Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Watching the Detectives....

"Step-Dad" exit stage right.

Dear Husbands "Step-Dad" got on his plane this afternoon and is gone. I keep putting "Step-Dad", I should just put Dad down. It is his Mothers second husband. She has been married since. So it is not REALLY his "Step-Dad". It is really his Dad, simply put. He has kept in touch, offered guidance, and has been more of a "Dad" than any other man. So I think I will just call him Dear Husbands Dad.

Dear Husbands "Dad", is an interesting guy. He has his a Masters degree in developmental Psychology. He is a Secular Humanist, and oddly enough a Democrat, he is quiet and very mild mannered. So I felt as though I had hired an "existential detective", Like in the movie I Heart Huckabees.

I might add here, I am burned out, on the "housewife" thing right now. The job I have always wanted, and never thought I would be able to have, "housewife". The Mom part is going ok, I LOVE it. However,the cleaning off the floor under Pink Ninja's highchair for the fourth time. It is the laundry that multiplies in the hamper overnight, it is the monotony of the chores. Chores which my own Mother ALWAYS had done, my Mothers home was always SPOTLESS, you could eat out of her toilets. However, I cannot remember my Mom EVER PLAYING with us. Hence I am trying to find the balance between being a good Mom, and keeping the perfect house, and being a gracious hostess, and I am finding it impossible. I think the 18 month deployment did not help matters, being alone well, well it just sucks. I am still recovering, and I was the one at home.

So, Husband's Dad is here, and he is an EASY guest. He is very laid back, does not demand anything. You could not ask for a better guest. The whole time he is here, I am paranoid about my parenting skills, and what irrevocable damage I am causing my children. I feel as though at the end of the day I should sit down and ask for child rearing device, ask what mistakes he has seen me make through the day, and realize I DO NOT want to know. I am sure the list is endless. So I sit here with Pink Ninja with a 5 pound cast on her right arm, and Dash who is not only 3 but a perfectionist, and wonder what he is thinking.

Instead we go to B.B. King, and eat ribs, and we dine on Tandori Chicken, and talk politics, economy, the differences between the South and the Midwest. We catch up on stories of relatives,we watch Season 2 Chapelle Show and we eat popcorn.

I never asked for a meeting with my existential detective. I do NOT want to know.


Wendy said...

The perfect balance is the one that fits you the best.

A sparkling toilet will last a few minutes, and in a few years you'll look back and say, eh, so my toilet was sparkling, but what happened to that tiny Pink Ninja or the dashing Dash?

They grow too fast...but the toilet will still be the same toilet in 20 years...

Good luck in finding your balance.

vw bug said...

What Tink said. I look at some of my friends houses and wonder how they keep it so clean... only to find out they have someone come by 1 to 3 times a week to help out. Or their husband is a neat freak. I fall in NEITHER category.

I have clean laundry on my love seat, piles of newspaper on the dining room table, stuff piled here and there. When I lived alone, my house was spotless... but I think the kids outway the house. Eventually the house will get cleaner. Hey, I got to scrub the floors a day ago - not just swiffer, I mean scrub with pinesol! It's getting easier every month.

And trust me, after being in the 'Professional' working world for 14 years, this is the HARDEST job I have ever had. Lonely, no praise, and I could go on. You are not alone.

Best of luck at finding what the best balance is for you... and don't forget, occassionally we all fall off balance. According to my Hubby, me more than others. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Tink and VW are right - don't worry about what your mom did - that was her life, this is yours! You aren't the same people even if she is your mom. *grin*

I was home for 5 years with my kids, my husband worked over 60 hours a week... he was home though which does help A LOT!!! Take advantage of your husband being here now. Dump the kids with him and get out the door by yourself... even if it's just to go to the library or walk around the mall without small children - LOL.

Last of all - we all do our best to raise our kids. You're doing just fine. It seems they are healthy and happy - that is what being a parent is about.

Anonymous said...

A dirty house helps keep the kids' immune systems strong :-)

Anonymous said...

I completely identify with every damn thing you wrote. To the 't'.

airforcewife said...

Oh wow! I never wanted to be a housewife, either! It snuck up on me. And I'm so glad that vw mentioned the clean laundry on the loveseat. I have some there, too. With so many kids, I can't seem to get it washed and folded in one day.