Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Is my glass half empty? Do I have bad Karma,? Maybe Jesus is trying to prove a point? Maybe I am just about to start my period?

Yeah, it has been that kind of week, 2 weeks, or whatever. I think I am losing track.

First of never tell your "phone a friend" you are down a jean size. Because it only will last for 12 hours. 12 hours is not long enough to constitute dropping a jean size.

Never tell your Sister that she will enjoy her visit BECAUSE the children are so well behaved now. They will bite you, or try and start something on fire. I am still trying to laugh at this one.

Never tell any living human that your children are "sleeping great" now........just don't do it. Unless of course you want to wake at 6am, or earlier. Or if you want to try your patience by listening to tired children whine for 12 1/2 hours.

Never tell anyone you are going out for a quiet, romantic evening out. You will inevitably choose a new "chain" of "Chinese Bistro" in town that bites ass. I will call it BS Wangs to avoid any litigation. It will be soooooo loud you will have to yell across the table at one another. Not exactly "romantic" to yell your plans for your loved one to every hoo ha in the joint. The "authentic Chinese food will taste like your toddlers prepared it. The dumplings will taste like they have McDonalds buns on them. The noodles will be stuck in a clump and so soggy you could feed them to a Senior Citizen with dysphagia. The waiter will reek of cigarette, have an unkempt and dirty appearence, this same stinky waiter will try and entice you to order appitizers by mixing up 5 one cent ingrediants on the table and he will think he is fucking "Iron Chef"....also on a side note. Waiters, never call a patron "buddy"...that is very douchebag.

Oh, and never take photos of yourself dressed up and feeling "cute" will be severely disappointed.

I feel better now, but am going to go stock up on tampons, and midol. Oh and more vodka.....

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