Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Perfection, Identity theft...And in between

If you are one of those Moms that shows up at the Dr.'s office with your hair perfectly "did", toenails painted, matching "dry clean only" outfit, baby sleeping while you carry them in, and smiling. Or if you are one of those Mom's at the park with 4 little ones all in coordinating outfits, with a complete picnic basket full of nutricious treats, peeled grapes, and the like....I hate you.....


I guess I am not good at this Mom thing, as much as I love it. I just can't seem to get it together. I quit my job to stay at home with the babies. I really thought it could not be that hard. God has a great sense of humor, he really does. For everytime I said "if my kid acted like that, I would __________. (insert great "non parent" parenting advice here) . The favor has been returned 3 fold. Just a warning for you non- parents that do intend on having children, shhhhhh, don't say a word. Just smile and shut your mouth, karma is a bitch.

I love my babies, I do. I love how flawless their little skin is, and listening to them breath so soft at night, I love watching them discover a new bug, or watching a leaf dance through the yard. I love the sticky hands on my face, and smoochy lips, and giggles. I even love scrubbing the yogurt out of Pink Ninjas hair.

But there are days, where after wiping food off of the floor, (after just mopping it) for what seems like the bazillioninth time..... When I scrub out the tub all morning and the bathroom looks clean and great, and during bath time someone poops in it. I just want to throw in the towel, and say Uncle.

I was at church the other day meeting some of Dear Husbands friends for the first time. I had on one of my best suits, and heels, hair did. I tried looking great, and tried engaging in great conversation. However I kept having to go chase Dash, or have Pink Ninja spit whatever is in her mouth in my hand. I had to pick food off of the floor. I had to interject "no", "stop" , "don't do that", "what did I say?" into several conversations. I did do it without skipping a beat.

On the drive home I suddenly felt robbed. The narcissist and ego maniacal self got in the way.....and I was worried about their impression of me. All of the interruptions, and hands filled with half chewed food, and debris. The "no's " mid-sentence. The trying to have a conversation, but never looking anyone in the eye anymore because you are trying to locate at least one of the children. I wanted to make sure those people knew. I am a real witty and fun lady, I am a good dancer, and like good jokes, I like to sit in the sun, I like hiking and great books. I don't always have macaroni in my hair, and I know more words than no, sippy cup, and I don't ask random people if they have to use the potty....

10 comments:

Boudicca said...

We live the same lives. VW and I never have a complete conversation where one of us hasn't stopped during a sentence and said, "Stop", "No", "Why are you not listening to me?" It is what it is... being a Mom of small children is gooey hair, catching vomit in your hand, and losing the ability to complete a sentence or thought. It does come back... with time. :)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Mom, and believe me when they are grown these days will be forgotten and as my Dad once said to me; "I wish I could cradle you in my arms one more time", you will have that wish also. Now at 65 years and 4 grown children + 4 grandkids I hold the grandkids as long as they will let me and clean up whatever I can. This time will go by too fast. God bless you all.

Quality Weenie said...

I've been feeling like that the past couple days.

No ... get out of there ... stop that ... get down ... No ... don't do that ... No ... stop that ... No

And it's only a dog

Contagion said...

I guess I'm lucky. My wife does all of that for me. :)

I love my wife.

Oddybobo said...

Oh, I thought that was what being a wife was about "Hey, Stop that" "don't touch that" "are you listening to me?" I say it so much to the Better Half that the Boy repeats and smiles.

VW said...

Bou said it right. I was just at Disney having 'dinner' with Winnie the Pooh and gang only to have it end with Tater throwing up in my hair. He wasn't feeling good and I was the one to pick him up. Ahhh... being a mom. I would not give it up for the world, but I do miss being able to have an intelligent conversation without interruption.

Sally said...

That's what I miss about work. Adult conversation and a lunch break!

Katy said...

Adult conversation? what's that? I used to have my nails done, wear cute clothes (in style), eat a restaurants without fear, and lay in bed for hours on Sunday morning. Now, I live the life you describe. :) and love it, USUALLY!!

LoveMyTanker said...

You speak of my life in a nut shell! Good advice to non parents and empathy from me as a mommy too!

Homefront Six said...

I'd pay good money to be able to have a phone conversation without having to interrupt with the lead in of, "Can you hang on just a second...?" so that I can referee whatever needs my attention.

Lunch break and adult conversation...I vaguely remember what that is...