Monday, April 18, 2005

Cheater cheater pumpkin eater....

Ok, I blogged briefly about this the other day.

The cheater.

He was a great friend of ours. He is married. His wife is not one of my favorite people, but still.

There is NO EXCUSE for cheating...None. If you want to go fuck someone else, at least have the dignity and BALLS to do the following.
1) get a divorce.
2) tell your wife you want to fuck someone else, so she can divorce you.
3) don't tell people, we REALLY didn't want to know.

So yesterday, while at church. Yes he showed up to church with his wife on his arm. I sat confused about the entire affair. I am confused and angry. It is not my place to judge his actions......I know. BUT this is killing me.

I need your advice readers....What am I to do? I want to sit down with cheater over a drink and tell him what I think of his ass. I really do. I do not know why I think I deserve a say, but I have a need to tell him this is ethically and morally wrong. I want to tell him I think he is a pussy for doing this in such a sly and shitty manner. I also need to figure out if I need to tell his wife. What do I do.

Being an adult does suck Bou.......


Katy said...

My husband and I feel just as you do. What a crappy spot to be in. I am not sure if you should say something or not. I suppose it depends on what the ramifications to you and your family would be. Your family comes first!

Sarah the Penguin said...

Let me just say that since you mentioned church, I'm guessing that you are a christian.
If you are, then this should be a no brainer.
To know the truth and not tell it is the same as lying.
A "sin of omission" if you will.

I'm just repeating what I've been told by countless other christians.

Ramifications to you and your family should be a concern, but, I'm just trying to get to the bare bones of the subject.
It seems the best and fastest way to help clear things up for you.

I'm just trying to help...if your faith is different than what I've been told, no skin off my nose and I'm sorry if I've offended in any way.

Now to be as crass as I know how...I have to ask...

did he eat her pumpkin?

dawn said...

Like sara, I'm assuming you're a Christian as you mentioned church? (unless your church is of some other sort, in which case, please disregard the following). Since this friend is in the church, I would suggest considering the Biblical stance on such issues. (See I Cor. 15, especially verses 9-15 on the difference between the world and those in the church and II Thess. 3:6, which suggests that one might "admonish him [the unruly one] as a brother"). The idea should be that you care about this friend and are concerned that he is choosing sin. You are responsible as a fellow Christian to provide a check... Practically speaking, perhaps you could talk to your pastor or an elder to get advice and perhaps avoid direct involvement?

Bou said...

I would not tell her. She may know, but doesn't want to deal with it. Your telling her will make her deal with it and that's not your place.

It takes two. I am a firm believer that cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem. Does it make him a dick? Yup. Is it excusable? Nope. But you don't know the whole story. Every single one of my friends whose husband's have cheated were having big problems in their marriage. All but one of them were married to good guys and they fixed their issues. The one that wasn't is now divorced and he was a complete asshole loser.

Do I think you should speak to him about it? Yeah, I do. Someone needs to tell him what he's doing is not excusable.

We can talk more on this via e-mail.

It sucks being the adult.

Anonymous said...

Me... I just can't imagine cheating in the first place :-/

Anonymous said...

I had a similar situation with a friend who cheated on her husband (her husband is a great guy who would be absolutely devestated if he knew about it, plus they have kids). It still bothers me that I didn't tell him, but that would have just done more harm. What I did do was talk with her. I told her that telling me about the affair (a one night stand) and expecting me not to tell her husband made me feel like I am a part of what happened (also spoke about the guilt I felt for not telling her husband, etc.). I concentrated on how her telling me made me feel because I can't change what she already did. I also told her that I knew this kind of behavior wasn't her and that it made me worry about what was going on that had her so upset. I encouraged her to go into therapy.

Contagion said...

I'm a firm believer of "Due unto others as you would have done unto yourself."

Thus, if your husband cheated on you, would you want a mutual friend to tell you if they knew?

Bou said...

MY answer to Contagion... No.

Tammi said...

I had to deal with that a lot when I traveled so much with business. After the steel business, and some really uncomfortable situations I laid this rule out up front (imagine saying this to a Sr. VP & Directors of a fortune 500 company) "What you do is your business...if you insist that I know your wife, and you do things you don't want her to know then:
1) don't do it in front of me
2) don't tell me about it

I've been a wife that's been cheated on. It sucks. Even if you don't love the guy, a promise is a promise. (plus if I had known for certain I would have left earlier).

It's a tough spot to be in - I have no advice at this point, just know I'm sorry you gotta deal with that.