The drive was not terrible. The children were not terrible. It was snowing in Kansas City Tuesday night.....brrr and damn. I forgot it was "Spring Break".....so the hotels are packed, and roads are packed, and gas prices are high, for the midwest.
We arrived in Nebraska yesturday, and got to Grandmas house. There was a huge sign in the yard, you know the kind that lights up. It made me teary driving up Grandmas street. Then there were the huge hugs from his Auntie, and Grandma. Big hugs, the kind that say everything. The kind of hugs that make you cry when you watch. Right now I am so glad we are here, he needed these.
Dear Husbands cousin was here with her new husband.......a handsome Marine, also just home from Iraq by one week. They looked cute and hopefull and in love......young. They are on their way to set up "home" in San Diego. Very big changes for a young couple from the fields of Nebraska. I remember.
My husband and I could not help but remember our "war marriage".....all day. We wanted to sit them down and tell them it really can work, and give them all kinds of advice. We didn't. I guess it will work if they want it to.
It is funny sitting here at Grandmas house now, almost 14 years later. So much has happenend. Grandpa died, Grandma is frail . Little Nate, is no longer 3, he is getting ready for his high school graduation. Micah is in the Army in Korea and missed his little sisters wedding. Bobby is in Afghanistan and divorced. Angie finished college, and is living in Nebraska. We are still married, and in Arkansas.....with our 2 precious "babies", that are loving all of this attention, and hugs, and marshmellow peeps.
So I sit here and remember, about 14 years ago, and how tired we were, after Dear Husband came home. The wedding, the rainy day, the week following, and the visits to family and friends. The look in everyones eyes, at this "young couple". I am sure they had all kinds of advice they wanted to give, and didn't. I remember being tired and falling asleep on Dear Husbands shoulder on Grandmas couch. How wonderful it is to still have his shoulder to fall asleep on.
Congratulations Emily and Lance.........just give each other a soft place to fall.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Did i mention it is supposed to snow?
I talk to my "kin" in Nebraska, and they tell me it is supoosed to snow. WTF...it is Spring here, where I live. In fact my tulips are about ready to bloom. I am going North so I can freeze?
Monday, March 21, 2005
Do we have to go?
I am kicking and screaming right now. I am having to pack for myself and the children. For an "unknown" amount of time, and "odd" climate.
I do not want to go.....I want to stay home and snuggle.
I do not want to go.....I want to stay home and snuggle.
Do we have to go?
Apperently I am not "sick enough" to get out of this trip to Nebraska. My illness did buy me 24 hours. Damn. So off I go for the rest of the day to pack, and do laundry, pay bills water plants, and forget a bunch of stuff.
We will be taking the laptop, this should help me check in........and whine incessantly about my family.
When I get back my focus is the blogroll and photos. Anyone extrememly patient with tech tards feel free to offer your services.........again.
I have no idea how long we will be gone. You might see me looking like Nick Nolte's mug shot on the TV...however I am a brunette and have breasts, so keep an eye out for me.
We will be taking the laptop, this should help me check in........and whine incessantly about my family.
When I get back my focus is the blogroll and photos. Anyone extrememly patient with tech tards feel free to offer your services.........again.
I have no idea how long we will be gone. You might see me looking like Nick Nolte's mug shot on the TV...however I am a brunette and have breasts, so keep an eye out for me.
I dined with my lovah....Over elk shanks.....
That is right folks. We went on a date. Alone. Ask me how long it had been since our last date. 25 months. Our last date I was pregnant by a month, and not feeling the best......It was a nice date though.
My girlfriend called, and offered the services of her poor bohemian 18 year old daughter. I was till feeling SO SICK......but took a couple of sudafed, called husband at his motorcycle class, and said we are going out tonight.
I got the children bathed, and fed early, jammies and to bed. Had Dearest Husband showering, shaving and getting ready. "Pink Ninja"....Who has been going down for the night like a champ, was fussy due to incisors coming in, a cold she caught from Mom, and her darn immunizations. Damn......
Husband comes out looking so spiffy in favorite western shirt, it is white, and has cobalt blue snap buttons, beautiful blond high and tight, raccoon eyes from being out riding, and his blue jeans.
I am the master of getting ready, I have been known to get ready for many formal events in less than 30 minutes. (I do not think this is appreciated by Dear Husband, I think he thinks all women can do this.)
So I put on some nice blue jeans, my favorite chocolate colored silk blouse, and my chocolate Italian boots.
We go over details with bohemian sitter, point out the hummus, Bretons, phone #'s.
We head out alone....It is almost 9pm. Our plan was sushi, husband has been hungry for sushi. We get to the sushi place, and note it is a "Mongolian Grill" and "sushi" place. It loud, and bright, so we leave. We head downtown for anything else. We are on limited time and know it. People down south LOVE to eat EARLY. Many restaurants close early. We end up finding a great dimly lit restaurant, that looked open. We entered and were so surprised. A great Northern Italian restaurant, that featured multi-course menu. Feature of the night was "elk". My husbands favorite, but so hard to find. I chose the Duck. I must say his elk...Was the most fantastic piece of meat I have ever eaten.....Better than any beef. YUMMY. My duck was delicious, but had been prepared in typical "chef" fashion...Was a little rare for my liking. Still very tasty.
No cutting food, no rushing, no child filled with saltines before meal came, no shh-ing, no highchair, no child falling out of his booster seat, no wet ones in my purse, no bibsters.......
Just me and my lovah, dining over exotic meats. Tasting each others foods, and smiling over candle light. It was nice long 3 hour dinner. It was nice dining with such a handsome and interesting man.
I hope our bohemian baby sitter is broke again very soon.
My girlfriend called, and offered the services of her poor bohemian 18 year old daughter. I was till feeling SO SICK......but took a couple of sudafed, called husband at his motorcycle class, and said we are going out tonight.
I got the children bathed, and fed early, jammies and to bed. Had Dearest Husband showering, shaving and getting ready. "Pink Ninja"....Who has been going down for the night like a champ, was fussy due to incisors coming in, a cold she caught from Mom, and her darn immunizations. Damn......
Husband comes out looking so spiffy in favorite western shirt, it is white, and has cobalt blue snap buttons, beautiful blond high and tight, raccoon eyes from being out riding, and his blue jeans.
I am the master of getting ready, I have been known to get ready for many formal events in less than 30 minutes. (I do not think this is appreciated by Dear Husband, I think he thinks all women can do this.)
So I put on some nice blue jeans, my favorite chocolate colored silk blouse, and my chocolate Italian boots.
We go over details with bohemian sitter, point out the hummus, Bretons, phone #'s.
We head out alone....It is almost 9pm. Our plan was sushi, husband has been hungry for sushi. We get to the sushi place, and note it is a "Mongolian Grill" and "sushi" place. It loud, and bright, so we leave. We head downtown for anything else. We are on limited time and know it. People down south LOVE to eat EARLY. Many restaurants close early. We end up finding a great dimly lit restaurant, that looked open. We entered and were so surprised. A great Northern Italian restaurant, that featured multi-course menu. Feature of the night was "elk". My husbands favorite, but so hard to find. I chose the Duck. I must say his elk...Was the most fantastic piece of meat I have ever eaten.....Better than any beef. YUMMY. My duck was delicious, but had been prepared in typical "chef" fashion...Was a little rare for my liking. Still very tasty.
No cutting food, no rushing, no child filled with saltines before meal came, no shh-ing, no highchair, no child falling out of his booster seat, no wet ones in my purse, no bibsters.......
Just me and my lovah, dining over exotic meats. Tasting each others foods, and smiling over candle light. It was nice long 3 hour dinner. It was nice dining with such a handsome and interesting man.
I hope our bohemian baby sitter is broke again very soon.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Satisfy My Soul
I am still feeling "separate" from Dear Husband. 18 months of different day to day existence can do this. So I stand on the outside now and try and imagine his life.
He is a "rules" kind of guy, he doesn't tell, and I don't ask.
The other day we were in the truck on the way to the bookstore and I asked....."Does it feel weird driving your truck?" I got a small glimpse into his head. He said. " I still don't like driving under the overpasses and over bridges. Random garbage on the shoulders makes me edgey." That small glimpse was enough for me that day. I haven't asked another question. Maybe later.
That first night alone the hotel....When the children finally fell asleep. I clung to him and cried. I am not a big crier-try not to be anyway. Reunion is frightening, and you feel lucky, blessed, cheated, alone, and guilty. You want to hear "the story" that proves you have every right to feel lucky and blessed, but you don't want to hear it.
So you lie on a bed in a dimly lit hotel room, and you watch your babies sleep in peace. You put your head on your husbands chest, and you hear his heart beating, and you can smell him for the first time in months, and you can feel his hands on your back, and you cry as quietly as you can.
The tears come....and you try and stop them. All of the worry, gratefulness, sorrow, and love. You cry for him, and his lost brothers, and for the widows that must cry in the shower, so their children can't hear them.
You feel guilty for the tears on his chest, and he pulls you to his mouth and tries to kiss your tears away. No one says a word- and you swear you can hear your tears dropping onto his flesh, and you can hear his heart beating..........And it is the best sound in the World right now.
He is a "rules" kind of guy, he doesn't tell, and I don't ask.
The other day we were in the truck on the way to the bookstore and I asked....."Does it feel weird driving your truck?" I got a small glimpse into his head. He said. " I still don't like driving under the overpasses and over bridges. Random garbage on the shoulders makes me edgey." That small glimpse was enough for me that day. I haven't asked another question. Maybe later.
That first night alone the hotel....When the children finally fell asleep. I clung to him and cried. I am not a big crier-try not to be anyway. Reunion is frightening, and you feel lucky, blessed, cheated, alone, and guilty. You want to hear "the story" that proves you have every right to feel lucky and blessed, but you don't want to hear it.
So you lie on a bed in a dimly lit hotel room, and you watch your babies sleep in peace. You put your head on your husbands chest, and you hear his heart beating, and you can smell him for the first time in months, and you can feel his hands on your back, and you cry as quietly as you can.
The tears come....and you try and stop them. All of the worry, gratefulness, sorrow, and love. You cry for him, and his lost brothers, and for the widows that must cry in the shower, so their children can't hear them.
You feel guilty for the tears on his chest, and he pulls you to his mouth and tries to kiss your tears away. No one says a word- and you swear you can hear your tears dropping onto his flesh, and you can hear his heart beating..........And it is the best sound in the World right now.
Delicate "chi" my ass.
That's right, as I suspected 2 of us down with "the crud". " Pink Ninja"and I are ill with this. I guess I should rephrase this. "Pink Ninja" is not down.....With anything. She is still climbing, and running, and giving her brother "Buzz Lightyear" hell. She is just doing it with a runny nose and sneezing.
I am not sure if I am up for traveling in this "current state". So we are going to just wait and see what happens. The trip to Nebraska is a very tiring and taxing one for me. I have delicate "chi"....and the trip back always does a number on me. Really.
My mission today is to find a cheap getaway for me and a couple of girlfriends. I wanted to go to Spa Shiki, for 2 days at Lodge of the Four Seasons. My girlfriends want to go gambling. One of these girlfriends has a very ill husband. The other has 5 children, the youngest has Downs Syndrome. The 3 of us need to giggle, and a have a couple of drinks, and be able to play blackjack and not loose our ass. So I need to find something for everyone. Something close enough, where if an emergency occurs we can get back in a reasonable amount of time. Somewhere inexpensive enough for "working people". I am in desperate need of "checking out". I have been here alone for 18 months, per my choice, but am in need of "recharge". I want to wear cute clothes without fingerprints, or stains on them. I need to be able to take a bath without a time limit, or without a toddler peeking around the corner. I need to eat a meal without cutting someone else's food. I need a 2 hour massage, and a pedi and a mani, so I feel like a woman again. I just need 2 days.....Of running around in a Terry cloth robe, and room service. 2 days of giggling with girlfriends that really need a laugh.
I am not sure if I am up for traveling in this "current state". So we are going to just wait and see what happens. The trip to Nebraska is a very tiring and taxing one for me. I have delicate "chi"....and the trip back always does a number on me. Really.
My mission today is to find a cheap getaway for me and a couple of girlfriends. I wanted to go to Spa Shiki, for 2 days at Lodge of the Four Seasons. My girlfriends want to go gambling. One of these girlfriends has a very ill husband. The other has 5 children, the youngest has Downs Syndrome. The 3 of us need to giggle, and a have a couple of drinks, and be able to play blackjack and not loose our ass. So I need to find something for everyone. Something close enough, where if an emergency occurs we can get back in a reasonable amount of time. Somewhere inexpensive enough for "working people". I am in desperate need of "checking out". I have been here alone for 18 months, per my choice, but am in need of "recharge". I want to wear cute clothes without fingerprints, or stains on them. I need to be able to take a bath without a time limit, or without a toddler peeking around the corner. I need to eat a meal without cutting someone else's food. I need a 2 hour massage, and a pedi and a mani, so I feel like a woman again. I just need 2 days.....Of running around in a Terry cloth robe, and room service. 2 days of giggling with girlfriends that really need a laugh.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Dub anybody hab a tissue...Warning complete whining......
Yesterday....I felt like my allergies could be flaring up. It is that time of year for me. Pear trees are in full bloom, forsythia shrubs, daffofils, purple bud trees...It is gorgeous this time of year. I simply thought it was my allergies. However both children have allergies too, and I did note them as symptomatic. (Yes both have allergies despite the 15 months of breatfeeding.....) Last night took a benedryl to help, woke this morning with some crazy ass flu. SO now I am on my 2 sudafed, 3rd glass of "Airborne".....Damn. If I figure out who gave this to me, I will kill them. I am rarely ill, and as a nurse I just get pissed off about being sick. As a single person it is awful being sick...but as a MOM......it is like HELL. Moms feel free to chime in here....Please chime in.
Of course Dear Husband has his "motorcyle safety class" tonight, and all day Saturday and Sunday. I have to pack for us to be on the road Monday......My guess is children will have this illness by then, despite my good hygiene. Just because: it would be hilarious driving snotty and sick toddlers across the country to visit relatives, that will likely get sick from them. Damn......
This morning we had to take the "Pink Ninja" in for her 15 month check up, and her immunization. We were in the Drs. Office for 2 hours. Can you imagine. So if they don't get my illness, I am sure they picked up something "exotic" there. Her visit went well. All was well with her appointment, she is a healthy and normal toddler. I do wish her hair would come in. Our insurance does not cover "wiglets". It was Dear husbands first time at Dr. With the 3 of us. He liked the new Pediatrician.
I had intended on an entirely different post today....I even have a delicious Easter ham recipe, that includes bourbon......Yummy. I also hope my fellow Moms are healthy, and feeling spry.......................I need to go to bed and stay there for 3 days...At least.
Of course Dear Husband has his "motorcyle safety class" tonight, and all day Saturday and Sunday. I have to pack for us to be on the road Monday......My guess is children will have this illness by then, despite my good hygiene. Just because: it would be hilarious driving snotty and sick toddlers across the country to visit relatives, that will likely get sick from them. Damn......
This morning we had to take the "Pink Ninja" in for her 15 month check up, and her immunization. We were in the Drs. Office for 2 hours. Can you imagine. So if they don't get my illness, I am sure they picked up something "exotic" there. Her visit went well. All was well with her appointment, she is a healthy and normal toddler. I do wish her hair would come in. Our insurance does not cover "wiglets". It was Dear husbands first time at Dr. With the 3 of us. He liked the new Pediatrician.
I had intended on an entirely different post today....I even have a delicious Easter ham recipe, that includes bourbon......Yummy. I also hope my fellow Moms are healthy, and feeling spry.......................I need to go to bed and stay there for 3 days...At least.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
There is no place like Nebraska....where the girls are the fairest......the boys are the squarest...
I have to go run into the city to get supplies for a trip to visit the "kin"...back in Nebraska. We are leaving on Monday. Another long drive with 2 toddlers in the vehicle.
I am a little sad that no one thinks Irish people are hot......come on people. I can think of at least 5.......really hot ones....
I am a little sad that no one thinks Irish people are hot......come on people. I can think of at least 5.......really hot ones....
Hottie Potatoes
Who is your Favorite Irish Hottie?
Please no Conan O'Brien, he is such an obvious choice......
Please no Conan O'Brien, he is such an obvious choice......
"let them eat corned beef"
Top O' the Mornin to you .If I was clever...I would continue to write the post in some sort of "irish speak".......damn you cleverness. We will celebrate today, with a corned beef, cabbage and potatoes, due to my husband being 1/8 Irish. I am wondering, do I dress the children in green this morning, no one would pinch a toddler for not wearing green would they?
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Pinch me...Please
For some reason I still think husband is packing up tomorrow and leaving for another 18 months. I cannot get it through my brain. My brain is trained to be here alone.
I am having a hard time getting into any routine, getting around to normal chores. Just want to watch husband play with the children, hold his hand, make out on the sofa.......Catch up....On "all things" missed.
I want to listen to him talk for hours, I want to hear him go through his closet, and movies and music. He seems surprised these things are all still here waiting for him. I want to watch him go through the pantry, surprised at the endless choices. I want to hear him take a 30 minute hot shower because he can. I want to hear him call his Grandma and hear him say "thanks for sending jelly beans to the babies for Easter". I want to hear him say...."You know what Honu, (he calls me Honu) I am sure hungry for your spaghetti." I want to see him sitting on the couch skimming through the latest issue of his "Backwoods Home" and "Guns and Ammo". I want him to go to the store for milk, and come home with 3 sacks of groceries, we don't need. I want to listen to him scour through the kitchen cupboards looking for his favorite mug, even though it is right in front of him. I want to hear that damn Jeremiah Johnson soundtrack that plays through that entire damn movie that I thought I hated. I want to spend all of our time making love, feeling his breath on my neck, and listening to him whisper endless possibilities .........
I do not want to clean my toilets, vacuum, dust, fold laundry, pay bills, unload dishwasher. These things do need to be done, so I am going to have to send Dearest Husband out today. There are plenty of things he needs to do too. He is just proving to be soooooo distracting.
I am having a hard time getting into any routine, getting around to normal chores. Just want to watch husband play with the children, hold his hand, make out on the sofa.......Catch up....On "all things" missed.
I want to listen to him talk for hours, I want to hear him go through his closet, and movies and music. He seems surprised these things are all still here waiting for him. I want to watch him go through the pantry, surprised at the endless choices. I want to hear him take a 30 minute hot shower because he can. I want to hear him call his Grandma and hear him say "thanks for sending jelly beans to the babies for Easter". I want to hear him say...."You know what Honu, (he calls me Honu) I am sure hungry for your spaghetti." I want to see him sitting on the couch skimming through the latest issue of his "Backwoods Home" and "Guns and Ammo". I want him to go to the store for milk, and come home with 3 sacks of groceries, we don't need. I want to listen to him scour through the kitchen cupboards looking for his favorite mug, even though it is right in front of him. I want to hear that damn Jeremiah Johnson soundtrack that plays through that entire damn movie that I thought I hated. I want to spend all of our time making love, feeling his breath on my neck, and listening to him whisper endless possibilities .........
I do not want to clean my toilets, vacuum, dust, fold laundry, pay bills, unload dishwasher. These things do need to be done, so I am going to have to send Dearest Husband out today. There are plenty of things he needs to do too. He is just proving to be soooooo distracting.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Book Worms.......
My Husband and are are book worms, so is child #1 Buzz Lightyear. He has always loved books, could skim through them when he was 12 months old. He would sit on your lap for hours and let you read book after book, he would cry if you stopped. He is 3 now, still loves books. His reading capability is far beyond his 3 years.
Child #2, "The Pink Ninja" is too busy to read. She also likes to eat books, and tear them up, and climb all over you while you read. I guess this is "typical".....At least from what they tell me.
Last night Dear husband picked out the bed time reading, and he also enlisted "Maggie" the cowgirl puppet to help him with last nights selections. The children loved the extra "person" involved with story time.
It was so nice to hear Dear Husbands voice reading Where The wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak. I could not help but note the similarities between Maurices "Max"...And "Dear Husband". Both having traveled over a year to a land where the monsters roll their yellow eyes, and gnash their yellow teeth. Hearing of Monsters conquered, and the longing to be home where someone loves you most. The long journey home....To find supper waiting for you......
and it was still hot.
Will I ever be able to read this book without a tear again?
No and I am glad.
Child #2, "The Pink Ninja" is too busy to read. She also likes to eat books, and tear them up, and climb all over you while you read. I guess this is "typical".....At least from what they tell me.
Last night Dear husband picked out the bed time reading, and he also enlisted "Maggie" the cowgirl puppet to help him with last nights selections. The children loved the extra "person" involved with story time.
It was so nice to hear Dear Husbands voice reading Where The wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak. I could not help but note the similarities between Maurices "Max"...And "Dear Husband". Both having traveled over a year to a land where the monsters roll their yellow eyes, and gnash their yellow teeth. Hearing of Monsters conquered, and the longing to be home where someone loves you most. The long journey home....To find supper waiting for you......
and it was still hot.
Will I ever be able to read this book without a tear again?
No and I am glad.
Monday, March 14, 2005
My Quest to become a "Good Wife"
During the last 18 months I have been on a sort of "Vision Quest"....Of what kind of wife I would like to be.
The day I had to say goodbye to him was terrible.....Because you want to fall to pieces, you want to lay on the floor and scream. You want to say to the universe "NOT FAIR!". You can't! You have to be proud, and say "see you soon"....Little tears.....My soldier has enough to worry about without thinking of me falling to pieces back here. Plus I was afraid if I started the big cry, it would not stop.
(See Tammi's post http://RoadWarriorSurvival.com today)
I tried to be the wife Dear Husband did not have to worry about during his deployment. He knew I was capable of paying bills, making smart investments, not buying crap, raising bright children, keeping up with the house.
The deployment was a scary one, lots of men in husbands Brigade died, many injured. Every time I heard of an IED or mortar, my heart sank. Every time I did not hear from husband due to "phones and internet being administratively shut off" ....So families could be notified of injuries or death - I would shudder. The doorbell would ring and I would feel like puking. The phone would ring and it would be someone saying "did you just hear about that bombing?".
I got to the point I would only watch news at night I did not want the children hearing the news did get some news on Internet......and the Milbloggers....thank God for the milbloggers....you saved my ass. Particularly Matt at http://blackfiveblogs.com . There are more that need to be included.......all of you because I scoured for hours at night for anything....a little word, a photo.
(Once again when I have 10 hours to figure out blogroll... I will be posting all of these Bloggers)
Every night I would think about our marriage. I would think about all of the things I needed to improve about myself, to make me better. We do have a great marriage, I think we are dynamic....and adaptible. I just wanted and want MORE for us. I want my husband to smile everytime he sees my face, and melt everytime I kiss him, because everytime I see him I wonder what I ever did to deserve such a great man. To be in love.....is marvelous and intoxicating...I just want to keep it that way until death parts us.
I must add this ...I never felt "alone"....during his deployment. Never. I was never lonely. I yearned for him, and missed him, but always knew I would never be lonely again.
The day I had to say goodbye to him was terrible.....Because you want to fall to pieces, you want to lay on the floor and scream. You want to say to the universe "NOT FAIR!". You can't! You have to be proud, and say "see you soon"....Little tears.....My soldier has enough to worry about without thinking of me falling to pieces back here. Plus I was afraid if I started the big cry, it would not stop.
(See Tammi's post http://RoadWarriorSurvival.com today)
I tried to be the wife Dear Husband did not have to worry about during his deployment. He knew I was capable of paying bills, making smart investments, not buying crap, raising bright children, keeping up with the house.
The deployment was a scary one, lots of men in husbands Brigade died, many injured. Every time I heard of an IED or mortar, my heart sank. Every time I did not hear from husband due to "phones and internet being administratively shut off" ....So families could be notified of injuries or death - I would shudder. The doorbell would ring and I would feel like puking. The phone would ring and it would be someone saying "did you just hear about that bombing?".
I got to the point I would only watch news at night I did not want the children hearing the news did get some news on Internet......and the Milbloggers....thank God for the milbloggers....you saved my ass. Particularly Matt at http://blackfiveblogs.com . There are more that need to be included.......all of you because I scoured for hours at night for anything....a little word, a photo.
(Once again when I have 10 hours to figure out blogroll... I will be posting all of these Bloggers)
Every night I would think about our marriage. I would think about all of the things I needed to improve about myself, to make me better. We do have a great marriage, I think we are dynamic....and adaptible. I just wanted and want MORE for us. I want my husband to smile everytime he sees my face, and melt everytime I kiss him, because everytime I see him I wonder what I ever did to deserve such a great man. To be in love.....is marvelous and intoxicating...I just want to keep it that way until death parts us.
I must add this ...I never felt "alone"....during his deployment. Never. I was never lonely. I yearned for him, and missed him, but always knew I would never be lonely again.
oohhh baby just you shut your mouth......
I have made the decision to keep my blog....Secret.
I have a big mouth so this may be a hard thing. I did not want to have to filter my brain. I have to filter it enough in the "real world". I know someone would inevitably get pissed off because of something I said.
When people say "I want your honest opinion", they usually don't want it. They really want you to say one of the following. "Your ass looks great in those jeans"...Or..."You are right". Bloggers, feel free to add anything you "like to hear".....
The reason blogging, because I thought it would make a great place to talk about some of the issues that have creeped up over the last 18 months. Some of the things that are sure to happen........
I have a big mouth so this may be a hard thing. I did not want to have to filter my brain. I have to filter it enough in the "real world". I know someone would inevitably get pissed off because of something I said.
When people say "I want your honest opinion", they usually don't want it. They really want you to say one of the following. "Your ass looks great in those jeans"...Or..."You are right". Bloggers, feel free to add anything you "like to hear".....
The reason blogging, because I thought it would make a great place to talk about some of the issues that have creeped up over the last 18 months. Some of the things that are sure to happen........
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Weekend phonecalls
It is Sunday......Dearest Husband let me sleep, I was very tired this a.m.
Weekends are a busy time for us "phone wise". It starts Friday night, and runs through the weekend.
Last night we got to hear from a couple of friends calling from BIAP...Baghdad International Airport, they too are headed home after an 18 month deployment. The rain over there has made things a mess, so they will be later than expected. They sounded tired, and worn out from all of the work that is involved with getting back home. They were hungry to hear about Dearest Husbands reunion. How are the babies? How is "Dear Wife"? "How are you doing?" they wanted to know how husband was readjusting to his "new family". Husband says it is odd talking to them on the phone. He is so used to being institutionalized now, and having them be his family. He misses them. He will not rest until his brothers are home. He wants them out of there.
He got another call from them this a.m. they miss him and need to talk to him about "work". I think they also like to hear husband is okay....And that means when they come home all will be okay for them too.
Husbands brother also called this a.m. from Afghanistan. He said it is finally warming up. He has been out on recon, for much of the winter there in the Mountains freezing his ass off. He is happy it is getting warmer, but says the warm tempertures bring out the bad guys.
The rest of calls are from family in other states wanting to know how "we" are doing.
I talk to my Dad everyday on the phone, he lives a lone......My Mother died almost 3 years ago. They were married for 41 years and 1 day. He is lonely, and wishes we were closer.
I talk to my Mother-in-Law everyday on the phone. She is also alone, and with 2 sons deployed....This has been a hard year for her. I have tried to keep her smiling with stories about the babies......She too is far away and misses these Grandbabies.....We made her wait 11 years for.
I also speak to husbands Grandmother almost everyday, she also lives alone. She is also the only Grandparent left for both of us. She had 3 Grandsons deployed over the past year......It was very hard on her. She had been through deployment several times over the years...So she understood what I was living. Her 3 brothers were all in service and served in WWII. Her husband also served in WWII...Normandy on D-Day....and then for almost 3 years. She has been inspirational to me.
There is also the girlfriend here in town, I talk to everyday. She too is a nurse, and a Mom to 5. She stayed here at the house and helped me labor with daughter #2, and drove me to the hospital when I was 9 cm. She filmed delivery for husband.......More importantly she held my hand through all of the tears that surrounded that very emotional delivery, that he missed.
I sit here this morning, so proud of my family and friends...How they have been of such great emotional support this year.......Even if some of it has just been over the phone.........I feel blessed this Sunday morning.
Weekends are a busy time for us "phone wise". It starts Friday night, and runs through the weekend.
Last night we got to hear from a couple of friends calling from BIAP...Baghdad International Airport, they too are headed home after an 18 month deployment. The rain over there has made things a mess, so they will be later than expected. They sounded tired, and worn out from all of the work that is involved with getting back home. They were hungry to hear about Dearest Husbands reunion. How are the babies? How is "Dear Wife"? "How are you doing?" they wanted to know how husband was readjusting to his "new family". Husband says it is odd talking to them on the phone. He is so used to being institutionalized now, and having them be his family. He misses them. He will not rest until his brothers are home. He wants them out of there.
He got another call from them this a.m. they miss him and need to talk to him about "work". I think they also like to hear husband is okay....And that means when they come home all will be okay for them too.
Husbands brother also called this a.m. from Afghanistan. He said it is finally warming up. He has been out on recon, for much of the winter there in the Mountains freezing his ass off. He is happy it is getting warmer, but says the warm tempertures bring out the bad guys.
The rest of calls are from family in other states wanting to know how "we" are doing.
I talk to my Dad everyday on the phone, he lives a lone......My Mother died almost 3 years ago. They were married for 41 years and 1 day. He is lonely, and wishes we were closer.
I talk to my Mother-in-Law everyday on the phone. She is also alone, and with 2 sons deployed....This has been a hard year for her. I have tried to keep her smiling with stories about the babies......She too is far away and misses these Grandbabies.....We made her wait 11 years for.
I also speak to husbands Grandmother almost everyday, she also lives alone. She is also the only Grandparent left for both of us. She had 3 Grandsons deployed over the past year......It was very hard on her. She had been through deployment several times over the years...So she understood what I was living. Her 3 brothers were all in service and served in WWII. Her husband also served in WWII...Normandy on D-Day....and then for almost 3 years. She has been inspirational to me.
There is also the girlfriend here in town, I talk to everyday. She too is a nurse, and a Mom to 5. She stayed here at the house and helped me labor with daughter #2, and drove me to the hospital when I was 9 cm. She filmed delivery for husband.......More importantly she held my hand through all of the tears that surrounded that very emotional delivery, that he missed.
I sit here this morning, so proud of my family and friends...How they have been of such great emotional support this year.......Even if some of it has just been over the phone.........I feel blessed this Sunday morning.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Should the cat stay in or out of the bag?
Well, husband knows about the blog, told him. Got to excited to keep quiet. Me and my big mouth. I thought I could keep it secret.
So here is a question for "you bloggers". Do you regret telling anyone about your blog? Do you wish it was your dirty little secret, or do you mind family and friends being privy to your information?"
I started it the other day as a sort of "therapy". A quiet place to go and "walk it out", "talk it out". I didn't follow the "rules" didn't know there were any. Spent 2 seconds on my name, what is a template? . The tech side of blogging.......I know "it is easy"...for some of you. I will not tell you how long it took me to put site meter up yesterday. I could have learned Manderin in the time it took. I need to put links up and photos, and learn how to use this thing. Oh then there is the "blog etiquette". I am always the first gal to say thanks, and send a note......But I cannot keep up around here. SO if I have already offended anyone......CRAP...Leave a note...I will get around to it.
So here is a question for "you bloggers". Do you regret telling anyone about your blog? Do you wish it was your dirty little secret, or do you mind family and friends being privy to your information?"
I started it the other day as a sort of "therapy". A quiet place to go and "walk it out", "talk it out". I didn't follow the "rules" didn't know there were any. Spent 2 seconds on my name, what is a template? . The tech side of blogging.......I know "it is easy"...for some of you. I will not tell you how long it took me to put site meter up yesterday. I could have learned Manderin in the time it took. I need to put links up and photos, and learn how to use this thing. Oh then there is the "blog etiquette". I am always the first gal to say thanks, and send a note......But I cannot keep up around here. SO if I have already offended anyone......CRAP...Leave a note...I will get around to it.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Ground Control to ArmyWife.......come in ArmyWife.
I still cannot believe dear husband home, I feel like he will be snatched up and taken away at any minute. For some reason, it feels like he is here "visiting". When I asked him if he felt "home" he said yes. It does seem strange that I am the one having trouble with the idea of permanance.
It is so nice seeing him in the house, hearing him laugh, it is lovely having someone that gets my jokes in the house. I missed my best friend, and laughing. He is hilarious, and naughty. How I missed him.
Last night I was in bed, and listened to him shower, and watched him shave. I realized in one fleeting moment how lucky I am too have him home. How I am am lucky to hear the sound of the water hitting him, and hearing the tap tap tap of the toothbrush. God I missed him.......
It is so nice seeing him in the house, hearing him laugh, it is lovely having someone that gets my jokes in the house. I missed my best friend, and laughing. He is hilarious, and naughty. How I missed him.
Last night I was in bed, and listened to him shower, and watched him shave. I realized in one fleeting moment how lucky I am too have him home. How I am am lucky to hear the sound of the water hitting him, and hearing the tap tap tap of the toothbrush. God I missed him.......
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Do you kiss your babies with that mouth?
I figure I ought to explain my penchant for foul language.........although I am not sure why. I used to be a potty mouth....I know hard to imagine. When I became pregant with son #1....(we will call him "Buzz Lightyear"), I really slowed down on the naughty language. After Buzz Lightyear was born....poof that was it. My language improved tremendously. Daughter #2 ("The Pink Ninja") was born and the no swearing rule remained.
In my head, my favorite words still linger. So I am feeling free to get my almost 4 years of no swearing out in what appears just a few days. I will go stand in the corner and drink my bourbon and coke.
In my head, my favorite words still linger. So I am feeling free to get my almost 4 years of no swearing out in what appears just a few days. I will go stand in the corner and drink my bourbon and coke.
Army Wife is a person in your neighborhood......
I really need to take time out of my day, and thank Tammi http://roadwarriorsurvival.com for making me blogdaughter, and providing me with a link. (I do realize how important that is.) I also need to make her a cake, with a big candle on top for her first birthday!!! YEAH!! I have been a big reader of Tammis blog over the last year, and she has been of great support to our fighting men and women. She has also been hilarious when I need a laugh.....and always tells me when I need a tissue. Thank You BlogMomma!!
I also need to thank Harvey "Big Pappa" over at Bad Example http://www.badexample.mu.nu/. I love Harvey because he is always funny, and loves his wife....who by the way I love to read. I am flattered to be in your neighborhood.
Now could someone tell me what kind of neighborhood thos is? Is it like A John Waters suburb? If so that would be great.
I also need to thank Harvey "Big Pappa" over at Bad Example http://www.badexample.mu.nu/. I love Harvey because he is always funny, and loves his wife....who by the way I love to read. I am flattered to be in your neighborhood.
Now could someone tell me what kind of neighborhood thos is? Is it like A John Waters suburb? If so that would be great.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
OOOOO...OKLAHOMA...where you can buy leather chaps, have a great steak, and have 2 fat guys stare at your tits whiile you eat....
We are home, rolled in at 10:30pm. It was dark of course so Husband could not see the awesome huge sign I had staked in the yard, all of the signs on the fence the neighborhood kids made, or the 60 balloons lining the street. ( Some dumbass deflated about 30 of them.....karma is a bitch).
We did drive through Oklahoma City on the way "home", stopped in at the Harley shop, and I decided "if I am going to be a Harley Momma....I needed leathers". I was looking for a racing jacket initially, but ended up with the Willie G touring leathers complete with chaps. Had to get them, husband looked very smitten.
We also ate at the famous "Cattlemens Cafe"....YUMMY. Great service, fantastic ribeye, cooked perfectly medium rare. There were 2 bad things about the meal.
1) "The toddlers" were so strir crazy from being strapped in a 5 point restraint in the truck, they soooooo did not want to sit and relax and dine. This is understandable.....but the steak had to be hurried through....damn.
2) 2 fat fuckers took it upon themselves to stare at my tits the whole time I ate. My husband informed me that "fat fuckers can stare all day, because they have nothing to loose". So if the fat "chicken pussy" twins are reading this.....I wouldn't wash you with a rag on a stick.
One of the things that ended up happening on the road was this. My 3 year old is sooo not used to Mom talking to anyone but "the toddlers", that he was irritated with normal "husband and wife conversation". This hadn't occurred to me at all. I am a talker by nature, and pretty much alone for 18 months, so was so happy to have my husband captive for 7 hours......Shit, I probably would have drove 20 hours, just to indulge in conversation that didn't include the words Buzz Lightyear, or poop. Anyway, the 3 year old kept saying "Mommy, Daddy shhhhhhhh...stop talking" for a great deal of the trip.
Well we are at home safe....now for the "new normal".
We did drive through Oklahoma City on the way "home", stopped in at the Harley shop, and I decided "if I am going to be a Harley Momma....I needed leathers". I was looking for a racing jacket initially, but ended up with the Willie G touring leathers complete with chaps. Had to get them, husband looked very smitten.
We also ate at the famous "Cattlemens Cafe"....YUMMY. Great service, fantastic ribeye, cooked perfectly medium rare. There were 2 bad things about the meal.
1) "The toddlers" were so strir crazy from being strapped in a 5 point restraint in the truck, they soooooo did not want to sit and relax and dine. This is understandable.....but the steak had to be hurried through....damn.
2) 2 fat fuckers took it upon themselves to stare at my tits the whole time I ate. My husband informed me that "fat fuckers can stare all day, because they have nothing to loose". So if the fat "chicken pussy" twins are reading this.....I wouldn't wash you with a rag on a stick.
One of the things that ended up happening on the road was this. My 3 year old is sooo not used to Mom talking to anyone but "the toddlers", that he was irritated with normal "husband and wife conversation". This hadn't occurred to me at all. I am a talker by nature, and pretty much alone for 18 months, so was so happy to have my husband captive for 7 hours......Shit, I probably would have drove 20 hours, just to indulge in conversation that didn't include the words Buzz Lightyear, or poop. Anyway, the 3 year old kept saying "Mommy, Daddy shhhhhhhh...stop talking" for a great deal of the trip.
Well we are at home safe....now for the "new normal".
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
reunited...and it feels so good....
We are still in hotel, which has been a little awkward for the children. Husband still "outprocessing". Should be done today and can make the 7-9 hour drive home.
The physical side of reunion has been fantanstic......a person gets very lonely after 18 months. Your skin begins to ache....as well as the rest of you.
The part that suprrises me, I thought the hard part of this was over---ha. It appears that there is a lot of hard work to be done on the emotional part of this. I am also suprised, because I just thought we were to brilliant for the "mind fuck". We both are educated, and are really adaptable. So all of these anxieties and thoughts are catching me off guard. The joke is not wasted on me. It is very hard to explain too people I suppose unless you have been there. Maybe some wife somewhere is shaking her head "yes".
I have heard from the grapevine about the men and women who have cheated while deployed. I read the newspaper article about the Lt. Col, who was discharged on 26 counts of lewd conduct, etc. I have read way too many stories of soldiers that won't be coming home, soldiers that are coming home "broken".....physically of emotionally. I haven't read any articles about my husband coming home.
This was not my husbands first deployment. I married him when I was 20, a week after Desert Storm. He has been deployed since that time too, but age seems to change the "spirit " of those involved. We will be married 14 years in April.
I am seeing a part of him I did not know existed, he is a Daddy to 2 now. We haven't all been together until now. He watches the 16 month old walking, talking, and smiling.......he looks at the 3 year old and is amazed at his ability to recognize his ABC's colors, shapes, and written words......I can tell he feels cheated. Guess what we do too.
The physical side of reunion has been fantanstic......a person gets very lonely after 18 months. Your skin begins to ache....as well as the rest of you.
The part that suprrises me, I thought the hard part of this was over---ha. It appears that there is a lot of hard work to be done on the emotional part of this. I am also suprised, because I just thought we were to brilliant for the "mind fuck". We both are educated, and are really adaptable. So all of these anxieties and thoughts are catching me off guard. The joke is not wasted on me. It is very hard to explain too people I suppose unless you have been there. Maybe some wife somewhere is shaking her head "yes".
I have heard from the grapevine about the men and women who have cheated while deployed. I read the newspaper article about the Lt. Col, who was discharged on 26 counts of lewd conduct, etc. I have read way too many stories of soldiers that won't be coming home, soldiers that are coming home "broken".....physically of emotionally. I haven't read any articles about my husband coming home.
This was not my husbands first deployment. I married him when I was 20, a week after Desert Storm. He has been deployed since that time too, but age seems to change the "spirit " of those involved. We will be married 14 years in April.
I am seeing a part of him I did not know existed, he is a Daddy to 2 now. We haven't all been together until now. He watches the 16 month old walking, talking, and smiling.......he looks at the 3 year old and is amazed at his ability to recognize his ABC's colors, shapes, and written words......I can tell he feels cheated. Guess what we do too.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Harley Momma?
Reunion after deployment is a tricky thing, especially after 18 months. I put on the best "good wife" face, highest heels, best levis.....and smile. I waited by the hotel elevator, with the 2 toddlers. Trying to look beautiful, and dreamy after a 7 hour drive. The 3 year old bouncing off of the hallways walls, and the 16 month old, not understanding this at all. He gets off and the 3 year old...is jumping and saying "I love you " and " I missed you so much" "I missed you so long". A heartbreaking scene for sure, but he is so damn cute, I can't cry. I will save it for later.....because I know it is coming.
We enter the hotel room, and kiss and hug.....and I don't want to let go. I am afraid this is a dream and he will vanish into thin air, just like the all of the dreams.
After all of the kissing and hugging, and thanking God.....it justs seems so fucking awkward. He has a few gifts he has gotten us, a beautiful silver and gold and silver bangle for me, books, stuffed animals for the children.
What am I supposed to say now, what I am I supposed to ask?
He then says this........"I was going to surprise you for our anniversary in April, but I have to tell you.....I ordered us a Harley".
I smile and act excited.....in my head I am thinking..."What in the Fuck?"...don't get me wrong...I LOVE HARLEYS...always wanted one, but I can't even manage finding a sitter so I can go to yoga or get my hair done. Not to mention the $22,000 in question.
So I smile, and keep on my "good wife face".....and act excited and pleased.........wonder how long I can keep this up?
We enter the hotel room, and kiss and hug.....and I don't want to let go. I am afraid this is a dream and he will vanish into thin air, just like the all of the dreams.
After all of the kissing and hugging, and thanking God.....it justs seems so fucking awkward. He has a few gifts he has gotten us, a beautiful silver and gold and silver bangle for me, books, stuffed animals for the children.
What am I supposed to say now, what I am I supposed to ask?
He then says this........"I was going to surprise you for our anniversary in April, but I have to tell you.....I ordered us a Harley".
I smile and act excited.....in my head I am thinking..."What in the Fuck?"...don't get me wrong...I LOVE HARLEYS...always wanted one, but I can't even manage finding a sitter so I can go to yoga or get my hair done. Not to mention the $22,000 in question.
So I smile, and keep on my "good wife face".....and act excited and pleased.........wonder how long I can keep this up?
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