The last 5 Christmas's have been hard for me.
I won't go into specifics tonight, because honestly. I am too tired for it. Let me say this, the last five years are filled with death, illness, new babies, and deployments.
This year is the first year my tree is up in OUR HOME. I haven't seen any of this stuff for 5 years. Last night I was surprised to find handmade ornaments Dear Husband's Grandmother had made. I let the kids hang them on the tree. They are made from felt, there is a little toy soldier, and a small bunny. There is the brass nativity from my Mom on my mantle. Most of the ornaments cannot go on the tree until the children are older. Most are glass and some are hierlooms, others antiques. So I let the children pick out "plastic" glass looking ornaments. We used curly ribbon to hang them. So I would not make a trip to the E.R. with some nasty hook injury. We went to the park and collected pine cones. They painted them white and purple. They have left the tree alone for the most part, they are proud of their work. Dash plugs the tree in first thing in the morning. When I told him we had to take it down after Christmas, he looked sad. They love the tree. I was worried, it would be ugly without all of my usual ornaments, but they did such a fantastic job, and told me where the ornaments need to go on the top. It is a very pretty tree this year. However every time we walk by ornaments anywhere, they are begging for more.
So I hand them the safe ornaments we have gotten for gifts, and I remember my Grandma, Dear Husbands Grandma, my Mother....All gone. I have a little piece of each of them lit up in the corner. So before I turn in at night, I sit for a moment in the house lit only by the tree. I think about all of them that are not here, and I think about the babies, and how they have made this Christmas so magical for us.
The phone rings, and it is my Dad.
"I miss you, and love you and sure wish you would come home this Christmas."
He doesn't understand I am already home......
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