Fake Plastic Trees

I grew up with a very "plastic tree" growing up. It was a terrible shade of emerald green, and hideous looking. There was a large green stick in the center with holes in it, which required that we children were assigned the glamerous duty of sorting the prickley branches out into sizes, and use them as weapons on one another when no one was watching. It horrified me, even as a child. Sorting out these plastic branches.

And thanks to the "reality of television", I would imagine the family bundled up walking through the woods finding that magic tree -breathless- upon seeing it under a magical light in the woods. I would even go as far to imagine a cardinal flying out from the snow covered branches, my strong Dad dragging the beautiful pine to the car tying it to the roof. All of us smiling and singing Silent Night on the way home. Mom would make us hot cocoa mounded with marshmallows, and we would snuggle under blankets cozy and warm.

Nope, simply not the case, my Dad would drag the dry carboard box up from the basement, and we would start sorting branches in the livingroom light by a glowing television. I do not recall what was on the television. Little House on The Prarie, Gunsmoke, The Waltons, Carol Burnett, Hee-Haw, Lawrence Welk, Marcus Welby MD....it could have been any of those shows.

Dad had the job of putting the lights on the tree. Which was a job that evolved over the years, from the years of the big fat hot bulbs to the tiny white twinkle lights. Some years blinking on and off, other years lights just glowing through the night. That decision was always left to my Mom. Mom ussually just wanted the lights left glowing, but I think a few years she let dad tweak them to blink on and off which drove her nuts every year she agreed to it.

Mom would decorate the whole tree with her "good ornaments", and then her awful silver or gold garland. And then we would get to pull one ornament out at a time, and my Mother would direct where we could place it on the tree. (Yeah Mom was a little OCD). After all was done, the lights and television were turned off for a collective ahhhhhhh by the group of 5. 30 seconds later, the tv would come back on.

Upon marrying my Dear Husband, and taking my vows of marriage seriously. I also vowed I would NEVER EVER have a fake plastic tree in my home.

Jokes on me, and the empty cardboard box is in the garage to prove it.