Saturday, March 22, 2008

Being a Mother on Easter...

I just got off the phone with my Sister. We spoke about my Mother, and possibly exhuming my Mother from her current cemetary and moving her to a nicer one. The one she is currently buried at is an ugly cemetary, barely a tree in sight, and no green lush grass. The headstones sink, and they do not keep it up very well. Every time anyone goes they have to pull weeds, or plant grass, or dig the headstone out of the ground.

She will have been gone for 6 years this May 21.

6 years, where does time go.

6 years, and I can still hear her giggle, and I can hear her advice and wisdom in my head. It reverberates with almost every decision I make.

But tonight as I sit here and wait for The Collective to fall asleep so I can hide the Easter eggs I have just filled with nickles, pennies, and dimes....and I ponder tommorows menu for lunch. It is what my Mother would have made. An Easter ham, scalloped potatoes, peas, deviled eggs, and a salad. We are going to picnic on the back patio.

And oh how I wish she could sit out back with me and watch them look for eggs in all of the wrong places.

I always feel like a Mother now, it really took some time for me to get used to the title. To wear it. It felt like a new scratchy starched shirt for a while, and now it feels like well worn flannel pajamas.

I like that.

And the other night when I had to have a heart to heart with Sir Rowland about his compulsions he likes to act on, and about self control, I used a different angle.

Conversation after tucking Sir Rowland in.....

AWTM: "Buddy, you really need to think before you act, you are 6 now, it is called self control"

Sir Rowland: "But it is hard to be good all of the time, sometimes I can't help but make the wrong choice. I can't"

AWTM: "You can, it is what separates us from animals, we have freedom to choose, and free will."

Sir Rowland: "I try and try, and I can't, my brain gets crazy, it is broken."

AWTM: "Do you want people to think I am a bad Mommy, because people will think that if you continue to act out, they will think I am not doing the best Mommy job I can do."

Sir Rowland: "You are a good Mommy"

AWTM: "Do you know that God gave us to each other because he knew I would be the best Mommy on the planet for you, he trusted me enough to give me YOU."

Sir Rowland: "And he trusted me enough to give me YOU."

AWTM: (teary)

Sir Rowland: "Mom you just made me cry tears of joy too, my heart just grew."

AWTM: "me too"

And Easter will be in the morning, and I am blessed....


Anonymous said...

Happy Easter!

Mrs. Who said...

What a wonderful Easter post.

And 'tag', you're it!

Unknown said...

Damn girl, a tissue warning would have been nice. It'll be 8 years that my mom's been gone at the beginning of May. It's such a unique and special gift that the relationship is.

And I'm serving the same thing for dinner too.

Guard Wife said...

We had the same kind of dinner you had. What a lovely conversation for you and SR to have shared. His mind is like a vault & I would be willing to bet that someday, when he is tucking in his own rambunctious son, he will recall that conversation & his heart will grow a little more again.

{{Hugs}}, my friend.