Saturday, November 21, 2009

3 days?

Really, 3 bad days are possible?

Who knew?

First off there is nothing going on here, nothing new, or exciting. Frankly it is boring here. GO BORING. There is no drama in my house, it is not allowed. (Well other than me being upset about the dog)

Second, I think my suspicions are right. For those who have not been reading long. SR did go through IQ testing, he maxed it out. I also know IQ tests are one of those things that folks can argue all day about. However, until someone comes up with something better, it is a tool we decided to use to help our child. We did not use it to simply say WOW. We used it is a tool to show the educators what kind of child we are dealing with. We need to accommodate him, his learning style and his needs. Just like children who have other special needs.

Third it is almost painful to put anything down in the I am always waiting to defend myself or him.

As with all bloggers, this is where I cash my chips, it is a document of my life, and my feelings about it.

So with all of that said. I picked up SR today, this time in the principals office. Nothing bad, he told the teacher, he was sensitive, and headed down his bad path, and needed to leave the room. However I do not think he made it there nearly soon enough.

We will continue to work on this, and have a meeting with the school this week. The kid is BORED. He is sitting in a classroom in which he knows everything, they are going over. My request is simple. A science mentor.

The child needs confidence. He needs achievement, it is what drives him. Sitting with his peers is not working.

He is currently in swim, Cubscouts, and church activity. I think music lessons are next on the list.

3 bad days....I am exhausted, and I am not even him.

I will be busy this weekend, Thanksgiving here at the house, Christmas program at church, and PN's family birthday. Some company is already here...

Want to feel like a failure, become a mother. There are somedays, where even the best cheerleader wants to hang up her pom poms.


kd said...

Oh, I meant to add: I got MUCH better when I was put in GT classes. In the early grades it was twice a week for half days and as we got older, it became 3 days. Junior high we had exclusive classes and then in high school we got to pick (coast in "regular" classes or be challenged in AP or college studies).

Good luck in all of this; I had never considered it from my parents perspective and reading your blog has helped me get my head around how one my deal with this as the adult.

vw bug said...

You are a great mom. You care, you try and you are aware. There are no straight easy answers... or so I have learned. I wish you had it easier. I'll make sure I add extra prayers for you.

Ellen said...

You definitely don't have to defend yourself, it is very clear to me just from reading that you are doing your very best to get SR what he needs. I'm sure it must get exhausting, though.

And I think music lessons would be great for him to try (but then again, as a musician I'm a little biased! lol) especially given his interest in math. It might be slightly frustrating for him at first, just because as with an adult, you can "get" the concept, but the skill of playing the instrument takes practice.

I hope you can figure out a workable solution so that he has more good days, and you do too.

FbL said...

Definitely a great mom.

I wasn't quite as gifted/precocious as SR, but I was usually the "smartest" in my class and had the same perfectionist/obsessive tendencies.

What saved me was that I didn't actually start school until I was eight years old, and then it was in a one-room school, so I had the opportunity to interact with a variety of levels and even lead reading groups and such with those who were younger. It also allowed me to speed through subject areas that were easy to me but that I'd never encountered--such as math (math didn't interest me particularly so I'd never explored it independently).

As I trained to be a teacher and spent time in single-grade classrooms at the elementary level (I had been in one-room or multi-grade settings up to 7th grade), I was SOOOO grateful for the situation I'd had as a child. I would've gone nuts in a typical classroom. As it was, teachers always had to find ways to keep me occupied.

I can't imagine how frustrating things must be for Sir Roland. You are being a fantastic mom and advocate for him. Don't think for a moment that you're inadequate. *hugs*

Rachelle Jones said...

I appreciate the feedback, and am glad i have sooo many gifted friends, and encouragement, this is HARD.

I have spent a lot of time in tears over the past 3 days...

and I know I am blessed, and things could be worse, way worse. But frankly I just want a happy child.

His happiness, is reached differently than mine, or PN, or his peers, and trying to find his happy place is proving to be challenging

FbL said...

Forgot to add:

As a music teacher, I second the music lessons suggestion, for the same reasons. Since he IS such a perfectionist, consider starting with piano, unless he expresses very strong interest in another instrument. I say that because (unlike violin, for example) a piano will make a pretty tone immediately, building his feelings of confidence and success as the physicality of playing catches up with his grasp of the concepts.

And ask around for a highly-recommended piano teacher, preferably someone who has a degree in piano pedagogy--you might even want to contact the nearest college music department for suggestions. I'm guessing SR will find the typical piano books for children to be condescending, so the teacher will have to work to crate a individualized approach for him.

FbL said...

Of course, "crate a individualized..." should be "create an individualized..."

Obviously giftedness has nothing to do with editing skills. :P

Rachelle Jones said...

He tinkers around with our keyboard already, and can play some songs by ear.

My only hope is he enjoys it, and does not find it frustrating as well

Sarah said...

I was always decently smart in school but never the smartest and never a perfectionist. And I always had the philosophy that, even if something seemed boring or easy, there must be *something* I could learn from the situation (I was custom-made for public school.)

So I don't relate to SR, but I sympathize with you. Hang in there...SR will do amazing things one day and you two can look back and laugh at how bored he was in school, and about "that one time he got in trouble for picking glue off the container." He will be an adult for the majority of his life and will find his own ways to test his brain limits...he just has to make it through ten more years of boredom :)

And seriously, he needs that science mentor. Stat.

Guard Wife said...

I hope your request for a science mentor is heard & fulfilled ASAP.

Moms spend a lot of time doubting themselves, feeling guilty and wondering why they just don't hang it up. You are doing your level best with SR and that's all a kid could ask for--you are a great parent.

ABW said...

And this is why I am specializing in gifted and talented education. Have you heard of the Davidson Young Scholars Program? What about compacting, sending him to a higher grade for certain subjects? Abs used to go to 5th grade for reading, when she was in 2nd and it made a world of difference. Now I am fighting the new school to meet her needs. Fun times. If you need ideas, email me.

sheofthesea said...

You are so not failing, you are giving him the best you can under the (admittedly less than perfect) circumstances.

Please don't beat yourself up about this.

Peter said...

At the risk of sounding unhelpful, you don't know how lucky you are to have this boy now instead of fifty years ago. When I was in school kids like him were not anything but a discipline problem. Teachers either didn't know or didn't care that the smartest kids were bored. They only cared that we were quiet.

I must now add to the chorus, here, you are indeed a great parent. Trouble is, you must figure out a way to keep the Pink Ninja and Sir R. from ever going to the same school, otherwise those two will have the whole place held hostage for ransom.

Karen said...

I can't add anything else to all the advice you're aleady getting, other than to say that you are not alone, even when it feels like you are.

I spend two days a week sitting in a waiting room (while my son is in speech therapy) chatting with a bunch of moms of gifted kids who are in a "social butterflies" class to learn to deal with other kids in social settings. Their stories are just like yours! I wish you could sit with me and just listen.

But on another topic (you know how into violin education I am), when you seek out music education, you should check out Suzuki method teachers. At least do some research. It may or may not fit with SR's personality, but it works so well for our son. You can find Suzuki method teachers in almost any instrument.

farmwifetwo said...

Maxing out an IQ test doesn't tells anything about how one learns.

My son is doing very well at school but his IQ is lower than what he knows. This is b/c the IQ test is incorrect. With the full psychometry exam they showed what he knew, and how he learned.

The IQ test caught him b/c although he has an amazing long term memory... he has poor recall/short term skills. So teach him science for a week and he knows it all, have him read a paragraph and he can't tell you what he just read.

Doesn't make him stupid b/c the IQ test is short term skills. Makes it the wrong test.

To get modifications you have to have a diagnosis... or proof. Otherwise you're expected to adapt... aceing an IQ test doesn't tell them what's wrong or needed.

My eldest is severely claustrophobic. Luckily he has a dx of mild ASD - although he's as normal as the other 10yr olds in his class - but this gives us the ability to accommodate re: the Learning disabilities and the Occupational therapist (fine motor/sensory) has taken into consideration that sitting in a chair and not being able to move no matter how big the room is... will make one claustrophobic.

Without the dx... he would simply be bad. With.. he has therabands to wrap his feet in, fidgit toys, cushion, stands first in line, hands out papers, gets 15min in the gym in the afternoon with supervision, etc etc etc... Bad.. has been changed to "doing well".

You need to keep looking. Always remember a Dx is to get services. I was asked at the psychometry exam if I wished to have him re-dx'd to NLD... I said "No"... Why would I get rid of those things that are giving him success just to make me feel better??