This week in pictures...

This picture of The Collective sums up the week perfectly.

RROARRRR

Natural Pessimism or Waiting for the other shoe to DROP...

*I woke this morning to find my HP notebook, crashed.... Also note here, I am preparing to be away from home for extended amounts of time. My notebook is my lifeline right now, I have SEVERAL projects in the works......*****INSERT LOTS OF MY USUAL F-WORDS HERE LOT OF THEM. lots of them. LOTS.

I call Optimists idealists.

Optimists call me a pessimist.

I happen to like the term realist.

In this pessimism, I will note I struggle, because I am nothing but thankful, and appreciative of my life and my blessings. BUT This morning, I am thinking I am not a good person, in fact I must not be nearly as appreciative as I would like to give myself credit for. That is a hard pill to swallow this morning.

But my nature is to wait for the other shoe to drop.

It is an awful way to go through the day. And I loathe that I am "that person". Who wants to be around a person waiting for tragedy, and misfortune? There is not much fun it that, is there? And I would certainly recommend my children not take "this approach to life". However I lead by example. An example that will set them up for an anxiety filled life. Because anticipating catastrophe, doe not make it easier when it happens. In fact, I can say I have spent a lot of my life worrying unnecessarily about A LOT of things.


So can I truly be thankful, and a pessimist?

I do not think so.

Pre-registration is OPEN!!

Last years mil-blogging conference was so important, I am going again! The list of attendees, and participants is growing.

Andi announces

Pre-registration for the 2007 MilBlog Conference is now open. Registration is $40 per person. The fee covers the cocktail reception on May 4 and the conference/luncheon on May 5.

The first 100 seats are reserved for pre-registrants and are available on a first come/first served basis. Pre-registration will run from March 9 - March 16 and is open only to members of the military community (active-duty, Guard, Reserves, Veterans and family members). Registration will open to the general public on March 17.

Seating is limited to 275 people, so be sure to register early.

My Blog Momma celebrates turning 3.

My Blog Momma turns 3 today. Wow three years of almost daily entries. 3 years. So go over and say happy blog-versary.

She does make a good point today about the evoloution of blogging as a hobby. Go over and give it a read.

For those of us that keep an online diary, it does change. As honest as we try and be. Topics change, information exchanged changes. Mostly to protect ourselves, but to protect those around you. Especially when you find out your neighbor is reading, and you can no longer refer to her as "the nesbian". Or you find out your Aunt is reading, and she thinks you are "Earthy".

So thank you for being my blog Momma, and introducing me to an incredible family of bloggers, and so many incredible and giving people. It has been SO MUCH FUN.

Just like her Daddy

A couple of weeks ago, The Collective and I were watching Little Mermaid 2. Little Miss Ariel gets trapped in a shell, and The Collective begin to worry.

Suddenly, Pink Ninja looks my way and says.

Pink Ninja: "Hey Mom."

AWTM: "Yeah?"

Pink Ninja: "You know what Ariel needs don't you?"

AWTM: "What is that?"

Pink Ninja: "She needs a knife."

AWTM: "Yes, you are right."

I'm standing in the middle of life with my pains behind me.

ahhhhhh....relief from pain. For the first day in what feels like an eternity. I have not had to take advil, or toradol!! (Yet) Hoooray!! I am assuming the birth control pills kicked something into gear, as my skin also is reaping the benefits. Seriously. I have never had acne, but I have been having such a splotchy spotty face. For the love of God. I also will add here, the fact that I pretty much am left with the following options for now...

1) be on a monphasic birth control pill, hoping it can control hormone levels and pain.


2) deal with this crap that ends up being debilitating (not kidding).

3) have a partial hystorectomy, becuase of my uterus being diagnosed with adenomyosis.

Frankly for now, I am going to pray that "the pill" does the trick. Of course I have to keep a "female diary". Which I think I may just go to town with just fr fun. Get a big black book with a skull and crossbones on it, that says PERIOD on it in big letters, just to entertain myslef. Life is short folks.

Church went well this morning. The Collective do well at Church. I have not heard one complaint. It is almost like they must turn into different kids at Church. Todays sermon, fantastic. Death.....a topic I seriously enjoy. Lots of wonderful singing.

The Collective begged for Chinese food after Church, so I took them to the mall for Chinese. Seriously the only Chinese food I can stand in Little Rock. Most of the Asian Food here is horrid. (unsure why)

Then we bought Easter togs for Pink Ninja, and Sir Rowland.

I have been on the hunt for a houndstooth skirt for MONTHS. I found one today!! I was thrilled and bought it. YEA! I seriously felt victorious about finding one I liked!! I felt like I had been on some sort of hunt, no JOKE. (Also I will add here, houndstooth is a pattern, that should be made avalable every year....designers)

Must go make dinner, and change in to jeans and head back to Sunday night service.

I hope you are all enjoying a gorgeous day!!

Watching The Collective

It is 74 degrees out...

The Collective have had the first water fight of the Season. AWTM is dry. I can stand up if I take enough motrin or toradol.

Crap.

The Collective want me to play soccer, baseball, and golf. I am not up for it I am afraid. They are frustrated with me. Heck they are just frustrated, and the amount of energy they have is amazing. They have had 3 meals and snacks today. The cannot even sit still while eating.

I have said this more times than not today...I might get t-shirts made.

"do not stand by someone swinging a (inset sports implement here_____), you will get your brains knocked out of your head.

In fact I have had to save each of they're little brains from getting knocked out on at least *7 occassions.



Rememeber this when you are aged, and in a home AWTM.

NPO

OKAY, I can have nothing by mouth after midnight. MRI, in the morning ASAP. The neighbor college student will watch The Collective for me. The MRI, will just take forever, I have to drive through to Little Rock, blah blah, wait, blah blah, get IV and fill out paperwork, and give them my insurance card, and blah blah. If I am right, it will take at least 4-5 hours. I am going to make all breakfast in the monring. I am gonna leave a check here for the sitter to get The Collective pizza at lunch.

I still have pain....ughhhhh...ouch...and there is no relief. Unless of course I take the narcotics, which is just not something I do when alone with children.

The day was kinda long.

Spring has arrived. The tulip magnolias, daffodils, hyacynths,phlox, and red buds are blooming. It is gorgeous out. Beautiful. I am still waiting for leaves to drop off of the 3 huge oak trees...and there will be enough raking for me to do for months. Raking is great excercise. I am going to try and take The Collective to Wye Mountain Saturday for a picnic, we are going to go before the festival. But there are 9 acres of daffodils waiting to be seen.

So tommorow, the MRI, yesturday I had the good fortume of taking The Collective to the Vagina Whisperer. I just told them, Mommy doesn't feel good, you know how woman have vaginas, well the Dr. has to check them regularly. I also asked them to respect my privacy. Done deal. Thank God. When The Whisperer was done I made him assure me I was not entering menapause at 36. He assured me I was not, but he was laughing very hard. Thank God again.

I need to vacuum, and mop sometime in the next 72 hours, or I will be driven crazy.

DH called several times tody, he is enjoying being on a "regular post" where everything is handy. He sounds excited about his reading list, and classes. He sounded very good.

Did you know ?

Anna Nicole Smith died?

Typical...

* some of you will like this band.....Irish Thrash?

In fairly typical fashion within 24 hours of my DH's absense some things happen.. Because they do.

My gyno wants to do another laproscopy, because he does not trust the nut case that did my last one. the cyst on my ovary is not reabsorbing, and might be hemmorhagic at this time. I will have an MRI to determine. The MRI is supposed to be TOMORROW. I am looking for a sitter as we speak. I will also be starting birth control pills again to regulate hormones. I am imbalanced right now. We are hoping I am only on the temporary, and they are monophasic, so should be different for me to take.

I refused getting another laproscopy at this time, just cannot do it. I can't afford to be down. And honestly I do not think I need one at this time.

We have a Pine Tree that is infested with beetles or something, the tree needs to come down. It was fine just 5 days ago when I was in my flower bed digging around. 2 days ago, I am in the flower beds, and note branches and bark all over the damn place.

Crap...

On a good note we have started our new "sans Dad schedule". Last night was dinner at church, 3 year old choir for Pink Ninja and 5 year old choir for Sir Rowland. We had prayer meeting and Bible Study. It was nice. Seriously comfortable on all levels.


Oh and my phone is on the fritz...

if you need to call me, call the cell!!

It has been brought to my attention...

So I am drowning my sorrows in my Maxwell House, and my coffee mate creamer, and I am going through my blog roll.

I go to my Blog Mommas and note, it is my blogging anniversary. 2 Years spent as an online diarist.

I will say it is not lost on me that 2 years ago I was dealing with reunion, and today I watched him leave for military training for 5 months...

Irony.

My first post EVER here...

Harley Momma?

Reunion after deployment is a tricky thing, especially after 18 months. I put on the best "good wife" face, highest heels, best levis.....and smile. I waited by the hotel elevator, with the 2 toddlers. Trying to look beautiful, and dreamy after a 7 hour drive. The 3 year old bouncing off of the hallways walls, and the 16 month old, not understanding this at all. He gets off and the 3 year old...is jumping and saying "I love you " and " I missed you so much" "I missed you so long". A heartbreaking scene for sure, but he is so damn cute, I can't cry. I will save it for later.....because I know it is coming.
We enter the hotel room, and kiss and hug.....and I don't want to let go. I am afraid this is a dream and he will vanish into thin air, just like the all of the dreams.
After all of the kissing and hugging, and thanking God.....it justs seems so fucking awkward. He has a few gifts he has gotten us, a beautiful silver and gold and silver bangle for me, books, stuffed animals for the children.
What am I supposed to say now, what I am I supposed to ask?
He then says this........"I was going to surprise you for our anniversary in April, but I have to tell you.....I ordered us a Harley".
I smile and act excited.....in my head I am thinking..."What in the Fuck?"...don't get me wrong...I LOVE HARLEYS...always wanted one, but I can't even manage finding a sitter so I can go to yoga or get my hair done. Not to mention the $22,000 in question.
So I smile, and keep on my "good wife face".....and act excited and pleased.........wonder how long I can keep this up?


Posted by Army Wife @ 7:15 AM | Comments (2) | Trackback

He is gone

5:00am: DH all dressed ready to go, wakes me with kisses and then apologizes for The Collective being up prior to 5:00am. (his DNA on that, not mine). He gets my robe, and reluctantly I leave my warm bed.

5:00-5:15am: I spend 15 minutes following DH around the livingroom and kitchen.

5:15am: Kisses.

AWTM: "Kick ass, be safe, do good and make the 5 months worth it, make us proud."

DH: "I will."

AWTM: "I love you."

DH: "I love you."

And in the same way he has left me, and us in 16 years I watch him walk away, there is no turn around...if there is, I haven't seen it.

Retail therapy

I did go shopping, I bought things.

The last time I bought myself something to wear, I think was a year ago. Seriously. I still feel bad when I spend money on myself.....a feeling of guilt that started when I I quit my "paying" job.

In good news, I got to buy smaller sizes. YEAH!!!

I bought no dainties, I bought clothing. So now I still need dainties.....that will be a hilarious blog entry.

The ladies in the changing room were very sweet, even if I was complaining about the excessive amount of floral pattern, bows, and pukey pastel colors for spring. The Southern ladies thought it was hilarious, and kept saying "Darlin' that is spring in the South"....ick.

When I got home I was treated to a meal of steak, crab legs, baked potatoes, and salad. Nice.

Off to the gym, and the library.

DH still not packed......should be a fun day.


I still need dainties.

Should I stay or should I go?

And DH has told me I should get out and abut ALONE.....as we are unsure when or if it will happen anytime soon.

I would rather be here with him. He has a point though. I am in the need of dainties...

And dainty shopping with a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy (although I am sure it would make for the BEST blog material on the planet) is too much humiliation for one me right now.

Daily physical contact is not overated.

Shell be my mirror
Reflect what I am
A loser and a winner

-Echo and The Bunnymen

OK....DH had National Guards all weekend. So we missed him.

We are looking at three days before he departs. Like I said, we were ready for 3 months, not 5 months. So now we are looking at a different laundry list of things to do.

All of the "man things" that I do not know, or want to deal with must be done in 72 hours. Fun. For all parties involved.

We will get to meet on weekends when he has time, and have decided to meet about halfway, so both of us do not have to travel far.

Soooo I am guessing I will be seeing this blogger in the near future!! One of the bright spots in this.

So there is packing, fixing, last minute hugs and photos, and all of the going on around here. It is a very surreal experience.

I seriously think I am above all of this. So I am caught of guard with the anxiety surrounding this sort of stuff.

Ha. I keep thinking about the Special Forces couples I know. This is the life they have CONSTANTLY. I mean months on, and off with no idea where loved ones are, or what they are doing. Today I am blown away by these couples. How do they do it, is beyond me...

SHHHH

you may be right.....I may be crazy....

The Cat In The Hat Party was crazy, but I got a cookie. Yummy.

Sir Rowland and Pink Ninja liked it and had fun, but didn't like the The Dr. Seuss books that were chosen.

I also noted that 30 2-7 year olds allowed to pop bubbles indoors, while on adult blows bubbles, as as close as I will ever get to a mosh pit again...very punk rock.

On my continued I have gone crazy with estrogen dominance, and now am on progesterone to level me out....

I am listening to Billy Joel....yeah I know..and I know all of the words, which is not cool at all. First off I think he drives drunk with teenaged girls in his car, which is just creepy...



I also checked out a romance book. Which I have NEVER done. The last "romance" book I read was Bridges of Madison County, about 12 or so years ago on the way to my Brother in Laws.

Odd stuff...

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

First indication, I am listening to Maroon 5? WTF? And I know the words...

Insomnia, a RARE side effect of Progesterone.

Ha! I have slept 6 hours in 2 days, HA...

DH gone at drill for the weekend

The Collective, and progesterone do not mix.

Oye..

We are headed to the library for the big Dr. Seuss Birthday Bash!

Because the week wasn't interesting enough.....

I went to the vagina whisperer. Who I adore, this man is THE Vagina Whisperer. . I swear. I seriously watched his wheels turning, as he ruled out, asked questions, etc. He is gentle, and takes his time, listens, and asks a lot of questions, and answers them. His initial dx, was proven right after 2 songrams...

A corpus luteum cyst on my left ovary. Only 8cm, but painful, and interefering.

Corpus Luteum Cyst. The corpus luteum that forms after ovulation is also a cyst­like structure, and it is very prone to the development of fluid or blood­filled cysts that can grow from the size of an egg to the size of a softball.

Unlike follicle cysts, corpus luteum cysts usually cause pain on only one side of the lower abdomen. If you have a corpus luteum cyst, you may be experiencing menstrual changes such as late periods or bleeding between periods. Because this set of symptoms is also associated with the dangerous condition known as tubal or ectopic pregnancy, you should be sure to go to a doctor.

So now, I am taking 5 days of progesterone, which so far has made me sleepy, and very dizzy. Like I have had 5 cocktails.

Just when you think it is all doom and gloom around here....

I am ok, honestly I am. We will all just miss one another.

However, I am headed to the Vagina Whisperer today. That ought to be good for something. Nothing serious, I think my estrogen levels are not dropping again. We will see what the whisperer has to say.

However for the first time EVER, I will be attending alone, unless of course DH suffers a scheduling glitch. (Which is entirely possible).