Over and under

Even though that sounds dirty, it is not.

The job hunt continues, and I continue to have difficulty with this resume, particularly because it has nothing to do with my previous work experience.

If worse comes to worse, I am considering waiting tables. Seriously. I think although I am not 18 any longer, I might manage to make more in tips on a short shift than working at a desk for 8. I am still persuing a medical realted job for the public school systems.

My good girlfriend down the road from me is sending me her resume in the morning, so I can give it a gander and work my special magic.

I have the skelton of the darn thing, but nothing concrete yet.

The week is full of meetings. Thursday and Friday with SR school. I have decided to follow my gut on things, and just take one bite at a time. I am anxious about the IQ testing, because I think it might explain a lot. All I know right now, is the score is over 130, because he remains eligible for the t&g program.

DH swamped at work.

I have to plan a 40th birthday party for him here at the house. I figure kill 2 birds with 1 stone that way. House warming, 40th Birthday Party. Gee, I am sleeping with a 40 year old? When did this happen...? Any EASY menu suggestions would be welcome. I am unsure if I want finger foods, or if I want to do something easier...I thought finger foods might be the way to go.

I am going to try and finish priming our bedroom this week...wish me luck.

If I do not get it done, I will live...

Douche off

Resting in Peace...

Paul Newman died the other day...


I must thank him for teaching American movie female cinema goers on how one should be kissed.





A kiss should leave one breathless and dizzy

This kills me...

I should so do this..

In fact I think ALL BLOGGERS should do this...

Seriously, and if you do, I want to see it...

I want wives to interview their husbands..

Out of the anxiety tree again....

It was nice having family here this weekend.

My Dad helped me out of anxiety tree, over the SR issue...

One minute at a time, the reminder of how one eats an elephant.

He has come a long way, and I have to remember that...

Dad also helped me get a lot done. Odds and ends things.

But the odds and ends were driivng me nutso.

It is a fresh week!

Move forward.

Saturdays...

I am sitting here waiting for my Dad, his Lady, and my Sissy to show up any moment on my doorstep...

Fun.

We have a Birthday party to attend this afternoon.

Dad and Lady friend are going to the Nebraska vs Virginia Tech game tonight.

We have a fotoball party to go to...

Busy day...

out of the box, into the fire...

I managed to hand in another application, for a job in which the pay is mediocre, I am over qualified, but the hours are ALMOST ideal.

I found out yesterday while lunching with DH and his office mates, that they are stretched thin, and there is a lot of work to be done. He will have 2 weekends off in the next 4 months. One of those coinsiding with a SpouseBuzz event in Tacoma. So I need a job in which I am HERE, and present when The Collective are here.

This sort of caught me by surprise. I knew I needed amazing hours, but this is more proof of this.

There is a job I am interested in, but it is completely dirrerent than anything I am "used to"...it is not in the medical field, and that is where most of my working experience is. I will let you know, I am a great nurse, I do not LOVE the profession, but it is easy for me. It is second nature to me. It is autopilot, and although I enjoy it, I am still unsure if it is what I want to be when I grow up.

The new job, might be exciting, something different. there are a couple of things working against me. My age. People in this sector, are usually younger than my 38. I am also not sure what the hours would be, the description does not state it. It would also tie me in with a group of people i do not know a lot about.

The other exhausting feature of the week is...SR. What I have dreaded for the last 6 years, is about to come to a head. And I have thought about every single scenario I can over the last 6 years. I am still unsure the most ideal way to handle it. Because whatever decisions I make will stick, they will last a lifetime. That is a lot of pressure.

Right now we are playing this game....

Asperger's Syndrome, or gifted with asynchratic developement, along with all else that goes with these things. (which is A lot...)

Do I go ahead and get a diagnosis, athough the child is HIGH FUNCTIONING, and just needs to get used to his new envirement? OR do I bite the bullet, and just continue on the current path? Both I can do....Do I want to spend the next part of this journey stepping up my parenting 10 notches, or do I want to deal with IEPs, social workers, councilors, psychologists, buerocratic red tape.....with no real answers in the end, instead of just parenting like it is a marathon... No cure...

Let me also mention here, that SR is sooo high functioning, that when there are problems with sensory issues, frustration, etc...I get the "well you are a shitty parent vibe" from those around us that witness it. I will also let you know, I can spot these kids out now, not only by their behavior, but that of the parents, who are so highly armored with protecting the child in public that it makes me tear up when I see it....

There is no cure, there is no magic pill.

IT requires all of those in contact with SR to be patient and remain plugged into him 100% all of the time. When you unplugg, for 5 minutes there is potential for problems.

It is a marathon, and it is exhausting. Probably most exhausting for him.

And right now, there is no right answer, none....

Galt's Gulch....

Enjoy the read...

For SR today...

i forgot there is field trip today...

uhhh..

later

changing sectors...

The last time I used my resume was 10 years ago. Frankly as a nurse you did not need a resume 10 years ago. The shortages were so bad, that I rarely looked for work. Seeking employment, was usually a phonecall from a former employer that transferred and wanted me to join the team.

So my experience with resumes is really non existant. I get to work on one today, because I am considering changing sectors entirely. and this job is the kind that usually goes to "someone's son or daughter". So I do not have high hopes, but it will get me out of the box that I am in. I am stretching here.

SR, is still having adjustment issues. He just seems mad. Most of it seems to be related to autnomy, and finding his spot in our new envirement. When you have easy kids, this is hard, but when you have SR, it makes you want to go in a corner and curl up in a ball. I frankly do not put much in the blog anymore, because most of the advice I get, works if the child is a average child. We are not dealing with that....And until I video tape a week in our life here, or until you have to deal with it, folks just will not get it. The school pysch called the other day, it seems as though the IQ testing is done, and now we have to go in and talk about it. I did not ask for information over the phone. They continue to pull him out of his class daily to go to talented and gifted program. Some days he does fine, others not. He does not get 6 year olds. The communication notebook I set up with his teacher, is not being filled out consistantly. Parent Teacher conferences are soon, and I guess we will need to figure it out.

PN, has been sweet, and is happy to have me home, she is still ready for school, but until I find employment she can not go. The cost of a program for her is $500-700 a month. WOW. So she is going to have to hang here with me, until that time.

DH's entire 2 month schedule is out, the NG work with the hurricanes, made his schedule wiggety whacked. I will be unable to go to SpouseBuzz Live in San Antonio at this time. I was looking forward to it. and I would encourage those in the area to attend. Darn schedules.

how do you finish off the day?

I do it by answering the cell phone, and having it literally break in 2 pieces.

Seriously.

So do not call the cell...

damn thing

Crazy times...

I was just notified of this by a friend...

Republican presidential candidate John McCain announced today he is suspending his campaign to return to Washington and focus on the crisis facing the U.S. economy. He challenged Democratic rival Barack Obama to do the same. McCain also requested that Friday's presidential debate be postponed.

PN grew a foot while I was gone...

She was in the 95% before I left, I came home, and she was taller.

I did take her to the children's museum yesterday. She wanted to go again today. I had to say, sorry. I need to unpack, and look for employment.

This job search is a confusing one....seriously. I have not worked forever. I feel unmarketable at this time, I am trying to get over it....but that is a pretty big hole.

I have to go take one application in today.

Cross your fingers, bury a statue, or whatever it is you people do do get this done.

Thumb drive sounds dirty to some folks....

I spoke with my Brother tonight, he kills me. He is not tech savy, at all.

Seriously.

First off, he thinks my blogging is one of the most ridiculous hobbies ever...which is cool with me really. It is a dorky hobby. And when I talk about my "friends", he will ask if they are real friends, or my computer friends. Frankly, most of my "real friends" are my computer friends. That all sounds dorky to him....

Anywho, so he asked how Vegas was, how much I won gambling. I don't gamble. I just don't. I used to like playing dogs, and horses. A skill a good "real friend" taught me when I was 16 and in high school, he also taught me the joy of gin around the same time. I also like blackjack, love blackjack. But seriously my frugal nature, makes it hard for me to drop $5 minimum bets down. I am just not lucky, nor think I will ever win big...I loathe slots. I have been to Las Vegas 2 times in the last 2 years, and have not wasted one red cent gambling.

He asked how the conference was, briefly, but he was most interested in the Penthouse party. Go figure.

So I told him, the Blackfive crew was very gracious to invite all of us, and the ladies at the Penthouse Club were all VERY SWEET. Something I am not sure if I expected or not. But they were. There were 4 "pets" there, and they were all sweet and actually signed headshots for DH, for his 40th birthday. They obliged the old married ladies, and did it smiling. They even stood up and smiled for pictures.

AWTM: "They were very nice, and made sure everyone got a complimentary issue, the headshots, and a penthouse thumbdrive."

Brother: crickets chirping, and the an "uhhhh"

AWTM: "a thumb drive"

Brother: an even more uncomfortable period of silence

AWTM: "a thumb drive, for the computer."

Brother: sighing, the biggest sigh of relief ever....


I am not sure what he thought a thumb drive was, or why he thought if it was something "dirty" I would just be so forthcoming with it, but it seriously had me in tears...

I remember Halloween....

*Misfits...enjoy


The wind will not stop blowing here, my river birch in the back are perpetually at an angle, and I am afraid it might be permanent.

Halloween is almost here, DH's favorite holiday. Probably my third. We cannot wait. The Collective however, do not enjoy the holiday. They loathe all of the spook stuff, even while shopping we have to avoid "the section".

PN is unsure who she wants to be this year, she has chosen "princesses and fairies" in the past. She likes trick or treating, because she would live with a sugar bag strapped to her neck like a feedbag if we would let her.

SR on the other hand, had to be told by the dentist 2 years in a row that "it was ok to consume candy once in a while." The Dentist told me, it was the first time he has ever had to do that.

I have been tossing costume ideas out for the entire family...

I think it would be hilarious if we went as ABBA, The Incredibles might work as well, Of course I always want to be Emma Peel, with DH as Steed, but that leaves me to dress up The Collective as random villians and then explaini who we are all night..."Huh, the Avengers?" "I do not get it?". We always think it would be funny to go as Beth and Dawg Chapman, bounty hunters, we just need big wigs, and over accesorize, a couple of balloons, and all is well.

However, I am sure the readers here at AWTM, are far more clever than I.

Some great photos...

via John Gaudia

Blog Expo screwed the pooch on this....

The most disappointing thing about Blog Expo, was essentially the lack of ability to blog, and not because I drank too much. The expo was not set up for "bloggers".

A power strip was hard to find, like gold.

The connection was worse than dial up.

Too many bloggers on one network, it was a disaster.

One of the best parts of Vegas...

Getting to meet Mr. and Mrs. G....

I could put Mrs. G in my pocket, seriously.

Mr. G. is too tall to fit in anyones pocket. I will say he totally reminds me of Daniel Day Lewis, seriously. Even his voice, I kept begging him to do the following...




he obliged a couple of times...

Thank you Greyhawks for all you do...

Blister in the sun

*written last evening

Leaving Las Vegas

I am sitting at The Las Vegas Airport, and recall how much I used to like Las Vegas.

I used to like Las Vegas more, but now it just makes me feel aged.

Did I have a great time? Heck Yeah. Was the MilBlogging Conference fantastic, Was the Party at the Penthouse Club the stuff legends are made of? Indeed. Do I regret going? No. When in Rome, and all of that.

I might recover next week or in October.


However, I will say Vegas burns fast.

I am a pacer by nature, I do not sit still for long, I have insomnia, (Which was not present this weekend, thank you Bombay Saphire) I watch people (which will tire you in Vegas. ), folks that normally only require 5 hours of sleep in suburbia, well they sleep less in Las Vegas. Maybe it is because I am 38? Maybe it is because I am a Mom, I am not sure when this happened. I overstimulate now , my filter is broken. And between the thumping music, the hoards of people, the constant boing sounds that jet out of the slots, lights that blink, mammoth pictures of Carrot Top, Barry Manilow plastered on the sides of buildings, the douchey Eurotrash, the douchey highlighted hair dudes, (there are a lot of douchey guys in Las Vegas...A LOT) hookers, inappropriately dressed females, too many fedoras on 23 year old guys who need to wash their hair, people flicking porn at me as I just try and walk by quickly. Andi actually calls Las Vegas "excessive", and that is probably the best word to describe it.

I went to Las Vegas this year, to see friends, meet new ones. DH was initially going to go. But has been VERY busy with his new assignment, and has not been able to spend a lot of extra time with The Collective, I have mentioned this before, but he is a workaholic, and "the new kid on the block". So he opted to stay at home and spend some good quality time with the kids. Vegas makes me miss NORMAL after the first 24 hours. I miss the three of them. This year has been a complicated one for us, there have been a lot of changes, a lot of them. The Mil-blogging conference was Dear Husbands treat for me, after the DITY PCS, etc. I needed some down time so I could play, and get refocused, we have a lot of projects in the works. Including AWTM heading back to the workforce.

And the excessive nature of Las Vegas (and my participation in such) made me LONG for my quiet normal, BORING existence.

I am ready.


Also, if someone set up little band aide booths all over in Vegas, you would make A LOT of cash...people would spend $20 in a pinch, because of poorly fitting shoes, and blisters.

Blog Expo Milblog Panel #3

Live DOD Bloggers Roundtable

Host: Jack Holt Office of the Secretary of Defense

Special Guest Pete Geren, Secretary of The U.S. Army

Secretary Geren addresses the importance of technology, new media and generational difficulties. He understands the importance of information exchange. Admits to learning to find his way through the internet, but is amazed at the fluency of the younger sect.

John Donovan asks who the Army manages to handle new media, now that the DOD, is embracing blogging a year after having the nix put on blogging, how do you manage this fast moving ball?

Secretary Geren understands the fast pace of the technology, and finds it will be self correcting. He comments on traditional media the pace of it.

Bouhammer, asking Secretary Geren about "the rules".

Secretary Geren thinks this will be challenging, trying to get all services to agree on the amount of discretion that will be let to individual Commanders.

Secretary Geren discussing Roundtable discussion with SpouseBuzz, he found the information discussed to helpful, in fact he took one of the points of discussion from a Military Spouse and Parent. She feels as though parents are left out of the information. He took the suggestion as important, and they took the information and are addressing it soon, they are working on parental outreach program.

Chuck Z is addressing Secretary, he has questions about "the rules". Yes, we are talking about the rules again. Chuck Z, thinks it might be important to give folks guidelines. Particularly in cases of OPSEC.

Secretary Geren, thinks the suggestion although a good one, understands that it is a issue of allowing folks to speak freely, it is difficult to make the same rules for all involved.

Secretary Geren exits discussion.

Blog World Expo Milblog Panel 2

Milblogging as a Community.

Moderated by Melinda of SpouseBuzz, and Most Certainly not

Panelists includ Beth (FBL) of Soldier's Angels, and Fuzzilicious Thinking, Mrs. G of Mudville Gazette and Milblogs, Karen of Parent's Zone and Proud Liberal Army Wife, and Sarah of SpouseBuzz and Trying to Grok.

Melinda, opens the panel, and has each panel introduce themselves.

Melinda asks Sarah what posts are most popular, which posts get the most feedback. Sarah speaks of how most of the VERY personal posts are the ones that get the most reaction. When you discuss the possible death of your Husband, planning a family, being a lone during deployment, those are the posts that resonate with readers.

Melinda then asks Mrs. G, how on EARTH she manages The Dawn Patrol. (Mrs. G, who is entirely amazing Melinda adds!) It takes Mrs. G 3 hours to get The Dawn Patrol ready EACH DAY! (We thank you Mrs. G)

Melinda asks Beth about The Valout IT project. Beth explains how Valour IT was founded.

Question is now posed to LAW, who is the creater and a contributer to Parent's Zone. "What do you think your readers want to know?" LAW says, there is much to learn, and fast. There is military jargon, deployments, support, and understanding. Parents some times fall through cracks, they get left of FRG lists, etc.

Melinda introduces Military One Source. Military One Source is introducing several new programs for family support.

A question from the audience member about "making some Federal clearinghouse for veterans assistance"...this is actually the second question from this gentleman. It is starting to irritate me...REALLY.

I am chomping at the bit to say something. There is no way one entity can be the end all and be all to everyone. This is why "community support is the most important"....I do not understand why people do not understand this. It is frustrating for me to explaining this to anyone.

A great panel on stepping outside of ones self to help others...

Blog World Expo Milblog Panel 1

Are Milblogs Relevant?

Moderated by Ward Carol, military.com editor.

Ward discussing the span of milblogs over the past 5 years. How it has gone from obscure to The White House. Discusses Mudville Gazette and Blackfive.

How does one remain relvant?

Panelists introduce themselves.

They include, CJ Grisham of A Soldier's Perspective, Matt Burden of Blackfive, Greyhawk of Mudville Gazette and Milblogs, and Phil Carter of Intel Dump and Obama for America.


Panelists introduce themselves.

I actually think Blackfive, is summing this up nicely, because he understands, that one person cannot "help". He discusses energy of community.

Define relevant?

Ward actually makes a good point, about does this mean taking care of one another as a community, or affecting public discourse?

What is enough?

Phil Carter, a campaigner for Obama, actually discusses the relevance as the people that come and discuss public opinion, re: politics.

CJ speaks about how blogging is therapuetic for him, and how it really makes a difference in his day. (I soooo get this)

Greyhawk speaks about how he thinks blogging in theater has changed because of command issues, and how frankly folks in theater normally do not have much time to blog. Readership matters, numbers do not matter, who reads is important.

Matt says he really wants to remain relevant by continuing the tenants of Blackfive, helping those in the community, the wounded the fallen, that makes the difference.

Someone unfamiliar with the milblogging community stands to ask how the blogoshere can organize itself better?

Seriously?

Greyhawk educates the man quickly and explains, Soldier's Angels, Valour IT, and other support organizations that are the pinnicle of the milblogosphere.

CJ, wants to not only use his blog as therapy, to assist other soldiers.

John of Arghhhhh speaks about influencing political opinion from the blogosphere.

Soldier's Angel Holly stands to ask, who is the target audience, and who is the unattended audience?

Matt Burden speaking about his Mother finding his blog.....but likes that when people need help, they do find Blackfive.

Greyhawk, understands that that bloggers enjoy writing foremost. Typically bloggers are sort of "accidental" in obtaining audience. He also discusses Rick Rescorla, and how when he put the post up, the first commenter was Rescorla's widow.

Fellow SpouseBuzz writer Carren stands to make a comment about how Blogging was therapuetic for Chuck, and how the milblogosphere has helped families.

CJ is speaking about how writing has been therapy for his him. He feels uncomfortable discussing his experiance in theater and the after affects with his wife. So he blogs about it.

Greyhawk speaks about the some times unattended audience, and how at times those readers, are helped tremendously.

A fantastic job to all on this panel. Personally, this is part of the the conference I LOVE, it recharges me to do more, to volunteer more, to educate more people....

WEll DONE indeed

*Laughing Wolf has graciously lent me his camera for the last 2 days!! Much appreciated. As soon as I get those pics on drive, I will upload them...

Blogging Live from Las Vegas, Blog World Expo

I am here at Blog World Expo, and just watched a video sent from General Caldwell's office, who graciously opened the conference.

General Caldwell assures that the military, is learning to use new media, not only as a way to disseminate information, but to learn from those more familiar with the current technology.

General Caldwell does take part of Bloggers Roundtable discussions as well.

JP from milblogging.com is up now making opening remarks.

He speaks of the close knit nature of the milblogging community. I have never met JP before, as he was either just returning from deployment, or deployed. He is very funny and includes several "private blogosphere inside jokes", which seriously have lots of people laughing.

JP speaks of Andrew Olmstead fallen milblogger. JP spoke with Andrew's Father prior to coming to Las Vegas.

He reads a portion of Andrew's final post, a post that was left "just in case"....

and we know just in case happenned.

A moment of silence...for all of those who have fallen.

I am crying...

I do not think I am the only one...

peeking from behind the curtain...

Going dark never lasts long. Particularly when your lap top gets fixed! Hooray to the folks at the UNL 501 building again. I heart you.

While speaking to my DH this morning, between errands I was given strict orders to get my things packed, and not wait until the last minute. All because of the trip I made to the White House, where I almost missed my flight, and then threw my clothing into a suitcase, and forgot my makeup. (only to sit in airports for half of the day. Like having a Drill Sgt around.

In my defense I will say, I am not used to being a lady on the go. Nope. I am used t getting everything done first, and than me. (Like every other woman on the planet.)

SR had a stellar day at school yesterday, if you want a sort of idea go over to SpouseBuzz, because I posted about it there. I have decided to use last years system as a way of communicating with the teacher, and we will be working on a reward system.

There are never enough hours in the day, are there?

Going Dark....until the lights blind me!

OK....

Dealing with the "kid" situation. Is there a good way to do anything? Or do you just do the best you can, or do what keeps everyone out of jail and therapy?

Trying to tie loose ends up round here for Hubby.

Also trying to figure out weather and such in Vegas, so I can pack.

Trying to get primer out of my hair, and nail beds (if they can be called that any longer) so I look human.

I also ironed linen curtains today....linen beaded curtains from Pottery Barn hell...I mean seriously, I bought linen beaded curtains. I must be insane. I will say they look awesome. Tried to iron some of my things for the trip. But I need to look at the weather in Vegas...it will be hotter than 2 hells and I will show up in a sweater...I managed to wash bedding, mop, oil base boards, and am still not done....I mean come on already. I think I am just getting used to LARGER space. Seriously. Not a valid complaint, but we were in a teeny space for so long. I lose folks here. Took the kids to the park after school, and even let them run through the sprinklers tonight. Go figure 41 in the morning,a nd hotter than blazes in the afternoon.

I pick up my laptop tomorrow! The guys at the 501 did an awesome job, SERIOUSLY. They were FAST and CHEAP. They are going on my list of cool people in town.

I have to go through bills, and make a run to the library in the a.m. we must return a stack of books, and I need something very light and distracting to read....I think Sedaris or Paluhnik are probably the ticket...

My eye is better! So my roommie in Vegas, will not be staring at a Cyclopes in her room...

Parenting

is the hardest JOB EVER.......

just saying

Is it Monday already?

I am deeming my old skool PC as inconvenient. It really is.

My ghetto Mac, should be back today, and looking gorgeous as they can make her. Thanks to the young college students at the 501 building at UNL! The last time I was in that building was 1990? Holy Moses.

The weekend was odd. DH only had Saturday off. We had decided to enjoy what looks like "fall." It seems early to me, it is not even October yet, but yes it was a tropical 41 degrees this a.m. So we took The Collective to Antelope Park. It was gorgeous, simply gorgeous, blue jeans weather. We then decided to take The Collective and ourselves to a Nebraska Institution. Valentino's. We actually went out of our way to go to the original Valentino's. We were disappointed. The food was mediocre, (we expected nothing more), service was fine, our waitress was very attentive and sweet. It was a question of "the setting". I guess I sort of think of Valentino's as a Nebraska legacy. Indeed the food has never been great, but the atmosphere was lacking. I felt like I was in just any other "pretend Italian restaurant".....tis a shame. We will not be going back.

We came home and watched the Nebraska game, and drank red beers. (beer and tomato juice. I can hear the puke sounds now. Throw a little pepper and Tabasco in, and it really is yummy! I promise. And you are actually getting some vitamin C, never bad. I forget that people think this is gross, because it is a normal beverage choice here. But in Arkansas, when and if you could find beer, if you asked for tomato juice, you would be banished to the parking lot. It just was not done, without folks making a huge gross deal about it. So I insist you try it.

I am cleaning the house today, so I can make my exit at the end of the week....

Viva Las Vegas!

As some of you have read, The folks from Blackfive are having a wing ding at the Penthouse Club. First..DH is very jealous he cannot go. Second....what does a 38 year old woman wear to such a place? After all it is Vegas. Vegas is a weird place. Last year I saw sooo many hookers, trannies, and just women who were dressed as such, I lost track. I had intended on wearing a simple black pencil skirt and black blouse. (I loathe black, but want to BLEND) But then a jeans ban got lifted, and all seem to be thrilled with wearing jeans. Well except for me. I do not think jeans are comfortable, unless they are worn OUT beyond repair, and have been washed to death...The Penthouse club? huh...who knew.

Now if I can repair this darn camera so I have proof of the insanity. I would also like a photo of me and a PET, just for DH....not for the sake of comparison....but it might be a nice gift for his 40 birthday...Is Miss October going to be there?

I love seeing forever....

*I have internet AGAIN.....finally.

MY Mac is in the shop, getting its little ghetto self fixed, after some hinge problems....

Then the server went down the same day. What are the odds?



I have not blogged much about being "back home"...

Frankly, it has just been busy. Not like crazy busy, just a steady long list of things to do with no end in sight. I am also married to a workaholic. It has been that way for 17 years, and I doubt if it changes any time soon. However, that is part of the reason I fell in love with him, his work ethic is AMAZING. He always is ready to go above and beyond what is expected.

I am craving routine, something we do not have at this time. I like "the grind"....I do not do well in this sort of unplanned day to day living. I need structure. Loose ends are not my favorite things...

Every morning when I wake I look out of doors, I am amazed... I am "back home"....the views (even in suburbia) go on forever. When I took The Collective to the pool about a month ago, SR and I were lying in the sun, trying to warm from the water which felt like ice, and he said..."Mom it is like living in a dome, there is nothing but sky". He got it, at 6. I did not get it at 6. I thought the World looked the same where ever you were.

So I am enjoying being back on the plains...

I am enjoying the endless skies, the sunsets that change every day, how the evenings cool off, I am enjoying the matter of fact nature of the people and do not feel so alien, I am enjoying family. And i understand how some folks do not get it. I do. The United States is a beautiful place with so many wonderful things to see right in our own backyard.

I know the plains are not every ones cup of tea. I understand, I have left here several times, to find myself surrounded my kudzu, and green, and trees, and flowers....and I loved the beauty of it. But I guess it was not home.

I am finding a comfort here, that I forgot. Living in Nebraska is like living in a small town...

The day was long and hard...

And then I read this...

I thank God often for the opportunity to raise my daughters in a country where they are not ashamed of being a girl; where their beautiful faces are not covered; where the sun is allowed to shine on their arms and legs. It is safe to say that should someone try to change that while I draw breath, I'd go out swinging (or, shooting, as the case may be). Consider that fair warning should you be wanting to bring your brand of crazy onto my street...Not. On. My. Watch. And, unfortunately for you, I'm on watch all the time.

And I am glad I know her....

read the entire thing.

Time has not helped...

I am unsure what is sufficient to post today.

I tried to find a video of what I watched that day...

I spent last night scouring youtube. Which is full of ridiculous conspiracy theorists.

I was at work that morning. I was 5 months pregnant with SR at the time.

I was at work, and passing medications that morning in the long term care facility I was working at...

As I entered the dining room to finish up my med pass I looked at the television, and this is what I saw...



One of the nursing assistants Leonard was standing in front of the television staring, and I asked what happened. He said to the best of my recollection...

"they say a plane just flew into the WTC in New York..."

I stood there for one moment and thought to myself, that is either a really bad pilot, or this is intentional....

I hurried and tried to finish my medication pass, the breakfast trays came up, I helped pass them and I positioned myself as close to the television as I could....

And then I watched this...



The dining room was white noise, no one watching the television but Leonard and I...

And when the second plane hit, I said "this is terrorism, we are under attack"...

I had tears in my eyes, and held on to my pregnant belly...

I called my Husband right away, we had a friend flying to Washington DC that day, for a meeting at the Pentagon. I wanted to know my DH was safe, and I wanted to know where our friend was.

I called my Mother who was in the hospital recovering after yet another surgery to rid her of her cancer. She was sobbing and fearful.

DH called back to let me know our friends plane was grounded in Boston.

As I watched these videos last night...I was left feeling more sick than I did on that day.

7 years...

SR school has Patriot Day today, along with the rest of America's public school children. He asked me what it was for.

I tried to explain 9-11 to them in the car on the way home from school yesterday.

It felt so strange to explain to a child who was born into chaos, why he was born into it....

I wanted to tell him, 9-11 is huge, this is why your Father has been gone for half of your life, that day has had a direct affect on everything our family has gone through in the last 7 years...

I had a hard time breaking the horrific events into a snippet of conversation. And as with all unpleasant conversations, my son tuned me out. My daughter who is 4, listened and she looked like she just heard the most heartbreaking news ever....she looked at me as if to say..."are you telling me evil people can come get me?"

And I wanted to say...

"As long as there are true patriots that understand the danger....no."

"But the moment we forget?"

None of us are safe....


And Islamic fundamentalism is alive and well, you do not have to look very far....

Watching the coverage of that day 7 years later, I watched with a heavy, heavy heart. And that same sinking sick feeling I had at that moment I watched the second plane fly into the WTC.

There is no healing after that.

thanks for the links...I think

It seems as though everyone is more excited about this eye patch thing than I am.....

I feel better, and do not think I need one. I will call the Dr. and ask the reasoning behind it.

First off, if I run around with an eye patch, injury is sure to befall me. I am a klutz with 2 eyes, and my depth perception is crap. In fact, prior to having children (and probably in the NEAR future) I required eyeglasses for driving. The bad thing about needing glasses ONLY for driving, you NEVER have them with you. So I had gotten into the habit of just wearing the darn things.

My depth perception was soooo horrid for the first 3 days, I fell, tripped, poured things wrong. It was a disaster. I had to be very mindful when wearing the darn glasses.

I got pregnant, estrogen changes your vision, whammo eyeglasses not needed. (Who knew?)

So frankly I am a bit concerned about walking about with my depth perception altered, I might end up with an injury, much worse than the initial one.

And yes I realize David Lynch made the eye patch alluring during the whole twin peaks thing, oh and Kill bill made the eye patch alluring once again...but I digress.

Anywho, I received links for eye patches today....from a couple of folks....

Thank You for thinking of me. I particularly liked the fancier eye patch, in which the seamstress also specialized in pasties....(I have a great story about a 64 year old woman that made boxes of pasties and brought them into the lingerie store I worked in at Fort Bragg) .......but this appears to be a bit burlesque...

And the other link was sent by someone who thinks I am CRAFTY, which I am not...

Biden needs more rope...

oh really?



no crying in baseball...



did he just say that?



It is like parading a drunk Uncle around...

My eye is awesome today...

The human body is a wonderful thing...

It really is.

My right eye, feels awesome this morning, like nothing happenned.

Who knew that the pain that makes one curl up in a fetal position and act like a complete pussy, could be GONE within 24 hours.

The human body amazes me.

The eye Dr. was about the calmest, most gentle human on the planet. I told him, his job would make me just puke all day.

I do not "do eye stuff"...I mean I have seen my share of eye stuff. I can clean a prosthetic eye, and all of the things that accompany that...

But watching someone get an eyelid get flipped inside out...if I had to watch I would feel as though my mind flew into a million pieces. A little eye phobic, like Bou.

So guess who gets to show up in Vegas at the mil-blog conference wearing an eye patch on speak like a pirate day?

I had metal shards removed from my right eye today!

Great, can you say the day sucked balls...cuz it did...

I went to the GP, because tri-care says I need a referral.

I went to the GP who took a small piece of metal out, put in anesthetic drops and sent me on my way to get eye drops. I also had blood taken, because indeed I had a small anaphylactic response to scallops, and may never be able to consume shellfish again...so long lobster bisque.

I drove to the bank, and then Walmart, because I had groceries to get...and hurt soooo bad I just wanted to be done.

Walmart did not have the aforementioned drops.

By the time I got into the parking lot, I was in so much pain (worse than child birth pain), that I was disoriented, couldn't see because of all of the tearing.

I actually had to ask for help finding my car, because I could barely function...seriously how absolutely humiliating is that.

So then I drove to Walgreens. Who mentioned they did not have the eye drops, after I waited for 15 minutes.

I then drove to Hy-Vee to the pharmacy.

They informed me, the drops are not even made any longer.

Let me remind you here I labored with PN at home, and drove to the hospital at 9 1/2 centimeters, with no tears.

I was in such pain, I was in tears. I was crying in my car....I was in a heap of tears, like a big baby. How ridiculous.

I called my Dr. back and read the entire office the riot act and demanded I go to an eye Dr.

I have to call SR school, and tell them I have to pick him up early. Go to the school pick home up drive to the eye Dr. with naughty children in tow.

Get my eyes dilated, gtts put in, lights shining in them..(I actually could see my own capillaries), and got yet another piece of metal removed.

Anyway....I spent from 10:45-4:00pm in the car, driving, looking for non existent eye drops, had an allergy test done, and had 2 pieces of metal removed from my eye...

In good news, how cool will I look like in Vegas with a freaking eye patch, and on speak like a pirate day to boot. I mean you cannot make shit like this up...

*I am soooo not wearing the eye patch....

Anyone know a pirate with a shellfish allergy? I mean really....

WTF?

Ok about 2 weeks ago, I was haivng dreadful eye pain...like something was in it...

It was watering almost 24-7, felt like something was in it...

I was a good nurse and irrigated it out with saline, warm moist packed it, I even plucked out eyelashes I thought may be the culprit. (try plucking out your eyelashes, it hurt way wore than getting a tattoo, but not as bad as haivng a child come out of your most blessed of spaces) No signs or symptoms of it being a stye. I was in a car accident in high school, where the damn windshield shattered and I had glass in my corneas, and it did not hurt this bad.

This morning I woke in dreadful pain...same damn thing.

Driving SR back from school into the sun was a battle. I mean tears everywhere, couldn't see a thing. So I came home and did the same damn thing. Irrigated it out, looked for eyelashes, warm moist packed it.

For shits sake.

I just had to call the Dr. like a 12 year old, and say..."het my eye is bothering me, there is something in it, I need to get in, because I cannot function"...

Seriously, how idiotic is that?

I go in at 11:30, and I promise you, it had better be something that can be fixed NOW. I do not want a damn referral to a damn eye Dr in a week....

I want this fixed.

ick....

Believe it or not

I woke this morning, not feeling too bad about not getting the job yesterday...

I felt bad yesterday...

Mostly because I had a Sally Field moment...

No, not the boniva kind. (although it is coming)

"They did not like me"...

That was the big issue.

What did I do wrong during the interview?

I thought I nailed it. I did.

I even wore hose and a skirt.

Unsure where the problem was...

So now I have to figure that out.

I think I would have been a good fit. It was not ideal, but the most ideal thing I have run across, especially with DH's hours etc.

Back to the drawing bord.

I am going to take this time and work on my resume, and finish painting...

I did not get the job....

I was antsy, and called The human Resource Office today...

yeah...they offerred the position to another party.

Back to looking...

I can no longer consume scallops...

SpouseBuzz LIVE went fantastically. The logistics were so hard this trip, as DH had to work all weekend, my Father and his Girlfriend took on the Collective with little in the way of problems. The hurricane/tropical storm Hanah, just made me nervous. I have been in some doozy of storms in my day. (Blizzards, microbursts, tornadoes, even a 100 year flood one time in Vegas) So I kept thinking, a glass hotel, and hurricane make a bad mix, especially with me in the building. Particularly when a tree flew by the window at the registration desk. So I actually spent a large part of the day secretly hoping we would be safe. However, Hanah was a lady and just kicked up a little wind and rain....

I will blog most of the conference information over at SpouseBuzz, although I will say it was so nice as usual to have fellowship with EVERYONE.

I arrived in Norfolk at 11:30pm Friday night, and made it in to my humble abode at about 11:30pm last night. I should have made it sooner, but have terrible night blindness, which makes it tricky for me to drive in the wee hours.

Tonight I thought I would make a lovely dinner for The Collective, DH and My Father and his Girlfriend, so I made sauteed scallops with garlic and onion, made a green salad.

I had a small, but allergic reaction. And of course this would happen on the way to the store to get allergy medication for The Collective (ragweed season), and garbage bags.

I was in the car, and had uterine, and abdominal cramping, became diaphertic, and flushed, all while nauseated. I had no respiratory symptoms, but it scared the bejesus out of me. ( I keep benedryl in the car, for this reason...one never knows.) It was a lousy feeling. The only thing I can think of, was it had to be the scallops....the symptoms also only lasted about 30 minutes....but ick. It was one of those things, where you think..."if I could just puke I might feel better"...

No more scallops for me. And I liked the darn things...

Last female WW I Veteran dies at age 109

Source AAP.

A 109-year-old believed to be the last surviving female veteran of World War I has died, Britain's Ministry of Defence reports.

Gladys Powers, who lied about her age to join the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps when she was 15, died in British Columbia, Canada, on August 14, although the ministry only announced her death on Friday.

Born in Lewisham in London, she emigrated to Canada at the end of the war after marrying a Canadian soldier.

Most of the service records of the women who served in World War I were destroyed during the Blitz in 1940, making it impossible to formally confirm her time in the military.

Paying tribute to Powers, Britain's Veterans Minister Derek Twigg said: "I am saddened to learn of the death of Gladys Powers who may have been the world's last surviving female service veteran from the First World War.

"Over 80,000 women served in our armed forces during that war.

"Although they may not have realised it at the time, these early women volunteers did much to break down the barriers for all those servicewomen who have come after them and who continue to serve their country today so proficiently and professionally."

Powers' death brings the total number of British remaining World War I veterans to three.

They are Henry Allingham, believed to be Britain's oldest man at 110, Harry Patch, also aged 110, and former Naval Seaman William Stone, who is 107.

off to Norfolk today...

SpouseBuzz Live is a go!

So if you are in the Norfolk, Va area we would love to see you.

Here is the schedule of the days events.

0845-0915 Registration

0915-0930 Opening Remarks

0930-0945 Virtual Tour of SpouseBUZZ and Military Spouse Network (MSN)

0945-1100 Panel One: A Humorous Look at the Milspouse Experience

1100-1130 Break (Exhibitor stroll)

1130-1300 Panel Two: Making the Most of the Milspouse Experience

1300-1315 Raffle Prizes/Closing Remarks

1315-15:00 Exhibitor Stroll

* Each attendee will receive a free gift bag
* Enter to win great prizes in our raffle!
* Meet the SpouseBUZZ authors

I will be on panel 2, and will discuss how to make the most of the Milspouse Experience.

But the best part of these events to me, is meeting the SpouseBuzz readers. The new/young wives. They are amazing! Some of them on the 3/4 deployments and doing an amazing job.


I always learn from them.

Off to organize my home, and pack...yeah still not packed.

Tough act to follow, but he led it...

I know a little about John McCain, my MIL lived in Arizona while my DH wa in Desert Storm. She loved McCain, and the way he handled Arizona's affairs.

I learned more about McCain during a day visit to the POW Museum one afternoon in Andersonville, Ga. I went alone that day. And, I had no idea what I was about to enter. That day was a profound experience for me, and my visit was timed on the same day as 3 bus loads of former POWs, were there.


As I wife of a veteran, there are challenges I know our men and women face when coming home, but I will never know what being a POW for 5 years would do to ones spirit. I can guess what it might do to my own.....and I will say I am not made of that kind of stuff...

Last night I was reminded by Palin, that McCain has done so much for each of us, he has a VESTED interest in our country.

I am not a fan of big government. Most of us are not. I believe that with hard work, people can achieve what they dream. I believe it is up to each of us to help those around us too. I do not want the Feds involved in my family decisions.

And as a wife of a veteran, I feel most confident in trusting the American Presidency to the McCain/Palin ticket.

He knows what is at risk, he knows evil, he has seen evil up close....

And he wants to protect Americans from having to live what he lived through..

I particularly loved the very last minutes of McCain's speech.

He wants each of us to LOVE AMERICA as much as he does. He wants each of us to have a hand in taking care of our country, and our neighbors.

the end of McCains speech...

If you find faults with our country, make it a better one. If you’re disappointed with the mistakes of government, join its ranks and work to correct them. Enlist in our Armed Forces. Become a teacher. Enter the ministry. Run for public office. Feed a hungry child. Teach an illiterate adult to read. Comfort the afflicted. Defend the rights of the oppressed. Our country will be the better, and you will be the happier. Because nothing brings greater happiness in life than to serve a cause greater than yourself.

I’m going to fight for my cause every day as your President. I’m going to fight to make sure every American has every reason to thank God, as I thank Him: that I’m an American, a proud citizen of the greatest country on earth, and with hard work, strong faith and a little courage, great things are always within our reach. Fight with me. Fight with me.

Fight for what’s right for our country.

Fight for the ideals and character of a free people.

Fight for our children’s future.

Fight for justice and opportunity for all.

Stand up to defend our country from its enemies.

Stand up for each other; for beautiful, blessed, bountiful America.

Stand up, stand up, stand up and fight. Nothing is inevitable here. We’re Americans, and we never give up. We never quit. We never hide from history. We make history.

Thank you, and God Bless you.

The Bloggers choice awards are a go!

Always fun!

Wow

Palin was amazing!

The place is a buzz with phonecalls and e-mails.

My Father is voting this year, the first time since Reagan.

Why? He is recharged, and the Governor of Alaska did it, she sold a damn jet on e-bay.

We all want America to continue to be the shining city on the hill. We are not ashamed to be Americans.

My favorite segments of Palin's speech

We tend to prefer candidates who don't talk about us one way in Scranton and another way in San Francisco.

Sometimes even the greatest joys bring challenge.

And children with special needs inspire a special love.

To the families of special-needs children all across this country, I have a message: For years, you sought to make America a more welcoming place for your sons and daughters.

There is only one man in this election who has ever really fought for you ... in places where winning means survival and defeat means death ... and that man is John McCain. In our day, politicians have readily shared much lesser tales of adversity than the nightmare world in which this man, and others equally brave, served and suffered for their country.

As the story is told, "When McCain shuffled back from torturous interrogations, he would turn toward Moe's door and flash a grin and thumbs up" — as if to say, "We're going to pull through this." My fellow Americans, that is the kind of man America needs to see us through these next four years.

I cannot think of a thing that did not inspire me tonight. I sat here with my 4 year old daughter sleeping in my lap, and my 6 year old son, cheering her on.

Our family needs McCain/Palin to win this next election....because like Palin said tonight....

The right reason is to challenge the status quo, to serve the common good, and to leave this nation better than we found it.

Our family has tried to do our part to leave this country to our children better than we found it....

huh?

People are complaining about the media being responsible for the Obama hype stuff...

I am not really sure if the media is to blame...

I mean who actually reads US magazine?

This seems to be a community problem.

I am at the point where I think if you get subsriptions to People or US, you should not be allowed to vote. If you can name the 10 sexiest people in the United States, but cannot tell me, who your state appointed representatives are....you should be sent out of the polling place.

I am not sure if it would change what people read, but you and I would not have to tolerate their ridiculous voting decisions.

phone calls

I just got off the phone with the coordinator for the schools talented and gifted program.

the next step is an IQ test.

Seems a bit much, and part of me is nervous, but I guess it will be a tool to figure out what my little guy needs.

He is capable of so much, and part of his frustration, could be the inability to explore those things...

I guess he has been doing the tests, and haivng fun, not anxious or frustrated so far.

He enjoys challenges.

But pray for us all, we need to be making the right decisions for the present and future

the world is small, a job interview, and how my apron strings are slinkies

I had my job interview today.

Thank you for all of the well wishes, advice and concern.

I had that sick flutter feeling about 15 minutes out, from it.

10 years since my last interview.

And frankly, few interviews prior to that.

Upon walking in, I said hellos, and then hear..."I recognize that voice, it is ______."

Wow, to have a recognizable voice.

I turned and noted it was one of my nursing instructors from years past.

Wow. Small World.

She actually conducted part of the interview.

I tried to be honest about what I was bringing to the table.

I told them, my family, and their schedule was the first priority for me.

I think I answered their questions they posed to me to the best of my ability.

I tried to let tham know what skills I had, and what I was proficient at.


I will hear back in 48-72 hours.

Part of me is a little sad today, my life long goal of being a SAHM while my children were small was met. I have enjoyed every day, even the mouse trap glue, the plaster of paris, the falling in graves. I have learned so much, and would not do it any OTHER way. We have had no real schedule, other than the Mom imposed schedule. And that part of my life is over. I am no longer a 24 hour presence. And it does tug on my heart. I am no longer the one little fat feet (feet are not so little any longer) will pad to when boo boos need kissing, or the person that KNOWS everything. I share that responsibility with those in my community now.

And this next chapter, is a curious and busy one, I am sure. I look and see other women doing what I am about to do, and frankly I am amazed at the amount of juggling, the logistics of going back to work. Motherhood, is much harder than it looks, working Mothers, some of you make it look like a piece of cake.

However, SR is in school now, and PN wants to be...so off I go. It is a strange feeling. Like my apron strings are made of slinkies.

The first 6 months after my Son was born, I felt like a duck out of water, a new Mommy, and the first time since I was 15, with no full time job. I felt guilt about not "contributing to the families bank." It took a year for me to relax about not earning my keep.

What is right for some of us, is not right for all of us. None of us will ever know what the other person's road is like.

But honestly I am glad I stayed at home, my children taught me more than I could ever teach them, and I am thankful for that.....

To rest....

DH recieved sad news over the weekend...

His spiritual mentor, friend, and Brother in arms, has departed this Earth...

Chaplain David McLemore
Chaplain “Col.” David McLemore was carried from the field of battle, having gained his final victory shortly after midnight Sunday, Aug. 31, 2008. He was surrounded by his loving family his body was draped with the flag which he loved and under which he served for more than 24 years. He is walking the streets of gold with his Heavenly Father whom he served faithfully since he accepted Christ at the age of 9 at the Baptist Church in Wilmar, Ark.
David grew up in Wilmar, the oldest of four children and graduated from Wilmar High School in 1966. He received his BS in mathematics from the University of Arkansas at Monticello and a master’s in divinity from Southwestern Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. He served as a pastor for 36 years including 21 years as senior pastor at Second Baptist Church in Russellville.
He served as a military chaplain with the Arkansas National Guard’s 39th Infantry Brigade, retiring in 2008 with the honorary rank of general. He attended the Army’s War College in Pennsylvania in 2000 and was promoted to the rank of colonel in 2004. His first deployment was in 1990 in support of Operation Desert Storm. His second deployment with the 39th was from 2003-05 in which he served as senior chaplain for the entire 39th Brigade.
He was preceded in death by his parents, P.D. and Ellen Zirlene McLemore.
He is survived by his wife, Margie McLemore, Russellville; his son, Jared McLemore, London; his daughter, Sarah Reel, Russellville; two grandchildren, Meredith and Chase Reel, Russellville; a brother, Jerry McLemore, Monticello; two sisters, Linda Sawyer, Russellville and Karen Cherry, Summersville, W.V.; his stepmother, Janie McLe-more, Wilmar.
Funeral will be at 2 p.m. Wednesday, Sept. 3, 2008, at Second Baptist Church. Rev. Bob Parsley will officiate. Burial will be at Hudson Cemetery at Moreland by Humphrey Funeral Service. Visitation will be 6-7:30 p.m. today at the funeral home. Memorials may be made to Arkansas Baptist Children’s Home, 16502 Lawson Road, Little Rock, AR 72210.
Internet obituary and online guest book are available at www.humphreyfuneral.com.

Prayers, and condolences from our home to the homes of Chaplain MaLemore, and his family, friends, and his church family....

Your loving spirit, kindness, spirit, and service to your Country will be remembered.

Frigid...

It was 90 degrees while we were at the fair...

Right now it is a fridged 62 degrees!

Brrr...

Is fall here already?

Labor Day...indeed!

We managed to labor today.

We took some shelving out of the garage. I love DH's cordless drill.

DH and I (mostly DH) moved wall lockers to the back wall of the garage, along with the freezer.

We pulled about a 10 gallon bucket full of weeds.

Hung some unused trellis up on existing trellis.

Fixed both of The Collectives bikes. Cross fingers!!

Put PN's playhouse together, and moved it to an agreeable position in the back yard.

Went to the store, got groceries, and some more baskets for PN's pigsty.

Got woodglue, and vice thingy's to fix the leg on PN's dresser.

Cleaned PN's room.....

Everything we had on the list, well it is complete.

I also managed to buy a gray pencil skirt, and a light short sleeve cardigan (on clearance, a pretty purple color, while at Target) for my job interview tomorrow.

I have a job interview....my last job interview was like 9-10 years ago...

holy moses.

I am trying to give myself a pep talk tonight, and think about how I DO HAVE VIABLE skills...

wish me luck....(and a good hair day would be good too.)

Babygate? Whatever...

Last night, I read this it KOS.... the left saying that Palin's newest addition was actually the daughters baby. No seriously, you have to read it.

And now the announcement, that Palin's daughter Bristol 17, is pregnant.


Well now, lets see what the left does with this...

I dare say, that in our home, this is a non issue. Both sides of our families, have had its share of unplanned pregnancies. I will not start throwing names out, because frankly it is no ones business as far as I am concerned. That is a personal decision.

Do I think this sets a "great example"....no probably not. I doubt if Palin will be running around encouraging premarital relations. Can families identify with this....?

Probably.

Stay Classy Moore....

Thanking GOD for Gustav....



Tammi told me about this.....

I had to hear it to believe it.

Preparedness....

LW, does an amazing job at reminding us what it means to be prepared for an emergency.

I grew up in a home where preparedness, was built in. Immigrant farmers on one side, and a Pastor/City Marshall/fix it guy on the other.

Nothing was ever thrown out. They were green before green was PC.

We always had plenty on hand in case of an emergency.

My dear Dad, still keeps an old ringer washer handy, because you NEVER know. No electricity, does not mean you have to run around smelling like an old sock.

So go over and take a gander at the list.

Also always remember you might need some items to barter, or trade with. Booze, tobacco and firearms....always good.

There are no promises.

Also, one of our favorite publications Backwoods Home

Also, they run a military SPECIAL!!!