I'm standing in the middle of life with my pains behind me.

ahhhhhh....relief from pain. For the first day in what feels like an eternity. I have not had to take advil, or toradol!! (Yet) Hoooray!! I am assuming the birth control pills kicked something into gear, as my skin also is reaping the benefits. Seriously. I have never had acne, but I have been having such a splotchy spotty face. For the love of God. I also will add here, the fact that I pretty much am left with the following options for now...

1) be on a monphasic birth control pill, hoping it can control hormone levels and pain.


2) deal with this crap that ends up being debilitating (not kidding).

3) have a partial hystorectomy, becuase of my uterus being diagnosed with adenomyosis.

Frankly for now, I am going to pray that "the pill" does the trick. Of course I have to keep a "female diary". Which I think I may just go to town with just fr fun. Get a big black book with a skull and crossbones on it, that says PERIOD on it in big letters, just to entertain myslef. Life is short folks.

Church went well this morning. The Collective do well at Church. I have not heard one complaint. It is almost like they must turn into different kids at Church. Todays sermon, fantastic. Death.....a topic I seriously enjoy. Lots of wonderful singing.

The Collective begged for Chinese food after Church, so I took them to the mall for Chinese. Seriously the only Chinese food I can stand in Little Rock. Most of the Asian Food here is horrid. (unsure why)

Then we bought Easter togs for Pink Ninja, and Sir Rowland.

I have been on the hunt for a houndstooth skirt for MONTHS. I found one today!! I was thrilled and bought it. YEA! I seriously felt victorious about finding one I liked!! I felt like I had been on some sort of hunt, no JOKE. (Also I will add here, houndstooth is a pattern, that should be made avalable every year....designers)

Must go make dinner, and change in to jeans and head back to Sunday night service.

I hope you are all enjoying a gorgeous day!!

Watching The Collective

It is 74 degrees out...

The Collective have had the first water fight of the Season. AWTM is dry. I can stand up if I take enough motrin or toradol.

Crap.

The Collective want me to play soccer, baseball, and golf. I am not up for it I am afraid. They are frustrated with me. Heck they are just frustrated, and the amount of energy they have is amazing. They have had 3 meals and snacks today. The cannot even sit still while eating.

I have said this more times than not today...I might get t-shirts made.

"do not stand by someone swinging a (inset sports implement here_____), you will get your brains knocked out of your head.

In fact I have had to save each of they're little brains from getting knocked out on at least *7 occassions.



Rememeber this when you are aged, and in a home AWTM.

NPO

OKAY, I can have nothing by mouth after midnight. MRI, in the morning ASAP. The neighbor college student will watch The Collective for me. The MRI, will just take forever, I have to drive through to Little Rock, blah blah, wait, blah blah, get IV and fill out paperwork, and give them my insurance card, and blah blah. If I am right, it will take at least 4-5 hours. I am going to make all breakfast in the monring. I am gonna leave a check here for the sitter to get The Collective pizza at lunch.

I still have pain....ughhhhh...ouch...and there is no relief. Unless of course I take the narcotics, which is just not something I do when alone with children.

The day was kinda long.

Spring has arrived. The tulip magnolias, daffodils, hyacynths,phlox, and red buds are blooming. It is gorgeous out. Beautiful. I am still waiting for leaves to drop off of the 3 huge oak trees...and there will be enough raking for me to do for months. Raking is great excercise. I am going to try and take The Collective to Wye Mountain Saturday for a picnic, we are going to go before the festival. But there are 9 acres of daffodils waiting to be seen.

So tommorow, the MRI, yesturday I had the good fortume of taking The Collective to the Vagina Whisperer. I just told them, Mommy doesn't feel good, you know how woman have vaginas, well the Dr. has to check them regularly. I also asked them to respect my privacy. Done deal. Thank God. When The Whisperer was done I made him assure me I was not entering menapause at 36. He assured me I was not, but he was laughing very hard. Thank God again.

I need to vacuum, and mop sometime in the next 72 hours, or I will be driven crazy.

DH called several times tody, he is enjoying being on a "regular post" where everything is handy. He sounds excited about his reading list, and classes. He sounded very good.

Typical...

* some of you will like this band.....Irish Thrash?

In fairly typical fashion within 24 hours of my DH's absense some things happen.. Because they do.

My gyno wants to do another laproscopy, because he does not trust the nut case that did my last one. the cyst on my ovary is not reabsorbing, and might be hemmorhagic at this time. I will have an MRI to determine. The MRI is supposed to be TOMORROW. I am looking for a sitter as we speak. I will also be starting birth control pills again to regulate hormones. I am imbalanced right now. We are hoping I am only on the temporary, and they are monophasic, so should be different for me to take.

I refused getting another laproscopy at this time, just cannot do it. I can't afford to be down. And honestly I do not think I need one at this time.

We have a Pine Tree that is infested with beetles or something, the tree needs to come down. It was fine just 5 days ago when I was in my flower bed digging around. 2 days ago, I am in the flower beds, and note branches and bark all over the damn place.

Crap...

On a good note we have started our new "sans Dad schedule". Last night was dinner at church, 3 year old choir for Pink Ninja and 5 year old choir for Sir Rowland. We had prayer meeting and Bible Study. It was nice. Seriously comfortable on all levels.


Oh and my phone is on the fritz...

if you need to call me, call the cell!!

Retail therapy

I did go shopping, I bought things.

The last time I bought myself something to wear, I think was a year ago. Seriously. I still feel bad when I spend money on myself.....a feeling of guilt that started when I I quit my "paying" job.

In good news, I got to buy smaller sizes. YEAH!!!

I bought no dainties, I bought clothing. So now I still need dainties.....that will be a hilarious blog entry.

The ladies in the changing room were very sweet, even if I was complaining about the excessive amount of floral pattern, bows, and pukey pastel colors for spring. The Southern ladies thought it was hilarious, and kept saying "Darlin' that is spring in the South"....ick.

When I got home I was treated to a meal of steak, crab legs, baked potatoes, and salad. Nice.

Off to the gym, and the library.

DH still not packed......should be a fun day.


I still need dainties.

Should I stay or should I go?

And DH has told me I should get out and abut ALONE.....as we are unsure when or if it will happen anytime soon.

I would rather be here with him. He has a point though. I am in the need of dainties...

And dainty shopping with a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy (although I am sure it would make for the BEST blog material on the planet) is too much humiliation for one me right now.

Daily physical contact is not overated.

Shell be my mirror
Reflect what I am
A loser and a winner

-Echo and The Bunnymen

OK....DH had National Guards all weekend. So we missed him.

We are looking at three days before he departs. Like I said, we were ready for 3 months, not 5 months. So now we are looking at a different laundry list of things to do.

All of the "man things" that I do not know, or want to deal with must be done in 72 hours. Fun. For all parties involved.

We will get to meet on weekends when he has time, and have decided to meet about halfway, so both of us do not have to travel far.

Soooo I am guessing I will be seeing this blogger in the near future!! One of the bright spots in this.

So there is packing, fixing, last minute hugs and photos, and all of the going on around here. It is a very surreal experience.

I seriously think I am above all of this. So I am caught of guard with the anxiety surrounding this sort of stuff.

Ha. I keep thinking about the Special Forces couples I know. This is the life they have CONSTANTLY. I mean months on, and off with no idea where loved ones are, or what they are doing. Today I am blown away by these couples. How do they do it, is beyond me...

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

First indication, I am listening to Maroon 5? WTF? And I know the words...

Insomnia, a RARE side effect of Progesterone.

Ha! I have slept 6 hours in 2 days, HA...

DH gone at drill for the weekend

The Collective, and progesterone do not mix.

Oye..

We are headed to the library for the big Dr. Seuss Birthday Bash!

Just when you think it is all doom and gloom around here....

I am ok, honestly I am. We will all just miss one another.

However, I am headed to the Vagina Whisperer today. That ought to be good for something. Nothing serious, I think my estrogen levels are not dropping again. We will see what the whisperer has to say.

However for the first time EVER, I will be attending alone, unless of course DH suffers a scheduling glitch. (Which is entirely possible).

Discombobulation

That is DH and I right now.

The strange anxiety and odd disconnect that takes place before a departure.

Both of us trying our hardest to get tasks at hand done, but feeling like the time could be spent better together...

It is for sure a strange feeling. Hard to describe. It seemed like I wondered through the house, not getting anything done most of the day. And when I called him at work to let him know, I was feeling this strange bit of anxiety and disorganization I was glad to hear it was him too.

The Collective are older, and this coming separation has caused Sir Rowland to be a little angry, and disobediant. Pink Ninja has been good, but when her Father broached her with the subject last night, explaining he had to be gone a while, but would return. She just broke, and the big tears came quietly. So I stood in the kitchen doing dishes staring in at the two of them on the couch. Huddled. Pink Ninja 3 and crying. And her Daddy unsure if she understood what he meant, or if she was confused.

I guess we really won't know until he is gone for a month or so.

And it is coming fast, it is like a train in the distance that gets faster, and I feel like I have my hand on a track and can feel and hear everything- everything.....and before I know it, I will be standing here with quiet...


And I realize he is in the U.S. and I realize it is military training. I realize it is only 5 months. He will be good. But I also realize that we are probably looking at an announcement of an actual deployment soon after this...that makes this a little harder to swallow.

There is never enough time...

and He was listening

We are safe. I have received many e-mails from people asking if Casa De Dust was wiped out by one of the tornado's that struck Arkansas the other evening. I appreciate your prayers and well wishes, we are safe. We were lucky enough to deal with thunderstorms, 3 power outages, and a little wind. Although those in the area of Dumas, are in need of prayer. The town was devastated.

The week was busy and a long one to be sure.

As many of you know from reading the blog, you will find that we have been looking for a church for our family. I actually have not been detailed about it, because it is a very personal experience for all people. We are Christian, despite my foul language, and not being the best example of a Christian. My Husband and I have been brought up in very different faiths, but are respectful of one another opinions and journeys. And although we include prayer, and other Christian practices in our home I felt it was time to introduce The Collective to building a foundation of faith that involved regular church attendance. Plus, I do love attending church, and having a church family. I want to provide my children with a similar experience, and hope they find comfort and strength in Christ. This current church provides our family with 3 opportunities to attend church on Sunday. If we miss Sunday, we can go Monday. They not only have Sunday School, but Children's Church. A special church service designed for children. It is wonderful, and The Collective are enjoying it immensely. There is even a 3 year old choir for Pink Ninja to join. I am pleased that this Church has not forgotten anyone.

Well, we have been lucky enough to find a a church that we agree on, and that is comfortable for us. I am sooo pleased. The Pastor has been of great service to us, and we enjoy him and his services. Upon his visit, we found out he is a Vietnam Veteran and served in the Marines, he also volunteers as a Chaplain to the Sheriff Department. His service to his community and Nation, was an added bonus to our family.

Upon the Pastor's visit, Sir Rowland came into the room, with all of his precociousness. And when the Pastor asked what grade Sir Rowland would be attending my heart sank. You see, I have been searching high and low for a school for this kid. Due to our current financial situation, it was looking like our local public school, which is a fine school, one of the best schools in the state. However, we are not talking about your average 5 year old. I do not like the way a couple of things are done there, and it is just not the place for Sir Rowland at this time. (remember, this is the kid who requested to leave a circus, because of the smell and noise. Also remember this is the kids, that could sight read some words before he was 2). The decision of school, was wweighing heavily on my heart.

The Pastor sat on my sofa, looked at me smiling, and said...

Pastor: "Did you know the church has an academy?"

AWTM: "no."

The Pastor tells me about the academy, 15 students per class, small rooms, individualized learning. The children are tested, and start where they need to in each subject. Each student is given opportunity to learn at his or her own pace. It is private, and there is a cost involved, but we can apply for assistance.


I visited the academy, it was quiet, relaxed, Teachers, Principal, and students looked happy. Sir Rowland liked it very much. It is the perfect place for him.

Sometimes we are at the right place at the right time, and it is no accident.

My heart is lighter, and Sor Rowland and I can hardly wait for the school year to begin.

like peas and carrots

*photo of Pink Ninja from daddy's cell phone.



Saturday, was spent at "the circus". I am a fan of the circus. I grew up not far from the baseball field in our little town. And every summer, American Legion baseball would come to a halt for 3 days, and the Shrine Circus would come to town. The neighbor kids would gather on bicycles, and we would head down to the field to watch them set up. Hoping to steal a glimpse of a tiger, a lion tamer, a clown without makeup. You know behind the scenes stuff. I must have spent 7 summers watching the circus set up behind a chain link fence.

So when DH told me the circus was in town, I was thrilled. We had taken The Collective once when DH returned from Iraq, and we haven't been back since. They were so tiny, I am still unsure if they recall any of it.

We ask The Collective if they would like to go. We get a hearty YES, and jumping up and down from Pink Ninja. Sir Rowland, gives a less enthusiastic version. So we, spend the morning, gathering up our things and we head out.

We find parking, and we get them unbuckled, and head towards the convention center. Pink Ninja announcing that she wants cotton candy. (I am still not sure how she knew they would have cotton candy). I note immediately I had forgot my camera in the TRUCK... damn.

We enter and find terrific seats, DH off to get cotton candy for Pink Ninja, popcorn for Sir Rowland, a pretzel for AWTM. The Collective and I sit and look at the three empty rings. Pink Ninja, then lets us know, "I do not like clowns". This is a pretty normal fear, so no biggie, but I wonder when this started, and why? Sir Rowland is sitting taking all of it in.

We watch kids taking elephant rides. I am prepared to go with them if they want. Its an elephant, of course they will want a ride. Nope, no dice. Pink Ninja wants a pony ride, Sir Rowland wants nothing to do with the animals, "they stink".

So DH returns, and the 4 of us enjoy the show. There are trapeze artists, and elephants, and clowns, which proved to be entertaining to Pink ninja, and "not scary at all". (Rockstar) She also consumes an entire wand of cotton candy. However, between the "stinky animals", the "VERY LOUD MUSIC", and after 2 hours Sir Rowland starts showing signs of OVERSTIMULATION. He can no longer buffer any of it. He is holding his ears, and he wants to leave. Pink Ninja is sitting on her Dads lap, clapping and bouncing to the music, she loves it. Sir Rowland, is cringing in pain.

So I gather him up, and we exit the arena. We are standing outside, and the wind is blowing, and he says "do you hear that? I answer "hear what?" and he sighs, and he says "nothing, it is quiet outdoors." I agree, and we head to the parking lot. Sir Rowland stops me to make sure we look at the city from the arena, and he says "I love the view from all of the way up here." "It is a great view of the city" I add. We walk holding hands across the parking areas, and it is quiet, traffic, birds, wind....

We see what looks like an antique mall, and head that direction, it is closed. We see abandoned railroad tracks, by the grain elevator. We walk along them to see that the overpass was removed, but the track over the river remains. "What a waste, I wonder why they took down this overpass? They could have used the existing route." I answer him, "I don't know buddy."

We get into the truck and I find Sir Rowland his steno book, and and ink pen, and he corrects the damage on paper, building the bridge once again where it once stood. Creating switches, and buffers for the trains.

I look out the front window to see Pink Ninjas bright red winter coat, she is sitting on top of her Daddy's shoulders smiling grandly. The truck door opens. "Mommy, I was not scared of the clowns, and I rode on a pony, I was not scared of the clowns at all....."

Mended

The imitrex saved me today. I did spend the rest of the day with nasea, a dry mouth, and a feeling of being rung out. No headache though. However, it did cause a small setback. I will definately have to kick it into gear tommorow.

Not a huge day, but need some time to prepare for my first podcast interview!! How fun is that? I will be talking to relationship expert Dr. Andrew McAllister. Dr. Andrew will answer a couple of e-mails I have gotten. Wish me luck. Still trying to figure out audacity and the conversion of files from WAV to MP3. I will let you know when it is up.

We also must get to work on our Valentines Day boxes, and Valentines Day cards.

On a good note. DH and I have a date this week!! A dance of all things. A dance, supposed dress is semi-formal. (Which is currently being clarified. This could mean, my good realtree. We are in Arkansas.)

6 degrees of Narcissim...

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze."
~Wordsworth



For those of you who are tired of Winter, Spring will soon be on its way. Although the robins never leave the Mid-South, I am seeing them in abundance, and they are fat with worms. My purple phlox have been blooming since December, despite the cold weather and frost. (note to self, plant more of these, the purple flowers offerred cheer on days that that needed it) My jonquils are trying they're best to bloom, and I can see yellow buds growing outside of the stems.

Jonquils?

Are jonquils daffodils? Or are daffodils a different flower? Well, both jonquils and daffodils are members of the Narcissus family. But the true jonquils (Narcissus jonquilla) have round, rush-like leaves and small, fragrant early blooming clusters of yellow blossoms. Daffodils, on the other hand, have large, normally yellow, single trumpet flowers. All jonquils are daffodils, but not all daffodils are jonquils!

Jonquils are the most fragrant of the Narcissus species. The cultivation of jonquils goes far back. Roman soldiers introduced the plant into England during the early years of the Christian era. They say Queen Anne loved jonquils so much that she wove patterns of jonquil blossoms into much of her delicate needlework. And her love of jonquils inspired her to establish Kensington Palace Gardens, the first public gardens in England.

This year I am taking The Collective to Wye Mountain to see the 7 acres of daffodils. The festival is slated for March. I do not think the daffodils will wait. It is sure to be a beautiful sight.

Define Wench

Last night while bathing The Collective.

Sir Rowland: "You got soap in my eyes."

AWTM: "sorry buddy"

Sir Rowland: "You kitchen wench."

AWTM: "Where did you hear that?"

Sir Rowland: "Cinderella."

AWTM: "yeah, we don't call people wenches."

I have always thought of wench being derogatory, so after putting The Collective down for the night, I looked it up.

I am going to pretend he meant "young woman"....

Main Entry: 1wench
Pronunciation: 'wench
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English wenche, short for wenchel child, from Old English wencel; akin to Old High German wankOn to totter, waver and probably to Old High German
1 a : a young woman : GIRL b : a female servant
2 : a lewd woman : PROSTITUTE

Enjoy your Sunday, it will be a busy day here.

There is church, and then a lot of odds and ends around Casa De Dust.

I must take some photos of some things The Collective have outgrown, so they can be sold.

A Mother Sleep Deprived=No Fun for Anyone Involved

My Mothers family is German, both sides, all sides German. I am fourth generation American on that side. They arrived her and started farming and ranching in Nebraska. The only reason I bring this up, is because there are two type of people on my Mothers side. There are those that wake before the rest of the World, before the sun, and they are industrious, they work and work and work...until the sun sets. The "awake" side of the family require little sleep 4-5 hours. They wake early and talk and talk, and chatter about. Which is honestly irritating to any normal person at 4:30 in the morning. They love morning. The other type of sleep personality in that family oddly enough is the ALWAYS tired, always sleeping person. (my Brother has inherited this trait, I also have at least 4 sleeping cousins). It seems that there is not enough sleep for these people. They seriously would sleep 10 hours a day and it would never be enough. They look tired they act tired. Remember the sleepy mouse on the Speedy Gonzolez cartoons? Yeah that is the other half of the family. It is really an odd mixture of people to combine.

I on the other hand have my Fathers sleep habits. Always have. I do not shut down easy, I like the quiet in the house at night. I have trouble sleeping. I like private time to read, or blog, watch a movie. I like the house when it is quiet. I can do 6 hours sleep, but feel better with 8.


The bad news here is, I gave birth to German farmers.

Many of you remember the days of Sir Rowland not sleeping well. Neither of my children are "sleepers". Sir Rowland is 5 now, he sleeps through the night regularly. At least 10 hours. Unless he is ill or has a bad dream.



Pink Ninja on the other hand is requiring less than a normal amount of sleep for her age. That might have something to do with turning three. Three is an energetic age. Because she is waking daily at about 4:30 a.m. ready to go. She wants everyone up at 4:30a.m.

I have tried keeping her up later, and all other practical things. But it seems as if she is waking at 4:30 to pee and then she is awake. (yes I have tried cutting fluids as well, so she doesn't have to pee, but thanks for thinking I am incapable). She still wakes to pee. When you are 3, your bladder is small.

It is my job at 4:30 to convince her that it is not time to be awake. It never works.

You see my kids do not nap, never have despite my BEST EFFORTS. (I have learned, some kids do not nap. They will nap if they are strapped in the back of the truck on a ride, but with a Ford F150, this is not a practical solution, or something I have ever done unless I am close to death) So by 10am. Pink Ninja turns on me, and instead of her normal full of joy self...she becomes almost unrecognizable.

So, I suppose it is time to give in to the 4:30 monster. Ugh....

I do not like 4:30 in the morning. I never have, never will.

Spoiled Rotten

DH has been gone with work for the last few days. I am spoiled. He has been home, and with a normal drill schedule for a month.

I forget how much I hate it.

I even prepared a meal yesterday that consisted of grilled cheese, and tomato soup out of a can.

Hurry home.

Odd Man In

Today I spoke with Sir Rowland about a trip we will be taking in May. We got out the Road Atlas, and started reading through it, highlighting a route. Talking about National Parks Me and his Daddy have been to. Talking about how his Grammy cannot wait to see him, and how he will be able to see the ocean for the first time. We can pick up shells, and listen to waves.

We open the Atlas, and start thumbing through talking about the United States.

He then turns to a map of Washington state and the following takes place.

Sir Rowland: "There is Seattle, Chuck and I have been there."

AWTM: (confused look wrinkled forehead) "Who is Chuck?"

Sir Rowland: "Oh Chuck and I go way back, we are old friends."

AWTM: "When was this?"

Sir Rowland: "We drove, it was fun, Chuck is a great driver."

AWTM: "How old is Chuck?"

Sir Rowland: "He had a map."

Sir Rowland: "Mom, you do know I am just making this stuff up right?"

AWTM: "So Chuck is a pretend friend?"

Sir Rowland: "I am making this up."

AWTM: (this is weird, wrinkled forehead remains)

It appears Sir Rowland has a new friend, or alter ego if you will. I was told Chuck likes everything Sir Rowland likes. They go on trips together. Chuck "gets Sir Rowland".



Seems a little odd to me.

And it reminds me a little of Calvin and Hobbes

Pink Ninja loves Baby Jesus

Sir Rowland bought Pink Ninja her "activity set" (that is nativity to you and I) for Christmas.

She loved it, and loved The Christmas Story, and could identify all of the pieces of the nativity. That did not stop her from taking Baby Jesus to Dora the Explorers house. I guess Joseph and Mary needed a sitter or something, because Baby Jesus spent a lot of time over at Doras. He ate enchiladas there, and was even invited to a tea party there. I saw the Wise Men over there a couple of times too. Oh and Dora's family in turn lined up outside of the manger to see the Holy Child.

Pink Ninja also loved Baby Jesus sooo much she took him to bed, and put him in her pillow case at night so he would be safe.

So a Pastor, a Soldier and a Mother walk into a living room

It was not lost on me that our Friday night was totally open, and available for The Pastor to visit. I am officially middle aged I suppose. I watch the weather, and I finally understand escrow.

I come from working, rural, simple peoples. The Pastor in question is from a religion I am familiar with.

So yesterday I was planning to try a new recipe for Moroccan Chicken. It has been cold, and it sounded sooooo good.

And then my Midwest brain kicked in:

*note* The Pastor was not coming for dinner, he was coming after dinner for cobbler and coffee.

AWTM Midwest brain: You cannot have a Pastor over after stewing Moroccan Chicken on the stove all day, it will SMELL like curry, saffron, wine and cinnamon. He will be certainly think we are communists, hippies, or heretics. Cook something that will smell like a normal Christian home. For Example a meatloaf, fried chicken, something uhhh...potluckish.

I am not kidding when I type the above, that was the conversation that went on in my
head. Something I should really not admit to. It proves I was raised in the rural, agrarian, Midwest from modest German/English/Dutch/French etc immigrants.

So I served my family a meatloaf for dinner last night, to make sure my home did not smell of exotic places, or foreign lands. SERIOUSLY.

The Pastor was very nice, he stayed for 2 hours. We like him. Turns out the guy is also a bit of a gourmet as well. I told him about my "chicken dilemma" and he seriously was leaned forward out of his chair laughing.

And he also requested me to bring my chicken curry to the next church pot luck.