For some reason I still think husband is packing up tomorrow and leaving for another 18 months. I cannot get it through my brain. My brain is trained to be here alone.
I am having a hard time getting into any routine, getting around to normal chores. Just want to watch husband play with the children, hold his hand, make out on the sofa.......Catch up....On "all things" missed.
I want to listen to him talk for hours, I want to hear him go through his closet, and movies and music. He seems surprised these things are all still here waiting for him. I want to watch him go through the pantry, surprised at the endless choices. I want to hear him take a 30 minute hot shower because he can. I want to hear him call his Grandma and hear him say "thanks for sending jelly beans to the babies for Easter". I want to hear him say...."You know what Honu, (he calls me Honu) I am sure hungry for your spaghetti." I want to see him sitting on the couch skimming through the latest issue of his "Backwoods Home" and "Guns and Ammo". I want him to go to the store for milk, and come home with 3 sacks of groceries, we don't need. I want to listen to him scour through the kitchen cupboards looking for his favorite mug, even though it is right in front of him. I want to hear that damn Jeremiah Johnson soundtrack that plays through that entire damn movie that I thought I hated. I want to spend all of our time making love, feeling his breath on my neck, and listening to him whisper endless possibilities .........
I do not want to clean my toilets, vacuum, dust, fold laundry, pay bills, unload dishwasher. These things do need to be done, so I am going to have to send Dearest Husband out today. There are plenty of things he needs to do too. He is just proving to be soooooo distracting.