Time has not helped...

I am unsure what is sufficient to post today.

I tried to find a video of what I watched that day...

I spent last night scouring youtube. Which is full of ridiculous conspiracy theorists.

I was at work that morning. I was 5 months pregnant with SR at the time.

I was at work, and passing medications that morning in the long term care facility I was working at...

As I entered the dining room to finish up my med pass I looked at the television, and this is what I saw...



One of the nursing assistants Leonard was standing in front of the television staring, and I asked what happened. He said to the best of my recollection...

"they say a plane just flew into the WTC in New York..."

I stood there for one moment and thought to myself, that is either a really bad pilot, or this is intentional....

I hurried and tried to finish my medication pass, the breakfast trays came up, I helped pass them and I positioned myself as close to the television as I could....

And then I watched this...



The dining room was white noise, no one watching the television but Leonard and I...

And when the second plane hit, I said "this is terrorism, we are under attack"...

I had tears in my eyes, and held on to my pregnant belly...

I called my Husband right away, we had a friend flying to Washington DC that day, for a meeting at the Pentagon. I wanted to know my DH was safe, and I wanted to know where our friend was.

I called my Mother who was in the hospital recovering after yet another surgery to rid her of her cancer. She was sobbing and fearful.

DH called back to let me know our friends plane was grounded in Boston.

As I watched these videos last night...I was left feeling more sick than I did on that day.

7 years...

SR school has Patriot Day today, along with the rest of America's public school children. He asked me what it was for.

I tried to explain 9-11 to them in the car on the way home from school yesterday.

It felt so strange to explain to a child who was born into chaos, why he was born into it....

I wanted to tell him, 9-11 is huge, this is why your Father has been gone for half of your life, that day has had a direct affect on everything our family has gone through in the last 7 years...

I had a hard time breaking the horrific events into a snippet of conversation. And as with all unpleasant conversations, my son tuned me out. My daughter who is 4, listened and she looked like she just heard the most heartbreaking news ever....she looked at me as if to say..."are you telling me evil people can come get me?"

And I wanted to say...

"As long as there are true patriots that understand the danger....no."

"But the moment we forget?"

None of us are safe....


And Islamic fundamentalism is alive and well, you do not have to look very far....

Watching the coverage of that day 7 years later, I watched with a heavy, heavy heart. And that same sinking sick feeling I had at that moment I watched the second plane fly into the WTC.

There is no healing after that.