Sunday, October 05, 2008

Still processing...

It is Sunday, the Collective are in the basement. SR is building with his Rokenbok, PN is trying to decorate her webkinz rooms online. There is no yelling or fighting...yet.

DH is sleeping in, which is a rarity. I am letting him sleep, as I try and figure out what I am going to make my family for brunch.

I continue to process this new information on my son, as the language, fears, and future have a new language attached to it. There are new terms, and new concepts for me to understand. And a bibliography I was given by the TAG coordinator, and 2 new books.

I am not ready to go into much of my processing right now, as it is happening as I type this. I will say this, I am relieved he does not have Asperger's Syndrome, it has been my biggest fear for the last 4 years, as well as the most suspect answer. I was very frightened of this diagnosis.

I will mention this though, the other day before meeting with the Psychologist, Teacher, and head of the TAG program...I told DH.

"DH, this IQ score better be off the charts, because it is the only way to explain what has been going on for the last 6 years, it is the only thing that could possibly explain our lives, his frustration and ability and my fatigue"....

And so the scores were literally off of the chart.

I keep getting "WOW, how exciting from family and friends....and even DH"....

Everyone around me telling me what fantastic news this is. And it is. My child is not ill, or afflicted with what had been presumed.

However, as his Mother......I sat at the table in the meeting DH on one side of me, my 4 year old daughter on the other.

And I heard this.

Psychologist: "Your son is operating on a level that is not completely measurable at this time because of his age, this number is an indicator. However, he is processing things at such a high level, that he is ahead of %99.9 of his peers."

And as a Mother, I sat there with my own IQ, which I have never had tested to my knowledge, because it has not been needed. I am going to assume I operate on "normal" which is I believe 89-119.

And I felt soooo separate from my son, for the first time in my life. I felt such an extreme sense of empathy towards my child at that time, I could feel my heart. I cannot describe that moment.

People with IQs over 160, they are 1-30,000.

His World view and perception of things are far different from most of us.

He knows he is different.

I also heard from staff, that he is TRYING HARDER than anyone they have seen.....

*to be continued at some point today...

I need to cook for hungry mouths, and prepare a backpack to take on a nature hike...

Also please note I realize I am blessed here, I KNOW, I am lucky and blessed that we are healthy, and there are no chronic health problems. As a person who grew up in a family with very ill siblings, I do understand is why I became a nurse. However, this blog is where I process thought, and if I have offended you with my feelings about this new path we are on, I do apologize...


Anonymous said...

I am not offended. I've been reading for a couple of years and I don't remember noting that there was a lot about your son in here.

I have a 17 year old son who has not been id'ed as Asberger's because we didn't take him in. We didn't think there was any point to having him labeled. (I have homeschooled him, so we didn't have school issues.)

Now, reading your discussions, I have other questions.

Maybe his issues aren't Asberger's after all.

But I wonder what specific things came up with your son. And I don't remember you writing about a lot of them.

Peter said...

Not that it matters but I suspect that you are a bit brighter than "normal", just from reading your blog.