Today has been one of those days.
I used to be the thin gangly girl. I am 5'7 1/2 tall. I have been that height since I turned 16. Mostly "limbs" at that time. All arms and legs, gangly looking. I could eat ANYTHING back then and did not gain a pound. Graduated high school weighing a gaunt 98 pounds soaking wet. I was not class president, cheerleader, but the boys in class made me and my best girlfriend Presidents of "Itty Bitty committee".....Mean boys.
I went to college and drank enough beer, and gin to grow hips, and was only treasurer of "Itty Bitty committee" My weight was about 118 pounds.
I got married, and my weight stayed at 123 pounds at its highest for 10 years.
Stopped smoking ....Add pounds here.....
Got pregnant with Dash....Add pounds here...
Got pregnant with Pink Ninja.....Add more pounds here.....
So I have been trying to "get this extra poundage off". I do not like the way it looks. I made a deal with myself when Dear Husband returned from Iraq. I am going to give myself a year to WORK on my body, if I am still so deeply unsatisfied at the end of a year....I am getting a tummy tuck. End of Story. That is the deal I made myself. A very "VAIN" proposal I know. However, I will go ahead and take the vain, if it means I can look at pictures of me with my children and smile. I do not want to live my life hiding from a camera. I also am tired of reintroducing myself to those who do not recognize me.
The yolattes has been working. I feel stronger, weight is shifting. I do not know if I have lost weight, because I do not weigh myself, unless I am at the Dr. My once firm pretty tummy, is no longer pretty it tells a story of my 2 pregnancies. My pregnancy with Dash, when Dear Husband had to deploy, the pregnancy where my Mom was sick. The pregnancy I spent caring for my Mom, and sleeping next to her while she laid in the hospital bed we moved into her room. My tummy also tells the story of being pregnant with Pink Ninja, Dearest Husband being deployed. Sitting on the couch breathing through contractions and arriving at the hospital at nine centimeters dilated. Thinking I could breathe my way through all of the contractions for 18 more months....So he could share the moment with us.
The great thing that happened was breasts.....I never thought I cared about breasts, never minded being "itty". After all of the hormones, and weight gain, and breast feeding I learned the power of boobs.
They got attention, even in turtle necks , and I didn't mind it much, because I do believe the "boobs" took attention away from everything else that grew. I didn't mind people staring at my chest, because my jeans would have spit up on them, my hair was "growing out" from a self imposed short haircut I had my stylist give me, I had kleenex coming out of one hand and a can of lysol in the other, my skin was a mess from the breast feeding hormones. I was sleeping about 4 hours a night (not in a row) , and I looked like hell for months.
Soooo, with this exercising I have noticed they are disappearing. Bit by bit, they are returning to a less freakish size.
I am a little upset that I am losing the weight in all of the wrong places, my Tummy remains as proof of my plight as a Mom, a sort of Marsupial Pouch if you will.
I never thought I would say this, but I am sure gonna miss my larger boobs.