieved and happy to see him. If you could have seen his Grandmas and Aunt Sharons hugs, they would have made you cry. Closed eye hugs, thanking God hugs. Those kind of hugs should be private. Dear Husband got to see most of his family.

We did manage to go to the Henry Doorley Zoo in Omaha. We were blessed with 70 degree weather. It is really a great zoo. We also managed to get to Cabela's in Kansas City on the way home, stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge for a couple of nights.

There is a lot to tell, and will be posting like mad.

I will be going to Tunica this coming weekend with girlfriends...For a spa and gambling weekend. Dear Husband is a Saint, and knows I need a vacation.....A real one this time.