A dear friend of my husbands recently put a bug in our ears about the Temple Grandin movie
I recall watching 20/20, or 60 minutes in the 1980's and Temple Grandin was being interveiwed, I was probably 14 or so, and the only thing I recall is her explaining how she felt better in the cattle holding device. I recall her awkward speech, and volume...and recall thinking how awful. The only other exposure I had to Autism at that time was an article I had seen in a Life magazine, that a relative had collected. It was from 1965, and it frightened me.
When SR was born, I noted he was not typical of normal babies, he startled easily, he cried often, he liked spinning fans, and watching the mechanics of his swings...some of it is documented here....and some things have improved, others have not. I read, and read, and pondered, and read, and thought. SR never fit the criteria that is asked on paper, there always seemed to be answer that included "well it depends". He spoke early, nothing highly reciprical, mostly to communicate his interests or needs, he could identify expressions on faces, he read early, he could reason through some things well above his age.
This week, the words will appear on paper, loosely handed to me. My son will have some sort of autism spectrum disorder. None of the disorders are the same, each child different. There are people that long for these children to get this label, so they can start fixing them. The problem is they are all different, and there is no cure.
It is going to be a long week, and as much as I love my son, and his eccentricities. There are moments I want a wand, or to wake from this dream. Not that autism is a death sentence, it is simply that when you wait for 10 or so years to get pregnant, your goal is not to have an autistic child. That is me being honest. The past 8 years have been hard, and I see no letting up, or break. By the looks of the paperwork, including legal school paperwork, Dr.s paperwork, the myriad of testing forms that have been filled out, the PTO committees, the Tri-care jumping through hoops health insurance paperwork, the exhausting effort of advocating. All of it frustrates me to no end. It takes time.
I just want him to be fullfilled and happy.....