Perfection, Identity theft...And in between

If you are one of those Moms that shows up at the Dr.'s office with your hair perfectly "did", toenails painted, matching "dry clean only" outfit, baby sleeping while you carry them in, and smiling. Or if you are one of those Mom's at the park with 4 little ones all in coordinating outfits, with a complete picnic basket full of nutricious treats, peeled grapes, and the like....I hate you.....


I guess I am not good at this Mom thing, as much as I love it. I just can't seem to get it together. I quit my job to stay at home with the babies. I really thought it could not be that hard. God has a great sense of humor, he really does. For everytime I said "if my kid acted like that, I would __________. (insert great "non parent" parenting advice here) . The favor has been returned 3 fold. Just a warning for you non- parents that do intend on having children, shhhhhh, don't say a word. Just smile and shut your mouth, karma is a bitch.

I love my babies, I do. I love how flawless their little skin is, and listening to them breath so soft at night, I love watching them discover a new bug, or watching a leaf dance through the yard. I love the sticky hands on my face, and smoochy lips, and giggles. I even love scrubbing the yogurt out of Pink Ninjas hair.

But there are days, where after wiping food off of the floor, (after just mopping it) for what seems like the bazillioninth time..... When I scrub out the tub all morning and the bathroom looks clean and great, and during bath time someone poops in it. I just want to throw in the towel, and say Uncle.

I was at church the other day meeting some of Dear Husbands friends for the first time. I had on one of my best suits, and heels, hair did. I tried looking great, and tried engaging in great conversation. However I kept having to go chase Dash, or have Pink Ninja spit whatever is in her mouth in my hand. I had to pick food off of the floor. I had to interject "no", "stop" , "don't do that", "what did I say?" into several conversations. I did do it without skipping a beat.

On the drive home I suddenly felt robbed. The narcissist and ego maniacal self got in the way.....and I was worried about their impression of me. All of the interruptions, and hands filled with half chewed food, and debris. The "no's " mid-sentence. The trying to have a conversation, but never looking anyone in the eye anymore because you are trying to locate at least one of the children. I wanted to make sure those people knew. I am a real witty and fun lady, I am a good dancer, and like good jokes, I like to sit in the sun, I like hiking and great books. I don't always have macaroni in my hair, and I know more words than no, sippy cup, and I don't ask random people if they have to use the potty....