Lessons From Orange And Yellow Hills

My trip to the hills out East, brought many lessons.....

First of all a Good Husband knows when his Dear Wife has a severe case of ArmyWifeToddlerMom burn out. For recognizing, the only cure was an 8 hour drive, a good drunk, meeting new people, and 72 hours of "off duty, potty mouthin...instead of potty training. I thank you....Really. I will return the favor.

Second, yes you Mr. "Song of The South".... SWG...Reading you really is like music to me. For showing me a grand time, at your lovely home, the delicious ribs, the pool lesson, good company. That jar of "pure butter" you sent back, yeah like butter...Melts the entire way down. Melts, like the lovely Fiona's voice. Who by the way, I adore already. Please thanks her again, and again.

"Rockstars" still have to take out the trash like the rest of us. Thanks for all of your hard work, and I know it isn't getting easier. For making sure I wasn't drinking alone thank you.... For all you do, I thank you. On days like today, when the news is bad, and all you want to do is take your little ones trick or treating. We thank you. Next time we will toast to "better news".

Traveling from far distances, can be a great punishment to the beautiful blue eyed Sissy. For reminding me of my age by not knowing who any of my favorite heroines are, I thank you!! Who is Angie Dickinson? Ahhh the 70's, were they that long ago?

Gorgeous creatures come in small packages. Class act. Thanks for driving my moonshined filled tummy through the hills. Mr. Voice is a lucky man as well, your spirit is gorgeous. I have no idea how your tiny little body managed that garage door, you must have super powers, in addition to your "current powers". I am so glad you brought gorgeous, hilarious Morrigan. She almost made me pee my pants. Tell Hubba, thanks for reminding me to empty my bladder regularly.

Yes Darlin, I do have "the vapors", perhaps it was the absinthe? Yeah, you cracked me up....my ribs hurt. Your wit was way to fast on a night where I had consumed so much--booze.

Very Wise, very quiet, but off course there was some crazy fight club in dem dar hills, and we all know what the first rule of fight club is....shhhhhh. Blood pressure my ass. The hospital probably had fight club in the E.R. as well.

Contagious laughter, a great listening ear, fantastic voice, cooking skills, and can serenade the ladies.... Thank you for bringing your guitar, and the kazoo. Your recipes, have my mouth watering, and my oven warming up. You were very welcoming.

The lovely tall blonde, with a penchant for hats. Sorry I moved for the photo, but really, a "Mom" standing next to the tall thin blonde..... I may be crazy, but I am not insane. She brought her non-blogging husband to see what all of the fuss was about, ta-dah. I bet he has a blog next week.

Joisey Jim, and his great "Furookin hair". A regular renaissance man with his guitar playing, music singing, forensic, chemistry, lawyer, Army, city boy charm. All of that and the accent, and ballroom dance trophies too. Me and my "truwk" and city Jimbo, couldn't be more different. I already miss the accent. Please start audio blogging.

The longest.....eyelashes I have ever seen belong to the Elvis sunglass wearing, blonde mulleted Zonker. Yeah, the name pretty much says it all.


Just to be gracious Redneck came, and also brought his "truwk". Ahhh, no need for me to be the only redneck around. Please do not let this country boy fool ya, that slooow drawling Southern boy, was quick. Very quick witted, and he caught me off guard everytime. Charming.

I also met RSM, and hadn't been over to read his blog, however, stopped over ASAP, and really loved it. A nice place to go, and unwind.

Mr. and Mrs. Bad Example showed up Saturday. TNT is exactly that. A little stick of dynamite. I have begged them to arm wrestle in the past. However TNT did better than that. She lifted Harvey right off the ground. Damn girl. I hope you like the new "plank", it is a great move for the tri-ceps. Although yours do not need help. Harvey had brought cigars, for everyone, and I was so surprised that he showed up sans crown.


The collective known as the Donovans were there. Beth and I shared a couple of swigs, and of course since she is the Mother of the Recipe Carnival, and I am a fan. We seriously tried to think of a recipe for the carmel/butterscotch drink. I forget if we decided it was brownies, or ice cream. I think both. Keep an eye on those felines.....I am just saying, they can be sneaky creatures. Arrghh.

Was nice to meet the Royal Cat, ended up right next door at the hotel. I tried to wake her up with Dr. Dre on Saturday morning......didn't phase her. Study hard, and we got your back. Another single beautiful blogger....oh you need to wear the hat all of the time.

Oh, and I really cannot leave this post without thanking the gracious Jason for letting us use his field for shootin', for making sure I didn't get into tooo much trouble with the bottle o butter......watch those calves, and I hope they don't keep ya up all night bawling.

Oh, Oh......and cousin Brad, yes let me not forget Brad. How could I. It seems a certain jailhouse orange sweater of mine reminded him of the famous celebrity homemaker Martha Stewart. I don't think I will ever be able to put on that sweater again with a straight face. It is a good thing. Mr. Blackfive and I are still trying to figure out what the pudding thing was about.....but I think you made everyone blush. You freaking, made the night. Seriously. You gave me enough endorphins from the laughter to last the week.......I hope Eric lets ya know. You were missed Saturday night.

Finally......Tammi. Oh I didn't want to leave. I wanted to sit and have coffee with you all day. There were no surprises here. You are exactly like your blog, and that says something. You take care of people, the mexican manicotti was delicious....I will be making it. I have a lot to thank you for. I am sure you are aware. Thank you for inviting me. I think it has been a long time since I have been "out" , perhaps 6 years or so....really (no surprise, to some of you). So I thank you for inviting me, introducing me to such a great group of people, and for everything else. Yeah you are welcome here anytime lady, you are like fleece.

If I forgot anyone, I apologize. I imagine it was the shine.

I will not apologize for the snortin, and cacklin', I had too much fun.

The Great Escape

If one is traveling with a vehicle full of booze, and a gun, could she be mistaken for a bootlegger?

If I were Emma Peel.....

I would be traveling.

On Losing A Parent Slowly

"I heard that my mother is dead. I wish I had time to let her die. I wish I had time to wish I had. It is because the wild and outraged earth too soon too soon too soon. It's not that I wouldn't and will not it's that it is too soon too soon too soon." Dewey Dell, p. 114 As I Lay Dying, by William Faulkner.....


I stopped over at the Java Diva's place. To find a post that struck me at my core, and I wanted to sit with her over a cup of coffee. I know this road...I have been down it before. I cannot tell you which paths or turns to take , or which to avoid. The path of grief is a tricky one and it is all your own.

In my case, waiting for death, was the hardest part, and the easiest part. However, my selfish need to have and keep my Mother on this planet was soon outweighed by her suffering.

Some folks say, One day at a time, I say, one second at a time, one step at a time. This experiance, is a lovely and painful one, it is one you will think of often, so if you have to dance in the hallway, do it.

If it is any comfort, they are never really gone. You will have to listen harder but you can still hear them.

They ALWAYS know....

--A great photo of Dash looking Crazy--





I swear the toddlers are beyond normal genius. They have a sixth and seventh sense that is incredible.

For the past few months I have been lucky enough to get "Toddlers" on a schedule. Which means most nights they are in bed by 7:30pm. Typically they sleep through the night. Normally arise at 7:00a.m. Although as of late they have both been up around 6:00 a.m.

However I have noted glitches in my said "schedule". Particularly if I have "an agenda".

While my Sister was here, Dear Husband and I had planned a night out. They sensed it, and didn't want to go to bed at the normal time.

How about when Mom is all foxyfied, and someone puts jelly hands, booger fingers, puke, or baby poop on Mom.

Well last night it was Dash. I have a pretty full day today. I have come to expect certain things from Dash. He has become a pretty good example of "good behavior". However he must have sensed I needed a good night of rest. I have a lot of baking, some shopping, must clean out my truck, lets just say I have a pretty good list of things to do today.

The kid must have sensed it. He was up at midnight, 1:15am, 3:00am, I think at 3:00, I told Dear Husband to let him in our room. The little wide awake muskrat tossed and turned, and rooted about in the blankets. Drove me nuts. I almost put him in the yard.

Thank God for Disney channel, for some reason they run cartoons and such round the clock. So I was kept awake with giggles, and commentary about Donald Duck. ALL NIGHT. Yep, the kid didn't sleep all night. Neither did I. So this morning, he has whined more than his Momma, unbelievable......I suppose he will crash out early, and there will be a couple more nights of this.

Oatmeal Raisin Walnut Cookies

Oatmeal Raisin, and Walnut Cookies

INGREDIENTS:
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup butter flavored shortening
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon (I like to put an extra bit in)
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 1/2 cups rolled oats
1 cup raisins (plump them in water prior to using)
1 cup Walnuts, chopped

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a large bowl, cream together the butter, butter flavored shortening, brown sugar, white sugar, eggs, and vanilla until smooth. Combine the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt; stir into the sugar mixture. Stir in the oats and raisins. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.
Bake 10 to 12 minutes until light and golden. Do not overbake. Let them cool for 2 minutes before removing from cookie sheets to cool completely. Store in airtight container. Make sure you get some, because they don't last long!

Our State Fair is (not) a great state fair, but it will do in a pinch.

While my Sisiter was here, I asked her to go to with me to the State Fair. I used a funnel cake as a bargaining tool--and we were off. Pink ninja and Dash were most impressed with the barn full of rabbits and chickens. We must have spent an hour in that barn.

They had very little in the way of "homemaking" displays. I always love to look at the home canned fruits, wines, and the hundreds of quilts Nebraska used to display. I think they had 6 jellies, 5 fruits, and I didn't see any home brew at all..oh and 8 quilts. Maybe I should can some fruit next year? I might just win a blue ribbon. Perhaps I could make a little money off of my blue ribbon winning jelly recipe? Must consider this as a serious carrer plan.

I did convince them to go on a few rides, they were less than impressed with them.

Next year remind me to take them to a farm instead.

Christmas Photo Card Practice Session #6

Time is running through the hourglass, and still not one decent picture of the Toddlers. I must take one every day until I get it right.

Cold Natured

I officially put a blanket on the couch last night, I do believe it will stay there for the duration. Dash, who hates wearing socks and shoes, begged for snuggly socks last night after his bath. Pink Ninja is in a footed sleeper, and heck even I broke down and threw socks on this morning. The kitchen tile COLD on my bare feet.

I think fall has arrived, although the South has a way of tricking me. I have been tricked twice into believing it is fall in the last 4 weeks. The ninety degree days proved my fall intuition wrong.

So today I think I may make a big pot of chilli, bake some oatmeal/raisin/walnut cookies, and put the children's shorts, and swim pool away, for good this time.

I am from the North, which means when I first moved down here about 4 years ago, a sixty degree day in October would still be "shorts, and sandals" weather, I would see the native Southerners bundled in scarves and down coats, hats pulled around ears for a sixty degree day, and I immediately thought they were pussies. Sixty degrees up North is swimming weather....

I am going to join the ranks of the pussies today, I might even wear a coat.

Looks like we are in for nasty weather....

I am getting ready to pick up the phone and call VW bug....Worried. I am not only worried about their safety during this hurricane kicking up her heels in Florida. I am worried about my friend, without power, and 2 toddlers in a darkened house all day. A fate I wouldn't wish on many.

Bou, has a map of some of the Florida folks, she too is hunkered down. Her father, has the keys to her blog and has been updating us. However, I am curious to hear how many bodily functions, gross outs, and fart jokes she is in for.....

Know I am praying for you, and am hoping this darn thing passes soon......



BAD MOON RISING

Lyrics By J.Fogerty

I see a bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.

CHORUS:
Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

I hear hurricanes ablowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like we're in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise

Bikini Girls with Machine guns

If I wasn't tired, this is how I would feel today (minus the flat belly) so for your listening enjoyment go here...suggestions are #37 , #49

Dearest Husband's brother is here on a "surprise visit for his birthday. They were peaches this morning and took the toddlers on errands.

I might be taking my Husbands advice, and go back to bed.
I hope there is a horrible movie on, so I sleep.

Going to a GO-Go

I remember being 7, and sitting there looking at that blank piece of paper. I was searching corners of my mind for an idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I tried to think of people I knew, and jobs they had. My Dad, worked at the milk plant, and hated it. I decided I probably did not want to work there. My Mom was up early in the morning, and was working at L.B.'s donuts with her Sister. I think she liked working with her Sister, but that was it. Most of the people in our neighborhood were retired, I figured that wasn't an option either. There was a milkman down the block with a penchant for Pabst Blue Ribbon. Every house on our block had a metal box on the porch, where milk was delivered, the boxes were also a great places to keep things you found outside. I had used the metal box for many a turtle, frogs, rocks, even pretty leaves. I didn't think I would make a good milk man. I didn't know of any female milk men anyway. One of my Mothers Girlfriends worked as a hairdresser, she always had her hair done, and she had her own chair at a shop down the road. However I had tried my hand at hairdressing numerous times and it never seemed to work out well for anyone in the end. My baby doll was missing a couple of chunks of hair, my Barbies suffered the wrath of my bad haircuts as well, and could never find a dates. I had even tried to give a couple of neighborhood boys hair cuts, that ended in a phone call, and a spanking. I also used sewing shears to cut a girlfriends hair, it didn't turn out well either. I think I got the belt for that one. I even tried giving myself bangs....All failed attempts. I guess hairdressing was not in the stars for me. The only professionals I knew were Teachers, and Nurses, but I didn't really "KNOW" them, and I was always amazed when we ran into them at the grocery store. I had no idea teachers and nurses shopped and ate food just like us.

So I sat with the empty piece of paper in front of me and drew an easel, with a little girl with a painting smock on. The caption read "
I want to be an Artist". This was possible after all. I had won a few blue ribbons at fairs, sold my first painting for 5$ to my teacher. I could be an artist. I am not sure what happened, but I looked around at all of the other children in class, and looked at their drawings. The girls had drawn teachers with hair pulled back tight, standing in front of chalk boards. They drew pictures of nurses with pointed white caps, putting children arms in slings, although a couple of patients had oversized leg casts on. . The boys had drawn pictures of cop cars with blue and red lights , and shootouts. There were pictures of fire trucks with men standing with black hoses with bright blue water pouring out onto red fires

I crumpled up the picture of the artist, and began a new drawing of a veterinarian giving a dog a shot. I could be a veterinarian. I loved animals. I looked around again, and crumpled up the paper. I drew a teacher in front of a black board, I tried to draw it just like the rest of the girls in class, but I wasn't really sure if I wanted to be a teacher.

I sat in my chair and tried to think of the happiest person I knew. That woman on "Laugh In" looked happy all of the time. She was always happy, and smiling. She knew Dean Martin and danced, she was on TV too. I think I would love that job. So, I took crayon in hand and I drew a woman dancing on stage in green swim suit, with a 2 piece suede fringe costume overlay. Tall suede boots completed the outfit, and there was a colorful curtain behind her, and stage lights in front. I tried to draw the figure dancing, and the hips were jutted out to the side, and the fringe looked like it was moving. I captioned the picture, with this. "I want to be a GO-GO dancer".....

Imagine my parents pride when they showed up that night at parent teacher conferences to see my life goal, taped up on the wall on the far left side at parents eye level.

I wonder if that drawing is still in my scrap-book at my Dads house? If it is, I would like to see it. I wonder if the fringe really looks like it is moving? If it is, maybe I should have been an artist.

Trick or Treat

My Sister left the house at 5:00 this a.m. We said our goodbyes last night....she knows I am not a morning person, so she let me sleep.

Pink was good for the visit, for the most part anyway. Dear Dash had difficulty over the past week and a half. He is having one or two meltdowns a day. Ussually in the morning, and maybe in late afternoon. I am pretty sure it was the change in routine, and having someone else at the house. I thought this had improved for him. I guess the little guy is entitled to bad days we all have them. However I really was hoping we were past the meltdown stage. It doesn't seem to take much. Any small thing will cause him to go into a downward spiral of tears, and there is NO reasoning with him. NONE. I have taken to sending him to his room to have his meltdown. It seems to shorten the meltdown anyway.

I did take Pink Ninja in for her first "real" haircut. I actually just had her "Carol Brady mullet" cut off. I was worried that she may look like a boy sans mullet, however she always over accessorizes. She currently has a pair of new patent leather shoes, 4 handbags, a necklace, and a tutu on, all on top of her Winnie the Pooh jammies. It is funny to me how she gravitates toward anything slightly girly now. She refuses to wear pants any longer, she would prefer to have a skirt or dress on. Last week we went to Dilliards in a Tinkerbelle costume, complete with tights. I must go out and buy her more fluffy costumes after the Holiday. This is completely contrast to Dash who has chosen to FREAK OUT at the sight of his Peter Pan costume, or ANY costume for that matter. He is not a fan of Halloween.

Sisters last day

Today is my Sisters final day...ughhhhh. It has been nice having her here. We have enjoyed talking, walking, shopping, eating, and giggling. It may be about 5 months before I see her again. Dread it.

Need to change batteries in the camera and get to snappin.

I might take her to barbQ for lunch. She would love that.

Is my glass half empty? Do I have bad Karma,? Maybe Jesus is trying to prove a point? Maybe I am just about to start my period?

Yeah, it has been that kind of week, 2 weeks, or whatever. I think I am losing track.

First of never tell your "phone a friend" you are down a jean size. Because it only will last for 12 hours. 12 hours is not long enough to constitute dropping a jean size.


Never tell your Sister that she will enjoy her visit BECAUSE the children are so well behaved now. They will bite you, or try and start something on fire. I am still trying to laugh at this one.

Never tell any living human that your children are "sleeping great" now........just don't do it. Unless of course you want to wake at 6am, or earlier. Or if you want to try your patience by listening to tired children whine for 12 1/2 hours.

Never tell anyone you are going out for a quiet, romantic evening out. You will inevitably choose a new "chain" of "Chinese Bistro" in town that bites ass. I will call it BS Wangs to avoid any litigation. It will be soooooo loud you will have to yell across the table at one another. Not exactly "romantic" to yell your plans for your loved one to every hoo ha in the joint. The "authentic Chinese food will taste like your toddlers prepared it. The dumplings will taste like they have McDonalds buns on them. The noodles will be stuck in a clump and so soggy you could feed them to a Senior Citizen with dysphagia. The waiter will reek of cigarette, have an unkempt and dirty appearence, this same stinky waiter will try and entice you to order appitizers by mixing up 5 one cent ingrediants on the table and he will think he is fucking "Iron Chef"....also on a side note. Waiters, never call a patron "buddy"...that is very douchebag.

Oh, and never take photos of yourself dressed up and feeling "cute"...you will be severely disappointed.

I feel better now, but am going to go stock up on tampons, and midol. Oh and more vodka.....

You can dress her up.....Part 2

Sorry about my lack of posting, I will explain later this week......When I feel rested.

Anyway back to the bar...So I head to the bar, trying to look like "Mrs. Cool", ignoring essentially everyone in my path,but smiling and trying to look friendly like a weirdo. I reach the bar and note about 20 men behind me, looking at me like I am the "crazy" at the party. However I quickly recognized the look. It was the "Hey lady, you just cut in front of about 20 men to get a drink look"...Ughhh. So I find myself having to look at each of them in the face with that "apologetic look", I am hoping will not get lost in translation. I do recognize that it was a huge faux paus, however like I said, I had huge tunnel vision that was only enabling me to see the bar, and the pebbled cement in front of my feet, just so I wouldn't trip and land face down with my dress over my ears. Well one of the British chappies, took notice of my look of horror and offered me a place in front of him. I declined as gracefully as I could, and then took a look at the line again noting there are not 20 men, it is more like 50 or 60 ......The event starts in 15 minutes and Dear Husband could use a cocktail, before he starts to MC the thing. (I will note here that the British team is out of traditional military dress at this time....
I guess they travel in matching trousers, a crested blazer, and ties.) Anyway so I am standing by the line still, trying to calculate how long it will take for me to get a drink to Dear Husband, and one for myself....and another Gentleman in a blazer steps out and says "Miss, feel free to stand in front of me." I declined and went ahead and took the prior place offered. Simply because I thought, well they are both British (I noted both had "blazers", so I will just step up in line here I will get my 2 drinks and they will be rid of me. I did have to stop on the way into the conference center for apparent photo ops with The United Kingdom team, the Dutch Officer we had in our home as a dinner guest a couple of months ago, and the French team (who did say fromage this time when photo was taken).

Anyway I get our drinks, and head inside, and it is a long walk holding 2 very overfilled small clear plastic cocktail cup. I am wishing the entire time that I would have ordered myself a double as I had done for husband.

I hand Dear Husband his drink, and find my seat for dinner, and swallow my drink....Noting there are wine bottles on the table. Sigh of relief.

Lights dim a bit and the evening begins, with invocation, and Dear Husband introducing some of the guests of honor. Some of the faces are familiar as I see the Adjutant General and his wife, and then I note the Gentleman from earlier out by the bar, the Gentleman whose offer I had declined because he was too far from the bar. He was introduced by Dear Husband who is late in informing me that this is Assistant to the Chief, National Guard Bureau.

I quickly drank a couple of glasses of wine, and sat horrified.

Dear Husband sits down and the dinner hour begins. I whisper to Dear Husband what had occurred, and told him I dissed the Assistant to the Chief for a better standing in line at the bar. Dear Husband smiled and said "Great, he will know my wife is an opportunist."

Lesson here being

1.)Bring a flask, and put lime wedges in my purse so I do not have to wait in line.

2.)Always just pay attention to where the line is and shut up and stand in the back.

3.)Just take the cut in line because this guy will never remember me anyway.

Oy...

You can dress me up, but you can not take me anywhere.

You can dress her up.....

But you can't take her anywhere.

I keep getting asked about the "International Event"...so I will try and fill ya'll in on the details. As much of the details I can.

I met Dear Husband at the event. Since he was OIC of event, he was quite busy, I got a smile, wink, and the quickest of kisses. He looked dashing in his dress uniform. I do not get to see him in his dress uniform as much as I would like. Since I was "on my own" for most of the hour due to Dear Husbands very busy and hectic schedule I decided a cocktail was in order. I will remind you here that most of my human contact for the last 4 years has been family, toddlers, and grocery store personel. I found my usual "cool and calm" self requiring a vodka tonic. I had a small case of nerves. I also was on mission to get Dear Husband a small cocktail before his presentation, that was to start in about 15 mintues. I felt relieved about having a mission.


It was really a beautiful night, and all of the teams were dressed in the most formal attire. Very few women are present at this event. I am guessing around 15-25 women. So I make my way to the bar without making much eye contact with any one.

Tired

You are reading correctly, too tired to blog.... will resume when I am not "stiff and storyless". Too tired to finish a vodka and tonic last night.....However I am so tired tonight I was unable tp pour one.....

Shhhh quiet .......

It was Eric's birthday yesterday. We all know Eric entertains us, makes us think, has a thing for librarians, loves his wife, and is finally done with his deck....oh and he loathes Karen Carpenter.

So Eric, thank you for taking us to New York over the past couple of weeks, and for having that drink for us when we can't, for making us listen to the birds and look at the clouds.

Introspective Reflection


I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Ogden Nash

The Rooster says.....or Why ArmyWifeToddlerMom should not be allowed at International events.

I learned the following last night

The roosters in other countries crow differently.

Danish: kykkeliky

Dutch: kukeleku

English: cock-a-doodle-doo

French: cocorico

German: kickeriki

Italian: chicchirichí

Norwegian: kykeliky

I also learned the French do not say "Fromage" when getting photos taken, however, I may have started a new trend.